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Welp. I'm back, and not with good news.

I know that kicking it again is though and I know everyone is telling you to work out and hobbies and that sort, but the hardest part for me was after the gym and hobbies I would just want to lay down and rest or nap and that is when the struggle came. But my body needed rest, so may I suggest if you have a table try to find a game that you can get into and play that when you need to lay down and rest. I needed to keep my mind on something small, not lay there and worry about everything that was going on. The game Best Feinds got me through some REALLY hard times. I hope this helps you, I wish someone had given me the advise, I was not prepared for the cravings when bored and resting, they were intense. It may have been just me and the way I choose deal with it. One thing that did help and although it is a prescription allergy medicine and they gave it to me for the itching I was having, it also helped with the anxiety and restlessness I was having when trying to sleep, it is called Vistaril or Hydroxyzine. And it helped a lot!

Good Luck and if you want to talk just PM me!
 
Thank you everyone! I made it through my first day back ok.. I'm exhausted and back at work this AM. I can barely move. I'm just super lethargic. My bones still ache and I have zero energy. Really struggling. But doing it.
thank you for the ongoing support <3
 
Have you ever done any body work like Xigong or yoga (not the strength training/workout kind) TWP?

Might be a good day to go out and get yourself a manicure (something so small, but god knows it cheers me up so) or a massage or something.
 
I haven't done yoga outside of exercise! I would love to do some deep meditation type yoga. Just need to force myself to start.

I am currently about to have 2 days off after working 4 in a row. And man, work is hellish. Absolutely brutal. I have constant thoughts about just walking out and saying fuck it to everything. But for whatever reason, I push through the pain. I hate it. I don't feel proud of myself yet. I'm sure that's just my brain still being uneven. I am getting a massage tomorrow though! 75 minutes of hot stone chakra therapy. I have rescheduled skydiving til next week - I'm not too upset though, as it gives me something to work towards and look forward to.

Overall I'm just really tired, depressed, and have a general lack of interest in everything. Pushing through though, at an alarmingly slow rate.
 
I know it's horrible but you really are doing great!
 
I hope you enjoy your days off...massage is awesome during that dreary PAWS twilight.
 
Quick update as I'm about to go to sleep for the night. Had a pretty okay day off! Definitely needed. I'm still just as lethargic and having bad anxiety come nighttime.
My massage definitely gave me a good 4 hours of contentment. I *almost* felt completely okay.
I have decided to continue with massage therapy and try out different sorts that are suppose to help with different things like tension/stress/anxiety and general wellbeing. Plus, it was nice to be pampered! :\
Thanks Simco! The haze hanging over me this time is almost unbearable -_-
 
Hey TWP.. Glad things are going well. I am right behind you. A little over 10days(not sure of day) and I get my car back from the shop in a day or two so I will have to rejoin the workforce. I don't know if I am ready but I found that sometimes doing things you don't want to do is the best thing for you at the time. Even if you have to push yourself to the max just to make it. I just wanted to say you are doing awesome. I always wanted to check out acupuncture. Always heard it was great for opiate withdrawal. It will get better I have had a yr and 8mths on 2 separate occasions and the fog lifts... and this is even after almost 20yrs of opiate addiction. Including stints on methadone and benzos.
 
Lol well that will teach me to read all the responses before going ahead and posting 8) I was just thinking the same thing somni:)

Thinkwithportals said:
Quick update as I'm about to go to sleep for the night. Had a pretty okay day off! Definitely needed. I'm still just as lethargic and having bad anxiety come nighttime.
My massage definitely gave me a good 4 hours of contentment. I *almost* felt completely okay.
I have decided to continue with massage therapy and try out different sorts that are suppose to help with different things like tension/stress/anxiety and general wellbeing. Plus, it was nice to be pampered! :\
Thanks Simco! The haze hanging over me this time is almost unbearable -_-
Click to expand...

Nice one! Have you ever thought about exploring acupuncture? I found it super helpful, right up there with the massages and manicures. Did I mention I highly recommend manicures? =D

I apologize if you already covered this, but have you thought about seeing if you can find a non-narcotic sleep med that might give you a little more ease come bedtime? That was also definitely helpful for me for the first six to nine months off methadone/etc. A lot of the meds have less than pleasant side effects, so of course it should be handled carefully, but there are a lot of different things you can try out depending on any prior experience with this stuff you might have had.

Nothing beats a good manicure though! Oh yeah, and keep in mind many licensed acupuncturists are covered by insurance. And if that is an issue, there are often good little centers that offer the service at very low cost (25-50$/visit) in most major cities. Just throwing it out there into the either :)

Keep up the great work TWP!
 
First ever.

Thinkwithportals said:
Quick update as I'm about to go to sleep for the night. Had a pretty okay day off! Definitely needed. I'm still just as lethargic and having bad anxiety come nighttime.
My massage definitely gave me a good 4 hours of contentment. I *almost* felt completely okay.
I have decided to continue with massage therapy and try out different sorts that are suppose to help with different things like tension/stress/anxiety and general wellbeing. Plus, it was nice to be pampered! :\
Thanks Simco! The haze hanging over me this time is almost unbearable -_-
Click to expand...

