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MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 5)

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It would be nice to hear some more recovery stories from those with physical symptoms.

This link has probably been posted here over the years but I was wondering what people think about it:
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3955986/

I for one took 3 different unknown drugs purpotedly mdma, but probably dirty. All I know for sure is that they were stimulants and the crystal had very mdma-like effects but the pills not. And I took an adhd pill in there. I was also under heavy stress for the month leading to that.

Now I don't know if my symptoms are the result of neurotoxicity or cranial nerve issues or what, but if it's the former - is the kind of damage mentioned in the article reversible?

Secondly are there any kind of imaging techniques that would show if this is the case?

I know people tend to freak out at this topic but me I just want to know. I'm in a good mood at my friends place tonight but it doesn't matter how I deal or don't deal with this thing. The symptoms are there 24/7.. ears ringing, static visual snow vision, involuntary eye movements, twitching..

Things have improved to a degree from the beginning but it's not much to cheer at yet. I don't know how much is from the lactobacillus I started taking or it might've just been a coincidence in timing.
 
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howlowhowlstheowl said:
Now I don't know if my symptoms are the result of neurotoxicity or cranial nerve issues or what, but if it's the former - is the kind of damage mentioned in the article reversible?

Secondly are there any kind of imaging techniques that would show if this is the case?
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What is really observed in animals given neurotoxic MDMA regimens is degeneration of the terminals rather specifically - the cell bodies are spared and only "fine" type fibers/projections are primarily affected by substituted amphetamines (there are thicker fibers that aren't affected). Most of the serotonin cell bodies are down towards the brainstem in the Dorsal Raphe Nucleus, with different Dorsal Raphe nuclei sending serotonin projections to different parts of the brain and CNS.

With the cell bodies intact, what this means is that if there is some degeneration of terminals, new terminals can sprout and regrow, and re-innervate the areas. The reactive sprouting after neurotoxic MDMA regimens has been studied a little bit in rodents and monkeys.

Imaging is difficult. Its hard to directly image serotonin cells - we really just have surrogate measures. As an example, you could do a PET scan imaging serotonin transporters which are expressed on serotonin cells. If there are less serotonin transporters, some may draw the conclusion that there has been some serotonin degeneration. The issue with that conclusion is that serotonin transporters can be downregulated as a homeostatic compensation, same with dopamine transporters in the case of regular amphetamines.

Some studies have tried to imagine a serotonin receptor called 5-HT2A. This is a post-synaptic serotonin receptor that is primarily expressed on non-serotonergic cells. If there is some serotonin terminal degeneration, there will be decreased serotonin released from said terminals, and we expect a compensatory upregulation (increased expression) of 5-HT2A because there will be less serotonin available to bind to 5-HT2A. I hope that makes sense.

But imaging an individual is very difficult because there is so much variation from person to person - a study that compares 25 MDMA abusers to 25 controls can average out the data to make it more meaningful (e.g. a 15% upregulation in 5-HT2A), confounders notwithstanding. But your 5-HT2A expression can vary so widely that you could very well have less 5-HT2A than a control. Or it could be pre-existing abnormal 5-HT2A function that predisposed you to get these adverse effects in the first place.
 
Regrets9995 said:
Great to hear! You should definitely change your profile name!
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Hah, yeah not sure if it's possible... Actually today I caught myself for first time singing when alone in the room, while listening to music. I've totally forgot that never happen while in the recovery. Gosh... kids don't do MDMA, if it's not for therapy or something and in moderate dose 90-110mg.
 
ShytK said:
Where is this study?

I have held off for 4 years from posting here since my original LTC in 2013. Can't believe it's 4 years.

One thing I have noticed - the day this also started, a bunch of tiny veins/blood vessels have popped up in both of my eyes. I used to work 12 hrs+ per day on the PC (software engineer), and have not been able to look at the computer screen for more than 10 minutes when the LTC first began. Eventually my eyes adapted and am able to sit on the PC screen all day again, however, the tiny blood vessels that appeared all over my eyes have stayed there in the same exact position since day 1 of this issue. Nothing has changed. Not a single one has gone away, and not a new one has appeared since. Before that my eyes were almost completely white, and that I am 100% sure.

