Women and Badboys

[Fawkes]

i'm confused by what you mean by "bad boys"? what are some common attributes of "bad boys" in the sense you're meaning?

maybe bad boys for some women have an initial appeal, but i sometimes wonder if it's because those women think they can be the woman to right his wrong ways. either way, i don't see how someone who gets into trouble or is aggressive is someone i'd want to spend any time with long-term. maybe his trouble-making is HIS problem now, but stay with him long enough and it'll be your problem, too. not to mention the drama in all of that sounds entirely too exhausting at this point in my life.

i'm with GM on this in that self-respecting women know they're worthy of something more than what a "bad boy" can offer.

 

[axl blaze]

I used to be a bad boy, I guess it goes with the whole band thing, and I just wouldn't go there as a lady

my track record for treating women decently, let's say, didn't get the good way it is now until say after I was 21 or so

if you want to get a dose of bad boy why don't you just go watch Twilight or somethin'? there are reasons young dudes act out against everything and that can of worms just leads to more and more worms

 

[Ninae]

i'm confused by what you mean by "bad boys"? what are some common attributes of "bad boys" in the sense you're meaning?

- Misbehaviour
- Aggressiveness
- Antisociality

Or some of it. They are not just one way. They can be both kind and mean. Usually the ones I go for seem really sweet to begin with and only reveal themselves over time. It just seems like if they also have that side to their nature I will like them more than if they don't.

either way, i don't see how someone who gets into trouble or is aggressive is someone i'd want to spend any time with long-term.

Well, if you're not a woman you wouldn't, because women are made to look for very different things in men than men do in women.

i'm with GM on this in that self-respecting women know they're worthy of something more than what a "bad boy" can offer.

LOL. I wish things were that simple. Seems to me that if a guy treats ME well and has a sweet side I can be willing to put up with just about anything.

 

[GenericMind]

The point where a guy can get away with anything as long as he acts sweet sometimes is the point of no return imo. I've seen guys manipulate, use, and plunder a chick's life while she continued to think everyone misunderstood him and he was a teddy bear deep down.

Not saying that applies to you or any guy you know. That's just what I think of when I hear "Bad Boys".

 

[verso]

Chh like I even care! I'm blowing this thread off to lean against the wall of a corner store and smoke.

I hope you've got your deep-v and leather jacket on there, killer!

 

[badandwicked]

The point where a guy can get away with anything as long as he acts sweet sometimes is the point of no return imo. I've seen guys manipulate, use, and plunder a chick's life while she continued to think everyone misunderstood him and he was a teddy bear deep down.

Not saying that applies to you or any guy you know. That's just what I think of when I hear "Bad Boys".

You're very wise GM, or a good observer of people, or both.

 

[trooper7]

I dont understand the whole bad boy appeal. Like when a girl says "I only like guys with tatoos" or someshit like that I immediately lose a large amount of respect for them. It seems like such a dumb way to go about picking someone for a relationship.

This is probably because im pretty much the exact opposite of a "bad boy".

It's visceral. The stereotypical 'bad boy' qualities are good indicators of 'masculine' attributes like courage (even if it might be the wrong kind) independence, strength, leadership, and risk-taking.
The only problem is that most bad boys are assholes to ~everyone~. The best kind of bad boy is a bad boy who treats his mom and his woman the same way a 'nice guy' would. There are very few of those.lol.

 

[verso]

^ I've always hated that, the mother test. "And girl, you know he treats his mother right!"

I love women and I believe that I do have a profound respect for women, but I straight-up hate my mother, hate her.

 

[Ninae]

It's visceral. The stereotypical 'bad boy' qualities are good indicators of 'masculine' attributes like courage (even if it might be the wrong kind) independence, strength, leadership, and risk-taking.

Yep, you nailed it. I know many guys don't like to hear this, but guys like that tend to be more masculine and socially powerful (or more dominant, socially intelligent, and able to take charge), and I feel this must be the underlying value as you wouldn't be so atttracted to something for no reason. They just push the natural female attraction mechanisms much harder and if you're not indimidated by them you can enjoy it.

