Mother fucking methadone withdrawal fuck my life

[neversickanymore]

Always thought this painting was a great representation of paws and the slow methadone later stages.

 

[CcLefty7822]

I'm 60 days in Cire!! What a long road but I see the light at the end. I'm starting to feel more normal everyday. By no means am I "cured" but things become a lot more manageable over time.

How's everything with you Cire?
Hope everything is on the up and up.

NSA that painting is pretty accurate.

 

[cire113]

Thanks for the love and support Captain dude I'm still tripping out over that dmt death dose years ago lmao.... (I'm listening to the song that was on repeat during the trip and it brings me right back to that sacred space lol ; Goyte "Somebody I used to know"
--------------------------------------

Ahh yes NSA, that is a great image representing how it goes; it's a mother fucking hell of a trip; I am doing a little better;

Congrats on 60 days CC that is huge ;

I just hit 80 days today myself and man it gets better but still like NSA's image lol

It is really really scary how evil methadone and suboxone are and yet how widely available they are ;

It feels amazing to not be dependent on opiates ; Totally worth going through hell ;

Keep going ?

 

[cire113]

just to update I hit 93 days; and its been one HELL Of a ride; I recently stopped taking gabapentin and now feel like I'm going through another bull shit withdrawal all over again.... It has a short half-life so hopefully it won't take long to recover from this;

In the end I am doing better i have still some terrible days ; meh days; and few good days; but it is slowly getting better; but holy fuck that shit was ROUGH.

I think the apathy, depression, and fatigue after the physical withdrawal is over is probably way worse than the acute withdrawals in a way that it feels like it never ends;

I seriously don't know how i lasted this long; there were some days where i just white knuckled it every second...


I really don't see how anyone who's taken Methadone for longer than 5 years can quit that shit; i can't believe my body is still I'm mega recovery mode after 93 days;

U would think it would be over by now; much love to all those detoxing and supporting those who are going through HELL.....

It seems Exercise is the HARDEST thing to do still but always helps the most; If i don't do atleast 5,000 steps a day I'm fucked mentally....

peace and will update as things progress further ; can't wait till i feel good enough to change my god dam avatar; soon

#ifyourgoingthroughellkeepgoing

 

[neversickanymore]

Your so damn cool cire:D

 

[herbavore]

Congratulations, cire. Reading all you have been writing has certainly given me a better understanding of methadone withdrawal. I think starting an online business now would be good if you feel well enough--something positive and engaging that can fill your time. What kind of business?

 

[CcLefty7822]

Awesome job Cire I'm happy to hear your going strong. It's a very long road but your doing it, be proud. Feels good to not be a slave to that garbage anymore.

I have a friend that went from 100mg of methadone down to 25mg and he's all excited to get off. I just kinda chuckle to myself knowing how F'd he is. I know it's sounds terrible but it's the truth it sucks. It's also well worth it. It's amazing how many senses were dulled being on that shhttt.

You went this far now finish it off Cire. Get that gaba out of your system and you'll be good. Good luck you got this.

 

[cire113]

^^^^ thanks cc

Dude for sure it feels amazing not to be a slave anymore to that god dam poison ;

I'm so grateful today and I can just now start to see a glimmer of hope;

Got 108 days sober ; some days are tough ; like no joke but I just don't use no matter what;

I have no idea where I'm going or what I'm doing but I'm sober lololol

Gotta give myself more patience and time;

What a god dam horrifying experience though the first 60 days


Stay strong people you can DO this!

 

[CcLefty7822]

Yeaaaa Cire that's good news!! I'm in the same boat I feel pretty damn good. Knowing I don't need that poison anymore is a great feeling. I feel so clear headed. I'm just bored as shiitttt. I totally agree that first 60 was rough as hell bro. It's all worth it and it's possible to beat we're proof. I still have anxiety but it's much less then it was. All in all life is getting better. Keep it up Cire good hearing from you.

 

[cire113]

Yeaaaa Cire that's good news!! I'm in the same boat I feel pretty damn good. Knowing I don't need that poison anymore is a great feeling. I feel so clear headed. I'm just bored as shiitttt. I totally agree that first 60 was rough as hell bro. It's all worth it and it's possible to beat we're proof. I still have anxiety but it's much less then it was. All in all life is getting better. Keep it up Cire good hearing from you.

dam bro I'm BOREEDDD AS SHIT is an understatement... lolol

but i think it gets better over time the boredom is difficult

 

[CcLefty7822]

Yea it will get better. It's already better then it was but its still bad. Even when I would find something to go do I would be bored as hell doing that. You used a good word once Apathy. Even doing things I love to do I almost didn't enjoy anymore. It's all coming back around Cire. If being bored as shiitttt is the worst thing I'll take it lol. We been partying for a long time we need to find ourselves again or reinvent ourselves. In my case I been on opiates for 10 years or so but before that it was going out drinking 4-5 nights a week sometimes with blow and smoking trees. It's always been something for like 20 years as sad as that sounds I'm 37 and I feel like "that guy" who wasted his life. For what? To get high and wake up a decade later. I guess better late then never.

