InvisibleEye
Bluelighter
Hell yeah. If events did not happen in the mind first, how the hell would we even know that they were happening? And if we didn't know, they simply wouldn't happen...
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H&R Moderators: VerbalTruist
Meth/Amphetamines: Serious Discussion Only - V.2: MERGED with amps quitting thread
- Thread starter panic in paradise
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- Status
Hell yeah. If events did not happen in the mind first, how the hell would we even know that they were happening? And if we didn't know, they simply wouldn't happen...
Legerity
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Jul 29, 2010
- Messages
- 2,965
Good luck with everything mami.
I find the process of thought/belief/action/experience or whatever order they occur in to be interesting. How would one know that thought is the equivalent to action? I'm curious about what is exactly meant by vibration when this word is used, and how would one know that there are vibrations of a certain nature. I am open to it and have held this belief but I do not fully understand what is meant by it. If I think something it does not appear to have the same results in the world around as if I were to act on that thought. Although perhaps thinking about a substance all the time means one is just as dependent on it as if they were to give in to that thought and consume it.
How does one stop thought?
I find the process of thought/belief/action/experience or whatever order they occur in to be interesting. How would one know that thought is the equivalent to action? I'm curious about what is exactly meant by vibration when this word is used, and how would one know that there are vibrations of a certain nature. I am open to it and have held this belief but I do not fully understand what is meant by it. If I think something it does not appear to have the same results in the world around as if I were to act on that thought. Although perhaps thinking about a substance all the time means one is just as dependent on it as if they were to give in to that thought and consume it.
How does one stop thought?
littlepenguin
Bluelighter
unbelievably spot on...brilliant. did you write that?
and a huge ^5 to those in recovery. props to you.
Hey guys. Just wanted to share my little story.
I abused amps for 10 months and nothing got seriously bad until about month 8. I finally quit about 3 weeks ago but I feel like it's left something permanent with me...I am a huge hypochondriac thanks to the many panic attacks I had from abusing amphetamine. Everytime I feel something weird with my body I imediatley start to panic. I worry I'm becoming depressed, I can remember the days where I felt none of these things, I was worry free, I was myself, but now I don't feel like myself I feel like I've been changed permanently.
I can act like my old self but for some reason I just don't feel like it. It's really hard to explain =/ I have so many random negative thoughts even though I have nothing to be sad about, my life is great. I have random moments of anxiety.I still enjoy the same things as before but I question why I like those things which in turns makes me not so interested in them because I don't know why I like them. Ugh I don't know I guess this is better than being addicted to amphetamines but it still sucks...I thought life would go back to normal but it didn't =/
I abused amps for 10 months and nothing got seriously bad until about month 8. I finally quit about 3 weeks ago but I feel like it's left something permanent with me...I am a huge hypochondriac thanks to the many panic attacks I had from abusing amphetamine. Everytime I feel something weird with my body I imediatley start to panic. I worry I'm becoming depressed, I can remember the days where I felt none of these things, I was worry free, I was myself, but now I don't feel like myself I feel like I've been changed permanently.
I can act like my old self but for some reason I just don't feel like it. It's really hard to explain =/ I have so many random negative thoughts even though I have nothing to be sad about, my life is great. I have random moments of anxiety.I still enjoy the same things as before but I question why I like those things which in turns makes me not so interested in them because I don't know why I like them. Ugh I don't know I guess this is better than being addicted to amphetamines but it still sucks...I thought life would go back to normal but it didn't =/
littlepenguin
Bluelighter
Give yourself more time. 3 weeks to be off amph isn't a lot. A fantastic and amazing start, but you still need a little more time to heal. I don't want to give false info here, but I'm pretty sure it can take up to a year for your brain to re-correct it's normal levels of dopamine and such.
I was sober from meth for 8 years, and I'm pretty sure there wasn't one day (since I started back up again) that I didn't think about it. For the first few years, it was all negative thoughts mixed with cravings, and then slowly it turned into a monster, nagging and nagging at me to go get some. It's a tough drug. A mysteriously nasty bastard. But I love that bastard. Arghhhhh
I digress - my point was this: just give yourself more time. You can do it. Be strong. Keep engaging yourself in activities that make you happy and healthy. Surround yourself with positive non-users and each day, the fog will be lifted bit by bit. Really. Good luck.