The only issue I have left from the LTC is bad sleep. There's days, weeks, and sometimes months where it is 100% fine. But then there's days where it isn't. It's been 4 years. Hopefully it improves with more time. I am still on Lexapro, albeit only 2.5mg. Lexapro has initially saved my life. My LTC was so bad that sitting here on BL originally just made things worse until I got on Lexapro at the time.

Anyway, I would def like to see the study about the eye nerves. I know that my eyes are the key to answering this puzzle. I am 100% certain there's a physical aspect to this.
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do you have any physical or visual symptoms? How did the SSRI affect these?
 
Mmg1693 said:
One month since taking MDMA for the first time and I still have tremors all over my body and experience episodes of anxiety at least twice a day. I took about 180mg and my two friends were perfectly fine.

Has anybody got over this? The shaking is my biggest concern. Thanks in advance
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I get muscle twitches, although they're quite a bit less, but not getting any better. This week I woke up in the middle of the night and was shaking and had night sweats.....this happened once a week in the beginning it was bad.
 
I am a 25 yr old man looking for help, hope, and guidance on my path to recovery. I am currently about to hit the 3 month marker since my last use of MDMA(light user 4 uses in total, but had a back to back weekend of unknown/untested pills from Europe) and I am at or around 80% of my normal self. Please help.
 
shouldvestayedhome said:
I am a 25 yr old man looking for help, hope, and guidance on my path to recovery. I am currently about to hit the 3 month marker since my last use of MDMA(light user 4 uses in total, but had a back to back weekend of unknown/untested pills from Europe) and I am at or around 80% of my normal self. Please help.
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Have you checked the 40 pages in the thread? I'm sure you will find the information you are looking for there.
 
nightElf said:
Have you checked the 40 pages in the thread? I'm sure you will find the information you are looking for there.
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Not really cool advice, 40 pages?

@shouldvestayedhome

Now... Dude with your name. Don't have regrets, actually control ALL negative thoughts, go only for positive ones.

If you FEEL at 80% after 3 months, don't worry in an year, you'll be 100%, I'm almost certain. Just Healthy lifestyle BODY + MIND. Stay Safe!
 
Hello all, I am a member who came here back in 2014 when I thought I had seriously messed up my life after a night out with MDMA. It's been 3 years, and you can read all my posts that refer to this incident. But I want to reassure you that you are fine, normal things are happening to you. I thought I was going crazy, and I was actually ready to be swallowed up by the earth. I wasn't suicidal, but I was ready to die, prepared. I saw the doctors about a billion times, trying everything. On google day till night researching different scientific terms (just as other users are here) trying to understand what is going on. As time went on, my interest in knowing how I made a mistake lessened, and as my interest lessened, so did my CHRONIC anxiety. I got obsessed about what had happened, but at the same time in 2014, a lot of bad things had happened to me, and I had a lot of pressure in life, so that probably didn't help.

All I can say is that in time you will get better, and it's in your mind, but your brain will believe your mind every time, even in dreams. So it will set off alarm bells in your brain, making you feel different symptoms like, spasms, lethargy, lack of sleep, loss of appetite. And then your body will just get tired and you'll get hyper-sensitive to one single bit of stress. The only thing I can advise you all to do is let go. I know you think understanding what is happening will give you peace of mind, but it really wont. Log off this website, continue with your day, and learn to relax. And properly relax. The sooner you relax, the sooner you'll have your life back.
 
Can someone explain why my everything throws my equilibrium off. When I go swimming, treadmill, even an elevator. Is it a sign of brain damage?
 
HPPDOFF said:
Can someone explain why my everything throws my equilibrium off. When I go swimming, treadmill, even an elevator. Is it a sign of brain damage?
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What do you mean by throwing your equilibrium off? What symptoms exactly?
 
ADubbs said:
How's your recovery going?
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Getting there, slowly. Going well enough that I'm not here all the time but lingering on enough to cause me frustration. I'm about 21 months in and I reckon that might be halfway there.
 
