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MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 5)

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nightElf said:
That questions is repeated 100 times across this thread. Do you expect the people to answer the same every time that question is asked? I understand that the people want to get the answer they NEED, but sometimes you need to do research and work to get your answer. Sorry if it sounded rude.
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That argument doesn't matter, right or not. It's just normal that you'll get only support in place like this thread.

@shoulvestayedhome

Dude, congratulations on the promotion! With that recovery and getting promotion, that's pretty impressive.

About the girl, well you have the advantage to be not into the "love" spell so hard. And you can judge her character more. Well.. if you love her later or not can't tell.
 
Cotcha Yankinov said:
DA agonists may just be increasing hornyness, so if hornyness isn't the problem then I don't know how much they would help (and there are of course side effects)
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Yea the sides of DA agonists seem kind of bothersome. Whether is OCD compulsion or whatever but id rather take that. Still I do feel like some of this may still be Klonopin related though. The GABA-A system seems to play a huge role in sexual parameters and may even be the major pathway by which PSSD/PFS occur via allopregnanolone.
 
Well it starts off mild at the beginning of the day, then gets worse and worse. Starts around my eyes, then around my jaw, eventually everywhere around my head. Just this horrible pressure, stopping me from thinking and living.
 
Scratcher said:
Well it starts off mild at the beginning of the day, then gets worse and worse. Starts around my eyes, then around my jaw, eventually everywhere around my head. Just this horrible pressure, stopping me from thinking and living.
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I think there are some cases where people/doctors shouldn't necessarily tunnel vision on the MDMA bit.

Many people here are describing cranial nerve neuralgias (occipital neuralgia) and otherwise migraine-like symptoms that should be investigated by a neurologist familiar with migraines or otherwise a head pain specialist.

There are various interventions for cranial nerve neuralgias that go beyond some of the standard oral medications used, including lidocaine injection of the occipital nerve. I'll just reiterate that many of the symptoms people report are consistent with occipital neuralgia, even visual symptoms and tinnitus. But mostly pain/pressure in the front of the head/eyes.
 
thejibberman said:
Hello all, I am a member who came here back in 2014 when I thought I had seriously messed up my life after a night out with MDMA. It's been 3 years, and you can read all my posts that refer to this incident. But I want to reassure you that you are fine, normal things are happening to you. I thought I was going crazy, and I was actually ready to be swallowed up by the earth. I wasn't suicidal, but I was ready to die, prepared. I saw the doctors about a billion times, trying everything. On google day till night researching different scientific terms (just as other users are here) trying to understand what is going on. As time went on, my interest in knowing how I made a mistake lessened, and as my interest lessened, so did my CHRONIC anxiety. I got obsessed about what had happened, but at the same time in 2014, a lot of bad things had happened to me, and I had a lot of pressure in life, so that probably didn't help.