I'm really trying to not worry about what I don't have and where I should have been in life and be truly happy for what I do have. I have an amazing 5 year old son and being clean has made me enjoy him so much more. I actually laugh with him so much now. Life is just better all around. I'm just beyond stressed out with life issues / financial stuff but it's bc I care so much and I'm not blocking the caring with methadone n pipe dreams. I can finally make clear decisions and become accountable for them.

I also want to thank you Cire and everyone else on here it really helped me get through this. I thought something was wrong after a month like I would never be somewhat normal again but knowing you were going thru the same stuff made me know I can do this also and I might be "normal again". You Da Man Cire Thanks Brother!!

 

[cire113]

4 months sober my villains.... what a tripppppp holy shit;

I might do ibogaine again soon because I'm still suffering badly with PAWS symptoms; lower energy, fatigue, malaise, depression;

i'd rather do ibogaine again while sober ; I've heard the experience sober is way different then using to detox; and its probably meant to be used while ur sober to be honest;

I don't want to do it; shit is insane but I don't doubt it could help


hope u guys are still sober and doing well

 

[Inequals]

Wow, I'm on day 3 of MMT and this has really given me a lot to ponder. Incredibly proud of you guys. Certainly, I wouldn't have the strength to make it a day - I'm super weak (but at least strong for admitting that, right?)

 

[cire113]

Hit 5 months sober currently have the flu and struggling but life is all about accepting what is .....

I did go and do ibogaine a 2nd time after being sober 4 months or helped a lot to get rid of a lot of PAWS anxiety and depression ; and got me thinking slot about more changes I need to make ...


Anyways what a ride Jesus Christ ; still much real work to be done as I've realized using drugs was just the tip of a ginormous iceberg ......

It is getting better but fuck if nothing changes nothing changes .....

This shit is no joke!

 

[Jabberwocky]

Wow, I'm on day 3 of MMT and this has really given me a lot to ponder. Incredibly proud of you guys. Certainly, I wouldn't have the strength to make it a day - I'm super weak (but at least strong for admitting that, right?)

methadone is a super good thing for many for a time. I hear the highest rates of success long term with a maintenance program like that is about two years give or take a year. Getting off it was muuuuuuuch easier tapering than I was led to believe, but it still sucks balls (not the taper, that was totally painless, just jumping off still kinda sucked; it is gonna be a while till I can feel like I sleep normally, and it's been about two months, but hey I'm feeling better every day and CANNOT complain).

I too find occasional psychedelic use (in my case iboga) is very helpful to quick start the processes geared towards preventing relapses long before they might even begin. It isn't for everyone, but there are so many things out there that help just SO much.

And while each major experience on iboga has been a different, it is day and night between diving in deep during acute withdrawal and doing so sober, in such beautiful and amazing way I can't begin to describe.

 

[cire113]

methadone is pure fucking evil IMO and if anything it just prolongs the inevitable process of getting and staying sober; But i'd love to know the actual number of long term high dose methadone users that ever get off successfully; Shit is just a crutch and time release heroin IMO;

dam toothpaste I'm surprised you made it 2 months completely sober?!?

Iboga is a godsend and miracle but i realized it will only take me to a point where i will have to jump off my self and do the WORK.....

Have you done an iboga flood yet? I probably won't flood again; that shits brutal sober or for detox......

But i do think boosters can help a lot with the neurochemistry balance; But after a while i do think taking more Iboga will be harmful and it does activate and hit many opiod receptors...

I think the whole point of Iboga is to NOT take any more iboga... its really weird that way....

Curious to hear how your 2 months have been and have you abstained from all other drugs as well?

With quitting methadone shit gets real, then hard, then real hard, then your like WTF;;

then after the WTF phase you reach a deeper understanding of suffering and then when you think you have suffered enough it just keeps coming;

But it is all a blessing in disguise....

been sober for 13,870,009 seconds.... god help me


I think quitting methadone has been the most powerful and transformative experience possible to ever happen to me.....


The crazy thing to is there are different phases you will go through; and each is BRUTAL in there own relative way.....

GOOD LUCK ON YOUR JOUNEY, humans.

 

[neversickanymore]

I have to say it again.. your so fkn cool cire and your posts hit me hard in such a good way

In the end it's a battle within us and drugs have little to do with it and have even less of a chance of "fixing" us.

