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how to advise a friend who's boyfriend wont stop looking at porn?

xpensivtaste

xpensivtaste

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 29, 2008
Messages
605
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uk
a very close friend is 27 and her boyfriend is 21. he watches porn and looks at sexy pictures and it is really getting her down. she feels she cant trust him. they recently started trying for a baby and that is a stress for her also.

she has tried to talk to him about it and has even taken sexy pictures and videos of herself for him but he still looks at porn.

my advice to her was, its natural for a person to masterbate.
he is young and if that sorta thing is what interests him he will do it regardless although the fact it has been made known that its a problem perhaps he should have stopped?
personally i don't know how it would make me feel in her position so i can't advise well.
now he is doing it in secret and she checks his history that he is unaware of and she feels she can't trust him.

he has propositioned girls for sex in a very vulgar way that she found out about so the porn isn't the only issue. as far as i am aware he has not done anything like that since.

i know many of you will think there is no problem but i think its the fact he is defying her that bothered her. either way he will do it though and either way she wont be happy.

anyone any suggestions?
 
he has propositioned girls for sex in a very vulgar way that she found out about so the porn isn't the only issue. as far as i am aware he has not done anything like that since.
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That is a way bigger problem than the porn IMO. The guy sounds like kind of a douche bag for doing this. The porn isn't really isn't the main issue it's that he hits on other woman.
 
It's her problem that she gets jealous off him watching porn, not him. It's her fault she feels inadequate when he watches porn, not her. It's natural, I see nothing wrong with the porn. The dude does sound like a dick-head though (propositioning sex vulgarly to girls when in a committed relationship). Your friend needs to get some confidence and dump this dude, and not have his kid.
 
as far as we all know e has not spoken to any other girls since then. Was a few months back. E's a close friend of my partners and me and i was disgusted in him. Didnt think e was that sort of guy. The porn connects with that issue tho with my friend and also her self confidence. I Dont think e'll ever stop. E wont talk about it to her. Wow some pretty strong minded opinions there. I feel its my duty to be straight with her but i Dont think she would take to kindly to me being so blunt. Think I'm best keeping my mouth shut about this as much as deep down i agree i don't wanna hurt her feelings. She needs to talk to him tho.
 
xpensivtaste said:
i know many of you will think there is no problem but i think its the fact he is defying her that bothered her.
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He's allowed to "defy" her in this case - it's just porn! She sounds very controlling and insecure.

Propositioning other girls for sex? Ugh.

They want to have a child together? Really? How utterly ridiculous 8) They should definitely not be trying for a baby and IMO, they should not even be together.
 
she souldnt have a baby with him if she wont be happy with him.
if he is looking at a lot of sexy photos and porn and her own sexy photos and vids arents changing that and its making her down then she needs to let him know. if he doesnt care then they should not be having a baby.
my fiance oretty much had done and is still doing everything to make me hate my body and i would never have a child with him and its why we're not even marries yet..
you should just be upfront with him and talk to him and see what he says.
 
imo,
your friend needs to ditch the dude..propositioning for sex, and she didn't dump him..sounds like she definitely has some self conscience issues...she wants to have a kid with dude and you didnt slap her silly? why would she want to make the situation worse by bringing a child into the world, where in all likely-hood they wont be together more then a couple years..then you're stuck with dude whether you want to be or not.
it doesnt sound like he is ready for any kind of ltr...
my advice: tell your friend to get out while she's still ahead...good luck op.
 
Clearly as others have said the issue is more that she wants to be monogamous and he wants to be free to proposition other girls. Probably not right for each other.
But if the porn were the only issue bothering her, I think that if she were to discover porn herself she might enjoy it too and no longer feel "left out" if you will by her partners interest in it. Many women prefer reading erotic literature to a lot of the porn out there which is aimed at a male audience and often does not seem to be all that comfortable/enjoyable for the female characters and therefore cant relate to it as a turn on. She could experiment getting to know her own sexuality a bit better and perhaps grow her own collection of pornographic material. The again she may be someone who finds the entire premise of this repulsive or view it as a betrayal/cheating whathave you, in which case she should invite the next door to door Jehovas Witness/Morman's in for a chat when next they scavenge about her neighbourhood and she if she has more in common with one of these men instead.
 