All I can say is that in time you will get better, and it's in your mind, but your brain will believe your mind every time, even in dreams. So it will set off alarm bells in your brain, making you feel different symptoms like, spasms, lethargy, lack of sleep, loss of appetite. And then your body will just get tired and you'll get hyper-sensitive to one single bit of stress. The only thing I can advise you all to do is let go. I know you think understanding what is happening will give you peace of mind, but it really wont. Log off this website, continue with your day, and learn to relax. And properly relax. The sooner you relax, the sooner you'll have your life back.
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I am so glad I found this thread and came across to reading your progress and it has given me hope.... so much to a point where I'm feeling better already. Many people on this forum posted great advice and I will try some of those out. I come from a healthcare background and knowing all the risks of illicit drugs, I got addicted on them (please don't judge). I've only taken MDMA a handful of times and candy flipped a few as well. I went to EDC this year for the first time in my life and thought life couldn't get any better. Then came a few bachelor parties and a Vegas trip where I had the most amazing times of my life, with each event being an even better experience than the previous. All of a sudden earlier this month, I went into a state of panic. It just started with a simple mole on my back and started questioning if it was skin cancer. I went to go see a derm, it was a benign mole then I started for other things that could be wrong with me. Every bit of self diagnosis I did came to a conclusion of cancer or some form of incurable condition. It also didn't help that I almost got into a crazy car wreck a few days after and all the stuff going on in the world with North Korea and natural disasters. I started getting panic attacks like I was gonna die. But within all this mess, I found comfort in the simplest place... home, enjoying my mom's home made food and eating with them and talking about pure randomness. I was scared to go to sleep in my own room so I actually started going to sleep downstairs on the couch while my parents watched TV. During this time I caught a cold and started attributing the symptoms to lung cancer... My primary, being the supportive doc he is, ordered scans and blood tests and of course everything came back fine. It's been about about 2 months now and I feel like I've come a long ways. It's a weird feeling... the 2 months feels like its been 2 years but also feels very short too. Now I can actually stop myself from going back into that negative spiral towards depression and tell myself that I'm just recovering. Looking back at this whole experience, I actually don't regret any of it. Yes, this was probably the worst 2 months of my life but I came to realize how important it is to cherish the time with family and friends. I'm already 32, finally finished my residency and felt like I was ready to go have some fun in life. I broke up with my ex earlier last year and didn't really think much of it and found actually started turning to LSD and then X starting this year. Never really thought seriously about finding a stable relationship and I thought I was better just being single for now. But now after spending more time with my parents, I realized I haven't spent as much time with them and saw how old they are getting. Now I feel that I want my own family and I want my parents to see their grandchild(ren). I'd like to believe that it was a a subconscious part of my brain that was telling me to grow up and realize what's important in life and MDMA helped me finally see it. I know it'll take some time to recover 100%, but I am SO F**KING glad that I came across this forum. I agree that in general, you shouldn't be looking for answers on the web because all you'll find is bunch of non-sense, but in my case, I'm glad that I found all of you here.

P.S. what are brain zaps? Yesterday I had this weird episode during work as if I just took a small dose of X. I suddenly got nauseated, then I felt a surge of serotonin as if I was on it again. Afterwards I felt so crappy like a panic attack, had difficulty breathing, chest pain etc and had to sit down and rest for like 30 minutes. Was wondering if others experience this as well.

Thanks again for all your support
 
Scratcher said:
Well it starts off mild at the beginning of the day, then gets worse and worse. Starts around my eyes, then around my jaw, eventually everywhere around my head. Just this horrible pressure, stopping me from thinking and living.
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That definitely sounds like Trigeminal Neuralgia. I recommend getting a referral to see a neurologist as soon as you can.Treatment is sucessful ~80% with meds. Mostly Carbamezapine or Oxcarbezepine. Occasionally Lamotrigine, baclofen, tri-cyclics will work.
Opiates are usually NOT successful as this is due to several of the cranial nerves being compromised via pressure/compression or demyelination . What are some triggers? Does touching your face cause a trigger?
 
I would argue for those dealing with head pressure you are simply dealing with tension headaches, which are an extremely common side effect of stress and anxiety. I would bet it has little to no relation with the MDMA you took but rather is a stress response to your current situation.

Last year when I first got ill I had extreme head pressure for about 6 months, give or take, and then it went away for the most part. Its now been 6 months since I had a bad setback (which almost took me back to square 1, but not quite) and I again dealt with the evil head pressure you described for the first 4 or so months of that. Funnily enough, now my stress levels are starting to decrease again and my anxiety becomes more controllable the headaches have stopped.

Around 5 years ago I was working in an extremtely stressful office job that made me very depressed and anxious, I began to deal with head pressure which I started taking propanolol for. As my anxiety and stressed decreased I completly forgot about the headaches.
 
thejibberman said:
Hello all, I am a member who came here back in 2014 when I thought I had seriously messed up my life after a night out with MDMA. It's been 3 years, and you can read all my posts that refer to this incident. But I want to reassure you that you are fine, normal things are happening to you. I thought I was going crazy, and I was actually ready to be swallowed up by the earth. I wasn't suicidal, but I was ready to die, prepared. I saw the doctors about a billion times, trying everything. On google day till night researching different scientific terms (just as other users are here) trying to understand what is going on. As time went on, my interest in knowing how I made a mistake lessened, and as my interest lessened, so did my CHRONIC anxiety. I got obsessed about what had happened, but at the same time in 2014, a lot of bad things had happened to me, and I had a lot of pressure in life, so that probably didn't help.

