• S E X
    L O V E +
    R E L A T I O N S H I P S


    ❤️ Welcome Guest! ❤️


    Posting Guidelines Bluelight Rules
  • SLR Moderators: Senior Staff

Help. i got a girl I work with preganant. She deceived me and told me she was on BC.

She did it.

Well, she went through with it. After weeks of back and forth I convinced her. Unfortunately my methods to accomplish this may be considered rather unscrupulous by some. I became her boyfriend and then told her that she would never see me again if she had it.

Relief is not the word I would use to describe my feelings right now. I drove her to the clinic, walked past the protesters with her and held her in the waiting room as she sobbed and begged me to not make her go through with it. I made false promises to her regarding my intentions and commitment and told her i will be there for her. I stayed with her for for four days as she took medication which forced her to miscarry. I tried to take care of her but seeing right before my eyes how fragile and broken she was after the whole ordeal was not easy. I stayed with her but was not sure what my role was and whether or not my presence was even appropriate

I'm not sure what "the right thing' to do in this situation was but I'm pretty sure i didn't do it. this girl is damaged right now and anything i try to say to her is like talking to a wall. When she's not crying hysterically it's like she's not even there. This has been a very intense and terrible experience. I haven't felt this empty feeling of guilt since my dad died.

I am now in a relationship with a girl whom i want nothing to do with but feel too guilty to leave. I made promises. i continue to make promises. Anything to make her feel better at this point.

I feel so horrible right now. But i was convinced she had lied to me on purpose and she was looking to trap me. i just knew she was looking for a payday. I told myself that the ends would justify the means and that anything i could do to influence her decision and manipulate her just had to be done. I told myself that this whole situation was HER fault, She was the one who lied about her fucking BC so the emotional fallout is her goddamned responsibility.

I think I may have been wrong. I hurt a person who is not a bad person by any means and I think I hurt her really really bad. I hope I start feeling that sense of relief that i just knew i would feel when this was all over and done but right now I just feel like I did a really really bad thing.
 
I think that BOTH needs some emphasis tbh - otherwise you're just a sadist ;)

OP - really sorry to hear that, obviously thta must have been hard - Let's hope ya don't have to go through that pain again - I'm sure you won't - that must be awful - big hug across the atlantic to you both.
 
silverman said:
I'm not sure what "the right thing' to do in this situation was but I'm pretty sure i didn't do it.
Click to expand...

did you do the ethical thing? absolutely not. however, given the circumstances, i believe it was the best decision for all involved... as unfortunate as it was.

this may always be a source of heartache for her, but especially right now with the recent trauma of the situation, early pregnancy hormones and hormones from the abortion pill, she's going to be an emotional roller coaster for a little while.

you might want to research "abortion support" and find an online forum or maybe even a local group that can help her. despite what you plan to do about the pickle you've gotten into by establishing yourself as her boyfriend, you should try your best to be earnestly supportive. :\
 
Honestly, I don't believe that you should feel guilty OP. How you went about this was incredibly manipulative but her lying to you was just as manipulative. I have no sympathy for her or the state that she seems to be in right now. It was her choice to lie to you knowing full well that this might happen and in the end it was her decision to have the abortion. In my eyes she brought all of this upon herself. The only wrong on your side that I can see is that you are pretending to care for her, she doesn't really deserve that kind of deception. Feel better OP, I'm sure she will her over it and if you really feel that badly you could always try to steer her in the right direction.
Moral of the story:Protect yourself, don't trust other people with your well being or your future as, especially in moments of passion, people can be stupid, careless and down right reckless. Next time COVER ALL OF YOUR BASES, no matter what anyone says.

Also, some Tom Leykis:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VuE_Nl-dR5M
 
I hope you have learnt from this man and you should feel bad just because she lied to you about being on BC doesn't mean you should lie to her face like that, She might never recover from this as I have had friends in this sort of situation and they now will never know the joy of having kids because they refuse to every be put in a position like this again. I don't mean to be nasty but the least you could do is be honest and get out of the relationship all your doing is hurting her more by pretending to care how she feels and what she went though, and for god sake cover the fuck up next time if in doubt wrap your tool. That being said it wouldn't hurt for the both of you to talk to a professional about what your going through as you may suffer depression and the like if you stew on it.
 
B1tO'RoughJack said:
Dude - matey boy just went through an ABORTION - you're a fucking asshole for talking like that about someone who went through that. I hope you go through the same thing.
Click to expand...

Well I don't do the do without a backup. And I don't get around with people I don't know. I don't have sympathy for people who do stupid shit, especially when even pretty shitty common sense or education would be enough to have prevented their mistake.
 
basically her behaviour was devious and manipulative, and your response was subversive machiavellian shit. so now your equal.

dont stay with someone you dont love for guilt reasons. the fact is that you fell for her tactics, she fell for yours. now your even and this baby you didn't want but probably feel robbed of is gone by choice which you made. your not feeling guilty about hurting her, your feeling guilty about your child and what could have been which is natural, but sometimes your head has to take over when things get out of control and someday you will have a child with someone you love who isn't decieving you and it will work out and be special. for now distract yourself, leave her and move on with your life.

^ everyone makes mistakes- dont be so judgemental
 
silverman said:
Well, she went through with it. After weeks of back and forth I convinced her. Unfortunately my methods to accomplish this may be considered rather unscrupulous by some. I became her boyfriend and then told her that she would never see me again if she had it.

