FUSIONZ
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jan 19, 2010
- Messages
- 130
Hey. My friend wanted me to write this story for him, he is paranoid of computers...... here is his story.
I'm 35. I was completely sober from all drugs and alcohol for a good 10 years. Prior to going clean I was a severe abuser of mdma ketamine lsd methamphetamine marijuana. Alcohol was at a horrendous rate, but because of my very strict upbringing of always being at work and never taking a day off, no matter how hungover, I always had money in my pocket. I was the atypical, functioning drug and alcohol addict. It didn't matter how much molly I had taken the night before, or if I was coming down off acid or a combination of all these drugs at raves till 4 in the morning. I was still at work at 8 am. I was a construction worker. I won't go any farther than that....
The reason for my post here is .... well. I am completely fucking my life up, and NO ONE has any idea WHATSOEVER.
SO. Ok.
I met my wife when I was about 10 years sober. We decided to get married and about 6 months prior to us getting married we went to her sisters college graduation and stayed at a motel. ............... I decided and she (having no idea about my past) saw no problem in me having one glass of wine. BIG FUCKING MISTAKE. Anyway. I started drinking again. For about 3 years my alcohol addiction started getting worse and worse.
I never EVER did drugs during this drinking binge... 3 year drinking binge I guess.... long story short. I caught my wife cyber cheating on me with a boy from her hometown. About 7 hours away.... SO... being a motherfucker that I am I put a keystroke logger on her laptop. Yes. I am very good with the cpu and easily hacked everything. She was having cyber sex with him. She did it probably 3-5 times if I remember correctly. (in her defense, I was a complete fucking alcoholic mess) Although, I did get all the bills paid, I was out with my boys drinking and carrying on and being a complete asshole when I came home. I NEVER CHEATED.
One fine evening my wife says she is going to visit her family and usually I was always invited..... this time I wasn't .... And I already knew why. My keystroke logger told all. ................. She was to have dinner reservations with cyber boy.
I DIDN"T STOP HER. Why, I don't know. She walked out the door to drive 7 hours and to stay a week at her parents. ..........................
...................................
....................................
This is where shit got bad again. I was about 32 now. AS soon as I saw her type the words... dinner reservations I began my drug craving activity again.
Then I found MEPHEDRONE on the internet while I was searching for meth and possibly where I could possible score some ( I had been out of the scene so long... I knew no one).................
Before my wife left for her date with another man...... I had already used about a gram of mephedrone I got off the internet.
When she returned home from her week away , I told her I knew everything and she was a whore and I was sure she fucked him. I told her right to her face, I wasn't going to divorce her, but I would drink myself to death and do drugs to pretend it never happened .... I told her I wanted to kill myself slowly and make her watch. I almost killed myself that night in the kitchen with a knife right in front of her ... but. No. I had drugs to do now. She TO THIS DAY has no idea that I have done one single drug since I met her. From that week until about a year and a half later, I have used approximately half a kilo of 4-mmc NASALLY. During this time I have binged on this horrendous <snip-no drug glorification> drug. Sometimes I would be up for 3-4 days. One night I did 10 grams. I would lay in bed awake, doing horrible things to myself, I still get painful nightmares to this day about it. I would sweat so bad, that my entire side of the bed would be soaking wet, my pillow would be soaked through. Somehow my wife NEVER caught on. She hasn't even smoked a cigarette before, let alone a line of coke....
One night I thought she would figure something out. I was in the bathroom, as usual... "with diarreah" AKA blowing drone all night.... I decided to take the old dust off into the bathroom too. Oh, did I mention I was drinking at least 2 bottles of wine and a 12pack every night. That night I did about 3 grams of 4-mmc and was drunk and huffing dust off on the toilet. Not sure what happened next, but I suspect I passed out and fell off the toilet. My wife knocked on the door and it woke me up. I stood up and hid the dust off and told her I dropped the lysol. I went back to bed.... she had no idea.
This type of behavior went on until mephedrone was finally stopped being easy to get.... or made illegal. I don't really remember. I had a new thing to try now anyway.