All I can say is that in time you will get better, and it's in your mind, but your brain will believe your mind every time, even in dreams. So it will set off alarm bells in your brain, making you feel different symptoms like, spasms, lethargy, lack of sleep, loss of appetite. And then your body will just get tired and you'll get hyper-sensitive to one single bit of stress. The only thing I can advise you all to do is let go. I know you think understanding what is happening will give you peace of mind, but it really wont. Log off this website, continue with your day, and learn to relax. And properly relax. The sooner you relax, the sooner you'll have your life back.
Click to expand...


I want to say how important this comment is. I'm far from recovered and it's likely I'll be one of the few people that deals with some form of this for the rest of my life, however, I have learnt coping mechanisms and I can live an okay life if I just 'let go'. Fighting it, researching answers and obsessing solves nothing and makes things 10 times worse. Bluelight can be helpful when you need to see someone else going through something similar so you dont feel alone but it hasnt done much in regards to me getting better. Getting on with my life the best I can has and I now come on here once every few months to see whats happening.
 
martainnn said:
I would argue for those dealing with head pressure you are simply dealing with tension headaches, which are an extremely common side effect of stress and anxiety.
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^I would definitely say becoming more mindful of jaw clenching and face tension (eyebrow raising) can be very helpful.
 
martainnn said:
I want to say how important this comment is. I'm far from recovered and it's likely I'll be one of the few people that deals with some form of this for the rest of my life, however, I have learnt coping mechanisms and I can live an okay life if I just 'let go'. Fighting it, researching answers and obsessing solves nothing and makes things 10 times worse. Bluelight can be helpful when you need to see someone else going through something similar so you dont feel alone but it hasnt done much in regards to me getting better. Getting on with my life the best I can has and I now come on here once every few months to see whats happening.
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i'm very happy to hear how far you've come my friend. i really think that your approach is the best way to recovery. there's only so much you can control in life. worrying about all the 'what if's' is wasting your precious time.

however 1 thing that i disagree with is that there is some valuable information that i've personally found on this site.
1) Exercise, whether it just be a mild jog or intense cardio, go out into the sun and enjoy a nice workout, it'll clear your mind and it is 100% good for your body.... it can't hurt!
2) Eat well, I've had trouble with loss of appetite due to anxiety but as a healthcare professional i know that i need to force myself to eat. So if I was gonna eat when I don't want to, I figured I'd at least eat healthy... now I'm feeling much better and my eating has significantly improved
3) Try picking up a new hobby or even go back to an old one you used to be into before. I've picked up golf again after putting down the clubs for over 5 years, now I'm enjoying every weekend rounding
 
musique said:
That definitely sounds like Trigeminal Neuralgia. I recommend getting a referral to see a neurologist as soon as you can.Treatment is sucessful ~80% with meds. Mostly Carbamezapine or Oxcarbezepine. Occasionally Lamotrigine, baclofen, tri-cyclics will work.
Opiates are usually NOT successful as this is due to several of the cranial nerves being compromised via pressure/compression or demyelination . What are some triggers? Does touching your face cause a trigger?
Click to expand...

I have an appointment with a neurologist soon. And also an osteopath. My headaches and DP/DR seem to be related, when my DP is bad my headaches are bad.
 
Scratcher said:
I have an appointment with a neurologist soon. And also an osteopath. My headaches and DP/DR seem to be related, when my DP is bad my headaches are bad.
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There seem to be some commonalities in the causes of migraines and depersonalization, and commonalities in treatments as well (e.g. anti-epileptic mood stabilizers like lamotrigine)

Best of luck with the appointment.
 