Ive never done this before but I feel like I need to face reality and get some honest opinions. I first took adderral in high school and it completely changed my life. I went through a lot of shit when I was younger and had to spend the last 3 years of high school living with my alcoholic dad who wasnt the nicest at times if you catch my drift. I was a c average student, I knew I was better but I never gave a fuck at the time until I took that pill before school one day and it was the best day of my life. I was happy, I was motivated, I went from a C to a straight A student that year. I had to buy it from random people and then eventually I was stealing it from my best friend which i continued to do for another 4 years. At that time I was taking whatever stimulant I could every morning but nothing crazy, just enough to last me the day and I was able to sleep without much problem. Then college came and I started staying up for a couple days at a time when I could get my hands on it, I would only speed about 5 days out of the month. I would find a decent supply and I just couldnt help myself and take them all gradually without sleeping. This was 2 years ago and I never once thought about my health or what I was doing or the long term consequencies, When I was speeding I was a completely different person. I know I have some sort of adhd and I finally went to the dr to see what I could do. 2 months ago I was put on 70mg vyvanse, I got such a high dose because I work 7am - 12pm 6pm - 11pm, Im supposed to split them up but we all know that wasnt going to happen. I thought that once I was finally perscribed and never had to worry about where I was going to get it that I would be able to control it. I now pull all nighters atleast 3 days a week and am currently going on a 2 day binge but its not the same as it used to be. I never eat and am so fucking scared im pushing it too far and am going to have a heart attack, I try to remember of what I used to do in the past and I try telling myself that people go much harder than I do but that doesnt make it okay. I just dont want to sleep. I dont want to stop getting shit done. Im now leading my company in sales out of 200 employees. Im the best I have ever been financially and that parts great but I know I cant keep this up. I feel like my chest is always in pain and I feel like I am on the verge of having a heart attack or that something very bad is going to happen. I havent slept in 2 days, Its 8 am and I work at 12 today, cant try sleeping for 4 hours, then I have to work at 7am tomorrow and I know that there is a good chance I wont wake up in time once I crash. I want to stay up one more night but I dont know what I am doing anymore. I look up side effects on amphetamines and its the worse shit you can possibly read. I dont know if its anxiety that is constantly fucking with me or what but I wouldnt have even thought twice in the past about staying up another night. Now Im looking for advice for people like me. I dont know anyone else who does what I do and I just want to know what you guys think and if pulling all nighters is really a big deal or its something we all do. Go easy on me.
Pulling all-nighters(as in a single night up) at medical-ish does really isn't every now and then THAT big of a deal, someone just starting out on amps taking 70-100 mg's in a single night(such as I was) on a regular basis really kind of is a big deal.
FYI: Vitamin c and acidic substances in general will help your body excrete amps, if you ever want to end the binge early and try to get some sleep before something important.
I officially 'quit' 10 days ago, I relapsed once at day 5, so I'm at my second day 5 again and starting to get more cravings again. fuck this noise.
Thanks I'll continue to be strong.
And RR279 be strong man. My cravings decreased greatly after a week. Try to make sure there is no way you can get to the amps.
Still going strong and they seem to be letting up a bit. I think me starting to exercise has helped a bit too(I used to bodybuild a few years ago and love the lifestyle and feeling I get after a workout.)
I really DO need amps for my ADHD so tried I keeping some around for when I needed it but I found out quickly it was an all or none deal so threw the rest of my script in the dumpster behind my condo.
One of my roomates gets Vyvanse he doesn't use, but it having a 2 hour onset combined with the fact I don't like asking him for shit helps with my "I want some speed right fucking now" moments.
rottenapple
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Jan 1, 2012
- Messages
- 7
I have got to quit this shit. I've been on it for about 6 years, the only times I've been clean since then was during pregnancy. I just had a baby, 5 months ago. And honestly thought I was done with it, not only speed but all other drugs too. I wanted to foçus on my family. I missed out on about 3 years of my first baby's life because of meth. But I've matured a lot since then. I learned from that mistake, at least I thought I did.
But I'm well on my way to going right back to the lifestyle that made me so miserable. Actually, I think if it were just me and my kids, it would be easy to stay away. I have no desire for it until its offered to me. But my husband can't seem to let it go. I hate this. 2012 was supposed to be a great year (I lost both my brother and my daughter in 2010). We agreed new years Eve, last time getting high. And we've been pretty much high ever since. I do not want to be that person. I don't wanna be a dope head mom. I want a normal, happy family, and ill be really damn lucky if the mistakes I made in the past don't affect my children.
