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MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 5)

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From my experience, recovery has only come about from hard work and committing myself to change. In many ways my life is so much better now than before the drug use. I am more true to myself, kinder to others and more appreciative of life but you have to work to get there. I spent about 6 months replaying the events that I believed caused this, I also referred to that event as that 'fateful weekend' but as time goes on I realised I was looking at my past self with rose tinted glasses and believed I was so happy and full of life when to be honest something must have been wrong for me to be choosing to take drugs and get pissed every weekend. For ages it felt like a grenade had gone off in my head and the world around me felt like a picture that I could interact with but it has passed in time. Just got to do things for yourself that you did not before. I highly recommend therapy to help you through this and to gain new techniques which will improve mental health and also the correct application of medication if it is deemed necessary and you are wrestling with thoughts of suicide. I never thought I would write a stupid comment like this saying it can get better and I used to hate reading comments from people who had got better because it pissed me off that I was destroyed and had thrown everything away but it will get better. Believing that you have brain damage is a very common conclusion drawn by people who are experiencing DP and DR and it really is terrifying but you can get through it. I could go on about this subject for so long but I feel I am waffling so hang in there, get into a routine and focus on the basics. Don't blame yourself or beat yourself up because who really ever sees a mental breakdown coming? This shit creeps up on you and can be triggered by so much but you will get better and be stronger for it because once you have experienced this, smaller life struggles are nothing in comparison.
 
I have a feeling people's HPA axes may be weak even before the MDMA insult for various reasons

For me I have very low cholesterol so that makes me extremely prone to low testosterone and cortisol and other steroids.
 
shouldvestayedhome said:
I am going on vacation with my girlfriend for my birthday. I honestly wish I could say that I am excited. This what I wanted out of life. Having someone to travel the world with that cares for me. But my foolish mistakes have set me back and I fear that I will never get to that point again.

However, grim as it sounds I am getting used to this "New" me. I am may not be as quick witted or have the memory of an elephant. But I am a still a capable human being.

I may not like my current state. But my girlfriend does and thats good enough for me. I hope everyone is well and if you recover don't forget what this period of time felt like so you won't repeat the same mistakes. Also, tell other of the affects of after effects.
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It's too bad most people dont want to hear about the after effect we've all experienced. More often than not people tell me oh I clearly got dirty pills, and thier precious mdma could never cause such horrible symptoms. Its sad but people really only believe what they want to believe.
 
If i search on google HPPD stories i read almost everywhere that this is permanent shit,
I read only a few recovery stories, how much chance do i have recovering from the halos starburst fatigue and tinnitus do you guys think?
Pretty much nothing became better the previous 9 months. only the head pressure and emotional numbness is gone, also the halos around light sources decreased a little and have now a much more visible rainbow ring around them :(

I know i have to ignore the symtoms but i just keep looking for confirmation online if this things can go away
 
imscrewed said:
If i search on google HPPD stories i read almost everywhere that this is permanent shit,
I read only a few recovery stories, how much chance do i have recovering from the halos starburst fatigue and tinnitus do you guys think?
Pretty much nothing became better the previous 9 months. only the head pressure and emotional numbness is gone, also the halos around light sources decreased a little and have now a much more visible rainbow ring around them :(

I know i have to ignore the symtoms but i just keep looking for confirmation online if this things can go away
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At least You have your emotions back. Without emotions are you even human anymore? You just a mindless robot existing not living.
 
Nambo said:
At least You have your emotions back. Without emotions are you even human anymore? You just a mindless robot existing not living.
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Since you have had this for so long have you ever considered treatments like ECT or DBS (deep brain stimulation)?
 
shouldvestayedhome said:
@Socrilus I was researching something simliar. TMS(Transcrainal Magnetic Stimulation).
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TMS is probably a level below ECT or DBS.

There is also Ketamine infusions which seem to be getting popular this year. I actually tried them and felt amazing on the days I did it. The downside was anxiety+derealization though. For the very suicidally depressed/anhedonic though anxiety/derealization could be tolerable. I sure as hell would take anxiety or derealization over anhedonia...

I just probably wasnt as "depressed" as I thought when I did it. It was "low mood low motivation anxiety OCD" syndrome more so for the vast majority of my LTC. Thats probably why hormones corrected it.
 
imscrewed said:
If i search on google HPPD stories i read almost everywhere that this is permanent shit,
I read only a few recovery stories, how much chance do i have recovering from the halos starburst fatigue and tinnitus do you guys think?
Pretty much nothing became better the previous 9 months. only the head pressure and emotional numbness is gone, also the halos around light sources decreased a little and have now a much more visible rainbow ring around them :(

I know i have to ignore the symtoms but i just keep looking for confirmation online if this things can go away
Click to expand...
I have had Tinnitus since June 7 2016 during my OD...same thing with lots of floaters and minor VD, very very mild afterimages. Nothing had relaxed since that time except my sleep is way better
 
How much MDMA and/or mg x pills have you taken?

And by saying your sleep is better do you mean you are less fatigued and look more rested?
At least that will be great! my biggest irritation right now is looking terrible fatigued and having tinnitus,
 
Checking in here again with some good news.

I would really, really like to recommend Wellbutrin or a similar dopaminergic antidepressant for you who are suffering from heavy DP/DR, brainfog, anhedonia etc. Please ask your doctor about this.