Hey guys,

I haven't been on this forum for a while now. This forum was my saving grace. I left my email here a while ago and just received an email from someone suffering from LTC. This forum saved me because knowing that one person made it out of this gave me the belief that there is a way out, and it is my utmost belief that recovery is possible for everybody. Hopefully I become that to the people that preceded me.

It was a hard pill to swallow but mine took 6 years to fully recover, and trust me it wasn't because of my lack of pursuit to recovery. I pushed every fucking day. I had every symptom in the book. DP/DR, anhedonia, apathy, panic attacks, floaters (HPPD), anxiety, depression, and I forgot what else. The only thing i didnt suffer from which seemed common was tinnitus.

I'm fully recovered and on fire! Killing it! trying to make up for lost ground. This community saved me and I want to help as much as I can. I don't come here as much anymore but If I can give you some support or advice feel free to email me

This affliction is very subjective. Everyone has a different chemical balance so it requires a lot of self-awareness so you can modify your treatment to what you are feeling. The only thing certain is the effects of MDMA on your axons and neurotransmitters and how it affects the rest of your body (i.e. cortisol levels, serotonin & dopamine levels). Understanding this will give you better understanding which vitamins you need to promote in your body. Neurogenesis and mindset is crucial as well.

All of you guys will get better! Ive seen the worse cases here recover and some don't. I believe it comes down to what Henry Ford said "Whether you think you can, or you think you can't--you're right"

Godspeed guys, TBH this was the worst thing that ever happened to me but it was also the best lesson I received in life.

[email protected]
 
This was my response to the email. Hope it gives someone some value.

Hey Bud,

I'm glad that the post is helping people. It was truly the worst thing that has happened to me thus far but looking back now it was actually one of the best things that could have happened to me. You will be ok man. I'm confident that you are on the recovering end of your LTC. Anhedonia/apathy was one of the last things that bothered me.

I don't know if you understand what physiological changes happened to you but let me give you a quick synopsis.

After the roll your brain is lacking serotonin, The damage happens here. Because of the lack of serotonin, your serotonin reuptake doesn't have serotonin to recycle so it absorbs dopamine which causes oxidation which shrivels up the axons that release your serotonin. This is why you're lacking emotions. The thing that's supposed to release your happy chemicals is broken, when you do things that make you happy serotonin is released but the thing that releases it is broken. I wouldn't suggest SSRI's. I can go into more detail why if you want but it will not help with getting your emotions back.

Anxiety comes from the high cortisol (flight or fight response) released in your body. MDMA Stresses your brain and body so it triggers the cortisol release.

Great thing is. You're damages don't seem as bad as others. Your recovery is going faster, I think mainly because you play football and being physical is the best thing to promote neurogenesis.

I use to think I over analyzed my symptoms too but no. You're self-aware and you know how you feel and you have a comparison of what was normal to you. Youre not wrong and youre not over analyzing. That causes self-doubt thinking that what you feel is wrong. You're feeling it bro. Its there.

What you need to do now is support your neurogenesis. Work out, Eat alot of foods high in 5htp, and anti-oxidants. Lower your cortisol level. I did some meditating and yoga to calm my nerves, also foods that lower cortisol levels. Mindset-wise, understanding and getting the whole picture is important. Thats why I said all those things. Knowing why its happening and knowing its not just all in your head. Have a clear focus of what and where you want to be and execute on that shit every day, your brain is going to rewire in that direction. Dont mind the small details, It will all work out in the macro. Dont think about it daily. You'll just see the milestones as they come. I use to give myself deadlines on recovery and it did me more harm.

The damage is already done bro. theres no difference between us and someone who became paraplegic that had to learn how to walk again. Practice and patience.

I wish there was a simpler answer but your daily habits will be the factor on how fast youre going to recover.

Feel free to ask me anything. Ill help you as much as I can.
 