Relief is not the word I would use to describe my feelings right now. I drove her to the clinic, walked past the protesters with her and held her in the waiting room as she sobbed and begged me to not make her go through with it. I made false promises to her regarding my intentions and commitment and told her i will be there for her. I stayed with her for for four days as she took medication which forced her to miscarry. I tried to take care of her but seeing right before my eyes how fragile and broken she was after the whole ordeal was not easy. I stayed with her but was not sure what my role was and whether or not my presence was even appropriate

I'm not sure what "the right thing' to do in this situation was but I'm pretty sure i didn't do it. this girl is damaged right now and anything i try to say to her is like talking to a wall. When she's not crying hysterically it's like she's not even there. This has been a very intense and terrible experience. I haven't felt this empty feeling of guilt since my dad died.

I am now in a relationship with a girl whom i want nothing to do with but feel too guilty to leave. I made promises. i continue to make promises. Anything to make her feel better at this point.

I feel so horrible right now. But i was convinced she had lied to me on purpose and she was looking to trap me. i just knew she was looking for a payday. I told myself that the ends would justify the means and that anything i could do to influence her decision and manipulate her just had to be done. I told myself that this whole situation was HER fault, She was the one who lied about her fucking BC so the emotional fallout is her goddamned responsibility.

I think I may have been wrong. I hurt a person who is not a bad person by any means and I think I hurt her really really bad. I hope I start feeling that sense of relief that i just knew i would feel when this was all over and done but right now I just feel like I did a really really bad thing.
Click to expand...

You're merely experiencing the plight of all young men today: no self-esteem, and no backbone.

I mean, just look at yourself! Is everything your fault? It certainly seems that way... "I got this girl pregnant and it's all my fault! I'm so damn stupid!" SHE TRICKED YOU!

"I convinced her to get an abortion because I know in my heart that it's the right thing for the both of us, but now she's emotionally distraught and it's all my fault! I'm so damn stupid!" SHE TRICKED YOU!

I wish that we could just rewind this whole terrible fiasco like a movie and watch it back from the beginning because I'd really like to see your blood boil as you watch the part where she tells you, "don't worry, baby, I'm on the pill!" I'd want you to watch it over, and over, and over again until it pisses you off to the point where you jump through the fucking wall and destroy something of little value but it makes you feel better anyway because that's just kind of what men do sometimes. (I'm joking.... sort of....)

And, speaking of movies, haven't you seen Gone With the Wind ? What happened to real men like Clark Gable and the character he portrays in the film, Rhett Butler? At the end of the film, when a heartbroken, emotionally-distraught Scarlett O'Hara exclaims, "Where shall I go? What shall I do?" Don't you remember what Gable says? He doesn't say, "I don't know... but I'll have to think about it tomorrow because I know that all of this is my fault somehow and it's my responsibility to make it all right." HELL NO! He says, "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn!" and then he gets the fuck out of there because he tried making it work with that terribly manipulative woman, but there was just nothing more he could do, and he can't feel bad about it.

*sigh* Now I've depressed myself because I know that I'm nothing like Clark Gable either. I suffer from the same thing... no self-esteem, and no backbone. :(
 
get an abortion before its too late.

not worth having a child thats such a turn off for any future partners you may be interested in. Not that everyone falls into that group, but more than enough to make it a PITA.
 
^^^If you had read his update, they DID go through an abortion. And the whole argument about having children as a potential turnoff for future partners is especially moot in this case.
 
i could be wrong but it sounds like the OP doesn't believe she "tricked" him:

But i was convinced she had lied to me on purpose and she was looking to trap me. i just knew she was looking for a payday. I told myself that the ends would justify the means and that anything i could do to influence her decision and manipulate her just had to be done. I told myself that this whole situation was HER fault, She was the one who lied about her fucking BC so the emotional fallout is her goddamned responsibility.

I think I may have been wrong.
Click to expand...

even from his first post, he states:

She is not a bad person. Despite the evidence, I don't want to think that she did this on purpose.
Click to expand...

i'd also like to reiterate that according to the OP, she was on a birth control injection. i'll assume it was Depo which is one shot given every 3 months to keep a woman protected. to my knowledge she never said, "i'm on the pill baby!" knowing full well she wasn't taking her BCP at the same time, every day. and unless i missed it, the OP never stated her feelings (was she elated/apprehensive/whatever?) concerning the pregnancy.

is it possible she didn't understand how the shot worked or that just maybe she, much like the OP, made a very serious mistake? (my position is that i don't believe the OP's mistake was in trusting her, but because *HE* felt so strongly about not having children, *HE* should have ensured he was doing everything possible to protect himself and prevent pregnancy... because birth control or not, reproduction *IS* the biological purpose of sex and the risk is always present.)

i don't think encouraging the OP to be angry with her is the right advice; we know one side of the story which holes have been filled with our own interpretations and experiences. it's a shitty situation and instead of convincing him she's a trickster and referring to him as spineless, both individuals need some support to get through this traumatic experience. maybe some people throw a party when they terminate their pregnancies, but for many people (men and women), i imagine it's really disappointing and heart-breaking. and, considering the sad nature of the situation is compounded by beginning a pretend relationship with an emotionally fragile person (if she's not unstable due to psychiatric issues prior to this, she is certainly now), without knowing more about her and the situation, i'm not sure the answer should be, "well, fuck her! she made her bed!"

i am curious though, silverman, did you attempt to honestly reason with her at all initially?
 
my bad only read up until like page 3. Dont get down on yourself man the worlds overpopulated anyway
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top