I want to say first and foremost I have read your entire thread top to bottom and you have made immense progress. Honestly I've spent hours of my life reading bluelight as I've been an addict for years and always come here whether it should to try and make sure I'm not going to take too much to OD or if I'm needing advice on a kick to try and quit. In fact on this kick it has been by far one of the best tools I have. Whenever I start to feel dispair or hopelessness I try and read other people's stories.
I have taken painkillers since I was 17, I am almost 23 years old now. In the beginning it was all recreational and of course as many before me the use just spiraled out of control. The drugs felt so good I just never ever wanted to not have that euphoric comfort. Once before in 2015 I moved away and ended up quitting my habit completely cold turkey for 9 months and then when I moved back I ended up relapsing and the use spiraled out of control as bad as it ever was. Eventually money ran out and I began to sort of just take less and less and make what I had last me bc I didn't want to WD again as I had already been through that hell. Inevitably they came though and I've actually been using kratom and very small doses of xanax to manage. I snorted half on opana 6 days ago and then went sober for 2 days and took 4 Percocet 5s the next day. That was Saturday I haven't used since then. Honestly my WD symptoms aren't terrible. I've taken 1 g capsule of kratom and that was very early this morning. For me the worst part of WDs has always been the mental side. However this time I've found that a very small dose of xanax .25 not enough to get me high but enough that it helps with anxiety has worked miracles. I think the fact that I've quit cold turkey for a much longer period than this is helping me right now but I'm not sure. I also smoke weed daily and have cut back on that drastically too as I know learning to live sober again is a big part of the process. Working out helps incredibly. I'm sorry for the long post as the original intent was just to suggest maybe very small doses .25 or .5 maybe of xanax since the anxiety seems to be a pretty consistent problem for you. I hope you keep your resolve because from what I've read you've had some nasty pretty long lasting withdrawals especially for the drugs you were doing. If you've made it this far, undoubtedly you can conquer the challenges ahead.
Godspeed.
 
Thanks everyone for your responses!
I woke up this morning with no pounding heartbeat! God the relief. I'm tired but I almost enjoy being a little tired in the morning (when it isn't accompanied by extreme anxiety)

Somni - I actually have an electric acupuncturist I used to see for my back problems, I plan to set up an appointment at the end of the month :) he basically fixed my back last time (but then I stopped going) so we'll see what he can do for me this time around :) 10 days is awesome! (Or is it 11 or 12 now?) I'm glad you seem to be doing well :)

TPD - my finances friend came over a few days ago to use our apartment to make marijuana tincture. At the time I was pissed and anxious because I was up all night because of it. He left some here for us though, and I've been taking 2-3 drops before bedtime with decent results. Will look into seeing a dr for my choppy sleep if it persists though, as I'm sure not sleeping through the night plays a huge role in my anxiety.

Run - I enjoy long posts :) so post away!
Unfortunately xanax doesn't do much for me in the ways of anxiety - I have always just become drowsy upon taking it. I'm also trying to stay away from things I could potentially abuse as the cravings this time to get high in any way are very severe. I am so glad your withdrawal is manageable for you :) that's amazing! Thank you for your kind words <3 keep us updated on your progress please!
 
Glad to hear the tincture went well. Havung to put up with someone using your place to process stuff like that is certainly a PITA sometimes, particularly with what you're already dealing with :(
 
I'm glad to hear you're enjoying the tincture. Do you prefer that to smoked/vaporized pot?
 
I do actually prefer the tincture because it gives me less anxiety - it might have something to do with the fact that I don't feel like people can tell whereas when I smoke I feel as if I reek of marijuana. It is a bizarre thing when it kicks in. I'm so used to smoking and feeling immediate effects. It takes about an hour - then lasts for about 4-6 depending.
29 days today. Feeling really rattled due to something that happened at work. Just trying to get my footing still. Stress levels are really high. I have tomorrow and Wednesday off. I feel like I'm going through life underwater right now. Oi vey.
 
Tincture! I am obsessed and wish I lived in a legal state. Was in Vegas a couple weeks and visited the now-legal-recreational dispensary. Bought 1 to 1 THC to CBD tincture, and it is what I have been looking for. No anxiety or paranoia -- really takes the edge off.
 
Damn, Portals...I didn't realize you were up to 29 days. That's awesome. Congratulations!
 
Thanks simco!

Today was weird. I'm in a really foggy place. Experienced loads of pounding heart stuff today. I wouldn't say I'm craving anything in particular - but I just feel all around restless. Did a few small tasks (all I wanted to do was lay around). I keep feeling like something big is about to happen. The anxiety is gnawing at me.

I have decided to force myself to take a sunrise walk tomorrow. I can't remember the last time I did that sans opiates. So in the AM me and the puppy will be walking by the reservoir watching the sun rise. I desperately need to change my mindset. Feeling mentally beat down today.
 
Read through your posts. I love your dedication to staying clean. It motivates me to keep myself clean.

All I can recommend is group support (meetings) whenever I feel weird or I want to talk/listen I hit one up and I almost always feel better that I went.

Keep it up! You can do this.
 
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