I feel like its changing the way I feel about my husband. Drugs and addiction make you an ugly person. They make you do ugly things. And I feel different about myself too. Because just a week ago I was telling him how much I hate this and I don't even enjoy the high anymore because I'm so wracked with guilt and paranoid about something bad happening to the baby. I just can't say no. I don't understand why he can't be ready to move on too.
I don't really need any advice I guess. I just need to vent. I thought I was a different person. Its a real blow to my self esteem. I had all these plans for the new year and so far I'm the most unhappy I've been in a long time. I feel like I wouldn't have as much of a problem if my husband would quit too. I'm ready to stop, I'm pretty confident that I'd like abstinence from drugs to be a permenant decision. He says he's not so sure he wants to stop getting high. I can't be around it. I'm not at the point where I can say no if its around. I also don't want him going off behind my back, and getting fucked up. He drives my car, and I'd really prefer it not be seen at known drug houses. We live in a pretty small town.
I suggested we take a break, seperate until he feels like he's ready to stop. He doesn't like that idea. I really want to make this relationship work, but at the same time I can't allow myself to fall back into that kind of life. And it wouldn't be easy to get away from him. He wont just leave if I ask him to. But I feel like if he truly wants the best for his family, he could at the very least just leave us be til he's certain he's ready to quit
But I'm well on my way to going right back to the lifestyle that made me so miserable. Actually, I think if it were just me and my kids, it would be easy to stay away. I have no desire for it until its offered to me. But my husband can't seem to let it go. I hate this. 2012 was supposed to be a great year (I lost both my brother and my daughter in 2010). We agreed new years Eve, last time getting high. And we've been pretty much high ever since. I do not want to be that person. I don't wanna be a dope head mom. I want a normal, happy family, and ill be really damn lucky if the mistakes I made in the past don't affect my children.
I feel like its changing the way I feel about my husband. Drugs and addiction make you an ugly person. They make you do ugly things. And I feel different about myself too. Because just a week ago I was telling him how much I hate this and I don't even enjoy the high anymore because I'm so wracked with guilt and paranoid about something bad happening to the baby. I just can't say no. I don't understand why he can't be ready to move on too.
I don't really need any advice I guess. I just need to vent. I thought I was a different person. Its a real blow to my self esteem. I had all these plans for the new year and so far I'm the most unhappy I've been in a long time. I feel like I wouldn't have as much of a problem if my husband would quit too. I'm ready to stop, I'm pretty confident that I'd like abstinence from drugs to be a permenant decision. He says he's not so sure he wants to stop getting high. I can't be around it. I'm not at the point where I can say no if its around. I also don't want him going off behind my back, and getting fucked up. He drives my car, and I'd really prefer it not be seen at known drug houses. We live in a pretty small town.
I suggested we take a break, seperate until he feels like he's ready to stop. He doesn't like that idea. I really want to make this relationship work, but at the same time I can't allow myself to fall back into that kind of life. And it wouldn't be easy to get away from him. He wont just leave if I ask him to. But I feel like if he truly wants the best for his family, he could at the very least just leave us be til he's certain he's ready to quit
tocooperate
Bluelighter
wow. i read this and started crying cause this is my life story, except that i have no fear of sacrificing my health for success. i dont want to go to sleep because im obsessed by so many fucking interests that i always have some excuse to stave off the inevitable crash. why am i still doing this on work nights?
im also an artist and sometimes i think its a curse because i do bad things to myself and write about it- and that makes me feel good. but lately without the drugs i don't even care to work on my songs.. even though writing them is my justification for the drug use. im lying to myself on so many levels and i cant stop.
Znegative
Bluelight Crew
Hi I'm new to this forum.
I've been clean since about four months ago when I caught a staff infection from shooting cocaine with a very used syringe. I had to stay in the hospital for a month of IV anti biotics, I had to drop out of college, and I once again dissapointed my family, though they continued to be supportive. It was pretty obvious though from the tone of my moms voice, in her visits to the hospital, that if I fucked up again I would be forced to go to a therapeutic community. I know myself that I would probably not do that, leave my home, and stay with whatever friends would have me.
Anyway, I havnt fucked up in the last three months, I'm clean from all drugs except for suboxone and clonazepam, both low dosages which are prescribed to me. In fact, I also just graduated from my outpatient program, (for the first time, I've been kicked out of every single other ones.) My life is bearable, and at some times, I'm pretty content. There are a lot of things I don't miss about addiction, being sick, lying, stealing, ending up in the hospital... But at the same time, I feel absolutely no motivation to do anything. I sit at home and watch episode after episode of whatever tv show is on Netflix, and I just can't seem to get inspired to really do any art. And because of this, I think about stimulants a lot. I never really did meth, but I shot a whole lot of cocaine, dextroamphetamines, and some MDPV binges. I just miss that drive so much. Part of me thinks getting sober is just impossible, and I can't help but think it is only a matter of time until I use again.