I havent posted on here in a while. I've long since recovered from the worst of my ltc, But I am in no way 100 percent. For a while I thought I was but I keep sliding back in to depression. Life just feels bleak and meaningless. I dont find joy in things like I did before I took that Molly. I really relate to pmz's old posts where he complained of not conecting to music like he used to. Except I'm not conecting to anything in my life like I used to.

Its been over a year and a half since I made the biggest mistake of my life. I used to feel comforted by peoples recovery stories. I've even posted a few of my own. And truthfully I'm so grateful for the recovery I have had, but its just not enough. I want my happiness back. I want to enjoy sex and laugh with my best friend and not get angry at the drop of a hat.

Its come to the point where I'm not even sure if my symptoms are left over from my ltc or if I'm just getting old, or if its hormonal. I think its time I try antidepressants but I cant even get a dr appointment until December. Sorry I'm just ranting I just kinda needed to vent to people who understand what its like to live with the consequences of one stupid mistake.
 
yar0nin said:
Hey guys,

I haven't been on this forum for a while now. This forum was my saving grace. I left my email here a while ago and just received an email from someone suffering from LTC. This forum saved me because knowing that one person made it out of this gave me the belief that there is a way out, and it is my utmost belief that recovery is possible for everybody. Hopefully I become that to the people that preceded me.

It was a hard pill to swallow but mine took 6 years to fully recover, and trust me it wasn't because of my lack of pursuit to recovery. I pushed every fucking day. I had every symptom in the book. DP/DR, anhedonia, apathy, panic attacks, floaters (HPPD), anxiety, depression, and I forgot what else. The only thing i didnt suffer from which seemed common was tinnitus.

I'm fully recovered and on fire! Killing it! trying to make up for lost ground. This community saved me and I want to help as much as I can. I don't come here as much anymore but If I can give you some support or advice feel free to email me

This affliction is very subjective. Everyone has a different chemical balance so it requires a lot of self-awareness so you can modify your treatment to what you are feeling. The only thing certain is the effects of MDMA on your axons and neurotransmitters and how it affects the rest of your body (i.e. cortisol levels, serotonin & dopamine levels). Understanding this will give you better understanding which vitamins you need to promote in your body. Neurogenesis and mindset is crucial as well.

All of you guys will get better! Ive seen the worse cases here recover and some don't. I believe it comes down to what Henry Ford said "Whether you think you can, or you think you can't--you're right"

Godspeed guys, TBH this was the worst thing that ever happened to me but it was also the best lesson I received in life.

[email protected]
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Wow 6 years! Thats amazing that you recovered. How long were you symptom free before you determined you were recovered? I've gone months feeling fine only to slip back in to it. Did you ever try antidepressants? I've been saving them as a last resort, but I think it may be time.
 
LTCsufferer said:
I havent posted on here in a while. I've long since recovered from the worst of my ltc, But I am in no way 100 percent. For a while I thought I was but I keep sliding back in to depression. Life just feels bleak and meaningless. I dont find joy in things like I did before I took that Molly. I really relate to pmz's old posts where he complained of not conecting to music like he used to. Except I'm not conecting to anything in my life like I used to.

Its been over a year and a half since I made the biggest mistake of my life. I used to feel comforted by peoples recovery stories. I've even posted a few of my own. And truthfully I'm so grateful for the recovery I have had, but its just not enough. I want my happiness back. I want to enjoy sex and laugh with my best friend and not get angry at the drop of a hat.

Its come to the point where I'm not even sure if my symptoms are left over from my ltc or if I'm just getting old, or if its hormonal. I think its time I try antidepressants but I cant even get a dr appointment until December. Sorry I'm just ranting I just kinda needed to vent to people who understand what its like to live with the consequences of one stupid mistake.
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The symptoms you report certainly aren't specific to the adverse effects of MDMA - depression is common with chronic stress and.. Well.. LTCs are stressful, chronically. I would definitely pursue the doctor appointment, SSRIs can be a life saving tool for many with depression. However, there are many psychiatric medications that can be used for depression if SSRIs aren't the ticket.
 
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