Mother fucking methadone withdrawal fuck my life

[neversickanymore]

I asked someone the other day if they had seen cire. They looked at me a little bug eyed and roared forth "Hell yeah.. I saw her down by the river.. walking on water"


You should be getting real close to the end of the brutal shit.. most methadone hard cores do not experience the grand miracle until right at the end. Instead we heal at a ridiculously slow pace. So when we look back at the week before the one we just finished, we have made some small recognizable improvements.

The opiate receptors re regulate for almost everyone in under nine months. Most people in under 6.5, but it's much better to overestimate and be pleasantly surprised then to freak out premature. It will happen

Try taking the melatonin six hours before you go to bed. I'm not saying doing this will have a positive influence on the length of sleep you enjoy as it probably will only help a bit if at all. Quality and quantity though. Fuck a good night's sleep as your likely not going to get one for awhile... just do other cool things.

As far as adding in something extra to sleep I would not do this. After I was able to stop using drugs 24/7 and esp to sleep i realized that four hours of natural good sleep are, more often than not, way better then 12+ hours of doped up sleep. Your likely only going to sleep three four hours a night until you hit the first miracle. That's the way it was for me.

we want homeostasis to return to the brain.. so we want to quit messing with it.

Nothing back at the start line besides the misery your leaving and all the hard fought ground you have won. You amazing and will love where you end up:D

 

[cire113]

That's great news Cire I'm glad it's getting better. You hit the nail on the head it's a marathon. Some days feel soooooo long. I'm at 43 and still going strong. This is probably the hardest drug to kick and you did it. Thanks for the update it gives me hope it gets better.

yeah hang in there man it gets better; surprisingly i felt a bigger difference from days 43 to 60 then like 20-40; just hang in there and don't listen to all that bull shit in your head; I've had some intense cravings but they always pass!

 

[cire113]

I asked someone the other day if they had seen cire. They looked at me a little bug eyed and roared forth "Hell yeah.. I saw her down by the river.. walking on water"


You should be getting real close to the end of the brutal shit.. most methadone hard cores do not experience the grand miracle until right at the end. Instead we heal at a ridiculously slow pace. So when we look back at the week before the one we just finished, we have made some small recognizable improvements.

The opiate receptors re regulate for almost everyone in under nine months. Most people in under 6.5, but it's much better to overestimate and be pleasantly surprised then to freak out premature. It will happen

Try taking the melatonin six hours before you go to bed. I'm not saying doing this will have a positive influence on the length of sleep you enjoy as it probably will only help a bit if at all. Quality and quantity though. Fuck a good night's sleep as your likely not going to get one for awhile... just do other cool things.

As far as adding in something extra to sleep I would not do this. After I was able to stop using drugs 24/7 and esp to sleep i realized that four hours of natural good sleep are, more often than not, way better then 12+ hours of doped up sleep. Your likely only going to sleep three four hours a night until you hit the first miracle. That's the way it was for me.

we want homeostasis to return to the brain.. so we want to quit messing with it.

Nothing back at the start line besides the misery your leaving and all the hard fought ground you have won. You amazing and will love where you end up:D

I so love and appreciate you SOOO much!

Not walking on water yet ; but hopefully soon *hugs*; It seems drugs were not the real issue at all; Funny how all the old stuff comes back that you must face and deal with once you've "quit" drugs; but hell life is one HELL of a journey thats for sure.

Most of the brutal physical shit is over except the fatigue and lack of energy; I have taken Iboga root bark a few times in hopes to help; It does seem to help a lot i think? Problem with iboga is you can't sleep for days after taking even small amounts so thats kinda annoying; Did a small booster 2 days ago;

ill try to take the melatonin earlier and great advice on not taking anything for sleep;

I miss sleeping 12-14 hours a day because it filled up the day really easy; now i have NO clue what to do with myself LOL;

I think I've binged watched all the best TV shows ever made in this 60 days! If you have a favorite please recommend it but ill be shocked if its one of the best shows that i haven't watched already (breaking bad, game of thrones, etc etc)

Thank god I've got a loving and supportive family; they have had no expectation and let me do nothing but rest and heal;

Anyways Time to eat some more food; I'm getting fat hahah

Much love people

 

[CcLefty7822]

Thanks Cire seems like u got a good handle on this beast. For me cravings are very limited if any. After going thru this idk how anyone can go back. I been sleeping but the worst is the mind bending headaches I get. It's time for clear head to handle life it's too hard being a junkie. Wait did it just take me 10 years to figure that out?? Ha..At least something good came out of this. Oh and SOA and Prison Break are great to binge on.

