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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | Eligiu | deficiT | paranoid android

Mother fucking methadone withdrawal fuck my life

herbavore said:
It is so scary when you have these moments of realization that you have to leave what is familiar. But keep going back to that place, fear-inducing as it may be--because that right there is the wisdom that is going to propel you out of this endless looping trap forever. You can't just change behaviors and habits (drugs or whatever it is that someone may use as a drug)--you have to literally change your mind. If you think about how many years you have been consciously and unconsciously constructing that mind it can seem daunting but the good news is that walls fall faster than they get built!;)<3
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Thanks for the support; I had a really difficult day today... I Just can't believe how difficult this is; It is like climbing mt everest... How do people do it?

day 21; and I'm starting to get scared i'll never ever feel better .... But all i can do is stay sober today;

It feels like I'm doing nothing except staying sober at this point... I wish i could do more or have the energy/drive/motivation passion to do more;

I can barely walk everyday for 30 minutes and eat "ok"... its really sad the state I'm in...

Yeah i am really trying to change my mind and thinking as well;
I'm not sure how to do the mind yet because positive thinking isn't helping much; It literally feels like some days I'm hanging on by sheer will power alone....

I really feel bad for anyone who was on long term subs or methadone and is thinking about quitting. I thought i knew hell or depression. BOY was i wrong. This is on a hole new level of fucked up.... I think at least once a day I've had thoughts to end my life.


I think what also goes on in my head everyday is "what the fuck" .....(how do i still feel like shit)

I'm afraid to go outside, leave my house do anything besides lay in fetal position in my bed... its horrifying.

I am really TERRIFIED for tomorrow but i can't worry about that now.

Thx for the support guys it really HELPS a lot.

fuck my life.
 
My worst methadone addiction was 7 years 120mg from the doctor + up to 320mg combined from the black market. I did this with a rapid 10 day taper without any medication in detox. Not worth mentioning i could hardly go for a walk. I still remember the sun burning down on my weak body, like i'd been walking for days without water during the sahara. The destination of the walk was a gym, haha. I was rather inexperienced back than regarding detox, now looking back I cannot understand how reckless the clinic had been to me. I could not sleep, eat and was every day in excruciating pain. I could leave after 24 days into a drug rehabilitation even though i still had high levels of benzodiazepines in my urine. This was in the beginning of 2011. I was clean after this almost 2 years except a short 100mg oxygesic addiction, because i had legitimate pain. Withdrawal was nothing worth to speak about.
Now the last 1,5 years i have been back on the track, first low doses heroin. After some withdrawal attempts (2 in detox, 3 at home , while working!), i went on subutex for the first time, and went by fine maybe half a year, but then my heroin usage increased more and more until the switch back to subutex was no more feasible for me. I would have gone to detox if i had not to finish my education (my last chance of a real paid job at age 34). So i went on low dose methadone, but soon i liked the high of methadone again and my dosage escalated quick to 100mg and more.
Today i am on day one of no methadone, made a quick taper from 100mg over 4 days to zero. Fortunately i used only 4 month this poison. I tossed my last 50mg today. I use Pregabalin 2x max300mg , 2x 75ug Clonidin, 7,5mg Diazepam, 1mg Cloanzepam and 5mg oral Ab-Fubinaca for sleep. It helps A LOT.
Think i have still some methadone in my body because i droped so quick and used 30mg in the last two days combined. Lets see how this works this time. At the very least i'll go back to subutex if i cant kick completely.

ps: nice to read some from necrogesic again. Some from the very old school crew.
 
^^^^

Hang in there man it does get better but it is no joke. Today is day 23... Yup still counting the days; I figure ill stop counting the dam days when i feel a lot better;

Ive tried to quit many times before and I've been to atleast 10-12 rehabs in 10 years or more; and each one was like 90 days; this does not count detox/halfway houses and all that other stuff

Ive probably spent a small fortune trying to get sober and a large fortune on drugs..

You gotta really want it more than breathing; It literally is the fight of your life....

Wish i had more to type but I'm at loss of words; Made it another day;

I just wish i could get the fuck outta laying in my bed all the time ;/
 
Keep trucking cire=D

Thoughts simple and in the moment. If we slip into the past we can get hit with really strong regret, shame, anger, resentment, etc.. if we worry ourselves into the future we can get hit with fear, anxiety, self doubt, hopelessness, apprehension etc. In early recovery emotional response Is greatly amplified and sticking in the moment will greatly help mitigate this.

