MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 5)

[Nambo]

Brain damage can occur. I think it is relatively rare and only occurs under the 'wrong' circumstances. Namely very high doses ( even if a one off), dehydrated, and dependant on the individuals specific neurochemical / hormonal make up. Make no mistake this is not a benig substance although yes millions use it without apparent issue. Let's not forget that there are also those that regularly die from it although they fall into brackets of hypothermia or brain edema. For some bizarre reason people on this board think there are only two camps. Those who die and those who 'just' have an LTC (which route clause is anxiety) and will pass with time. What about those who have brain edemas and dont die for instance? Well for those it's brain damage which may or may not improve with time depending on the severity. That said in my experience 95% of the 'LTC' on this board seem to resolve themselves with in 2 years as a maximum. Anything longer than this looks permanent.

 

[ZeroLuck]

imscrewed,

Just visual snow from HPPD.

@Nambo,

Well, I'm not quite sure. I don't have a single symptom from brain edema, but my LTC was 9-10 months?

 

[sick_guy]

sick_guy what was your dose?

About 300mg, 3,4 mg/kg.

If brain damage from MDMA was so obvious, there would be very well documented cases out there. It's popular drug and millions take it, so... why only few get it?

I think genetic predisposition, as I mentioned before.

Humans with genetic predisposition for the slow metabolism of MDMA, the so-called "poor metabolizers" of debrisoquin are at higher risk. Five- 9% of the Caucasian population is considered to carry this phenotype.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/20962361

 

[Cotcha Yankinov]

That said in my experience 95% of the 'LTC' on this board seem to resolve themselves with in 2 years as a maximum. Anything longer than this looks permanent.

I disagree. The vast majority of my recovery for instance occurred more than a couple years after the initial drug taking, coming up on 7 years here and still seeing improvements in my mental health slowly and steadily. But for some people it may not be without effort towards things like mindfulness and genuine change in personality/outlook/mindset, especially for people who have had a strong inner-monologue for most of their lives.

Many conditions, for example depersonalization, can be chronic conditions. That does not however mean that they are permanent.

 

[Cotcha Yankinov]

@ZeroLuck, @socrilus

really, I don't think so. There are evidences that MDMA can damage brain, even after one dose. I don't think that some kind of chemical imbalance can lead to months or years of suffering. I think there is some damage, and then slow recovery from it.

https://www.drugabuse.gov/publicati...sy/section-iii/3-long-term-effects-in-monkeys

However, there are other drugs which can cause chronic mental health issues of the same nature which don't have the potential to be neurotoxic (e.g. psychedelics), so I don't think neurotoxicity is a good explanation for e.g. depersonalization/depression/HPPD symptoms (which people also develop without having ever touched drugs).

 

[socrilus]

Anything wrong with a strong inner monologue?

I mean on the LTC treatment im currently on I get a pretty strong inner monologue and obsessive thoughts (most frequently earworm songs stuck in my head). Thats probably the only symptom that has not resolved. Sometimes I get a 'burnt out' ish feeling from pregnenolone where I need to take a nap badly.

But in general these residual symptoms dont bother me cause my personality is back.

The funny thing I realized is my personality was never truly gone in the LTC.....but the imbalances gave that perception.

Im back to my calm and composed self when it comes to external stressors.

 

[NewLove]

There is a machine intended to help those suffering from depression which works by boosting serotonin production. I posted a link earlier but it was flagged as spam. I just find it intriguing, possibly we can use it with or in place of supplements such as 5-htp.

It is a "depression treatment" machine made by Fisher-Wallace labs. I'm not affilated with it or them.

 

[Cotcha Yankinov]

Anything wrong with a strong inner monologue?

I mean on the LTC treatment im currently on I get a pretty strong inner monologue and obsessive thoughts (most frequently earworm songs stuck in my head). Thats probably the only symptom that has not resolved. Sometimes I get a 'burnt out' ish feeling from pregnenolone where I need to take a nap badly.