I've been clean since about four months ago when I caught a staff infection from shooting cocaine with a very used syringe. I had to stay in the hospital for a month of IV anti biotics, I had to drop out of college, and I once again dissapointed my family, though they continued to be supportive. It was pretty obvious though from the tone of my moms voice, in her visits to the hospital, that if I fucked up again I would be forced to go to a therapeutic community. I know myself that I would probably not do that, leave my home, and stay with whatever friends would have me.
Anyway, I havnt fucked up in the last three months, I'm clean from all drugs except for suboxone and clonazepam, both low dosages which are prescribed to me. In fact, I also just graduated from my outpatient program, (for the first time, I've been kicked out of every single other ones.) My life is bearable, and at some times, I'm pretty content. There are a lot of things I don't miss about addiction, being sick, lying, stealing, ending up in the hospital... But at the same time, I feel absolutely no motivation to do anything. I sit at home and watch episode after episode of whatever tv show is on Netflix, and I just can't seem to get inspired to really do any art. And because of this, I think about stimulants a lot. I never really did meth, but I shot a whole lot of cocaine, dextroamphetamines, and some MDPV binges. I just miss that drive so much. Part of me thinks getting sober is just impossible, and I can't help but think it is only a matter of time until I use again.
mygreenbic
Bluelighter
severe spinal nerve damage
So i have seeering pain in the nerves of my upper spine and was wondering if Adderall can cause damage to worsen or
Pain to increase considering it affects the nerves. I haven't seen a dr about my neck yet all i have to help the pain is gabapentin and
catapres. Someone please help. I just got 60 30mv tabs and i really wanna take them.
I am taking the catapres for sub withdrawal. Ty in advance
Mygreenbic aka @sp0r412
So i have seeering pain in the nerves of my upper spine and was wondering if Adderall can cause damage to worsen or
Pain to increase considering it affects the nerves. I haven't seen a dr about my neck yet all i have to help the pain is gabapentin and
catapres. Someone please help. I just got 60 30mv tabs and i really wanna take them.
I am taking the catapres for sub withdrawal. Ty in advance
Mygreenbic aka @sp0r412
tricomb
Bluelight Crew
sure it feels amazing to do every once in a while, but doing methamphetamine regularly isn't worth the inevitable problems that will ensue. I've seen it all too much, no thankyou.
Since stopping amphetamines in march 2011 I have been waiting for the day my energy will come back. Sad truth it hasn't I still feel like blah.. Just lounging around and never doing muchz I hate his feeling.. Also the panic attacks I now get from abusing them are driving me but.. Wishing I could relapse but that woul be stupid... So I'm writing in here instead. Thanks for listening..
Epsilon Alpha
Bluelighter
Well gabapentin and amphetamine work in practically opposite manners (decreasing and increasing neurotransmitter release respectively) so on paper it might make it worse. However, increased CNS NE is implicated in reducing some forms of nerve pain which may result in less pain.
The safest thing to do would be start small and see what happens. Interesting question but I don't know the answer unfortunately.
Epsilon Alpha
Bluelighter
I'm working on some promising leads for addressing amphetamine induced deficits, so if any of you guys are interested in perhaps trialing some of the cheaper ones please let me know. But, try talking to your doctor about bupropion, Concerta, or modafinil. I'm of the opinion that most stimulant abusers are ADHD individuals attempting to self medicate, which may explain some of the persisting issues this population experiences.
There is hope guys, best of luck
There is hope guys, best of luck
misspharmacyashley
Bluelighter
Do less? Taper down to almost completely stopping? I really don't know the answer with how you want it to be done. Maybe take some vitamins, especially magnesium, eat some food, get some rest, drink a shit-ton of water, all everyday... but in all honesty I think stopping for (at least) a short while (3-7+ days) is the only sure fire way to get it down. Plus, your brain needs a break at some point.
I've learned that there comes a time where your tolerance gets ridiculous and you find yourself wasting drugs and money just to chase your first high down, trying to get back UP when all your body is doing is screaming at you, giving you every sign possible basically trying to 'convince' you to be down for 5 minutes.
Listen to what your body is telling you! Tolerance is a great sign that one needs to pull on the reins a little bit... all the best to you..
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