My cognitive functioning has bounced back from what felt like 10 % to about 80-90 % of the state it was before the LTC. I no longer feel distressed and anxious about my situation, but instead calmness, acceptance and an overall better functioning. Went from total insomnia to being able to sleep almost like before.

I'm combining Wellbutrin with therapy and supplements like zink, selenium and vitamine D3. What I still have left to work on is emotional numbness, low testosterone and slightly blurred vision. Will get an appointment to an eye specialist soon, I'll get back to you about how it went.

Take care guys and do not distress, take the necessary steps in the right direction, calm down and let time, friends and family be part of your healing process.

Peace
 
Hi, sorry I am new to this site.

I have been in a LTC for about 4.5 weeks, and I just was curious if anybody's head pressure went away? I suffered from MAJOR anxiety, depression, DP/DR in the first weeks, but a lot of that is beginning to subside. Im left with a slight head pressure/temple headaches/pain behind one eye? How long did it take to go away? Been exercising daily. Thanks all.

xoxo
 
Hi,
At my comedown, headaches took the longest to disappear and that was also the last symptom i experienced til month 10. It started to go away step by step at month 8. Since ever then, 3 years, i had no headaches at all. Chill ;)
 
Hey all,


My symptoms began the morning after licking a fingertip or two of MDMA powder/crystals + alcohol one night in August (had not done anything besides alcohol/weed in the past). Friends did a lot more of this same stuff and are fine. We tested it after the fact and it came back positive for MDxx and negative for Piperazines. Guess there still could have been other substances in the stuff, but who knows really. I'm not sure I even did enough of the stuff to have an effect, or I just didn't feel it because I had been drinking. Anyway...


Symptoms:
-dp/dr: best i can explain it is that my brain feels of out of sync with my body 24/7 (when my body moves for example, i feel kind of numb/high/not in control of what i am doing, and my body feels somewhat removed from what is going on around me)
-lightheaded/woozy/agitated feeling
-pressure in head and neck, occasional pounding headache in whole head
-brain fog/can't concentrate/memory issues/feel empty headed
-insomnia
-tinnitus, also pulsatile tinnitus at times
-worsening floaters, sometimes hard to focus when looking at things (doctor noticed nystagmus when i first went in August)
-tremors/muscle fatigue/fasciculations all over body
-stomach issues
-occasional palpitations
-sweaty hands/feet


Symptoms have been steady over the past 3.5 months, even after exercising consistently and abstaining from everything including alcohol. Felt bad to the point that I deferred grad school in August, don't feel great driving, etc. Doctors haven't found anything "wrong" and don't really have any suggestions besides wait it out. I was encouraged to try citalopram again last week given how bad I've felt (tried a few pills originally in August, but it made me feel even more agitated, sweaty, sick to stomach, etc., so I stopped).


I felt some real improvement with the dp/dr and tremors/muscle stuff this past weekend for the first time for whatever reason (even after feeling horrible the rest of the week, up to and including Thanksgiving), and so I didn't start up the SSRI. Even had couple drinks with friends for the first time since this happened. But since Monday the head pressure/ringing and muscle stuff has returned as it was before.


I don't seem to tolerate drugs that mess with brain chemistry too well, but I wondered if any drugs might be helpful given my symptoms. Would also be grateful to hear from anyone who has a similar story or has gotten over a similar constellation of symptoms. I've read mixed reviews about SSRIs, SNRIs, etc., from these threads. I've also been on low dose klonopin since August (<.5mg daily). Plan to wean down once I feel stable for a while. Otherwise I'm just trying to get good sleep, eat, exercise, and stay distracted/busy.


Cheers
 
^
Well that's an example of a strong person who is not whining like us when we had our symptoms.

You're doing everything the right way. Don't obsess yourself with the symptoms and give yourself time. For whatever reason most of these LTC takes a while before they're gone.

The only thing I can suggest extra is to try to bring more positive emotions, even if it's super hard. That was the best second thing for me after realizing that anxiety is the biggest villain.
 
Groberg, thanks for input. The head thing is so annoying. It feels like my head is full of sand 24/7 and then the headaches come on. Glad to know it (hopefully) will go away.

Anon— I have/had every symptom you’re describing. still dealing with a lot of it too. Feel free to drop me a PM if you ever need to talk. I know it sucks going thru it (especially around the holidays. Can’t even enjoy myself really) and nobody understands. But we will for sure get back to 100% eventually.

Peace :)
 
Hi Anon,

Good for you, that you have taken mdma only once. When i was talking to a general doctor and a psychiatrist, with a similar story to yours, they were actually strictly against SSRIs. Just to let you know. I personally would be careful with that. The same with alcohol. I wasnt drinking until my long term side effects completely subsided and even longer, totally not regret it. I still had my fun when i was going out with friends.
You are on the right path.
 
I think my executive functions are getting worse. I have been clean from drugs(except for coffee) for the 5 months. I am going to a rehabilitation program for Alcohol( i know alcohol is not the problem) it's the only way I can get help.

My story is complicated but please people who are considering doing drugs. Please consider the risks of your actions. These drugs are not regulated at all. The people who produce and sell them only care about money. Not your personal well being.
 
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