Why do you have to be a total dick to people for them to like you?

[jasonmccarthy5]

It's just girls don't know what they want in reality. They want the nice guy, then the bad guy, they want u in control, then them...they're just strange creatures. The best thing to do is just act like you're really smart even if you're not. Wear nice clothes...have a good job and enjoy the bjs that come. That's the best advice I can offer men on the realities of universe. IF you're a nice guy then you just have to drop that. Women aren't nice to men....so just be as aggressive as possible, argue over everything. I say just do what Craig would do...you know that cool guy that gets all the chics, would Craig be passive and acting like a little pansy and have his palms get sweaty when he sees a pretty girl, or have all this gas and having to hold his farts in fear of the girl, no! Craig farts in front of the girl, I shit you not. You get the girl and you become this Craig character you can even stop grooming all the time, girls will tolerate nasty untreated beards, no deodarant, gross fingernails, if you're a mechanic that's perfect. And yes some even will let you hit them, but I'm not down with that. JK hit away!



hahhahahah

 

[Lysis]

I don't know, man, I can honestly say that the girls were more attracted to me when I was a total dick head, or, at least they were more attracted to me and interested in me than they are now.

It gets old, though, and if you're any kind of a good person with any kind of a conscience, you'll give it up soon enough. I think I did the dick head thing for maybe a year or so before I couldn't tolerate being around myself anymore. I got a lot of pussy in that time, though, so... there's something to be said for it. lol

tl;dr being a dick head does get you pussy but feels bad, man

You know all those suckers women fuck and take their money and don't love them and men bitch that they are heartless gold diggers? I'd say it's the same scenario. You want to be a dick, you attract plenty of women who will fuck you just like we women can throw a pussy at you and you'll throw money our way while we laugh at you for it. Same deal. There are assholes in every gender. The only difference is we women have options.

 

[*samsonite*]

There's a reason girls like 50 Shades of Grey. He's confident and in control, even a bit moody, but also a good listener and very attentive. You have to man up and lead but be able to take it when we tell you what to do.

Kinky fuckery helps too

 

[Eyes On the Roll]

Sorry but being a dick to girls has worked for me in every way (except in long lasting relationships..which is not what I want).

When I was a few years younger, I tried to be the nice guy, and I got fucked. She took advantage of me. So, I started to be my true self, a dick, and it works. I'm not emotional in the least bit. It's kind of hard to drag girls in though, since I draw most satisfaction when they come to me.. but once they do, it's game over. I don't feel the slightest bit of remorse about it, she didn't, so why should I?

At the same time, I hate moody and emotional girls... they are just so annoying. I desire someone just like myself. I don't want a monogamous relationship, and I learned this from fantasizing about my X's fucking someone else while I was dating them.

 

[*samsonite*]

Sorry but being a dick to girls has worked for me in every way (except in long lasting relationships..which is not what I want).

When I was a few years younger, I tried to be the nice guy, and I got fucked. She took advantage of me. So, I started to be my true self, a dick, and it works. I'm not emotional in the least bit. It's kind of hard to drag girls in though, since I draw most satisfaction when they come to me.. but once they do, it's game over. I don't feel the slightest bit of remorse about it, she didn't, so why should I?

At the same time, I hate moody and emotional girls... they are just so annoying. I desire someone just like myself. I don't want a monogamous relationship, and I learned this from fantasizing about my X's fucking someone else while I was dating them.

If you attracted more women by being your "true self" then it was probably your confidence drawing them in more than anything. But if you are that emotionally disconnected you aren't going to attract the right women for meaningful relationships anyway so its probably best you aren't keeping them around.

 

[Foreigner]

Being confident is attractive to a lot of people, and being an arrogant asshole is one way of appearing confident. But there are other ways.

IME though behind every asshole is a fragile ego that can't handle the truth and it's hard for them to be honest about their true feelings. Pride is not the opposite of shame - they are of the same source. It's for this reason I avoid assholes. Although I guess they're ok if you just want a one-off.

 

[The Network]

It's just girls don't know what they want in reality. They want the nice guy, then the bad guy, they want u in control, then them...they're just strange creatures. The best thing to do is just act like you're really smart even if you're not. Wear nice clothes...have a good job and enjoy the bjs that come. That's the best advice I can offer men on the realities of universe. IF you're a nice guy then you just have to drop that. Women aren't nice to men....so just be as aggressive as possible, argue over everything. I say just do what Craig would do...you know that cool guy that gets all the chics, would Craig be passive and acting like a little pansy and have his palms get sweaty when he sees a pretty girl, or have all this gas and having to hold his farts in fear of the girl, no! Craig farts in front of the girl, I shit you not. You get the girl and you become this Craig character you can even stop grooming all the time, girls will tolerate nasty untreated beards, no deodarant, gross fingernails, if you're a mechanic that's perfect. And yes some even will let you hit them, but I'm not down with that. JK hit away!



hahhahahah

Interesting analogy. And I say analogy because I own horses and horses need to feel you're in control to stay calm. Women... are horses.

