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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

My Hidden Adult Drug Addiction Story

Dude heavy drug use changes anyone's personality not just yours. Of course MXE opens you up, blah, blah, blah. You also can't remember shit and your life is controlled by it. A lot of people used ketamine (or ketamine+MDMA) to quit alcohol. You use MXE. Now that you quit drinking, it's time to consider being a normal person again. piracetam + choline can curb MXE craving greatly. It'll also make your amphetamine use less pleasant, giving you a chance to modify your body through diet and exercise instead of drugs. If you feel the need, I'm just sayin'.
 
wow. it actually sounded you like you were in control for a bit there but it sounds like you've shifted over to the side of getting clean which is a good start. i was going to say that i kind of wish i was you because i seem to have always been searching for the right combination of drugs that would have me feeling in the right condition and "good" at the same time, and at first with weed i had found it but then it shifted to heroin and now i'm sick all the time, looking for jobs, when i do have jobs i miss out because i'm sick all the time. it's awful. i'd much rather trade it for the life you were describing, although you were using an insane amount of drugs. hopefully one day i'll find that right combination of drugs. until then i still have a small heroin habit and still looking for a job. suboxone helps a little...when i take it, which is almost never. like right now...so sick. won't take the suboxone. still waiting for that special phone call that will make all my problems go away. lol. it's honestly pathetic.
 
holy shit

Jesus christ dude. You are scaring the living shit out of me with this post. It is like you are inside my brain and body and know EXACTLY what I am going through and feeling.....

I only have one friend I can talk to about this and she is a heroin addict..... we are playing the ....are you using...are you using? Lying game. Its pathetic. I quit using for twelve hours and then already fucking caved today.


I am going into a depressed swing as I speak. I fucking really hate myself sometimes. Im afraid and panicked to quit... The lamactil seems to be working well. It seems to totally derail the mxe and make it worthless. I think I will bump up my dose tomorrow and see what happens. Not sure how to quit using my vyvanse though.... wtf should I do?









Ho-Chi-Minh said:
It wasn't a question just a thought. I can still remember the tone of your post which I read a couple days ago OP and it made my mania sensors go into high gear. I have mania so I know what its like; I'm not going to get into it now but mine seems more debilitating or at least caught up with a mind-fuck which makes it a problem. That said, from what I read, yours could definitely be more "high-strung" or "out-there" if you will, which is really dangerous. I mean, when exceptionally manic, people don't even notice, but their regard for the laws of our race basically disintegrates; someone could function with mania for years then one day overstep a bound that they aren't aware of and end up with the law or worse to deal with; and I have noticed that people are never as awesome or good at something as they believe when they're manic, so things quite aren't as they seem. This is scary for me and others when we realize. Fortunately, things exist which can help us. I am adamantly against medication, as are most bipolar people, so I've been searching around for more natural alternatives, though I am still addicted to a small but not insignificant amount of this medication.

Anti-psychotics are very powerful drugs. If nothing else, they give someone with manic depression the invaluable ability to see themselves clearly for an extended period of time, not just for the small window of opportunity we have when transitioning to a tiring energetic or worthless-feeling phase. I would take this in several steps.

Number one: try as hard as you can not to lie to yourself, even if you lie to everyone else; once you confuse yourself, you lose a base from which you can start anew if you mess up, and you lay several traps along your way to stability.
Second: get help from a friend or family member you trust and that you know loves you; tell them your situation and that you need their help.
Third (this is probably the hardest): go to psychiatrist and tell them all of the drugs you were taking, but also as much insight into your personality as you can give (for your own good, this involves talking about the drugs you dishonestly convinced psychiatrists to give you so you could be high). If you lie to the people around you, there is a drastically reduced chance of getting their genuine help. Tell them you want to try an anti-psychotic for at least a short period of time, which I can all but guarantee they'd prescribe anyways if you told them whats going on with you. This drug will allow you to sleep, it will reduce or eliminate your cravings to get high, it will level your moods, it will give you a sense of peace, it will allow you to connect with people on a deep level that you haven't before, it will make food more likable, and it may make you more amiable in the minds of others; your brain will appreciate the rest.

...for a month at least.

What say you?
Fourth: I think you need something on the level of a god to keep your path straight. Don't scoff, I think you know what I mean. Find it.
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xxsicknessxx said:
Do you have a plan if you get wrapped up with the law do to your illegal drug buying habits (which are very large) so I assume you get lots of packages from sources on the internet. What happens if one day a cop is waiting with that package? And your family and friends get dragged into your addiction as a result of you doing illegal drugs at work and at home. Please don't claim you won't get caught. With your drug use (if the numbers are true) sooner or later people are going to notice all the packages coming from other countries every week... right?