But in general these residual symptoms dont bother me cause my personality is back.

The funny thing I realized is my personality was never truly gone in the LTC.....but the imbalances gave that perception.

Im back to my calm and composed self when it comes to external stressors.

It could be important to separate the acute effects of having an inner monologue from the chronic effects that a strong inner monologue may have on neurobiology. There may also be different ways to have an inner-monologue, sometimes a more passive voice in the head, other times, some people really think that they are the voice in their head.

RE: acute and chronic effects, think of acute corticosteroid administration vs. chronic corticosteroid administration

 

[Tranced]

There is a machine intended to help those suffering from depression which works by boosting serotonin production. I posted a link earlier but it was flagged as spam. I just find it intriguing, possibly we can use it with or in place of supplements such as 5-htp.

It is a "depression treatment" machine made by Fisher-Wallace labs. I'm not affilated with it or them.

In fairness, I just checked and that post did appear very spammy, whether it was intended that way or not.

This "depression machine" stimulates serotonin production

*link to page where you can buy $600 anti-depression device*

Also, you posted it in the "six simple rules to MDMA thread", which would be completely the wrong thread, and didn't say much about it to generate discussion. Regardless, we need to be cautious about allowing links to products such as this.

Hopefully that clears things up.

 

[socrilus]

It could be important to separate the acute effects of having an inner monologue from the chronic effects that a strong inner monologue may have on neurobiology. There may also be different ways to have an inner-monologue, sometimes a more passive voice in the head, other times, some people really think that they are the voice in their head.

RE: acute and chronic effects, think of acute corticosteroid administration vs. chronic corticosteroid administration

I think the issue is just that inner monologue tends to backfire in negative mental states.

If in a positive or neutral mental state then your inner monologue will tend to reflect that. Feelings also cause thoughts that is something I very much strongly noticed.


Btw, its not that common of a reported symptom here but there is also the whole "blank mind" thing some LTC sufferers or just people who are emotionally numb have. In that the inner monologue is suppressed. People seem to be very distressed about it.

 

[Berendje]

Blank mind exactly describes my situation. Also that’s what started my anxiousness when my mind/head was still empty or full of brain fog after 3 months. Now 11 months later didn’t make any progression. Really hoping I get out this shit someday. Already quit my uni for this..

 

[Cotcha Yankinov]

I think the issue is just that inner monologue tends to backfire in negative mental states.

If in a positive or neutral mental state then your inner monologue will tend to reflect that. Feelings also cause thoughts that is something I very much strongly noticed.

Btw, its not that common of a reported symptom here but there is also the whole "blank mind" thing some LTC sufferers or just people who are emotionally numb have. In that the inner monologue is suppressed. People seem to be very distressed about it.

Even if the inner monologue is positive, it could still be kicking in/strengthening circuits that may not be good for mental health in the long term

You're right to mention the "blank minded" people, I'm not quite sure if people have much of an inner monologue left in this state (I still had a self-referential headspace with self-referential thoughts when I had blank mind).

I guess for me it was like when somebody said something to me my brain wouldn't produce any thoughts, not that I wasn't having any thoughts at all 24/7. It may certainly be different for other people though.

If people are distressed by their inner monologue disappearing then that is interesting, as that seems to point to them having a history of identifying with their self-referential thoughts (or else why would they be so distressed?).

 

[shouldvestayedhome]

I am going on vacation with my girlfriend for my birthday. I honestly wish I could say that I am excited. This what I wanted out of life. Having someone to travel the world with that cares for me. But my foolish mistakes have set me back and I fear that I will never get to that point again.

However, grim as it sounds I am getting used to this "New" me. I am may not be as quick witted or have the memory of an elephant. But I am a still a capable human being.

I may not like my current state. But my girlfriend does and thats good enough for me. I hope everyone is well and if you recover don't forget what this period of time felt like so you won't repeat the same mistakes. Also, tell other of the affects of after effects.