 

[wizekrak]

Eh, I'm probably the stereotypical nice guy. I'm attracted to strong women because I'm insecure and looking for traits I want in myself. Pretty much every girlfriend I've had has chased me and it's because I wasn't interested in them at first. I did my own thing and didn't give a shit. But i would also take time to listen and make them feel good about themselves. It's when I started to care and worried about losing them that I would get dumped.

It's hard to feel secure enough in a relationship to stand your ground and be yourself when you're so used to getting fucked over and dumped. Nice guys are relationship paranoid. It comes from shitty experience with women. You feel so lucky to actually have landed a humanthat wants you that you are afraid to do anything wrong in fear of losing them. Girls pick up on this and it's not attractive. They want a guy who knows he can always find another girl and won't be a push over. They want to feel like they've won a prize not found a stray puppy dog.

The problem is nice guys have never had enough success with women to realize that so they keep making the same mistake and keep getting the same results. It all stems from fear, fear breeds insecurity and insecurity poisons any relationship.

It's really hard to break out of that way of thinking though as a guy. Especially when success with women is so rare.

 

[verso]

You know all those suckers women fuck and take their money and don't love them and men bitch that they are heartless gold diggers? I'd say it's the same scenario. You want to be a dick, you attract plenty of women who will fuck you just like we women can throw a pussy at you and you'll throw money our way while we laugh at you for it. Same deal. There are assholes in every gender. The only difference is we women have options.

I'd say that's a pretty fair assessment, yeah.

 

[shimazu]

I think its more about confidence, girls love confidence. Most dicks are pretty confident people (whether they should be or not varies from dick to dick) and I guess girls would rather have an interesting asshole for a bf than a lame nice guy.

 

[Apostacious]

I think this boils down to "quantity vs. quality" w.r.t. one's social life. If you want to have sex with women that you'll never truly respect, and if you want to be constantly engaged in the lives of people that you will more than likely, never have a substantial conversation with; go ahead. If you wish to dispense your life by maximizing the number of people that somewhat like you, instead of pursuing a life of honesty, intimacy, and peace; that is your decision. But, it seems that you are conflicted with such a decision. Have you ever gone through a period where you had no friends? You would be surprised by how much you can grow, in terms of self-sufficiency, and intellectual development by truncating the desire to be accepted by your peers in your life. Then, you can bridge contact with others that have grown similarly, and you will find that they will be unlike any friend you've ever had.

 

[*samsonite*]

It's hard to feel secure enough in a relationship to stand your ground and be yourself when you're so used to getting fucked over and dumped. Nice guys are relationship paranoid. It comes from shitty experience with women. You feel so lucky to actually have landed a humanthat wants you that you are afraid to do anything wrong in fear of losing them. Girls pick up on this and it's not attractive. They want a guy who knows he can always find another girl and won't be a push over. They want to feel like they've won a prize not found a stray puppy dog.

The problem is nice guys have never had enough success with women to realize that so they keep making the same mistake and keep getting the same results. It all stems from fear, fear breeds insecurity and insecurity poisons any relationship.

It's really hard to break out of that way of thinking though as a guy. Especially when success with women is so rare.

Someone gets it! You are a step ahead of most "nice guys" bc you have found the source of the problem. Now what to do about it depends on your experience. You HAVE TO find a way to be confident in order to be in a long lasting, healthy, relationship. I know that's easier said than done when you have had negative experiences that have made you scared. I get it. But do what you need to do. You have a head start over the other nice guys bc you get it

 

[shimazu]

I think this boils down to "quantity vs. quality" w.r.t. one's social life. If you want to have sex with women that you'll never truly respect, and if you want to be constantly engaged in the lives of people that you will more than likely, never have a substantial conversation with; go ahead. If you wish to dispense your life by maximizing the number of people that somewhat like you, instead of pursuing a life of honesty, intimacy, and peace; that is your decision. But, it seems that you are conflicted with such a decision. Have you ever gone through a period where you had no friends? You would be surprised by how much you can grow, in terms of self-sufficiency, and intellectual development by truncating the desire to be accepted by your peers in your life. Then, you can bridge contact with others that have grown similarly, and you will find that they will be unlike any friend you've ever had.

