• MDMA &
    Empathogenic
    Drugs

    Welcome Guest!
  • MDMA Moderators:

MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 5)

Status
Not open for further replies.
@rrandy

I wonder if there is a diagnosis for this stuff? It seems to me people have always struggled with this issue like in this thread:
http://www.bluelight.org/vb/archive/index.php/t-586297.html

FBC never got his diagnosis, neither did Nambo...

I'm clueless where I would look. I should have at least told him to check my neck.. My neck and eyes are somehow affected. Like if I bend my neck my body will do that spasm, same as when he tapped the knee. It happens on it's own too sometimes when sitting eyes closed. If I roll my head from side to side it causes a weird tingling zapping sensation which also triggers my eyes to spasm. Feels like electricity in the spine. Lately my neck has been uncomfortable and painful like I can't find a comfortable position to be in also and I wonder if there is physically something messed up there. I've from the beginning felt an urge to periodically roll my shoulders back so I feel a crack in the spine/neck.. I just never really thought much about it.
 
howlowhowlstheowl said:
@rrandy

I wonder if there is a diagnosis for this stuff? It seems to me people have always struggled with this issue like in this thread:
http://www.bluelight.org/vb/archive/index.php/t-586297.html

FBC never got his diagnosis, neither did Nambo...

I'm clueless where I would look. I should have at least told him to check my neck.. My neck and eyes are somehow affected. Like if I bend my neck my body will do that spasm, same as when he tapped the knee. It happens on it's own too sometimes when sitting eyes closed. If I roll my head from side to side it causes a weird tingling zapping sensation which also triggers my eyes to spasm. Feels like electricity in the spine. Lately my neck has been uncomfortable and painful like I can't find a comfortable position to be in also and I wonder if there is physically something messed up there. I've from the beginning felt an urge to periodically roll my shoulders back so I feel a crack in the spine/neck.. I just never really thought much about it.
Click to expand...

I´m talking about the physical aspects. Also I wouldn´t compare myself with others who couldn´t find a diagnosis.

If I were you I would look for a good psychiatrist and/or neurologist and let them actually do some tests. I would also see someone who is doing osteopathy and cranio-sacral therapy.
Do some breathing/relaxing body work to see if your problems are related to tenseness in your body. It can take a while to build the necessary awareness though. But it will be good for you even if it´s not the direct cause of your issues.

Please don´t stay at home all day just waiting for things to get better. I wish I had followed this advice myself, as I only got better when I started to participate in life again.
 
If you can, you might consider seeing a psychiatrist who is familiar with neuroendocrinology or a psychoneuroendocrinologist. They might be able to help more. A lot of studies are coming out these days in psychoneuroendocrinology.

That discipline sort of encompasses all the "weird" not as well known stuff like CFS, fibro, depression, anxiety, DP, etc.
Even with the CFS and Fibro folks they get brushed off by typical neurologists.

And I had primarily mood symptoms like low mood and anxiety. Nothing crazy physical like you. My physical symptoms were visual snow/tinnitus (not helped by HRT but I care less about those) and then ED, weak orgasms, low sex drive (which is also a mental symptom),and bad nausea.

I don't suffer as much from the sexual stuff or anxiety. I still have nausea but thats mainly when working out.

Im still looking into psych med augmentation though after my trial with BPC-157 is complete.
 
rrandy said:
My sleep also improved a lot thankfully. I usually only wake up once or twice and get around 7 hours total. I still don´t feel rested afterwards but I hope this will improve too.
Click to expand...

I think sleep improvements are a long term thing - my sleep is still getting better and better 5-6 years later (although I had a prior history and family history of severe insomnia as well)
 
howlowhowlstheowl said:
@rrandy

I wonder if there is a diagnosis for this stuff? It seems to me people have always struggled with this issue like in this thread:
http://www.bluelight.org/vb/archive/index.php/t-586297.html

FBC never got his diagnosis, neither did Nambo...

I'm clueless where I would look. I should have at least told him to check my neck.. My neck and eyes are somehow affected. Like if I bend my neck my body will do that spasm, same as when he tapped the knee. It happens on it's own too sometimes when sitting eyes closed. If I roll my head from side to side it causes a weird tingling zapping sensation which also triggers my eyes to spasm. Feels like electricity in the spine. Lately my neck has been uncomfortable and painful like I can't find a comfortable position to be in also and I wonder if there is physically something messed up there. I've from the beginning felt an urge to periodically roll my shoulders back so I feel a crack in the spine/neck.. I just never really thought much about it.
Click to expand...
IMO the cranial nerve neuralgia categories of diagnosis are the most fitting for some people, in particular occipital neuralgia for people with eye symptoms.

