Lean over and say "hey baby, this vein train don't wanna go to tuna town no mo! he wanna ride on the waves of poo joooooooooo!!!"
No, really though. You could get anybody to have the buttsaix with these following directions ie: how yours truly got talked into the buttsaix, and now freaking loves it ie: a tale of two poos...ok I'll stop.
Step 1: Man is going down on woman (chowing the box). Man slowly and ever so nicely starts tossing the lady's ensalada. Even if she's goody two shoes susie homemaker, you're a freakin' liar if you tell me that don't feel good. Just keep lickin', even if she is bucking around like a baby bronco, look deep into her eyes and say 'relax baby - just let me do this.' Next thing you know she'll be ass over teakettle on the couch begging you to tongue that leather cheerio.
Phase 2: Well, now that your girl realizes that she's got a sexy butthole that feels nice feelings, not just a slop chopper, here's where you start to slide a finger in, but only after a few sessions of the ensalada tossing occurs. This can be a really slow process, so, be patient. During a good tongue lashing, make sure there's a boatload of spit on your wee finger, or even get out the lube if you feel so inclined, and ever so slowly and gently, slide a little digit in there. Hopefully she responds well, and it is likely that she will if she's letting you bury your face in between her asscheeks on a regular basis now.
Step 3: So she is enjoying the butthole fingering and the salad tossings. Here's where we go to our local sex shop (or order them online) and get a "starters anal plug kit." These kits usually come with 3-4 sizes of butt plugs, starting with a super small sized one, and increasing slightly in size until you get to one that may or may not resemble the size of your vein train. I was very slow with this process. I would let the plugs sit in for hours at a time before I would switch onto the next size. I wanted to make sure that my sphinchter was good and loosened before I jammed something else up there. Not only that, it feels really damn good and kinda sexy to just walk around with a butt plug in with some sexy drawers on, yanno?
Phase 4: I can smell the buttsaix from here. It is almost time for graduation aka: penis in rectum time. So you've gone to the school of butt plugs, and now you're ready to fornicate. Make sure light foods are eaten all day. Make sure she's feeling good and happy. Maybe a nice little sushi dinner with some sake, wine, and cali rolls. Bring home another bottle of wine. Get a little loosened up. Take your clothes off and do the mambo. And then....it's time. Start with lube. Add finger. Remove finger. Add plug. Remove plug. Add penis, slowly. Make sure and ask her if she's allright. Let her be the guide, don't force it in there. Take your time. After a little bit, it should get a little more loose and you can start hittin' it. Next thing you know she'll be yelling "FUCK MY ASS HARDER!!!!!! HARDER, I SAID!!!!" and to think, she said she was never gonna have buttsaix. HA!
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