It's a different situation for men as they look for a good mother (caretaker) in a woman. While women look for a good father for their children (protector). So I don't really expect them to understand any of it unless they happen to be like that themselves.

 

[trooper7]

@verso-
lol, yeah there are some exceptions to the rule and some cuntish moms out there. I'm sorry if you have one. Maybe she and my mom can go get coffee together?

 

[Fawkes]

Well, if you're not a woman you wouldn't, because women are made to look for very different things in men than men do in women.

well, i *am* a woman and my view still stands. maybe i'm older than you or maybe you enjoy drama or maybe we're just at different points in our lives, but desiring the attributes you mentioned over things like emotional stability, mutual respect and maturity sounds pretty boring.

put it this way - my mom married a "bad boy" who treated her right and he left her, 8 months pregnant, and a 7-year old to spend 5 years in the clink.

Seems to me that if a guy treats ME well and has a sweet side I can be willing to put up with just about anything.

i'm sorry. good luck with that.

 

[eukaryote]

I grew a taste for 'bad boys' after spending so much time with 'good' boys.

I come from a fairly affluent family. I was raised around around overly polite, wealthy professional people. I went to a very good school. I work in an 'elite' profession. But my God, they are all boring, pasty, flakes! I was generally single until recently.

Then I met a pretty cool bad boy while deployed on a humanitarian operation. Sure he can be crude, and aggressive. At least he is interesting and has great stories to tell!

I like the bad boy for the excitement and sheer fun I have with him. Maybe this is why women like bad boys? It is why I like them. Before you call me immature, I am in my 30's.

However, I would never tolerate being mistreated or abused. I just like someone who lives fast, and is not afraid to be bold and do things his way.

 

[verso]

I grew a taste for 'bad boys' after spending so much time with 'good' boys.

I come from a fairly affluent family. I was raised around around overly polite, wealthy professional people. I went to a very good school. I work in an 'elite' profession. But my God, they are all boring, pasty, flakes! I was generally single until recently.

Then I met a pretty cool bad boy while deployed on a humanitarian operation. Sure he can be crude, and aggressive. At least he is interesting and has great stories to tell!

I like the bad boy for the excitement and sheer fun I have with him. Maybe this is why women like bad boys? It is why I like them. Before you call me immature, I am in my 30's.

However, I would never tolerate being mistreated or abused. I just like someone who lives fast, and is not afraid to be bold and do things his way.

Yeah, that's right! You're a doctor's daughter, aren't you? And you're going away to college in the fall but not before spending one last summer outing with your family and other overly-polite, wealthy professional people. Am I right?

You're gonna find a real bad boy, a real talented but edgy dancer, and they're gonna want you two to dance proper but you're just not gonna listen, are you? Yeah... that's the good stuff, right there.

 

[eukaryote]

Verso. I am a grow up. My mother is a Physician. I am not exactly heading off to school. I followed my mother into her profession. I am done my residency however.

I met my 'bad boy'- a member of this site- rangrz- Because I joined the service as a reserve M.O. I am not sure why you joined to such asinine conclusions about who am I as a person based off a few words I posted.

As I said, I am not looking for someone who abuses me. I do though, like someone confidant, playful and who is exciting.

Perhaps I am using 'bad boy' differently?

 

[CoffeeDrinker]

I grew a taste for 'bad boys' after spending so much time with 'good' boys.

I come from a fairly affluent family. I was raised around around overly polite, wealthy professional people. I went to a very good school. I work in an 'elite' profession. But my God, they are all boring, pasty, flakes! I was generally single until recently.

Then I met a pretty cool bad boy while deployed on a humanitarian operation. Sure he can be crude, and aggressive. At least he is interesting and has great stories to tell!

I like the bad boy for the excitement and sheer fun I have with him. Maybe this is why women like bad boys? It is why I like them. Before you call me immature, I am in my 30's.

However, I would never tolerate being mistreated or abused. I just like someone who lives fast, and is not afraid to be bold and do things his way.