1. What happens if the law gets you and your stuck in jail even for a week or two (no drugs) plus probation (no drugs) plus loss of a job
2. What happens if your source gets busted and they set up a package drop sting operation on you and your wife signs for it and gets pulled into legal troubles because of YOU!!!

Best way to quit a giant habit like that would be some kind of drug detox where they medicate you to get off drugs but it takes less time to quit. Instead of taking a month off it takes a week. Maybe your insurance will cover it.

I think only way to quit for you is to come clean. For some simple reason that some day soon you know for a fact the drugs will be gone. Either your going get in legal trouble, your job will catch you, your family will find out... something will happen (maybe in a year or two) but it will and the drugs will be gone and you will be stuck with that shell of your self you hate so much. So might as well face the music now instead of later.
Click to expand...

fuck the law and fuck your fear campaign! :)

one day at a time FUSIONZ, good luck
 
Might take a few days to kick in. I'm on 400mg and I think it does good things for me...
 
All I know is from what you've posted on this thread. Much of the intricacies of your life I can guess from what I've experienced and and read of regarding drugs and mental illness.

Its good that you're on something, but I still suspect you need an anti-psychotic.

Good that you admit you lied not just to yourself but to us. We won't hurt you for it.

Vyvanse must be causing a lot of your problem. I bet even with Lamictal it will accentuate your illness. It stresses you, no?

If you raise your Lamictal dosage by yourself without consulting a doctor then you're risking doing this is the future. You must want to be treated in order for it to work.

What should you do? I think you know what to do.
 
You are smart. Scary. Smart.




Ho-Chi-Minh said:
All I know is from what you've posted on this thread. Much of the intricacies of your life I can guess from what I've experienced and and read of regarding drugs and mental illness.

Its good that you're on something, but I still suspect you need an anti-psychotic.

Good that you admit you lied not just to yourself but to us. We won't hurt you for it.

Vyvanse must be causing a lot of your problem. I bet even with Lamictal it will accentuate your illness. It stresses you, no?

If you raise your Lamictal dosage by yourself without consulting a doctor then you're risking doing this is the future. You must want to be treated in order for it to work.

What should you do? I think you know what to do.
Click to expand...
 
I am doing great. Still on vyvanse and mxe daily. 40/ 50 ratio and 50mg lamactil ..... I am a brainiac. Its becoming fun.
 
good to hear bro

you sound like a bit of a character haha

are you gonna try and ween of the mxe or what?
 
Yeah. I'm a character alright. If everyone knew my entire situation they would be happy for me I think. My combination of treatment is really working wonders. I've finally got my business and overall life back on track. Its nice here in orbit. ;)
 
That is definitely good to hear, FUSIONZ. I love happy middles (no endings really, until the big one!). :)
 
only thing I wonder is... your still dependant on drugs, doesn't that worry you?

From my past exp I hated that feeling. What if a earthquake struck and I couldn't get to my meds, or what if someone robbed me, or im locked up for a week

what if what if what if... doesn't it bother you? Your life is all dependent on a constant suply of drugs... a good amount too .... no worrys?

... drugs make you not worry I guess ?
power to you for making it work
 
OP should worry about the severity of his symptoms and then focus on getting clean in my opinion. That said the two oftentimes overlap. Dissociatives and powerful stimulants are not what you should be taking if you're bipolar.
 
xxsicknessxx said:
From my past exp I hated that feeling. What if a earthquake struck and I couldn't get to my meds, or what if someone robbed me, or im locked up for a week

what if what if what if... doesn't it bother you? Your life is all dependent on a constant suply of drugs... a good amount too .... no worrys?
Click to expand...

LOL! I have those same thoughts whenever I think about my dependency. I remember first becoming addicted to oxy during the 24 hour news coverage of Hurricane Katrina. At some point I realized how terribly fucked I would be if I found myself in the middle of a natural disaster/emergency and was cut off from any type of meds. "Trying to outrun flood waters in the middle of a dope WD. FML"

I also hate the fact that someone could put me through an absolutely awful experience, just by keeping me in a room for a period of time. I mean just being locked up somewhere would suck even if you're not addicted, but if you are addicted then it's a rare form of torture.
 
At some point I realized how terribly fucked I would be if I found myself in the middle of a natural disaster/emergency and was cut off from any type of meds
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I have given up on worrying about that scenario. I'm diabetic. Without the insulin I'm a goner. I'd probably be a wreck without my mood stabilizers too.

So I've embraced my dependence on chemicals. I self medicate the shit out of myself and of course I use for recreation. But the only real substance that I established a psychological dependence on was alcohol.
 
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