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Craving thread – v. Hold On

haha yeah I got that.

denial/isolation is what I was going for. Anyway too much intellectualizing over here clearly.
 
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It`s been a hell of a week. I catch myself planning just how to feel better about it all, just for one night, maybe two. I`m running out of fuel now. The transition had its own drive. But reality doesn`t ease up when I stop running away from it. I`m tired and I want to set my brain apart from all of this. I want to be alone and shut it off for some time, but that is just chaos impending. But I really want a drink. I just can`t.

I`m still sober but I know how it sneaks up on me and it is beginning to. I hope this isn`t triggering or anything. This is exhausting.
 
Yeah, I'm craving too, feeling strong urges for a long coke/heroin night. It's the 5th night since my heroin relapse and the where I'm not out meeting friends, but at home & alone. It's so freaking hard to get back on the clean road mentally when you've nursed the thought of chipping/controlled use for some time. I don't know if I'll make it through in the long run.
 
Pagey, VanWeyden, I think as long as you keep using, even infrequently, it resets the recovery to some degree, never make it to normal brain function. It's really hard and takes a while to get passed this, only complete abstinence will break an addiction that's part psychological, part brain chemistry but normal function and some joy in life without your DOC is possible, in time. Good luck.
 
Oh God, I needed to find this thread.

I've been drug-free for a little over a year now, but the cravings still surface now and again, and they're pretty strong tonight. The worst they've been in a while.

I don't know if I would say I had a dependence on, or was addicted to, sleeping pills and benzos for a while - the sleeping pills especially, I got high off those accidentally one night and then started using them more and more, to the point that I accidentally overdosed twice in the space of ten days. But that didn't stop me taking them, I kept on taking them for another few months before finally realizing that if I didn't stop, I was going to end up some place much darker than I was using the drugs to escape.

But it's been a year now since I took one (I'm too afraid to, in case I continue where I left off with them), and I'm still getting cravings. They're getting worse and more frequent, and I've started considering going to my doctor to get a prescription for them so I can get high just a few more times. So far, I've held out. But how long do these cravings last? Does there come a point, after a certain amount of time, where you finally get over wanting to get high? Or is that naive?
 
Sepher said:
Pagey, VanWeyden, I think as long as you keep using, even infrequently, it resets the recovery to some degree, never make it to normal brain function. It's really hard and takes a while to get passed this, only complete abstinence will break an addiction that's part psychological, part brain chemistry but normal function and some joy in life without your DOC is possible, in time. Good luck.
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Thanks for your cheers, I know that so so well but the truth gets blurred sometimes. I'm really good at rationalising my use... I was clean from opiates for exactly 8 months from january to august and I felt different during that time, I couldn't even remember what I liked about them and the thought of using again seemed so absurd.
But some things changed, I was far from home for some time, discontinued my antidepressant (under supervision of my psych) and lost my daily routine which sent me back into depression slowly. Relapses in august, october, and last weekend.

When the intervals become shorter, it's so hard to turn around... I am so in need of support cause there's a lot at risk that I don't want to lose.
 
Badly craving heroin today. I did a 7 mile bike ride and it was just about the only thing on my mind.

....but even if I rationalized it, I have a drug test for a very needed job on Wednesday. So there is, like, no way this is gonna happen.
 
Sepher said:
Pagey, VanWeyden, I think as long as you keep using, even infrequently, it resets the recovery to some degree, never make it to normal brain function. It's really hard and takes a while to get passed this, only complete abstinence will break an addiction that's part psychological, part brain chemistry but normal function and some joy in life without your DOC is possible, in time. Good luck.
Click to expand...

Thanks for writing this post. :)
 
Yeah I'm right here with you all. I had a thread up, went clean for 3 days (almost) ended up drinking the last tiny bit of vodka I had to "get to sleep". The excuses are just ridiculous sometimes, especially when you're around friends who used or use and are bitching about drugs....

anyway, I got ahold of stims and did that whole thing for a good 12-15 hours or whatever....after having worked my ass off friday night, stayed up 26 hours.

It seems thesedays I'll take just about anything, Its like I'm just hanging on to the last shreds of joy I can still get from getting high because I get so damn frustrated when I do score, and do use. I still like it of course, but I just feel like my "window of importunity" to get high and not feel incredibly guilty about it is getting smaller and smaller as each day goes by.

Does anyone else really get set off by talking about drugs? I find the conversations that go on and on about different drugs and the "high" just sets me off and I'm like fuuuuuck I want to get completely blasted on something.
 
I don't know what it is about winter time, but it just really makes me want to get high. I think l associate the holiday season with partying in general, but the additional stress of the holidays, the gloomy weather, and the extra time on my hands in December are all huge triggers for me.
 
I posted a couple weeks ago about stealing some pills and holding onto them. Well, admittedly it was a bad idea. I've since given the pills back to the person and apologized. I recently surpassed 9 months clean. Still crave drugs/alcohol pretty regularly, but i just got a new job and shit's alright :)
 
^ have you tried going to an NA meeting? I don't swallow most of the propaganda, but I like to go and talk out loud about my craving. It doesn't get rid of the desire usually but it somehow "moves it along" so that it transforms and changes a little bit. To me it seems like evolution + progress. *shrug* :)
 
Me? Just got my 9 month chip, but I should maybe goto more na meetings since drugs were more satisfying for me towards the end of my long run. I live in sober living and have sponsor so if i need to vent i can. Sometimes i just choose not to. Bad idea, i know
 
this last month iI started a heroin relapse then decided to get a few subs then got hooked on the subs then got a script of tramDol to get off subs now I'm back on the subs Nd its not like ill go through crazy withdrawals iI guess it's mental illness and it's hard
 
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