 

[cire113]

Thanks Cire seems like u got a good handle on this beast. For me cravings are very limited if any. After going thru this idk how anyone can go back. I been sleeping but the worst is the mind bending headaches I get. It's time for clear head to handle life it's too hard being a junkie. Wait did it just take me 10 years to figure that out?? Ha..At least something good came out of this. Oh and SOA and Prison Break are great to binge on.

i definitely don't have a handle on it; I'm still scared shitless; and i have a lot of fear of the unknown; but if you aren't feeling fear or uncomfortable you probably aren't growing?

sometimes i can just get through each and every moment;

Ive talked to other ppl who have quit sub and methadone and it appears you feel like no energy soul ripped out for possibly months; thats ok with me I'm already used to it

it took me about 13 years to get to this point; real sad; but i guess the universe enjoys good underdog experience .... LoL

 

[CcLefty7822]

I totally know what you mean "soul being ripped out" that's probably the only way to explain it. I feel very lost. I do find myself smiling more and laughing at stuff I know I wouldn't have before. So things are getting better. I listen to music and I get chills so weird

Cire if it took 13 years that's what it took. Nobody was stopping u until you were ready. Your def ready for this bc 60 days is Huge. Fuck Done F the clinic F shady docs F blood sucking friends that only call when they need something F that life it sucks period. Better times to come (I hope) ha..

 

[thelung]

great job on 60 days SIXTY wow you're doing so awesome keep up the good work my friend

 

[Jabberwocky]

Have you tried DXM OP? It does wonders, much like Iboga, and then some (IMO, although truth be told YMMV).

 

[cire113]

day 67 really struggling today; just laid in bed all day with no energy and feeling crummy; i did take a strong booster of iboga yesterday so today is probably just the "grey day" I'm used to; but man does it suck!


i haven't tried DXM other than some for a bad reoccurring cough I've had; I doubt its as powerful as iboga but have never heard of taking DXM for spiritual/healing reasons?

i hope i feel a lot better by 90 days; shit is seriously starting to get depressing

 

[Dop3l3ssHopefiend]

Hey all,
I've only been on a 6month methadone program and went up to 50mg daily. Even with slow taper it took me most of the other 6mo of the year to get over the depression. So now that I messed up and am kicking fentanyl, I'm doing it cold turkey rather than going back on 'done. The way I figure it, since it's a short acting opioid the kick can't last that long.. the first 4 days I spent in a hot bath crying n screaming like a lil girl, but today im starting to feel better. Yeah, a week or two of agony is still way better than getting on methadone again! Fuck that Nazi heroin!

 

[CcLefty7822]

Cire have you been hitting the gym? It's really the only thing that makes me feel good. Personally it takes a humongous effort just to go but worth every bit of it.

Your doing something that 99% fail at you need to feel great about that. 90 days is in sight now u got this.

I'm at 51-52 days and my main issue is memory/mentally slow and stamina. I'll have energy but only for a short amount of time then I'm beat for the day. Sleep is normal which I'm enjoying except for being awake so damn early. I've said it before going back is a 0 option. I'll be half retarded for life if that's what it takes lol. Hopefully only 6 months tho.

Thank for posting Cire it gives me hope even when things aren't that great. It makes me realize it's all normal. GL on 90 I think that's where you'll really turn the corner.

 

[cire113]

Cire have you been hitting the gym? It's really the only thing that makes me feel good. Personally it takes a humongous effort just to go but worth every bit of it.

Your doing something that 99% fail at you need to feel great about that. 90 days is in sight now u got this.

I'm at 51-52 days and my main issue is memory/mentally slow and stamina. I'll have energy but only for a short amount of time then I'm beat for the day. Sleep is normal which I'm enjoying except for being awake so damn early. I've said it before going back is a 0 option. I'll be half retarded for life if that's what it takes lol. Hopefully only 6 months tho.

Thank for posting Cire it gives me hope even when things aren't that great. It makes me realize it's all normal. GL on 90 I think that's where you'll really turn the corner.

Day 68 ;i had a better day today; i went out and forced myself to do things; I think i was feeling really crummy yesterday because i took some iboga boosters monday (which give you a few days of feeling like garbage after) and also had a body massage monday which gets me feeling even more lethargic;

I try to force myself to walk atleast 20-30 minutes a day; I should start lifting light weights at the gym though that helps;

Its just one hell of a roller coaster ride; man one day its up the others it down; up and down ; up an down; it really wears on your spirit.......

