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Why do you have to be a total dick to people for them to like you?

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Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 7, 2010
Messages
1,970
In my (and probably everyone's) experience you have to be a complete asshole to get a girlfriend or keep your friends. I couldn't say how many awesome friends I've lost because I was "too nice". Same goes for the way men have to treat women to keep them. I don't understand it. I don't know if anyone TRULY understands it, but someone on here has to have an idea. I refuse to be an asshole to anyone even if it's the only way to keep them. It's just wrong, and I don't care if I live alone for my whole life because of it.

I know everyone knows this. You all know the saying nice guys finish last, and the fact that there are probably at least 2 songs about it by every band that I know. The entire "American Pie: Book of Love" movie is based on it. So people acknowledge it, but I don't think anyone knows why.
 
You don't have to be an asshole. The people that think you're too nice are better left out of your life anyway. Just be yourself and you'll attract the people that are meant to be a part of your life.
 
IMO this whole "you have to be a total dick to get chicks" thing is just a bullshit excuse for people to get away with being horrible people, and some people really do like to be treated like complete shit, it's sad but true.

Some girl I used to hangout with a lot just told me she couldn't hangout with this other guy because he wanted a relationship and she said he was too nice. Some people just like to get drunk, be an asshole, and get treated like shit, there's obviously some underlying psychological issues.

I know people that get off on fighting with their SO, or just fighting in general, some enjoy inflicting pain on others, some enjoy getting beat up themselves, I've seen the "total dick" thing to various extents, obviously I'm not including downright sociopathy here.

However....

It's not actually true for most people, although it is portrayed a lot in Hollywood, but I doubt a relationship of any real depth is based on being a total dick.
 
I don't know I kinda agree with the OP. I am a nice guy and I just get shit on nonstop. Now I'm certainly down for stepping on people to get ahead, but in my social settings, with friends and to the opposite sex, relationships basically...I have morals. Now in business I wouldn't give a shit. I generally hate most people anyways.
 
@tricomb I disagree that it's an excuse, I've experienced it personally too much to be able to believe that it's just an excuse.
 
i like guys who are dicks in that they are misanthropes and arrogant because that is what gets me off. but they really do have to be smart enough to get away with it. and i am not talking about dicks, as in beating women or cheating. women who are attracted to that are unwell and i don't know why you'd that type anyway.

if that isn't your natural way, i doubt you have to pretend to be that way to "get chicks" if you have other things to offer. what spork said. not all girls are into that, in fact i would say i hope we are a relatively small group.

it is pretty unattractive to me if any guy tries to sugarcoat their personality or seem like a great catch or just...anyone who tries too hard or maybe just tries at all. that would turn me off. the keeping your friends part i don't understand at all. whatever you are doing to turn people off, it isn't being "too nice". they are being "too nice" by not explaining to you in detail how you are creeping them out.

i regularly disagree with, mildly insult, and call my best friend names. it isn't genuine, but on the other hand it kind of is. just not on a deep level that goes deeper than our caring for each other. people don't want to be bored in their social interactions. politeness is for strangers.
 
The good times seem better when they are surrounded by a bunch of less-than-good ones. It's the same reason why the best highs are when you break out of withdrawal. The reason women stay with the "asshole guys" are because those guys give them just enough ephemeral fun to make it feel like the woman's overreacting to the bad stuff. If the guy sucked 100% of the time, I don't think the girls would stick around.

Obviously one would think that avoiding the bad altogether would seem like a better choice in life, but at the end of the day people are just weird.
 
Sometimes there's just no spark with "the nice guy," so instead of moving on after the girl says no, their egos would rather tell themselves that the girl is a POS and likes the "bad boy" instead.
 
tricomb said:
chicks <3 trolls
Click to expand...
Yeah pretty much.

By dick I didn't mean people that like cheat on their girlfriends or abuse them, I mean people who like push their girlfriend out of the way to beat up a small kid or something.
 
I've been accused of this so here comes my 2 cents... I am a girl who preferred being friends with guys over girls. Most of those guys were very sweet, positive, supportive, and would do anything asked of them. Some ended up developing feelings that I did not reciprocate but stayed as a supportive friend to me. Thru the yrs they would see who I dated and would accuse me of only dating assholes and stated I passed on them bc they were "too nice". Here's the truth... I am a smartass. I like to make jokes and be silly and poke fun. I'm not an asshole bc I do not offend or pick on people. I do not date assholes either. I would never date someone who is condescending, rude, or a jackass. Here's the misconception I believe my friends have... Nice timid guys seem to be attracted to strong women but we will railroad you. While they make great friends, if I'm going to be in a sexual relationship with you, I don't want to feel like the man in the relationship. I want to share the pants, not wear them ;) I like people who CHALLENGE me. I have a strong personality and need someone who also has a strong personality as well or I would unintentionally rule them. I have dated what some consider the "nice guy" and what he actually was was meek and timid and too compliant. If I'm wrong, tell me! If I do something you don't like, don't be afraid to confront me. I'm a big girl, I can take it. It's not the asshole that is attractive. It's the strong man that when I push he can hold his ground. Being nice is GREAT but don't be a pushover. "Nice guys" tend to actually be insecure guys. Be secure, not timid. Dont be afraid that if you disagree with me, you will get dumped. And don't kiss my ass bc it makes me uncomfortable. Us girls with strong personalities will love you when you love yourself :)
 
I don't know, man, I can honestly say that the girls were more attracted to me when I was a total dick head, or, at least they were more attracted to me and interested in me than they are now.

It gets old, though, and if you're any kind of a good person with any kind of a conscience, you'll give it up soon enough. I think I did the dick head thing for maybe a year or so before I couldn't tolerate being around myself anymore. I got a lot of pussy in that time, though, so... there's something to be said for it. lol

tl;dr being a dick head does get you pussy but feels bad, man :(
 
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OT: It appears no one actually knows quite why. I figured as much. It's one of those things that doesn't make any sense when you actually think about it.
 
Re OP:
Stick to your principles, then. It may never get rewarded with pussy, but then again, one can read The Life of Anthony and admire his discipline without wanting to actually live like St. Anthony. Ya' savvy?
 
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