Beat Narrative said:
i know your a very positive and caring contributer but i must say i find this statement patronising, i am sure you meant it with the best intention, is it a quote from a 12 step book or your own statement?
Apologies for the inadvertent patronization, sir! (It really was not intended.)
I am not an advocate for Alcoholics Anonymous, so unless otherwise stated, I will not be quoting AA-affiliated literature. To do so in this discussion without notice would be akin to me coercing membership out of you (or anyone whom I might be speaking with), which would definitely be no good, and far from ethical!
That having been said, I have discovered a great wealth of truth in that which an old sponsor of mine told me - precisely that piece of advice I now offer to you. It is affiliated with AA only in that it was discussed in the context of a sponsor-sponsee relationship, but is not a part of the literature. The basic premise is that when we admit our full-blown alcoholism or addiction, we cannot help but admit that we lack control over our thoughts and many times, consequently, our behaviors. Our thinking has been distorted such that we are unable, in some cases, to understand how to even begin to approach a possible reconciliation between mind and spirit. We can be taught how this psychic union can come about, but only if we allow our physiology to return to baseline in tandem with the psychological self. Becoming teachable means, very simply, that we return to a state whereby positive solutions can be identified and realistic actions can be taken.
I apologize for the confusing way I presented my idea; I ought to have explained further!
This year has been crazy, detoxed off a 2 year opiate habit, majorly cut down on weed. But alcohol, for some reason wine is the only thiing giving me an ounce of satifaction, i think its linked to my detoxing off opiates but i have also been an every day drinker for 12 years. I am just overwhelmed at the moment, on the verge of an 8 year relationship ending and just trying to (without sounding to cliche) live each day as it comes, i am not sure if i am drinking heavily, a bottle of wine plus 3-6 beers each day, but its the dependency aspect that bothers me.
I can only speak for myself, this is true. However, if I had this many significantly distressing events happening at once in my life, I would be necessarily helpless if I truly needed to find my way out! My best wishes go out to you,
BN, for although I cannot say I am where you're at, I have been there before. Pretty recently, in fact. Anyone who tells you what you are up against is easy is, in actuality, woefully ignorant.
bluedom said:
If I were you I'd cut and paste the response and save it some place and come back to it when you're ready to quit. It will help I believe.
Love the idea - not because you painted the picture of me as a wise, stoic philosopher (...I don't quite fit the mold...
), but because I do this myself all the time with really wonderful, painful, loving and challenging things I hear from people as they relate to my recovery and my way of thinking. It's incredibly important for clarity within my existence to accurately remember how bad the pain of it all was in order that I don't forget and become complacent in my efforts to remain sober. By the same token, I like to keep little daily reminders of other,
smaller things (that can be in many ways just as significant!).
On my bedside table, I have a small piece of paper which reads, "Care For Yourself." On the mirror in my bathroom, there's one reading "You Are Loved." These are two amidst a trove of others which serve to remind me of those things that I am liable to forget easily in the first year of sobriety as I tangle with emotional torrents rushing forcibly back into my life. Respectively, these are caring for myself (don't skimp on shaving each day, it'll build up; keep working out; brush your teeth, etc.) and the fact that people really do care about me out there. These are seemingly small things that I will let slip from mind when I'm in a really rough spot if I haven't crafted them into my routine. It's a powerful thing, being loved. And my mind is one powerful manipulator, throwing poly-daily pity-parties where attendance is restricted to me, myself and I. That bit of knowledge about love, along with the evidence I have to back it up, defuses the energy driving my erroneous way of thinking. So, too, have I found a simple act such as eating so that I have energy and my body has nutrients, or shaving so I don't look scruffy; these may make the difference between my getting out of bed in the morning and convincing myself to slip and sleep until the afternoon. It's astounding, now, to realize how both trivialities have unique and profound impacts on the way that I view myself.
I am a firm believer that addiction and alcoholism are A.) one in the same, and B.) are both but symptoms of a larger problem - A fundamental error in the way I think about, view and interact with the world and the people and things in it. And it tickles me to think that some scraps of paper have such power - until I realize that many such mundane things held just as much power, if not more, when I was living in active addiction. After all it was I who, in my infinite wisdom (
), chose to ascribe that power towards self-indulgence rather than personal growth.
There are a few posts in this very thread I may one day print and cut out, if only for the occasional reminder that I am most definitely not alone. During those days when I'm having a particularly difficult time, they may spur one of a galaxy of constructive thoughts that will help guide me through; one example is, "You're feeling like shit! NO one wants to feel this way, but at least the evidence is out there: These thoughts are temporary. And in the meantime, you'd do best to keep trying to do the next
loving thing - for yourself,
and others."
This is what works for me.
batmanplaybaseball said:
The good news is that almost all of this is reversible. You just need to dry your body out and let it get back to doing what it's meant to be doing, which is being you.
Such wisdom. Love your post!
~ Vaya