Seriously, that just blew my mind. Like Ive always thought like that but could never explain it in words.

 

[tricomb]

Yeah this thread is mind blowing haha.

I don't think that we're all in agreement on what a nice guy is. Many people in this thread are comparing a nice guy to things like lost puppies, weak, passive aggressive, desperate men. Basically, pushing the extreme left here whereas a total dick would be the extreme right.

There's a balance between the two and most people are not completely nice or completely dicks, like guys that are actually nice but are still confident, satisfied males.

 

[wizekrak]

Someone gets it! You are a step ahead of most "nice guys" bc you have found the source of the problem. Now what to do about it depends on your experience. You HAVE TO find a way to be confident in order to be in a long lasting, healthy, relationship. I know that's easier said than done when you have had negative experiences that have made you scared. I get it. But do what you need to do. You have a head start over the other nice guys bc you get it

Indeed, it took me a long time to come to that realization, lots of reflecting on past relationships and why I do the things I do. Whats funny is that I have no problem attracting friends. I have a large group of close friends both male and female. In most things IN life I'm fairly confident. I'm reasonably good looking, smart, fun, and 3 years away from being an MD. Its easy when there's no emotions on the table. I know for me personally I've spent most of my life ignoring my emotional side. Consequently I don't deal with emotional things very well, but I've gotten better at that. The problem is there's a huge amount of emotional IQ needed to make a relationship successful. Of course historically I always get involved with the wrong kind of women. I definitely attract the wrong type and I admit I have a thing for bad girls.

The trick is to start having more success with women. And the secret to that is self confidence. Over the last year I've been involved with 4 different women, which is a record for me. What that did was give me confidence in knowing that just because I lose someone doesn't mean I'm going to die alone. I've realized that if I just keep being me that I'm going to keep attracting women, that I'm not a hopeless lost cause. The problem is that I went through a really crappy period in my teens and early 20's where I had a very negative self image and low self esteem. These issues still come up from time to time and its important to deal with them instead of just sweeping them under the rug. I also went to an all male high school and never had any success with women until I was in to my 20's. This can really fuck you up mentally as you feel like less of a man. Problem was I never learned the tools to interacting with women when I was in my teens and so that insecurity stuck with me far longer than it should have.

Confidence with women comes from other things to. It comes in believing in yourself and that as a person you have equally valuable attributes to bring to the table. I've learned to value myself as the prize and to really see myself as someone desirable who shouldn't have to settle. Granted, you kind of have to force a little ego here, and its not a bad thing. When you feel like you're the one who should be thought of as the good catch then it really changes the game.

The problem is that nice guys really lack confidence, and until they gain that confidence they will fail in relationships as well as many other facets in life. I had a great conversation with a younger female friend of mine the other day at a bar. She's intelligent, fun, and could easily be a model, yet she has a hard time meeting quality men. Quality women in my experience aren't looking for "assholes". They're looking for confident guys who are decent people who know what they want and aren't afraid to go for it. She agreed wholeheartedly with my assessment. The problem is supply and demand applies to dating just like anything else. Guys and girls who fit that description get snapped up early or aren't on the market long once they are single. Plus the older you get the fewer of them are around. Also be conscious of where you are meeting people. Honestly, bars and clubs aren't the best place to find a lasting relationships, a fun fling? sure, but that tends to be as far as it goes.

Bottom line is that nice guys are overly neurotic and self conscious. Its hard to break out of that head space but it can be done. It takes time and effort, dating is a skill like any other. Some are born talented, others have to hone the skill. It takes time and effort just like anything else. In my opinion nice guys need to go on as many dates as possible with as many girls as possible, just to get the experience and know that more than one girl will give them their number. They need to get comfortable with dating, and once that's achieved then they can progress. It really is a matter of baby steps. Hell it took me until my late 20's to figure that out. I wish I knew what I know now when I was 20. Things would have been very different for me.

 

[Eyes On the Roll]

If you attracted more women by being your "true self" then it was probably your confidence drawing them in more than anything. But if you are that emotionally disconnected you aren't going to attract the right women for meaningful relationships anyway so its probably best you aren't keeping them around.

Yeah, I know...
Deep down I want someone to be with indefinitely, and exclusively.. but I feel like there is no other girl out there that can really take and accept the true me. Even in my deepest, and most emotional relationship, I was withholding things and hiding my feelings, because I knew she would be disgusted. Which lead to our distrust.. which lead to jealousy.. which lead to hate... yadda yadda.

