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TDS Social Thread vs. Badfish has stayed up too late

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^Not at all, most celebrity speak is nonsense to me. I have no idea who's who. I just know Anne Hathaway from my Alice obsession. =D
 
TAOW - I had a dream that I came to visit you. Only you lived in Colorado, in some (made-up) town underneath a huge volcano. And all of the old men in the town were spreading rumours about it going off. Anyway, I met you and you had cooked me mashed potatoes and gravy because I had told you that I liked it. You had a gray great dane, and it started licking them up while we weren't looking. But then you got really, really sad when I didn't want to eat them, so I ate them complete with the doggy slobber. You then wanted me to go to an AA meeting with you, and to meet your sponsor. While we were waiting for it to start, you were telling me about how you had a crush on this girl who was a phone sex worker and her photo was in an ad in the local paper. I made a joke over her picture along the lines of "I swear she does the same job in Ohio too," and you instantly became enraged. "No she doesn't, red leader!" And you physically came at me. Last thing I remember was wrestling on the ground and the dog jumping on top of us and licking everything.

I hope that one day this happens TO THE LETTER. :)
 
^^^hahaha!! Great dream! God, I love dreams. You may very well be remembering this dream every time you eat mashed potatoes and gravy from here on out. In fact, I'm going to be tempted to call you on Thanksgiving and see how they are going down?=D

and MoE--"So, that was, like, an education". That made me LOL!

I saw a good movie called The Intouchables. I recommend it if you are looking for something to do. Speaking of that, I LOVE going to movies by myself. In this town a lot of people do it and I've never thought anything about it. I've been going to movies by myself since I was in my twenties. I was telling this to a BLer from England who was horrified. He said, "No one over here would ever be comfortable doing that. People would think you were really pathetic. Over here you go to movies on a date." C'mon. Is that true? Anybody from England reading this? The reason I like going by myself is that I love the way film transports you so completely. I'm never ready to have the spell broken when it is over. I like to just sit there with my own thoughts about it uninterrupted by someone else sharing their opinion about it right away.
 
i owe my fiend fifty cents for some tupperware she bought me at a garage sale, always looking in my fridge and cupboards for sugar i bought an extra thing of delicious fruit-mentos but this would not suffice.

she still wants the coins !

8(
 
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almost a week with out any medical marijuana
=D

sweet re-leaf frumz
more then i almost can remember the feeling of


fuck all that shit
fuck those fucking years of shitty shit sick sick sick stay in pain bitch


in the devils country, i burned down his house!
it sank in the moat. come help with my boat ?!?
i stayed ashore and tried to ignore but but
shut shut
up up
no more!
 
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^yes it is !

;)

NSFW:

have been trying at times to see if i could get away with not, but that always was a decision much regretted, periodically though testing my psychological dependence that too was very difficult, i would end up rolling and chain-smoking ciggies. the next time i do though will be crazy, hopefully by next monday there wont be much of a need to use it for anti-inflammation or, to treat nausea which hasnt been a problem besides a few times while accompanying pain. at least not daily or hourly as it has been.

it can get to me for many reasons, how i will probably never know what was going on to cause the abdominal symptoms like being filled with green gas/nasty feeling stinging goose bumps/copper smelling sweat/stage 1 hyper tension and etc and so on for 3 years 24/7. besides all those 30-40 lymph nodes being clogged up with "artifacts w/ no halo or comet tail". i never went in to be re-referred to the surgeon like i was to in early July.

although, i strongly feel though that if i had gone in, it would not of been good, because my body needed to flush the crap out at its own pace, and learn to cope and re-adapt rather then suddenly being how it should be again. the thought of them having to remove only what was scanned, 30-40 nodes, is bad, the radiologists told the tech to go ahead and stop scanning with an MRI because, that was enough for me to go in and have the procedure done. it seems likely that most of my lymph nodes through out my body were the same.

if anyone ever were to ask me if i thought they should do the same, there is no doubt i would tell them to have the procedure, i just have felt and still feel a strong urge telling me to not go, that most of this was avoidable in the first place due to a couple of meds, which were, once again, Humira and Remicaide. i still have to go in to be checked for tumors(stage 4/5) every two years routinely since having them removed twice from different locations. the FDA now warns that 30 months after Remicaide patients were being diagnosed with bladder cancer, i had them removed at a stage under this from mine 28 months later.

