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The Suicide support thread

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Im plagued by the thoughts of wanting to be dead again in such a dark place at the minute
 
^Remember that the feelings will pass along with the minute. Keep reminding yourself that things will get better and you can get through the dark feelings. <3
 
I am doing that but Im at the start of possible psychosis again, that is when things get bad. Thanks for the thought though it means a lot
 
Hey Capt. Long time.

Man I'm glad this fucking thread is here. I was so ready to just end it today. I can't find work. I need to earn money. We can't buy meds. We can't buy groceries. I don't contribute.

When I taught I made 50k a year. Now I make nothing. When we need stuff we just go without. My mom and dad help us once in a while. If it was not for them, I don't even know what we would do in emergencies. (I got to meet the Captain because of my mom in fact. Road trip.)

I have applied everywhere for everything. I call human resources to ask to be interviewed for Christmas part time help.

Every time I try, I fail. It's like hitting a brick wall. I am tired of trying. I am tired of failing. I am utterly defeated.

I don't want to live another day like this, I swear to God. I do not contribute and that's what I do, that's who I am. But now I'm a drain on the limited family resources.

I am telling you they'd be better off but it would hurt my kids so much if I committed suicide. I guess that's why I haven't because really, I am so fucking miserable and tired and frustrated and broke that I can't stand it.

I am crying. I am sad and I am mad at this life.
 
I am so sorry to hear how discouraged you feel. It is understandable. I know that it is so hard to not see yourself as a "contributor" when that has always been your identity. The job market is horrible right now. It is next to impossible not to take the rejection of employers personally but you've got to try. You are doing the best you can and I am sure that everyone around you can see that. It's all you can do. Keeping hope alive in these circumstances, especially when they go on so long, is tough. I hope that somethings opens up for you soon. You really deserve a break.<3
 
Thank you, that's nice of you... I could use a break. My attitude doesn't help me and I can't seem to help it.
 
ugly said:
Hey Capt. Long time.

Man I'm glad this fucking thread is here. I was so ready to just end it today. I can't find work. I need to earn money. We can't buy meds. We can't buy groceries. I don't contribute.

When I taught I made 50k a year. Now I make nothing. When we need stuff we just go without. My mom and dad help us once in a while. If it was not for them, I don't even know what we would do in emergencies. (I got to meet the Captain because of my mom in fact. Road trip.)

I have applied everywhere for everything. I call human resources to ask to be interviewed for Christmas part time help.

Every time I try, I fail. It's like hitting a brick wall. I am tired of trying. I am tired of failing. I am utterly defeated.

I don't want to live another day like this, I swear to God. I do not contribute and that's what I do, that's who I am. But now I'm a drain on the limited family resources.

I am telling you they'd be better off but it would hurt my kids so much if I committed suicide. I guess that's why I haven't because really, I am so fucking miserable and tired and frustrated and broke that I can't stand it.

I am crying. I am sad and I am mad at this life.
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Go to the closest social services building and apply for food stamps and general relief! You deserve it if you're actively looking for work.

It was a pleasure and an honor to get to meet you Ugly and I hope you feel better soon! <3
 
Captain.Heroin said:
Go to the closest social services building and apply for food stamps and general relief! You deserve it if you're actively looking for work.
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Here in TX you can only have medicaid if you have children! Don't know about other states but to me that's pretty damn fucked up. So many people here have babies just to get welfare! :(

I got no kids so I have to pay full price for meds... :(
 
you know how people get winter depression well i get summer depression i like the cold and rain and snow and i hate the heat and sun
 
Hey thanks. :) I feel like I don't deserve to be part of this world and I don't deserve all I have. I'd say I don't deserve the love people have for me but I don't even know if they do...I've been driving every single person in my life away little by little. And in the end I'm probably just doing them a favor because it's only hurting them to know me because I'm an awful person
 
Pagey said:
Hey thanks. :) I feel like I don't deserve to be part of this world and I don't deserve all I have. I'd say I don't deserve the love people have for me but I don't even know if they do...I've been driving every single person in my life away little by little. And in the end I'm probably just doing them a favor because it's only hurting them to know me because I'm an awful person
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Why do you think you're an awful person? You seem like a kind and cool person to me. :)

I think you deserve to be a part of this world. How could you be the judge of anyways? The concept of "deserving" something is really subjective and isn't something you should worry about.
 
Thank you, that's really nice of you. I've become increasingly cold and distant from everyone in the past few months and in the last weeks it's reached a point where I'm borderline mean anytime an old friend of mine or family member tries to talk to me. I know I'm making them feel bad and I know I've hurt my mother much more than I ever should have. I feel horrible and guilty about it but I can't seem to change. I don't even know why I'm like this, I just don't want to see anyone anymore. I want to be alone and think about how much I hate being who I am because I think I should feel that guilt. You're right that the concept of 'deserving' something is subjective so I'm trying to avoid using that word but I still feel like I deserve to feel bad about myself.
 
Pagey said:
Thank you, that's really nice of you. I've become increasingly cold and distant from everyone in the past few months and in the last weeks it's reached a point where I'm borderline mean anytime an old friend of mine or family member tries to talk to me. I know I'm making them feel bad and I know I've hurt my mother much more than I ever should have. I feel horrible and guilty about it but I can't seem to change. I don't even know why I'm like this, I just don't want to see anyone anymore. I want to be alone and think about how much I hate being who I am because I think I should feel that guilt. You're right that the concept of 'deserving' something is subjective so I'm trying to avoid using that word but I still feel like I deserve to feel bad about myself.
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Social avoidance is a symptom of depression. It doesn't make sense that you deserve to be depressed because you are depressed. You shouldn't feel guilty about how depression is interfering with your life - you should just be working on ways around it so that you can be the person you want to be.
 
Yeah, you're right. I think I've just been so desperate about getting better since I'm at a complete loss as for what to do and nothing seems to be working that I just got into a state of mind where I believed this was just 'meant to be' sort of and that I'm not going to get better because I deserve to be like this. But you're right, I don't. Thank you
 
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