I think what happens is that an educated neurologist (especially one knowledgeable in migraine) may think cranial nerve neuralgias or cervical spinal cord/brain stem inflammation type stuff when hearing some of these neurological symptoms but MDMA throws them off and they begin to go down the psychiatric route.

I wouldn't be surprised if people may have better luck not being treated as headcases if they leave out the MDMA bit.

There is a brand new study that could be construed as evidence that MDMA can induce inflammation in the cranial nerves (in this case the eye nerves)
 
Ok went to the doc. He is gonna run blood, thyroid, and hopefully cortisol and testosterone tests. What is everyone's opinion on SSRi's? My main symptoms are the feeling like every day is a dream: dr/dp, and brain fog.

I look back at photos of myself and see this happy confident kid, I want to be that kid again. I feel so out of it, like these last 8 months I haven't really been living, like this isn't my life and that I've been motioning through a dream. Even the fun stuff I do I don't truly enjoy. Saying that it's been 8 months is incredible, I never thought it would go on for this long, I can't believe I am still dealing with this. For everyone else that has gotten over the physiological symptoms, how long did that take? Mainly the dr/dp and not connecting to the outside world at all.
 
Make sure to get a copy of the results, docs are really wishy washy when it comes to hormones. Usually they are always in the normal range when it comes to psych issues but can still be perturbed relative to *your* individual homeostasis. Unfortunately nobody gets these tests done before so its hard to say. I am seeing seperate docs that specialize in both psychiatry AND HRT treatment of depression/anxiety. Not a standard endocrinologist.

SSRIs seem hit or miss. So many variables affect response to SSRIs.

Its individual though I definitely am part of the camp that hates those. I tried Lexapro myself and found I got worse but it was too close to the MDMA initial insult. Then again when I had some gene tests done they did confirm SSRIs arent good for me. I just feel like there are other meds out there that dont have sexual sides or emotional numbing sides etc

But its weird bc there are people who dont get either of those sides and feel better.

Fnono hasnt posted in a while but I think he was on an SSRI and doing well?

Im not recovered by any means on TRT so hormones are NOT the full picture but this treatment has helped me.

However, I never had DP/DR in my ltc discounting the 1 month after ketamine therapy.
 
Last edited:
I might have found something which eases my symptoms unexpectedly well. It's still early to say but the probiotic lactobacillus rhamnosus seems to dampen down my symptoms a lot. I had this package for a while but I forgot about it. About a week ago I thought I'd add it to my diet not expecting much, maybe something subtle over the next weeks/months, didn't really think too much about it but it seems that the effect is noticeable the same day. Now, this is actually meant for diarrhea/GI issues so I'll ask from the pharmacy if it's ok to actually use this longer term. It's a dried powder and it says one dose has >8 billion lactobacillus casei variety rhamnosus.

I didn't put two and two together until about the second day. I thought I had finally seen some noticeable improvement but on the second day I realized I started feeling better a few hours after drinking it. Sadly when I ran out the symptoms got back gradually to their usual level in a day or two.

The effect is similar to benzos, which I'm surprised to say. Not as intense but it just seems to calm everything down. The difference is huge, I mean I still feel like shit but the sensitivity to lights, noise etc. eases. Even tinnitus, but doesn't help with visual stuff. I went from sitting in the bedroom curtains closed to asking if I could take our neighbors dog for a walk, I don't know her at all. Literally for 4 months I haven't been able to handle any kind of socializing without getting all trembly and weird. I actually enjoyed being outside and went to the city too the next day. When the effect went away I was back to hell.. any noise etc. agitates me and I had to sit with earplugs in my room again. It went straight back to that seizure level of suffering.. maybe coincidence or maybe a rebound effect? Idk.
 
Last edited:
Cotcha Yankinov said:
There is a brand new study that could be construed as evidence that MDMA can induce inflammation in the cranial nerves (in this case the eye nerves)
Click to expand...

Where is this study?

I have held off for 4 years from posting here since my original LTC in 2013. Can't believe it's 4 years.