HPPDOFF said:
Can someone explain why my everything throws my equilibrium off. When I go swimming, treadmill, even an elevator. Is it a sign of brain damage?
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More so a sign of inner ear dysfunction, there is a (cranial) nerve that takes information from the inner ear and delivers the information to the brain. So dysfunction at the level of that nerve could cause the balance issues, and possibly tinnitus if you have ringing in the ears as well (some amount of ringing is normal)
 
@shouldvestayedhome

Now... Dude with your name. Don't have regrets, actually control ALL negative thoughts, go only for positive ones.

If you FEEL at 80% after 3 months, don't worry in an year, you'll be 100%, I'm almost certain. Just Healthy lifestyle BODY + MIND. Stay Safe![/QUOTE]

@Zeroluck Thanks for the reassurance! It's truly helpful during this troubling time. I want to ask you a question. How is your recovery coming along? I know you reported some cognitive, memory, and intellectual issues. I am suffering from the same. It turns out that the amount I taken on my back to back weekend could've been upwards to 500mg(I didn't know European doses were that strong). I SERIOUSLY feel like I have myself a chemical lobotomy. I know i am being negative right. But I this moment I feel like fucked my future up.

I recently got promoted that I wasn't expecting. I am seeing a girl before all of this happened and things seem to be getting serious between us. But unfortunately I struggle to emotionally feel anything :(. I have a lot of unforeseen good things happening to me. That's why I chose the name I shouldve stayed home :(

Sorry... I know this is common way to feel and I should give it more time. I literally have no one to talk to except the random people on this forum. Which gives me some kind of hope. But I don't want to end up like Somedud.
 
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So i thought I would update. I'm actually pretty close to a biological solution for me.

My HRT protocol has helped a lot in terms of mental symptoms. It actually enabled me to get off of Klonopin but the thing that happened is that i didnt realize I was dependant on Klonopin 1-1.5 mg every 3 days. Somehow my body is sensitive as hell so when I was doing well on HRT I stopped Kpin not realizing that anything could happen.

Then about 1 or 2 weeks later I had all sorts of symptoms creep in like insane fits of nausea, anhedonia, emotional numbing, apathy, depression almost like the beginning of the LTC. I also got some horrid sexual symptoms like loss of sensitivity and ED and low libido. So thats when I reinstated my Kpin dose and all the symptoms except sensitivity/ED resolved the next day.

So thats when I realized I was dependant and began a tapering regimen where I cut off 0.25 mg each week. When i got down to 0.5 mg e3d, things were good again but then getting to 0 which ive been at for 2 weeks now was tough. I got days where I felt fine and days of random depression.
I also have to admit I did a cycle of a performance enhancing drug BPC-157 which really helped with the benzo mental symptoms after I tapered down.

Well after that basically I am 90+% mentally *except* for the damn profound sexual dysfunction where I have lack of sensitivty and cannot orgasm. And this symptom is driving me crazy considering this level of SD was *not* part of my initial LTC. Only low libido was. So its been created by some sort of intervention.

I absolutely cannot tell whether its related to Benzo w/d or the hormones or a combination of both. Really really annoying considering I feel fine otherwise. Its been just over 2 weeks since my last Kpin.

In fact, in order to test whether Kpin was causing it I took a Kpin 2 weeks back but that caused Nausea/depression for a few days I think due to a potential "kindling" phenomenon.

So im still leaning toward benzo wd being the cause of my horrific sexual dysfunction but cannot be sure at all.

Any ideas on how to fix it though? Of course I am going to wait things out possibly 2 more weeks to make it a month but its stressing me out and last thing I want is relapsing into mental issues from stress over it. But I cannot test whether hormones are causing it since coming off hormones could throw me back into the LTC mental symptoms at the very least when ive just gotten out. Thats one of the big disadvantages of HRT is that its artificial+indefinite time frame.

Do DA agonists or Buspar work to fix SD? PT-141 perhaps (but seems extremely unknown...)
 
DA agonists may just be increasing hornyness, so if hornyness isn't the problem then I don't know how much they would help (and there are of course side effects)
 
Has anyone found a way to deal with head pressure ? It's really the worst part of my LTC.
 
ZeroLuck said:
Not really cool advice, 40 pages?
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That questions is repeated 100 times across this thread. Do you expect the people to answer the same every time that question is asked? I understand that the people want to get the answer they NEED, but sometimes you need to do research and work to get your answer. Sorry if it sounded rude.
 
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