Thanks krazikat! It's been hard this time.. I can't get out of the "I need to take something" mindset. I haven't learned how to let go of my love for drugs. I'm trying not to be introspective about anything - but it's tough when all I want to do is kill this pain with anything I could get my hands on.
Good luck to you! Keep us updated on your journey. Reading other people's experiences always gives me hope!
Today has gotten minutely better. Dosed 750mg of phenibut around 9AM after a severe panic attack over the fact that my symptoms seemed to be worsening.
This will be the 2nd time this week I have used it. Will need to wait 3-4 more days before using again. If I even do. Last time I didn't use it too much because it negatively affected everything. This time it takes away 90% of the physical symptoms - except the dull ache in my head that won't stop.
It's nice to be able to be up and move around - though I know I'm in for it tomorrow -_-
About to head to my parents house for a swim, and let my puppy run around their yard (they have 3 acres, and I live in an apartment) so he loves it there.
I did inform them of this quit - finally, both have been supportive. Though really generic. Every time I see them I hear "you just have to do it! You did it once you can do it before. Just think positive."
And I know they're right. But when I'm in this state of mind I want to sucker punch them. Neither have ever had any drug issues (neither ever took any drugs, ever.)
My dads brother, however, is extremely addicted to crack/pcp/alcohol. Some brothers on my mothers side are alcoholics as well. So my parents are familiar with addiction, but from an outsiders perspective.
Currently, my uncle has just suffered 2 strokes because of his addiction, lost his wife, and in the process basically incapacitated himself. My father has had to take the reins on everything.
His body is retaining water (the right side of his body is completely inflamed, he looks like the Michelin man) and he is most likely going to pass soon. So with all that good by on I am more inclined to want to use to cope.
I can't stand thinking my dad looks at me and sees his brother.
Edit/ sorry for the long drawn out explanation. Need to get it out somewhere as my fiancé has his own set of problems and I feel terrible breaking down to him. I've never been an insanely open person.