Thats when the horrible combo of mdpv and pentylone came onto the scene. I won't really get to into what the fuck I did on those drugs because, I don't really remember. Except for talking to shadow people that weren't there and thinking police were behind me every fucking minute of my life, I don't really remember much. One time I was up for at least 10 days straight. Oh, I had quit drinking alcohol now. My wife had decided my drinking was getting bad....................... and we went to a marriage counselor. I STILL NEVER let anyone know I was using drugs. And no one figured it out.
That's when shit got even fucking worse if you can believe it. I am an extremist. It's either all or nothing. I was going though 10 grams of pentlyone like it was standing still. My skin was flaking off. My health deteriorating. Still I was able to hide it from everyone. Soon stims didn't do it for me anymore. THAT is when.......... MXE came on the scene for me.
MXE begins. First a gram would get me through a month. I would just do it here and there for little trippy like episodes. Mxe made me totally forget about all drugs and alcohol. I even quit my cigars. Mxe was like a wonder drug..... Until of course I had to over do that OF FUCKING COURSE.................. I ended up doing about a gram a week of mxe. Just LA LA LA though life in a fog. ...............but the tolerance was building ............ Let me remind you. This is going from about 1-3 years now this last year being the MXE year.
Ok. Now. My tolerance was getting wacky. I quit mxe for about 2.5 weeks. I was completely sober from everything except I was taking etizolam to sleep.
I decided I wanted to M-Hole for my first time and see what all the hype was about. <snip - glorification>
Enter trip report... :
<snip - triggering trip report OP experiences "M-Hole">
THATS WHEN I FELL HOPELESSLY IN LOVE WITH MXE........
I quit for a couple weeks here and there, but I have been doing so much fucking mxe it doesn't even work as a disasociative .... Mxe is now a antidepressant and mood lifter .... sometimes with euphoria. I take it everyday now. I have been doing MXE everyday for almost a year now. It has totally changed my personality. I have lost 50 lbs. I am working like a fucking maniac. I have become a know it all narcissistic ASSHOLE. AND I FUCKING LOVE IT. My marriage has never been better. I never lie to anyone. I tell people EXACTLY how I feel. No matter what repercussions it might have. People seem to love it. Case in point. I used to get sporadic blowjobs.
Just this week I have gotten 3. Last time I yelled down to my wife at about 8 in the morning. She was talking to her sister that was visiting. I say, " honey, can you come up here for a minute? I need you. " She rushes up and I grab my fucking raging morning boner and say.... I fucking need you.... NOW..... Just the way i use my words and conduct myself under this MXE has made everything in my life a breeze. She says, "omg you are insatiable this week!" and just goes down on me. It's fucking amazing. Now I tell her while she is doing it, how incredible she is at it, complimenting her constantly. Always making her feel like a princess, but at the same time showing her I am the man. She seems to respect me more and just wants to please me.... be it ,.... in the kitchen cooking... or when pleasing me in the bedroom.....
ANYWAY.... a little rambling there..... sorry.
What can I say. It has been almost a year of total mxe use. It is getting pretty ridiculous now and I decided to send myself to a psychologist. I TOLD HER EVERYTHING...........
Woah, it was so weird to finally tell someone that I have been hiding this insane drug addiction for years.
Now, shit gets even weirder. She sends me to a psychiatrist. Long story even longer.............. I get them to prescribe me close to 100mg of amphetamines a day to me, and I have a script of 120 valium a month. I was SUPPOSED to be quitting the MXE.
I lied and have not quit.....
So now I am on a combo of about 100 to sometimes as high as 350mg of mxe a day, and about 100mg of amphetamines. I am also prescribed wellbutrin, WHICH I HAVE STOPPED TAKING......... It has a weird interaction and makes none of my drugs work and I feel like a FUCKING SHALLOW EMOTIONLESS ZOMBIE.... wellbutrin... (you can go fuck off) I still fill that script every month, but I don't take a single pill. I have about a billion stockpiled. LOL....
Well... that's it. I'm fucking happy as a pig in shit. I just wanted to share my story. I hope many will comment and possible give me constructive criticism. Maybe you will be nice, maybe not. I do not mind. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions.
Thanks for reading.
FYI... let me remind you the above is not my own writing. It is that of a friend. A friend that is no longer a part of my life. He left me this manuscript, I have since burned it and deleted him from my life.