One thing I have noticed - the day this also started, a bunch of tiny veins/blood vessels have popped up in both of my eyes. I used to work 12 hrs+ per day on the PC (software engineer), and have not been able to look at the computer screen for more than 10 minutes when the LTC first began. Eventually my eyes adapted and am able to sit on the PC screen all day again, however, the tiny blood vessels that appeared all over my eyes have stayed there in the same exact position since day 1 of this issue. Nothing has changed. Not a single one has gone away, and not a new one has appeared since. Before that my eyes were almost completely white, and that I am 100% sure.

The only issue I have left from the LTC is bad sleep. There's days, weeks, and sometimes months where it is 100% fine. But then there's days where it isn't. It's been 4 years. Hopefully it improves with more time. I am still on Lexapro, albeit only 2.5mg. Lexapro has initially saved my life. My LTC was so bad that sitting here on BL originally just made things worse until I got on Lexapro at the time.

Anyway, I would def like to see the study about the eye nerves. I know that my eyes are the key to answering this puzzle. I am 100% certain there's a physical aspect to this.
 
howlowhowlstheowl said:
I might have found something which eases my symptoms unexpectedly well. It's still early to say but the probiotic lactobacillus rhamnosus seems to dampen down my symptoms a lot. I had this package for a while but I forgot about it. About a week ago I thought I'd add it to my diet not expecting much, maybe something subtle over the next weeks/months, didn't really think too much about it but it seems that the effect is noticeable the same day. Now, this is actually meant for diarrhea/GI issues so I'll ask from the pharmacy if it's ok to actually use this longer term. It's a dried powder and it says one dose has >8 billion lactobacillus casei variety rhamnosus.

I didn't put two and two together until about the second day. I thought I had finally seen some noticeable improvement but on the second day I realized I started feeling better a few hours after drinking it. Sadly when I ran out the symptoms got back gradually to their usual level in a day or two.

The effect is similar to benzos, which I'm surprised to say. Not as intense but it just seems to calm everything down. The difference is huge, I mean I still feel like shit but the sensitivity to lights, noise etc. eases. Even tinnitus, but doesn't help with visual stuff. I went from sitting in the bedroom curtains closed to asking if I could take our neighbors dog for a walk, I don't know her at all. Literally for 4 months I haven't been able to handle any kind of socializing without getting all trembly and weird. I actually enjoyed being outside and went to the city too the next day. When the effect went away I was back to hell.. any noise etc. agitates me and I had to sit with earplugs in my room again. It went straight back to that seizure level of suffering.. maybe coincidence or maybe a rebound effect? Idk.
Click to expand...

This is what I have been talking about for a while. Gut health definitely plays a role in this LTC.

n=1 but I personally have done a stool test to investigate my gut microbiome which showed low levels of the lactobacillus species. Rhamnosus I believe is involved in GABA production and Reuteri is involved in natural Testosterone I think. Can't remember and might be the other way around. But thats probably why it felt like a benzo.

I'm glad you found something to ease the symptoms. That is the sort of progress others need to see.

I've never actually tried a powder form of this though. I have capsules and drinks which have lactobacillus probiotics but the issue is one of colonization too.
 
ShytK said:
a bunch of tiny veins/blood vessels have popped up in both of my eyes

the tiny blood vessels that appeared all over my eyes have stayed there in the same exact position since day 1 of this issue

Anyway, I would def like to see the study about the eye nerves. I know that my eyes are the key to answering this puzzle. I am 100% certain there's a physical aspect to this.
Click to expand...

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/28743199
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/28465464

I would take the first study with a grain of salt but there is some evidence that MDMA can induce inflamation in the CNS.
One scenario is that inflammation induced in the aforementioned photoreceptors cells by MDMA lead to the angiogenesis.

I wouldn't worry about actual damage to the eye related cells, but inflammation can certainly cause changes.

When you say you weren't able to look at the computer screen for more than 10 minutes when you originally got your symptoms, was this because of headaches or something?
 
Cotcha Yankinov said:
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/28743199
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/28465464

I would take the first study with a grain of salt but there is some evidence that MDMA can induce inflamation in the CNS.
One scenario is that inflammation induced in the aforementioned photoreceptors cells by MDMA lead to the angiogenesis.

I wouldn't worry about actual damage to the eye related cells, but inflammation can certainly cause changes.