Inbred, WASPy, milqetoasts are hardly the measure of what a "good boy" has to offer. A lot of people are nice for reasons more than they are just too pussy to be mean.

 

[eukaryote]

^

Indeed, unwarranted cruelty and stupidity are huge turn offs. I may be using the term 'bad' in a manner that reflects the general disdain the WASPS I grew up with have for the people I prefer. Because they are not really bad people.

 

[CoffeeDrinker]

I guess I was defending the good for idealistic reasons, but it's really far more than just black and white, as I'm sure most people in this thread are aware, though the OP seems to think anyone being nice to her while they go off and ruin everyone else's shit is the most attractive type of guy imaginable, there are all sorts of shades of grey. If they guy you're talking about was at a humanitarian event, that doesn't sound so bad to me.

I think I can come off as abrasive and cold at first, but I do nice things for people, but I wouldn't consider myself a good guy or a bad guy because I have tendencies that go both ways. I certainly can be a hot head or a turtle withdrawing into my shell depending on the circumstances...My sister thinks I'm mean, but I get annoyed easily I suppose, and my annoyance plays out differently at different times.

Really it seems to be simple assertiveness of your core personality, if you do that in light of what's "socially expected" of you, you'll probably always seem more interesting than the guy who does and says all the right things and always taking the high road. Who knows....

 

[wetwolves]

I think when you say "badboy" your just talkin about an all around G more so then a mere trouble maker. A man who is considered a G comes in all shapes , sizes, and colors. A man who is a G could be a thug, basketball ball player, stock brocker shit anything really hes about his buisness, not nessesarily getting in trouble. Now here is what seperates him from the "good boys." A real G is comfortable in himself 100% hes not insecure.This reflects in his disposition. He oozes confidence and you ladies can hear it in his voice, see it in his eyes, and see it in his walk. This is what a attracts you to him. When it comes to confrontation lets just say he handles his buisness. You feel safe when your with him and you also know that a lot of females envy you. Thats just what it is yall a lot of these young cats think being a G is all about causing mindless trouble just to look bad ass in front of people. They just insecure in my eyes. A "badboy" or better said as a G is just a dood who has the fearless confident livewire SWAGGER to him that instantly makes females take notice of his power. And that power stems from being totally confident with onesself and confident in handling people and situations. Yadi I Mean?

 

[jazz hands]

^ OP specifically said she was talking about guys with a flawed social presence, not super smooth guys.

 

[Ninae]

I think when you say "badboy" your just talkin about an all around G more so then a mere trouble maker. A man who is considered a G comes in all shapes , sizes, and colors. A man who is a G could be a thug, basketball ball player, stock brocker shit anything really hes about his buisness, not nessesarily getting in trouble. Now here is what seperates him from the "good boys." A real G is comfortable in himself 100% hes not insecure.This reflects in his disposition. He oozes confidence and you ladies can hear it in his voice, see it in his eyes, and see it in his walk. This is what a attracts you to him. When it comes to confrontation lets just say he handles his buisness. You feel safe when your with him and you also know that a lot of females envy you. Thats just what it is yall a lot of these young cats think being a G is all about causing mindless trouble just to look bad ass in front of people. They just insecure in my eyes. A "badboy" or better said as a G is just a dood who has the fearless confident livewire SWAGGER to him that instantly makes females take notice of his power. And that power stems from being totally confident with onesself and confident in handling people and situations. Yadi I Mean?

All what you said is generally associated with the badboy persona, or at least my idea of it, and can give people some idea of the VALUE they have to give and not just the disadvantages.

Also, if you make the decision that all girls who are attracted to guys like that are low self esteem, etc. realise this is also a way of protecting your ego (we all do it). It's a lot easier to believe that those guys and the girls who go with them are all worthless and have horrible relationships, because that way you don't have to feel you're missing out on anything. But it's not really so straightforward, badboys come in all variations, and not all end up in jail or treat women like crap.

I think it would be more right to see it like they have something different to offer, just like a good guy has something to offer that a badboy could never touch. I'm just able to appreciate both as a woman for what they have to give. However, I know it's very hard for them to understand each other because their approach is so different.