but i am confident that will be okay too now.
;)

SOoO kept my head above the water though that
i am very much indebted to that tough lil' cookie.
~



<3
 
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I start my IOP tomorrow, I slowly had chipped away with H a couple times and I refuse to turn back into that monster..... 2 weeks of IOP and then back to school here's praying my program holds up and I succeed for once in my life !!
 
theartofwar said:
I start my IOP tomorrow, I slowly had chipped away with H a couple times and I refuse to turn back into that monster..... 2 weeks of IOP and then back to school here's praying my program holds up and I succeed for once in my life !!
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I'm going to be thinking of you tomorrow taow. Be strong and know that you have quite a few people here that are mentally holding you for support.<3
 
Thx dude,
I worked myself into a dark place and didn't reach out for help... If anything I jus bitched so it means a lot to have ppl still care , real talk some damn good ppl on TDS
 
badfish45 said:
Proud of you Pip :)
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thanks, everyday i wake up, i count my blessings to be alive and have the health i have today. psychologically, there is a lot to do. attempting to discuss it with anyone i start flipping into a what feels like a dreaming state, and have become totally disassociated as to where i am at that moment. that sentence for example, took me 15 minutes to write.

what i can share with you for now is how sincere i am about how much Simple Joy there is in life, All the Time Everywhere .
listen to who you love & where ever else you are love for that moment whom ever you are listening to.

~*Happily being Happy enough to be*~
 
panic in paradise said:
what i can share with you for now is how sincere i am about how much Simple Joy there is in life, All the Time Everywhere .
listen to who you love & where ever else you are love for that moment whom ever you are listening to.

~*Happily being Happy enough to be*~
Click to expand...

Ah, PiP.<3<3<3<3<3
 
its true!

how could there be simple joy seeing trash on the side of your road?
by picking it up for who ever felt too embarrassed to do so.

what possibility could there be simple joy in seeing someone crying on the bus?
well, by asking if they needed help, if they were lost,
then maybe they would feel much needed compassion.

how could there be simple joy in finding your tire flat?
because possibly remaining open and with as much of a positive attitude as possible
the walk home could lead you into appreciative thoughts, or receiving help from someone
who enjoys doing so.

:)

its endless listless contentedness amongst yourself in appreciation of all else.


<3
 
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My IOP drug test came back and they tried to tell me if i was prescribed benzos i couldn't attend. I told them i stopped taking them ( 10 biz days w 2 urines no labs , so obv they wouldve lasted in me that long anyway).

Im always amazed when people who are addiction therapists asks why I take benzos and my response ," after 12 years of trial and error finally I found a cocktail that at least helps ". The response is always " ya but why take them do you get anxious ???"
I tell them I have PTSD and panic disorder, this is the best part. They spring from there chairs as if god himself told him he had a cure for me ," John I can't tell you how much you're going to benefit from our anxiety groups..." this is normally when I tell him my anxiety stems from serially being sodomized as a child and what do they offer in the rhelm of sexual abuse groups.... Typical, one group twice a week 45 mins has 4 members including me I'm the only guy and the therapist told me that although she's never been abused her father yelled at her mother sometimes late at night.

I know I sound like an asshole bein all cynical but what the hell lol! All I can do and what I will do is go open minded and hope to learn and grow.
 
That sounds awful TAoW. How annoying that must be. :-\ That's not asshole-ish at all of you to be irritated and frustrated from that kind of service. <3

<3 PiP <3 Awesome work on your abstinence.

I went outside to retrieve the mail and found a huge new wheely recycling bin for our town, which previously didn't recycle. The water quality is god awful is Florida so we drink a lot of bottled water so I am so excited to begin recycling. We even went out today and bought separate recycling cans for the kitchen and under our desk next to our bedroom garbage can. =D.
 
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I bought a Keurig coffee maker and this thing is awesome. I love it! I also bought a variety pack of 50 different flavors to go with it so I am having a little coffee party. They k-cups can get really pricey compared to buying beans but the convenience factor makes it worth it. You just insert the cup add water and you have a perfect cup of coffee/tea/cocoa/cider in 3 minutes.

I know these aren't new but I had never used one before. Sometimes I feel like we are living in the future with all the cool tech stuff nowadays.
 
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