When you say you weren't able to look at the computer screen for more than 10 minutes when you originally got your symptoms, was this because of headaches or something?
Click to expand...

Don't really understand the scientific technical terms that are used every other word in those research papers, but it does sound very interesting nonetheless. There def needs to be more research into this.

By computer screen, I meant that I couldn't look since my eyes would hurt very badly. While they were hurting, new blood vessels/veins were becoming visible on the eyes. After a few weeks quite a few of those have formed and then new ones stopped forming and I was able to look at the computer screen all day again. But the veins stayed there since. I know a lot of older folks have these, but I had mostly white eyes before that and smaller/less veins on the white portion of the eye. It was when I was looking at the PC screen right when the LTC started that it was unbearable to sit and focus on the screen and everytime I went to the bathroom mirror I identified a few new blood veins that showed up.

I attached a pic. It's hard to get a good pic with a cell phone since the focus and clarity isn't all that great. Again, I know a lot of people have these especially as they age. But mine came on suddenly. For whatever reason, my eyes couldn't focus on the text on the PC screen immediately after the LTC. And before that, I spent a life time on the PC without a single issue. And when I say a lifetime, I mean it. A freaking life time. I spent 12hrs+ every day of my life since I was 10 years old on the PC. So something definitely changed when all of a sudden I couldn't sit and focus on text for 10 minutes.

Pic: https://ibb.co/j6jzda
 
Haven't posted in a while, things seem to be getting better these days but it is definitely up and down, like today I have a splitting headache on the right side of my head which stops me from thinking clearly and increases my dp dr. However yesterday I attended a job interview and received a job offer right then and there, 6 months ago I believed my life was over and that I would have to end my own suffering sooner or later, so it does get better. Nearly 9 months since the night this all started, I believe in my case the drugs were the match which lit the fuse to my complete and total mental breakdown. I am still on sertraline, no idea how much it has helped or hindered but through that, therapy with a good psychologist, exercise and committing to self improvement I am feeling better about life in general. Still symptomatic however and days like today are just a blur of trying to get through. God knows what's going on physically and mentally but I'm done trying to figure it out, it could be anything. Hopefully one day these symptoms will ease, feel like there is something more I could be doing but I've been to the docs loads, had tests done and it all points to anxiety and depression apparently. So yeah that's where i am after 9 months. Hope everyone is ok.
 
After having suffered x2 LTCs and having taken my fair share of x from about the age of 18 until around 38 I can report there really is no long term damage to my brain. My life now is way back on track after this incident around 5 years ago now.

at the time the pain, anxiety and disturbance was unbareable so much so I made a couple of failed attempts at suicide.

i really do know the pain and suffering you are currently under but I can assure you their is an eventual recovery as long as you dont make the same mistake as I and attempt to execute yourself during this time.

fortunately the magic word here is "failed" I decided to hang myself and woke up with my legs all bashed up reached up to my neck and felt a snapped belt in my hand.

in this particular case I worshipped the garbage quality of the chinese belt I had previously invested in.

joking aside this LTC is REAL and I must make it clear you are not permanantly fucked up or brain damaged you have just triggered yourself into a chronic state of anxiety that takes some time to clear up.

I wish everyone the best who is suffering this and all I say is be strong and ride it out.

you really do need to be strong too as I remember this demon so well.

peace & love

futura2012
 
Legend, futura. As always, fantastic to have the old stagers return with their recovery stories and positive vibes. Thankyou
 
@futura2012

Inspiring dude! Thanks for the update, it's really encouraging. I'm getting better every day but that really gives me strength.

Peace
 
8-9 months here, I'm finally feeling back to normal? At least I can't tell any difference than before.
 
Hey guys,

So I've been taking vitamins (C,B complex...) and when I do it goes straight to my head. It makes me feel a bit more energised but i feel dizzy and i feel weirder than I usually do. How can vitamins do that ?!?!
 
One month since taking MDMA for the first time and I still have tremors all over my body and experience episodes of anxiety at least twice a day. I took about 180mg and my two friends were perfectly fine.

Has anybody got over this? The shaking is my biggest concern. Thanks in advance
 
Mmg1693 said:
Has anybody got over this? The shaking is my biggest concern. Thanks in advance
Click to expand...

What kind of shaking? Like jumps? or brain zaps?
I had tremors that took around 2 years to go away. But eventually they did.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top