Oh well. I hope he has good luck wherever he is.
I'm 35. I was completely sober from all drugs and alcohol for a good 10 years. Prior to going clean I was a severe abuser of mdma ketamine lsd methamphetamine marijuana. Alcohol was at a horrendous rate, but because of my very strict upbringing of always being at work and never taking a day off, no matter how hungover, I always had money in my pocket. I was the atypical, functioning drug and alcohol addict. It didn't matter how much molly I had taken the night before, or if I was coming down off acid or a combination of all these drugs at raves till 4 in the morning. I was still at work at 8 am. I was a construction worker. I won't go any farther than that....
The reason for my post here is .... well. I am completely fucking my life up, and NO ONE has any idea WHATSOEVER.
SO. Ok.
I met my wife when I was about 10 years sober. We decided to get married and about 6 months prior to us getting married we went to her sisters college graduation and stayed at a motel. ............... I decided and she (having no idea about my past) saw no problem in me having one glass of wine. BIG FUCKING MISTAKE. Anyway. I started drinking again. For about 3 years my alcohol addiction started getting worse and worse.
I never EVER did drugs during this drinking binge... 3 year drinking binge I guess.... long story short. I caught my wife cyber cheating on me with a boy from her hometown. About 7 hours away.... SO... being a motherfucker that I am I put a keystroke logger on her laptop. Yes. I am very good with the cpu and easily hacked everything. She was having cyber sex with him. She did it probably 3-5 times if I remember correctly. (in her defense, I was a complete fucking alcoholic mess) Although, I did get all the bills paid, I was out with my boys drinking and carrying on and being a complete asshole when I came home. I NEVER CHEATED.
One fine evening my wife says she is going to visit her family and usually I was always invited..... this time I wasn't .... And I already knew why. My keystroke logger told all. ................. She was to have dinner reservations with cyber boy.
I DIDN"T STOP HER. Why, I don't know. She walked out the door to drive 7 hours and to stay a week at her parents. ..........................
...................................
....................................
This is where shit got bad again. I was about 32 now. AS soon as I saw her type the words... dinner reservations I began my drug craving activity again.
Then I found MEPHEDRONE on the internet while I was searching for meth and possibly where I could possible score some ( I had been out of the scene so long... I knew no one).................
Before my wife left for her date with another man...... I had already used about a gram of mephedrone I got off the internet.
When she returned home from her week away , I told her I knew everything and she was a whore and I was sure she fucked him. I told her right to her face, I wasn't going to divorce her, but I would drink myself to death and do drugs to pretend it never happened .... I told her I wanted to kill myself slowly and make her watch. I almost killed myself that night in the kitchen with a knife right in front of her ... but. No. I had drugs to do now. She TO THIS DAY has no idea that I have done one single drug since I met her. From that week until about a year and a half later, I have used approximately half a kilo of 4-mmc NASALLY. During this time I have binged on this horrendous <snip-no drug glorification> drug. Sometimes I would be up for 3-4 days. One night I did 10 grams. I would lay in bed awake, doing horrible things to myself, I still get painful nightmares to this day about it. I would sweat so bad, that my entire side of the bed would be soaking wet, my pillow would be soaked through. Somehow my wife NEVER caught on. She hasn't even smoked a cigarette before, let alone a line of coke....
One night I thought she would figure something out. I was in the bathroom, as usual... "with diarreah" AKA blowing drone all night.... I decided to take the old dust off into the bathroom too. Oh, did I mention I was drinking at least 2 bottles of wine and a 12pack every night. That night I did about 3 grams of 4-mmc and was drunk and huffing dust off on the toilet. Not sure what happened next, but I suspect I passed out and fell off the toilet. My wife knocked on the door and it woke me up. I stood up and hid the dust off and told her I dropped the lysol. I went back to bed.... she had no idea.
This type of behavior went on until mephedrone was finally stopped being easy to get.... or made illegal. I don't really remember. I had a new thing to try now anyway.