Well I do not agree with your opinions on the matter obviously, but hey you sound like the perfect type of boy for this lady so I guess there's proof enough that if she left this guy who doesn't seem to want the same things from the relationship as she does, that there are people out there like you who she would be more suited to and hopefully live happily ever after together as per their ideal
 
I agree with 'Squarerootof23'.

If you've got a partner and you live with them, or see them on a frequent enough basis, porn shouldn't really be necessary. In the end it will probably cause more problems than it supposedly solves. I don't know about women and porn, but for men there is a real danger with pornography.. google around on the topic and you'll see what I mean. As the other poster said porn by its very design is ment to get in the way of you and a partner, it is a poor pathetic substitute that makes someone else very rich at your expense.

Also if you're holding a particular fantasy/reverie in your mind that doesn't involve your partner then you're gonna miss out when it comes to orgasming..
 
Porn danger for men you say?
*google*
Porn addiction you're referring to huh?
Not only does the act itself become almost the only means through which many men can feel intimate and close, but it is also the way in which they find validation. And sex itself, of course, cannot possibly satisfy such demands.
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Sounds to me like these are causes of using porn to fill some sort of emotional void instead of as it's intended physically gratifying arousal and masturbation aid.
This very well may lead some people to develop an addiction of sorts but sounds like they were not ok to begin with imho.

I do agree however that in the case where someone who wants a conservative relationship and is not ok with porn, it makes sense they find a partner who feels the same way and they simply do not have porn in the relationship. There's no reason why you can't get out there and find what makes you happy if you're not hurting anyone else, if you both consent to the rule about porn, then go for it.
 
Masturbation aid? What ever happened to just putting on some lube and using your imagination? I mean if we're strictly talking about a guy physically releasing his tension then once a week is more than sufficient, and at that level of release you would not need porn at all.. you'd be naturally horny and lube/imagination would be plenty. Men don't need to release more than that, anything else is pure rationalization of an addiction to brain chemistry. I really do not buy the argument 'porn is an aid', to me it's an addiction outright. We don't see it like that any more because that's just how degenerate our society has become sexually.. I know people will deny and protest that but it is the truth.
 
Nothing wrong with that way, but I do enjoy porn on occasion. I'm hardly saying it's a necessity, but I do feel it's something a person should decide for themselves not have their partner try to control against their will. If anti-porn beliefs are that important to this person maybe this guy isn't right for her. To be fair he sounds like an asshole anyway so no loss getting rid of him.
 
Almost all guys watch porn. For a girl to say to a guy, "Don't watch porn," is like saying "Don't have any sex fantasies about anyone other than me." It's unrealistic and unfair, and a good reason for the guy to end the relationship (plus a red flag of other problems).

But it would be entirely realistic and fair for her to say, "Don't let porn get in the way of our relationship. Don't overuse it or focus on it rather than me." It's like the difference between having a glass of wine to relax and being a drunk. There's no reason to attempt to deny the former for fear of the latter. If the guy is abusing it and the relationship is suffering, then it's a problem. But not before.
 
Men like porn. Your friend will have to get over it. So will you.

...better porn than a second or third baby mama, no?

:)
 
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Johnny1 said:
Almost all guys watch porn. For a girl to say to a guy, "Don't watch porn," is like saying "Don't have any sex fantasies about anyone other than me." It's unrealistic and unfair, and a good reason for the guy to end the relationship (plus a red flag of other problems).
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Sorry but that is absolute nonsense. Just because "nearly all guys" watch it somehow by democracy of percentages that makes it OK and normal, that doesn't mean it is OK/normal, that just means a shit load of guys are possibly degenerate. If a guy would choose access to porn over his partner then that guy is a total wuss. It's like these functional alcoholics who take a drink or two every day.. whilst they're not drunk and can function that doesn't mean they're not alcoholics and sick. I don't actually think it's unreasonable for a women to make that demand of her partner, so long as she's not denying him real pussy.. if she's a good enough lover the guy will not need porn.
 
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