Im seriously taking it 1 day at a time and its a marathon not a race; so as long as I don't use today i am happy and alright;

the staying in the moment and staying in today has really helped me a lot;

i hope you are doing well CC and feel better soon; I really pray by 90 or 100 days it will get better; but its a REAL REAL slow process;


Opiates are terrible.

 

[neversickanymore]

It's a slow road out cire You already know it's the only one. I already know your going to love where you end up. Certanly not some magical land of only butterflies, oragsms and rainbows. Done right, when you make it through this you will lose almost all your fear. Your going to be the butterfly.

Have you read any of the stoics.. If you need some reading material id recommend Meditations Marcus Aurelius .
Stoicism
Stoicism

 

[cire113]

It's a slow road out cire You already know it's the only one. I already know your going to love where you end up. Certanly not some magical land of only butterflies, oragsms and rainbows. Done right, when you make it through this you will lose almost all your fear. Your going to be the butterfly.

Have you read any of the stoics.. If you need some reading material id recommend Meditations Marcus Aurelius .
Stoicism
Stoicism

Thank for this giant blessing from the Universe; i was just in a recovery chat room minutes before reading your post saying i need to become the butterfly! No coincidence at all this is really a big sign i needed.

Sometimes we can't see the road infront of us but its there; Will have 70 days tomorrow; Wish i knew what to do NEXT;

Love you guys

 

[neversickanymore]

Sounds like your on the beam cire ... if all the sudden nothing seems to be working out you slipped off for a moment.. shit pushed so hard at the end for me.. one day away and I would have thrown it all away.. just a heads up of possibilities.

Have you given yourself the love you earned and deserve lately?

NSFW:

 

[CcLefty7822]

Great job on 70 Cire!!! Keep blazin your doing amazing.

 

[cire113]

Thanks for the support guys couldn't do it without you; Though I'm sure i will feel a lot better at 90 days ; Still got my moments; it really is a huge roller coaster ride to be honest;

I do need to love myself more neversickanymore ; I think we all expect to be me fine and dandy but need to be way more patience with ourselves and give us a real shot to recovery ;

Im thinking about starting my own online business; do you think now would be a good time to start or wait till i have more clean time? Just seem hesitant because I'm still got really bad anhedonia and can't barely push myself to even do things i LIKE to do;

I do need to start back up with the daily exercise I've been slacking this week and the direct result it has is STAGGERING.....

walking 30 minutes a day saves my ass no joke

 

[CcLefty7822]

Cire I think starting your own business is a great idea. I'm no expert on recovery but I think having something new to focus on will have a positive effect. You'll have something to look forward to everyday. We all wait for this magical day to feel great and I don't think it works that way. I think we need to build ourselves back up by working and feeling good about accomplishing things. That's just my opinion Cire. Personally I'm looking for a job bc I know it's the next step for me. Starting a business sounds like your next step.

Exercise is key to this whole thing. Anytime I skip a few days I start to feel kinda down and crappy (like right now) I'm forcing myself this evening idc if it's for 15 mins. Try to turn your walk into a slow jog eventually a run.

GL on whatever you decide to do Cire. I'm chasing right behind you Monday will be 8 weeks I'm pretty stoked about that.

 

[cire113]

Cire I think starting your own business is a great idea. I'm no expert on recovery but I think having something new to focus on will have a positive effect. You'll have something to look forward to everyday. We all wait for this magical day to feel great and I don't think it works that way. I think we need to build ourselves back up by working and feeling good about accomplishing things. That's just my opinion Cire. Personally I'm looking for a job bc I know it's the next step for me. Starting a business sounds like your next step.

Exercise is key to this whole thing. Anytime I skip a few days I start to feel kinda down and crappy (like right now) I'm forcing myself this evening idc if it's for 15 mins. Try to turn your walk into a slow jog eventually a run.

GL on whatever you decide to do Cire. I'm chasing right behind you Monday will be 8 weeks I'm pretty stoked about that.

Thats great CC; hang in there it does get better but its so SLOW; the first 90 days are just insane; really if you don't do anything but eat well, exercise, and stay sober thats enough for the beginning; it really is that difficult; Im starting to become more patient with myself and Easy Does It.

congrats on almost having 8 weeks; that is huge 60 days was a big milestone for me; I'm really looking forward to hitting 90 days; ill be there soon today is day 71; hard to believe; I don't even wanna go back to the first 30 days; fuck that shit;

anyways keep posting how u feel and we are doing the most impossible think there is to do

thanks for the advice, help, and encouragement as always CC jah bless

 

[Captain.Heroin]

Congrats on your 71 days.