Most people spend their entire lives missing their lives because they are bogged down in the past or worrying about the future. The present is the only things that is real.. life's a journey and its truly an amazing spectacle if we take the horse blinders of the past and future off check out whats going down right now.

mindfulness thread

It get better 4 sure.. so much better than it ever was!!
 
cire113 said:
dude its absolutely brutal i am on day 20 and its scary how crazy bad i still feel;

I'm getting some iboga root bark to microdose in a few weeks its so bad; that should help a lot and destroy the rest of shit feelings i have.....

Im really struggling with sloth, malaise, and no interest in anything; I'm about to force myself to go walk for 20 minutes and try to light lift weights;

i feel completely lost in all aspects of life... its really sad; ill hang in there; Just gotta make it through today.

Total kudos to those who have gone through this bull shit; all day everyday my brain is screaming opiates; LoL

its definitely a MARATHON.
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Nice work Cire! Also you are helping a lot of people remember why we should not pick up that first one ever again!
 
Great advice neversickanymore; I've noticed that too ; need to be here now

Instead of in the past and future ; it's a viscous cycle;

Anyways day 26 feeling ok; I've just seriously don't know how I make it some days ;

Its weird ; I'm sober and I feel so lost ;

Almost like I have to now consciously create a new life and start over ....

Yeah I'm glad I can be a reminder for those struggling ; getting and staying sober is no joke;

You gotta want it more then breathing.

Anyways just gotta make it through this moment and today .

Do you guys know how long until I loose the no interest desire/lack of energy/ fatigue phase?

Almost all the physical is over at day 26;

Problem is I have NO desire to do anything all day and NOTHiNG to do;

Ahh sometimes I just wanna scream.....

There is no turning back after going through that fucking hell ;

Let me tell you guys I thought I knew pain and suffering ; This whole experience is going to be a rebirth by fire.

Keep breathing ppl love ya
 
hang in there buddy , im on 80mg methadone once a day , maybe your body isnt ready to quit . ... i hope things in your life brightens up and you feel better
 
This post has my eyes watering. I quit methadone 8 months ago and it was by far the worst days of my entire life. I even tapered before quitting and still had wds for months. I remember getting so fucking pissed that I tried to sue the clinic for not warning me that methadone wds are worse than heroin wds. Needless to say, they all but laughed at me.

I wouldn't wish that shit on anyone.. I feel anxious even thinking about it. Fuck- the memory is the best drug deterrent on earth. You will have good days and bad days for a while, but the bad days will start coming less and less often. It's been 8 months and I still have some brutal days mentally.

Congratulations on coming this far. You've already accomplished more than most ever will. If you had the willpower to come this far, don't let the few bad days that are coming mess you up. I know you can do this!
 
Been on 110 mg for 2 years. Attempting cold turkey and took my last dose 77 hours ago. So far no symptoms. Still waiting to see.
 
Vega89 said:
This post has my eyes watering. I quit methadone 8 months ago and it was by far the worst days of my entire life. I even tapered before quitting and still had wds for months. I remember getting so fucking pissed that I tried to sue the clinic for not warning me that methadone wds are worse than heroin wds. Needless to say, they all but laughed at me.

I wouldn't wish that shit on anyone.. I feel anxious even thinking about it. Fuck- the memory is the best drug deterrent on earth. You will have good days and bad days for a while, but the bad days will start coming less and less often. It's been 8 months and I still have some brutal days mentally.

Congratulations on coming this far. You've already accomplished more than most ever will. If you had the willpower to come this far, don't let the few bad days that are coming mess you up. I know you can do this!
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thanks for the help, kind words, and encouragement; the part thats the scariest of all is just how long you feel like shit for... I mean here i am day 30; i feel a little better but god dam this shit gets REAL. I am praying by day 45 it will be better; Cant sleep for SHIT; its weird some days your look oh its getting better than you get slammed again; its very up and down;

The best thing you could do is just not listen to your mind.

methadone withdrawals don't really start until day 3; if you were really on 110mg for 2 years and quit cold turkey brace yourself man; it will hit you. Stock on up vacation time and be prepared...