Thats when the horrible combo of mdpv and pentylone came onto the scene. I won't really get to into what the fuck I did on those drugs because, I don't really remember. Except for talking to shadow people that weren't there and thinking police were behind me every fucking minute of my life, I don't really remember much. One time I was up for at least 10 days straight. Oh, I had quit drinking alcohol now. My wife had decided my drinking was getting bad....................... and we went to a marriage counselor. I STILL NEVER let anyone know I was using drugs. And no one figured it out.
That's when shit got even fucking worse if you can believe it. I am an extremist. It's either all or nothing. I was going though 10 grams of pentlyone like it was standing still. My skin was flaking off. My health deteriorating. Still I was able to hide it from everyone. Soon stims didn't do it for me anymore. THAT is when.......... MXE came on the scene for me.
MXE begins. First a gram would get me through a month. I would just do it here and there for little trippy like episodes. Mxe made me totally forget about all drugs and alcohol. I even quit my cigars. Mxe was like a wonder drug..... Until of course I had to over do that OF FUCKING COURSE.................. I ended up doing about a gram a week of mxe. Just LA LA LA though life in a fog. ...............but the tolerance was building ............ Let me remind you. This is going from about 1-3 years now this last year being the MXE year.
Ok. Now. My tolerance was getting wacky. I quit mxe for about 2.5 weeks. I was completely sober from everything except I was taking etizolam to sleep.
I decided I wanted to M-Hole for my first time and see what all the hype was about. <snip - glorification>
Enter trip report... :
<snip - triggering trip report OP experiences "M-Hole">
THATS WHEN I FELL HOPELESSLY IN LOVE WITH MXE........
I quit for a couple weeks here and there, but I have been doing so much fucking mxe it doesn't even work as a disasociative .... Mxe is now a antidepressant and mood lifter .... sometimes with euphoria. I take it everyday now. I have been doing MXE everyday for almost a year now. It has totally changed my personality. I have lost 50 lbs. I am working like a fucking maniac. I have become a know it all narcissistic ASSHOLE. AND I FUCKING LOVE IT. My marriage has never been better. I never lie to anyone. I tell people EXACTLY how I feel. No matter what repercussions it might have. People seem to love it. Case in point. I used to get sporadic blowjobs.
Just this week I have gotten 3. Last time I yelled down to my wife at about 8 in the morning. She was talking to her sister that was visiting. I say, " honey, can you come up here for a minute? I need you. " She rushes up and I grab my fucking raging morning boner and say.... I fucking need you.... NOW..... Just the way i use my words and conduct myself under this MXE has made everything in my life a breeze. She says, "omg you are insatiable this week!" and just goes down on me. It's fucking amazing. Now I tell her while she is doing it, how incredible she is at it, complimenting her constantly. Always making her feel like a princess, but at the same time showing her I am the man. She seems to respect me more and just wants to please me.... be it ,.... in the kitchen cooking... or when pleasing me in the bedroom.....
ANYWAY.... a little rambling there..... sorry.
What can I say. It has been almost a year of total mxe use. It is getting pretty ridiculous now and I decided to send myself to a psychologist. I TOLD HER EVERYTHING...........
Woah, it was so weird to finally tell someone that I have been hiding this insane drug addiction for years.
Now, shit gets even weirder. She sends me to a psychiatrist. Long story even longer.............. I get them to prescribe me close to 100mg of amphetamines a day to me, and I have a script of 120 valium a month. I was SUPPOSED to be quitting the MXE.
I lied and have not quit.....
So now I am on a combo of about 100 to sometimes as high as 350mg of mxe a day, and about 100mg of amphetamines. I am also prescribed wellbutrin, WHICH I HAVE STOPPED TAKING......... It has a weird interaction and makes none of my drugs work and I feel like a FUCKING SHALLOW EMOTIONLESS ZOMBIE.... wellbutrin... (you can go fuck off) I still fill that script every month, but I don't take a single pill. I have about a billion stockpiled. LOL....
Well... that's it. I'm fucking happy as a pig in shit. I just wanted to share my story. I hope many will comment and possible give me constructive criticism. Maybe you will be nice, maybe not. I do not mind. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions.
Thanks for reading.
FYI... let me remind you the above is not my own writing. It is that of a friend. A friend that is no longer a part of my life. He left me this manuscript, I have since burned it and deleted him from my life.
Oh well. I hope he has good luck wherever he is.
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