• Life Advice & Visual Arts Welcome Guest
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    🌌 Share Your Dreams! 🌌
    📸 15 Years of Photo Contests 📸
  • LAVA Moderator: Shinji Ikari

Sexual Harrassment at work

Oats

Oats

Bluelighter
Joined
Sep 25, 2011
Messages
139
Location
California
Ive been at my job for almost a year now, im a hostess/busser. Theres a dish washer at my work who ive always been conserned about. It started off slow, he would give me a hug when he arrived for his shift (i thought nothing of it at first...im not a very touchy person at all so automatically it did bother me but i thought oh well im over reacting). Next thing that bothered me he told me he loved me one day and offered me treates like joints and drinks (which i never accepted and i did ignore these thinking he was just being nice). I work on weekends and he works nights so o never see him. Ive been full time for two weeks now and have been working with him more because of it. A week ago on a monday i went back to the kitchen to get more silverware and i dropped two spoons trying to "catch the spoons" he caressed my thigh. Earlier that morning he picked me ul and hugged me and kissed me on my neck. I slapped him and said dont do that!
I took a weeks vacation and went out of town when i got back i had to return to work. The dishwasher noticed a hickey on my neck and asked if i wanted another one i said no and carried on. Yesterday while doing a to go order he came from behind me in the ktchen and caressed my side and ribs. I twirled around him as to avoid any other bother hed create. I talked to my boss about it and described everything here and her response was "oh yea he does that" ive heard from my co workers that hes done this to other female bussers as well.
What should i do since nothing looks like it will be done at work?
Ive been a victim of sexual harrassment before and i dont want it to happen again.

Any advice helps..thank you for reading :)
 
I've worked in human resources prior to my current job so can give you a bit of advice without knowing too much about your occupation.

You need to be very clear vocally that his behaviour is not acceptable. If you say nothing, you're as good as giving him the green light unfortunately - this wouldn't be true with most people but he clearly has no boundaries.

The next time he touches you or says anything inappropriate, say clearly to him, preferably within earshot of others, something along the lines that you don't appreciate his behaviour and not to continue it. Be respectful, don't get emotional - be clear and concise with him and walk away.

Secondly, try not to be anywhere with him alone.

Nine times out of ten this will humiliate the person enough so that they stop. It doesn't always work and sometimes might even make things worse but you really can't go on the way things are, particularly since the manager isn't helping.
 
Maybe you didnt read the whole post? She said her boss was apathetic to the situation.. OP seek legal council. Fucked up situation.
 
Well if your boss isn't going to do anything you can quit or you can get your b/f, brother, whoever to come in and pay the dishwasher a visit. What kind of restaurant do you work at?
 
From an HR perspective, the advice is usually to try to deal with the person yourself - as adults we should all know or learn to confront people who are difficult - it's awful but there it is, a reality of the workplace today. If that doesn't work, then discuss with your manager, if that doesn't work, take it to HR, then obtain legal advice. I'm not sure if those are available to you or if it's a small operation though.

I really wouldn't go down the road of legal advice before you exhaust other avenues as it makes the workplace very difficult to work in. Hopefully this guy is just clueless about his behaviour, which could be the case since the other workers seem to be giving him positive reinforcement by doing nothing. You speaking up may well work. It doesn't need to be combative, you just need to be clear with him.
 
bagochina said:
Well if your boss isn't going to do anything you can quit or you can get your b/f, brother, whoever to come in and pay the dishwasher a visit. What kind of restaurant do you work at?
Click to expand...

i work in a seafood/american food type resturant.
 
Miss_vanilla said:
From an HR perspective, the advice is usually to try to deal with the person yourself - as adults we should all know or learn to confront people who are difficult - it's awful but there it is, a reality of the workplace today. If that doesn't work, then discuss with your manager, if that doesn't work, take it to HR, then obtain legal advice. I'm not sure if those are available to you or if it's a small operation though.