 

[paranoid android]

If you need to act like something your not in order to get people to like you the "friends" you will end up making will not really be your friends at all. I saw this alot back in high school and hell our society even encourages it. How often are you told to be yourself by any grown up when your young? Not very fucking often. So people who are insecure about themselves sort of take on other persona's such as acting like a total twat because they think people will somehow like them for acting like a asshole for no reason towards everyone. Usually the people that end up liking these types are insecure jerks themselves and they like the biggest asshole in the group simply because they know if a scrap breaks out that it will be the biggest asshole and not them that get's their face smashed in. It also gives them a certain sense of security to have some jerk slapping them on the back telling them how much they like them. Sadly this only lasts during the good times not when the shit hit's the fan and the chips are down.

You really do find out who your friends are when your at your lowest point. When i was fucked up physically, mentally and in every other way i had a drastic decline in the amount of "friends" that i had. Out of all the so called friends i had only 3 would call me or drop by to see how i was doing. But after i had my whole breakdown shit going on i was way more picky about who i actually called a friend so it was for the best in a weird way.

So yes you really do find out who your real friends are when your down and out.

 

[Eyes On the Roll]

If you need to act like something your not in order to get people to like you the "friends" you will end up making will not really be your friends at all. I saw this alot back in high school and hell our society even encourages it. How often are you told to be yourself by any grown up when your young? Not very fucking often. So people who are insecure about themselves sort of take on other persona's such as acting like a total twat because they think people will somehow like them for acting like a asshole for no reason towards everyone. Usually the people that end up liking these types are insecure jerks themselves and they like the biggest asshole in the group simply because they know if a scrap breaks out that it will be the biggest asshole and not them that get's their face smashed in. It also gives them a certain sense of security to have some jerk slapping them on the back telling them how much they like them. Sadly this only lasts during the good times not when the shit hit's the fan and the chips are down.

You really do find out who your friends are when your at your lowest point. When i was fucked up physically, mentally and in every other way i had a drastic decline in the amount of "friends" that i had. Out of all the so called friends i had only 3 would call me or drop by to see how i was doing. But after i had my whole breakdown shit going on i was way more picky about who i actually called a friend so it was for the best in a weird way.

So yes you really do find out who your real friends are when your down and out.

Everyone these days are insecure and paranoid, myself included as much as I'd hate to admit it. I have a group of friends in a town a few hours south, that I could completely be myself around. They were all literally sociopathic, not saying that I am.. but despite that, we all had distinct and separate personalities. The reason I feel that we all had no feelings, is that several of us went through individual problems with no support.. such as one of us developed brain cancer, and I myself went suicidal and depressed, and I was completely alone.

I love those kids, cause I see myself in them. It was probably mostly because we hadn't entered adulthood and hadn't begun to understand true love and empathy yet, but at the time, we were a brotherhood and everyone was equal. I value that above any bitch, above any male-female-sex relationship. It was true friendship, and that's what I value more than anything, and I probably won't ever find that again.

 

[maxalfie]

I don't think us men will ever understand how a womans mind works, I don't think woman know themselves.
It doesn't matter if you are a nice guy or a wanker because as soon as you get with a woman they want to try and change you into someone else.
If they don't like you how you are and feel the need to change us then why get with us in the first place rather than getting with the kind of man they try to change us into?
Women are confusing creatures indeed.

 

[*samsonite*]

Bravo wizekrak! I believe you are correct with your assumptions and agree that you should date as much as possible and keep things light. If you find someone you truly connect with, lose your inhibitions and dive in head first. Tap into your confident self and don't be relationship shy. You understand the game so you have a one-up on most.

Yeah, I know...
Deep down I want someone to be with indefinitely, and exclusively.. but I feel like there is no other girl out there that can really take and accept the true me. Even in my deepest, and most emotional relationship, I was withholding things and hiding my feelings, because I knew she would be disgusted. Which lead to our distrust.. which lead to jealousy.. which lead to hate... yadda yadda.

Well Eyes, you realize where you went wrong now. I assure you, there IS someone who will accept you, if you are forthcoming. When we, as women, can feel you are keeping something from us, it does lead to distrust. It may even be some dark secret from your childhood but we can smell secrets on men. Our over-imaginative minds think, "Is there something wrong with me?, Is there another woman?, Why can't he open up to me?, Does he not trust me?, Does he not love me as much as I love him bc he doesn't feel comfortable enough to open up to me?"... The list goes on. Find someone you can feel safe with and be an open book. It is the only way.