Thank god ppl have chimed in who have been here before; methadone wd has to be by far the WORST opiod to withdrawal from.. jesus christ;

my family keeps asking me how i am ; I am just saying "ok" and they are bummed; thinking after 30 days ill be good...

IF YOUR GOING THROUGH HELL KEEP GOING.
 
neversickanymore said:
Most people spend their entire lives missing their lives because they are bogged down in the past or worrying about the future. The present is the only things that is real.. life's a journey and its truly an amazing spectacle if we take the horse blinders of the past and future off check out whats going down right now.
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Amen, yes, very good haha!
 
Day 37 still extremely difficult;

I thought taking small doses of iboga root bark would make me feel better; it has in a way but it's just really made me look at myself honestly and what I need to work on;

It has been fucking real
And sobering to say the least ;

Iboga is no joke when it comes to self reflection !! I took iboga for 3 days straight about 2 small capsules filled with bark and dam that shit screams self improvement like no other ;

Also the stark reality that quitting drugs is the easy part; facing yourself and the person you are without running away is the challenge ;

Will check back in a few; shits just too real right now ;

Biggest realization I've grown older but haven't grown up.

Fuck.

I guess awareness is half the battle
 
. It def helped reading it as I went thru a lot of the same symptoms. Methadone is a mindfuk there's no two ways about it. I was on 80mg methadone for over a year c/t off 30mg I'm on day 26. I guess I can't look forward to anything getting much better anytime soon. It's all mental from here on out. I can deal with it even tho it sucks its better then being a slave to a clinic. Hope things get better Cire
 
Keep firing Cc.. nothing left back there but the misery your valiantly fleeing. Fight Fight Fight.. it gets better I promise.
 
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Thanks for the encouragement Neversick! Going back is a 0 option. I think 10 years of self destruction is enough for me. I had a few rough days but I smoked some bud last night and woke up 100x better. Trying to avoid taking anything but natural stuff. I'm digging in deep for this fight.
 
You really gotta hang in there no matter what; difficult is an understatement this shit is near impossible .... days 42 and 43 today were a bitch in the ass; felt like i did 4 weeks ago; LoL; the problem is it comes and goes in waves and its really really annoying; fucking annoying to still feel like a lead body and death;

i literally could not get out of bed on last 2 days; i had to force myself to walk 15-20 mins; I've had lots of cravings the past 2 days; more so then the last 40 days;

really scary stuff;

how could someone still feel this bad after 43 days?
 
Your getting closer to feeling better cire. in under two months from the 43 amazing days ago you're going to begin to feel better. In under a year your opiate receptors will retract and your brain homeostasis will also regulate back. Your mind will go from a four cylinder to an eight. Your physical symptoms will either slowly dissipate or fall off even quicker.

Your going to really like where you're going!!
 
somehow made it to 60 days; it is getting easier but man those 60 days felt like mother fucking 60000; Hanging in there; I was hoping by 60 days i could change my mother fucking depressing avatar ; I'm almost there but not quite; hopefully soon :)

don't know what else to say other than its a marathon and people have no idea how hard this is; Im a little hesitant to maybe start my own online business because i feel like i won't have enough energy or motivation right now and maybe I should wait until i have around 90 or 100 days sober to do it as it is going to cost a few thousands dollars and feels like a huge risk; not really sure if I'm ready for that yet;

Still struggling with the daily exercise my diet has gotten better; but I've gained like 30 pounds since quitting methadone/suboxone its scary; but i did lay in bed for the first 30 days and wished god would kill me;

U know the amount of times I've wished death has been scary; it has gotten a lot better but man i still don't feel normal and real struggling with anhedonia, lack of energy/fatigue...


I could not have done it without all of you people! But all I got is this today to get through;


Oh and my sleep is still FUCKED; Ive been taking melatonin everyday for weeks and it helps a little (even though it only says use it for 2-5 days); I should maybe go back to doxylamine succinate that shit really works but leaves a bad hangover;

OR MAYBE ILL SLEEP EVENTUALLY?
 
That's great news Cire I'm glad it's getting better. You hit the nail on the head it's a marathon. Some days feel soooooo long. I'm at 43 and still going strong. This is probably the hardest drug to kick and you did it. Thanks for the update it gives me hope it gets better.
 
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