I really wouldn't go down the road of legal advice before you exhaust other avenues as it makes the workplace very difficult to work in. Hopefully this guy is just clueless about his behaviour, which could be the case since the other workers seem to be giving him positive reinforcement by doing nothing. You speaking up may well work. It doesn't need to be combative, you just need to be clear with him.
Click to expand...

everyone knows what hes doing and none agree with it. infact their almost as enraged as i am...my hiring manager (boss) doesnt like confrontation, the place has been opened for 22 years and shes only fired 2 people, both of which took at least a year or 2 for her to gather the courage to fire someone.
 
also i'd like to add im 17 still, for 2 more weeks so i think its a little more inappropriate that im 17..hes at least 35 and i have a boyfriend.
 
Oats said:
also i'd like to add im 17 still, for 2 more weeks so i think its a little more inappropriate that im 17..hes at least 35 and i have a boyfriend.
Click to expand...

You're right, that makes it so much worse.

Unfortunately there are a lot of managers like yours, most probably, who can't deal with difficult staff (even though that's why we have managers, to deal with conflicts at work ...). Have you tried to set limits with him yourself? If you have, and he continued, then do you have a central HR you can talk to about your options? I hope you can sort this out. If not, another avenue is getting another job but like I said earlier, there are things you can try first.
 
Oats said:
i did, she said "oh yea he does that."
Click to expand...

apologies, i should have been a little more elaborate. every line manager has a boss. go over her head; or if this isnt possible, simply state that you would like to file a report of sexual harassment against said co-worker. its amazing the impact those two words can have on higher management, and how once mentioning them, the behavior can no longer be brushed off casually and is treat with the importance and professionalism you deserve. a stern talking to is generally all it takes to combat the problem. good luck op.

...kytnism...:|
 
my gf has dealt with a creeper in the work place, basically she did as posted above, except there was an HR department and they had a talk with him lol. Basically he just went away for being a weirdo, i'm not sure if they systematically squeezed him out or if they just fired him but it took a few complaints from different people to get him to go away.

Have you tried speaking to the guy and expressing very clearly that you do not want him to go near you or ever touch you again? Really the staff should do something, maybe they aren't taking you seriously but a possible lawsuit should change their opinions, they can't be that apathetic to the situation that money isn't on their minds.
 
he should be fired, immediately. he should have been fired when he did these things to the first girl many moons ago.
its more fucked up that i was on my break, texting and my boss came out and told me i could be fired for bringing a cell phone to work...so sexually harassing a minor is A-Okay but texting is where she draws the line.
 
diarise all instances, make a list of dates, times, exact quotes, precise actions. write it objectively and without emotion (if you can) and then use the escalation process as mentioned by xeno. giving this kind of advice is what i do for a living (but i'm off atm).
 
Oats, in all honesty, I say start looking for a new job. In the meantime, call the police on both your manager and the pervert. Do this every time that an incident happens. If nothing changes, find a lawyer who will accept your case up front, take it to court, and win, easily.
 
i saw him today at work, for some reason he likes to come in when he's not working...kind of awkward he just patted my shoulder idk just awkward.
 
L2R has provided you with some extremely sound advice; pretty much the exact protocol to follow when there are instances of harrassment (of any kind) at work.

In one of my first roles I was sexually harrassed - i just left my position (small family run real estate agency), however there are definite channels to go through. I hope you can work it out without leaving <3
 
L2R said:
diarise all instances, make a list of dates, times, exact quotes, precise actions. write it objectively and without emotion (if you can) and then use the escalation process as mentioned by xeno. giving this kind of advice is what i do for a living (but i'm off atm).
Click to expand...

Absolutely solvent advice. I've worked in employment law (not as a lawyer) and this is what to do. Solid. Samadhi, you're absolutely correct as to what character should be; regrettably, a lot of assholes exist.

To those of you who have worked in HR: awesome <3 It's a pretty thankless job - I cannot talk about my experience in this regard beyond I don't do it and if someone messes with my paycheck, they would be taken to task.

Nobody should be denied a day's pay for a day's work. Nobody should deserve to be dehumanized on the job.

Anyone who did that in my organization would be fired/sacked, with cause.
 
L2R said:
diarise all instances, make a list of dates, times, exact quotes, precise actions. write it objectively and without emotion (if you can) and then use the escalation process as mentioned by xeno. giving this kind of advice is what i do for a living (but i'm off atm).
Click to expand...


^THIS! Very sound advice. I had the same thing happen to me when I was 16. Creepy dude.. I hope you get the matter resolved.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top