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The Suicide support thread

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Splatchrome and D2P, you are both in two very different positions - sometimes we really do need our medication, like you D2P, you desperately need it to try to keep your symptoms as bearable as possible and there is no shame in that, that is what the medication is there for! I am just sorry it can't do more for you <3

SplatChrome, I've not spoken to you before I don't think, as I've been on a short break. Welcome to TDS :)

I think it sounds you have the right attitude towards your anxiety - I don't believe benzos are a long term solution at all; they just mask the problem, you develop a tolerance and a dependence, and as you say with GABA modulation they can actually make you feel worse.. so many people think they are the answer, and I can understand why as they do provide instant relief, but I'm really impressed that you are looking beyond that and have taken the step to start seeing a counsellor and tackling things that way. How is it going?

I'm really sorry to hear about your RLS too, and intestinal pain. I think again you have the right attitude - take what you need, but keep it to a minimum. If tramadol isn't cutting it for you, then I think it is reasonable to ask for something stronger, especially as you are cutting amphetamines and benzos out. That is something to be really proud of - you are in control of your medication and you are treating yourself the way you want. Let us know how it all goes <3
 
I find myself drawn to this thread - not for the first time - because it feels like a safe place to admit there's a howl of pain locked in my chest, that simply won't come out. A year ago, a relationship and brief engagement fell apart. Then I did the same. I worked (edited six fucking novels this year, somehow), and superficially kept moving. At times it took modafinil or MPA to get through the days, then benzos to take the edge off. Of course, that landed me squarely in the benzo trap, and I'm now trying to taper. It's not a great deal of fun, and the New Year flashes with the promise of anxiety and consequences of past failure that I'm not sure I can face.

I blew it. Everything. Relationships, career, friendships. That's not true, if I try to look calmly at my life, but I hate the echoes that come with the New Year. Lost what faith I had in myself. Scared of February's approach. Migraines have been constant again, resulting in overuse of tylenol/codeine combinations.

Still...eight months ago I was on the verge of junkie-dom, and I at least pulled back from the strongesr stuff. The craving for it - and the oblivion it offers - right now is almost overwhelming. Thankfully, I cut myself off from all sources.

Anyway, if you read this, thanks for not setting the trash on fire outside my door. I guess we have to take care of ourselves, somehow, and wait till hope returns. May the New Year bring healing and recovery to us all.
 
that is all depression talking dude, you tried a combo of anti d's and therapy? CBT could be a huge help for you, it's helping me. I keep 2 hourly journals of my panic attacks and what triggered them, what I was doing etc to find out when and what makes me the most anxious (aside from my body over producing adrenaline due to gargantuan amounts of pain and my condition)

I have a few self help books and meditation techniques I could recommend?

stay strong, you have all the love and support here.

health, hop and love <3
 
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I've just written a suicide note on the offchance that the urge to kill myself outweighs the urge to stay alive in the near future. For now I am content to carry on living, but I wanted to have written the note just incase the urge overtakes me randomly and I don't get the chance to explain to my loved ones why I did it.

I am not going to kill myself, just felt this was the appropriate thread to post this. I'm happier now that I have written the note, but I'm not ready to die yet. Talking to another suicidal person on the phone earlier helped me a lot too and gave me a few more reasons to live.

Is it strange to have written the note in preparation though? It isn't going to become a self fulfilling prophecy now is it???
 
Mugz, I've just been talking to you on AIM so I won't say much here - but I want to reiterate PLEASE call me (or anyone) if you do get the urge - anytime of day or night, my phone is always on. Or there is always A+E if you don't feel that you are safe...

Writing a note in preparation, even if you don't mean to go through with it, makes me very nervous as you know. Please do go and see a doctor as soon as possible in the new year, and please accept some help, and I know you can't see it now but I absolutely promise you won't feel like this forever. It will pass and things will improve. Much love <3
 
Doomed2pain said:
that is all depression talking dude, you tried a combo of anti d's and therapy? CBT could be a huge help for you, it's helping me. I keep 2 hourly journals of my panic attacks and what triggered them, what I was doing etc to find out when and what makes me the most anxious (aside from my body over producing adrenaline due to gargantuan amounts of pain and my condition)

I have a few self help books and meditation techniques I could recommend?

stay strong, you have all the love and support here.

health, hop and love <3
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CBT: maybe. Anti-depressants: no way. Once I finish this benzo taper, I'm leaving my neurotransmitters to normalise and heal for a good, long stretch. Meditation techniques...drop me a PM if you feel like it. Thanks for your reply.
 
BrokedownPalace said:
Fuck a note, I'm going out when people are least expecting it, hmm, it's about that time now..
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BdP: No it isn't <3

I know what a rough year you've had but please try to hold on for a bit longer. I know it sounds corny but sometimes you really do have to hit rock bottom before things can improve.. you are still young and you have a long life ahead of you, with many opportunities. You just don't know what they are yet, and if you kill yourself you never will..

Feel free to add me on AIM or pm me if you would like to talk <3
 
Thanks Effie, and herbavore. Effie you've always made me feel better when we've talked so feel free to PM me. I've just been having an especially hard time during the holidays for a number of reasons.

And believe me, I know what rock bottom feels like.
 
I wish guns were easy to get because I'd just blow my brains out right now and I wouldn't feel much pain. When I was 17 I so much ambition to become a film director, or at least work in that department. I wanted to make my mum proud of me. I was on a three year course and after 2 1/2 years and just quit everything. I had a job in a pawn shop for four months until I got sacked. I could never follow instructions properly, I got everything wrong. I think I may have social phobia (all though I've never been diagnosed)

The job situation for young people in the UK is horrible but I am not the only one. I've no motivation, no hope. I've had CBT therapy and it did help, for a few months. No friends either. I just sit in all day on this fucking computer. I feel like I'm gonna be one of those sad kids who lives with his mum all is life. (btw I'm 19, nearly 20).
 
Im in the nw too we have no jobs and i am too ill to work any way but i hate this sesspool i live in, bleh
 
BrokedownPalace said:
Thanks Effie, and herbavore. Effie you've always made me feel better when we've talked so feel free to PM me. I've just been having an especially hard time during the holidays for a number of reasons.

And believe me, I know what rock bottom feels like.
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<3 I will do. Sorry it's taken me a while to get back to you, mini-crisis, but I will do as soon as I get a spare minute (and am awake) :) <3
 
i'm feeling mentally well since my change to olanzapine and thorazine last week.

hugs to all you poor souls that are suicidal, I tried 4 times this year and my insane ability to be genetically enabled tohold huge amounts of drugs or anaesthsia. I am in chronic pain 24/7/365. it is nearly full body and gargantuan amounts of pain.I live each day as a new day now, I more day of pain please 1 more day.
ly 25
love to you all, message me if you ever need support or advise. i have ptsd panic disorder with agorphobia and also a severe adjustment disord with anxietynand depression, these physical and mental health problems are for life, i am on
 
^ really pleased to hear that D2P! I still owe you a pm, really sorry, been so busy :( but I am so pleased to hear you are feeling better :D <3
 
^ every day


I don't doubt lots of people have strong homicidal thoughts, they need to be controlled just as much, if not more than suicidal thoughts.
 
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