 

[socrilus]

Even if the inner monologue is positive, it could still be kicking in/strengthening circuits that may not be good for mental health in the long term

You're right to mention the "blank minded" people, I'm not quite sure if people have much of an inner monologue left in this state (I still had a self-referential headspace with self-referential thoughts when I had blank mind).

I guess for me it was like when somebody said something to me my brain wouldn't produce any thoughts, not that I wasn't having any thoughts at all 24/7. It may certainly be different for other people though.

If people are distressed by their inner monologue disappearing then that is interesting, as that seems to point to them having a history of identifying with their self-referential thoughts (or else why would they be so distressed?).

I think people are distressed because of what you implied that it would indeed affect socializing as well as other aspects of cognition overall. General creativity and things are lost with a blank mind. Inner monologue is what gives the world color anyways.

I recall in my LTC a lot of the time I would be in this state where my inner monologue would be around various memories of the "old me". I think it was like mild derealization but sometimes thinking or visualizing of a time I felt well did transiently bring the emotions of that pre LTC time back.

Ketamine really enhances inner monologue back when I did it. It had a mood elevating effect but post ketamine anxiety was bad.

 

[Cotcha Yankinov]

I think people are distressed because of what you implied that it would indeed affect socializing as well as other aspects of cognition overall. General creativity and things are lost with a blank mind. Inner monologue is what gives the world color anyways.

I personally think there are equally valid ways to function creatively and socially without an inner-monologue. These days, when I find myself applying mindfulness to social situations, I can often times converse just fine without having to actually engage an inner-monologue prior to the words coming out my mouth. A filter can be helpful, running something through your head before you actually say it aloud, but I personally can perceive what someone says and create a response without an inner-monologue. Then again, some people can read without verbalizing the words out loud in their heads.

For some people (not specific to people with LTCs) their inner monologues/anxiety interfere with listening and this can skew conversational ability. When one should just be listening and letting their mind create a response, instead they're talking to themselves in their own heads. Certainly not all people, and this obviously doesn't cover the gamut of social problems that people experience, but some people may relate.

CY

 

[ZeroLuck]

I am going on vacation with my girlfriend for my birthday. I honestly wish I could say that I am excited. This what I wanted out of life. Having someone to travel the world with that cares for me. But my foolish mistakes have set me back and I fear that I will never get to that point again.

However, grim as it sounds I am getting used to this "New" me. I am may not be as quick witted or have the memory of an elephant. But I am a still a capable human being.

I may not like my current state. But my girlfriend does and thats good enough for me. I hope everyone is well and if you recover don't forget what this period of time felt like so you won't repeat the same mistakes. Also, tell other of the affects of after effects.

Congratulations man, you're starting to look positive and be more acceptive! Keep the spirit!

 

[treezy z]

I hate MDMA but people are always handing me free molly and I do it (foolishly.) Hope i don't end up needing this thread in a few months.

 

[ZeroLuck]

I hate MDMA but people are always handing me free molly and I do it (foolishly.) Hope i don't end up needing this thread in a few months.

Just remember if you're fool again, don't take more than 120mg, don't redose. Don't overheat (dancing or other similar activities) Drink your water.

 

[ZeroLuck]

Guys, want to recommend you nice game to boost your cognition and overall brain processing. The game is for android (maybe for IOS too) it's called "Not Not". I picked it due to researches about technique called "Speed of processing". In research it's proven to prevent and helps for dementia-like diseases.

EDIT:

Another good game with science backing. Dual N-Back.

Btw,
Fuck LTC

 

[socrilus]

Btw, seems like NAC+Sarcosine may be helpful to some ltc ppl who lost emotions/blank mind etc.

I do not know too much about it but it seems to be gaining a lot of traction for anhedonia in the nootropics community.

Cotcha any ideas if its helpful?

Just something to look into althogh who knows cause ppl have had all kinds of reactions to supplements.