Shroomy, thank you for sharing, really. Your posts made me look at this in a very different light. Ive been in hell all week with wds because i virtually ran out of oxys and cant get more for a few days. Its the second month its happened to me. This has forced me to really reflect. Ive had so many nights sitting here wanting to find some dope to aleviate the suffering, but Ive stayed my course. Im doing all i can to avoid it, but im definitely in the abyss right now. Its been the longest week of my life so far. And its true, if Im like this now just off oxy, I dont want to imagine what dope will do to me. I think that fear is the only thing winning.
Dope will do the same thing, dig the hole deeper though. Eventually, I couldn't even really feel oxy anymore, and hundreds of milligrams of it wouldn't satisfy me. Needed to rail good dope. Injected it 5 times last year after being hooked 5 years, realized I was likely going to die, pretty ashamed it got that bad and I've been quitting/relapsing ever since after a year it gets fucking exhausting. Detox after detox will wear the body out. I'm getting back in shape though. Got a hot yoga class to catch.
What has set me back the most are oxycodone pharmacy refills. I don't get cravings much, but if I do that has made it all to easy to act on. I'm out of scripts now but nothing will really stop me if I want to get high... I don't. It isn't worth the horrible sickness and being unreliable like that. I couldn't work by the end of it, was sick more often than not... still didn't want to let go. My tolerance was getting just stupid and side effects were becoming more and more apparent, shortened peaks, diminished returns, worsened withdrawals...
For what? I'm several years older, and all my problems are worse except for the back pain. I can live with that.
I'm at 2 weeks myself from my last oxy relapse. Haven't done H since the summer it doesn't matter. Eventually, it's all the same as if you quit your tolerance will get so low that oxy becomes an overdose risk it gets me so high now in small amounts (at first, tolerance and withdrawal take one or two days to return now... I didn't even notice until 18 months in really to contrast). My brain has changed. It no longer tolerates opiates. I don't even think much about H anymore it scares me a bit, knowing my current tolerance and ingrained patterns of use. It's when a lot of accidental overdoses happen, and it almost happened to me twice since December. Made me realize more than ever that I could randomly die one day from this as I had been clean so I could think straight. Still relapsed.
Been doing a lot of hot yoga it helps if you find yourself in this miserable god forsaken way of life and the first step for anyone who made this mistake was to try it. No worries about sharing I know this is behind me. For the longest time I wouldn't let go.
2 weeks is when I become reasonably physically comfortable, and I begin to be able to do cognitive things again like read, or make music. My brain has felt pretty much dead the past month from using in December for a bit... it was never like that before. It really does feel like a progressive disease, and I don't personally want to find out how much worse it gets as I'm already at my wits end and have been for a long time and I know it could get SO much worse even still. But, my withdrawals a couple years ago are laughable compared to what one or two days of not even that much oxycodone will do to me now. I'm so worn out from this shit.
If you've been through the week of hell you may as well experience the week two of burnout and residual physical effects, and the week three of realizing what a mess you might have made, and week 4 to the rest of your incarnation to pick up the pieces. That week of hell really should not be underestimated. It can turn into an absolute nightmare with a long term habit.