Hey guys,first time poster long time lurker.
First of all,i wanted to thank you all for sharing your experiences and tips on how overcome this nightmare.
Anyway,here's my story:
*22,male, always been the life of the party, super friendly, talkative, the bubble of positive energy and super confident*
It all started on Oct 2016 at a party when i took my first pill.
The night went amazing and i fell in love with it.
I became taking pills almost every weekend.
The comedowns were not that harsh,usually lasting 2 days then everything was back to normal.
I became even more confident and i could connect with almost everybody. Had a full time job which was a lil stressing so that was my sweet escape.
80% of the time i didn't mix it with booze,only water to keep me hydrated,but started mixing with weed.
Fast forward till May when i had 5 days off from work and since there was a 3-days party i popped like 4 pills,along with a lot of booze before,smoking weed and took 1 line of speed.
The comedown this time lasted a little longer,around 4 days then i was back to normal.
Then the summer came.
I was always out partying then working and missing some sleep.
The job didn’t satisfied me anymore so in mid June i quitted.
Then in July this big festival came and i was reckless.
Only slept ~12Hrs in 3 days and took around 5 pills and a line of coke. After the festival ended i came back still trippin to a friend's house and ended up snorting 2 big lines of ket and slept after 32Hrs.
Then the comedown lasted longer. I was more and more tired and spent most of my days sleeping.
Little did i know that was the depression crawling.
At the end of July there were 2 big parties and i ended up there popping pills.
After the last one, when i arrived home still tripping i saw myself in the mirror and i was shocked.
I could barely recognise myself,i lost about 4 kg( i was always a skinny boy,never had more than 52 and less than 49 but this time i had 45) and i decided to stop.
So a little recap:
As far as i can remember i took ~35 pills,1 line of coke,1 line of speed, 2 lines of ket along with a lot of alcohol and weed.
Then in August all hell broke.
Depression, Insomnia, DP/DR, Anxiety, Panic attacks and almost everything except HPPD.
So i spoke with some friends who had been using for way more longer than me and they said they are all just fine and i just need to relax, “it’s all in your head”. I thought i was going insane.
The pain was too real so i used Dr Google. Bad mistake. I found out that i had done irreversible brain damage and drained out all of my serotonin,you know the stories. My heart was going crazy and then i started going to doctors.
After multiple tests everything was normal.
Even some doctors were shocked that at 45 kg and 173 cm i am a healthy patient.
Then they send me to a psych on 22 August.
I’ve done some research on AD’s and since i had nothing to lose i came clean and he put me on Mirtazapine 15mg.
After a long time i slept for 13H like a baby. But when i woke up everything was worse than before. I became suicidal. I literally just prayed to die in my sleep. I had 3 friends who were by my side all this time,supporting me and i just felt dead inside. No emotions,nothing.
Then a miracle happened and i found you guys.
And you gave me hope.
So by the end of September i switched to another psych and she added Citalopram 10mg, Alprazolam 0.5 mg along with vitamins and minerals( vit B1, B6 and B12, Calcium, Magnesium, Zinc, Iron and Folic Acid).
First week was hell all over again,then in the second week my emotions were back and most of the symptoms disappeared.
I kept reading your stories and i felt motivated.
Then the Mirt kinda stopped working and i’m slowly getting off of it.
Since the LTC started i stayed clean from caffeine/weed/booze.
I could say that i’m 50% “cured”.
Symptoms that i still have?
Brain fog,muscle twitching,trouble concentrating, short term memory issues, back pain, sometimes numbness in my arms/legs.
Where i am now?
Going out, socialising, taking long walks, avoiding demanding/stressful situations atm, reading past threads( not trying to find a quick cure,but keeping up with the stories, learning new things, getting excited about your ups, feeling bad about your downs),making plans for the future, laughing this thing off, warning/comforting others who are still experiencing some LTC symptoms, rediscovering my old/new self, taking baby steps, not pushing myself too hard, meditating, focusing on the bright side of events and the list can go on.(i’ve probably already bored you,told ya i was talkative haha)
Words cannot express how much i thank you for existing, trying as best as you can and keeping the hope alive.
I think everybody who is struggling with this hell right now should read @Cotcha’s posts from previous threads and the “old gang” as they made me realise i haven’t fucked up that bad and maybe most of it all in my head.
For me it’s working with meds(guess i wasn’t that tough to do it the natural way haha).
If anyone wants to chat or having a rough moment and just want to vent it off at someone,don’t be shy and pm me :D.
Lots of love and positive vibes.
Keep going and don’t let the mind trick you that you aren’t strong enough to overcome this. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.
P.S: Thanks for reading my long ass essay.
Cheers.