"Wherever you go there you are"

 

[herbavore]

In the end it's a battle within us and drugs have little to do with it and have even less of a chance of "fixing" us.

So true. My hat's off to everyone engaged in this struggle, no matter where you are. Once you embrace the process of living fully with all your emotions and your eyes open (including that third eye!) you stop looking at yourself as some kind of finished product that falls short of your own ideal . You are always a work in progress until the day you die.

 

[Erikmen]

Hit 5 months sober currently have the flu and struggling but life is all about accepting what is .....

I did go and do ibogaine a 2nd time after being sober 4 months or helped a lot to get rid of a lot of PAWS anxiety and depression ; and got me thinking slot about more changes I need to make ...


Anyways what a ride Jesus Christ ; still much real work to be done as I've realized using drugs was just the tip of a ginormous iceberg ......

It is getting better but fuck if nothing changes nothing changes .....

This shit is no joke!

I remember your journey when you were in your first days and I see you have progressed immensely, and stayed on track despite of the harshness.

Having gone myself through this experience all I can say is that it does get better, but rather slowly. Sticking to exercises made a difference after few weeks, same applies for taking good care of yourself and trying to include some distractions so you don't have to rely on Ibogain but also to other activities.

You have done an outstanding job and got over some serious difficulties. Keep moving foward cire, you have already made it through this. It gets better, trust me!

I wish you all the best. You are a very strong person and will get over this!

 

[Jabberwocky]

methadone is pure fucking evil IMO and if anything it just prolongs the inevitable process of getting and staying sober; But i'd love to know the actual number of long term high dose methadone users that ever get off successfully; Shit is just a crutch and time release heroin IMO;

dam toothpaste I'm surprised you made it 2 months completely sober?!?

Iboga is a godsend and miracle but i realized it will only take me to a point where i will have to jump off my self and do the WORK.....

Have you done an iboga flood yet? I probably won't flood again; that shits brutal sober or for detox......

But i do think boosters can help a lot with the neurochemistry balance; But after a while i do think taking more Iboga will be harmful and it does activate and hit many opiod receptors...

I think the whole point of Iboga is to NOT take any more iboga... its really weird that way....

Curious to hear how your 2 months have been and have you abstained from all other drugs as well?

With quitting methadone shit gets real, then hard, then real hard, then your like WTF;;

then after the WTF phase you reach a deeper understanding of suffering and then when you think you have suffered enough it just keeps coming;

But it is all a blessing in disguise....

been sober for 13,870,009 seconds.... god help me


I think quitting methadone has been the most powerful and transformative experience possible to ever happen to me.....


The crazy thing to is there are different phases you will go through; and each is BRUTAL in there own relative way.....

GOOD LUCK ON YOUR JOUNEY, humans.

Most people who seem to get off methadone successfully do not seem to be high dose long, long term users. Most are on methadone for about 1.5-3 years and have a high dose of like 60-180mg, and spend a significant amount of time tapering down to a manageable dose. You'd be surprised how many people I know who successfully got off methadone. Certainly more than were at the clinic. Few get off it in the same ways though - we all have different coping strategies, and obviously there is a significant number of people who go back to using. ORT relapse rates tend to be lower than abstinence only programs in any case.

And yup, nearly two months no opioids since I jumped off. I have flooded a number of times, although I rarely do it and did not feel the need to use that kind of therapy during my withdrawal. I used it more to transition at the lower dosages of it. I trained to use and administer it iboga, so I have a little bit of background in the medicinal use of the substance.

I haven't gotten high, with the exception of drinking half a beer the other night with my best uni friend who visited me for my birthday, and smoking a bit of blunt with him (frankly I didn't enjoy either, especially not the beer, my constitution cannot handle much booze right now). I have used DXM and iboga to treat my acute withdrawal from the methadone, which worked extremely well. I am currently using gabapentin during the day (there is a thread about this in SL) and trazadone and propranolol at night for sleep.

Realizing it was time to stop using low doses of iboga and DXM and transitioning back to total lucidity was a lot more challenging than stopping the methadone though, because I went from not have any issues with withdrawal to finally feeling the tail ends of acute withdrawal. I can feel I'm pretty much out of the woods with that now though. Not 100% by any means, but feeling so much better.

My mindfulness practice and involvement in MARC and ATS are what have really gotten me through this. That and a really, really supportive family and friends, including you all here (I cannot tell you how helpful BL has been).

I agree so much with you that this is such a beautiful process. It isn't easy. It is painful. It is sad, but it has serious moments of happiness. It is exciting. It really feels like I'm accomplishing a long sought goal of gaining serious abstinence of my DOCs and opioids across the board. Horrible and wonderful, in such amazing, wonderful ways overall though.