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Vent/Rant Thread vs I'll tell you how I really feel (Triggering Content)

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Captain.Heroin said:
Our galaxy will be merging with another galaxy in a few billion years
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Can I please cryosleep until said merge?

I think I could use a few billion year break from things right now.

Or maybe a good nights sleep. I guess I'll find out in the morning. :|
 
caseface99 said:
Can I please cryosleep until said merge?

I think I could use a few billion year break from things right now.

Or maybe a good nights sleep. I guess I'll find out in the morning. :|
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Are you going to sleep now case? I have a song that you might like:

 
^^ I was planning on it, but then I got caught up writing poetry to process some thoughts.


Edit: Thanks for that Maya. I had trouble hearing some of the lyrics over the music, but what i did hear was pretty damn relevant.

edit 2: 2:45 am and I'm still up. Screwed up tonight >.< I'm gonna have to force myself to get up early anyway and exercise a bunch tomorrow so that i don't screw my sleep schedule for class on monday.
 
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neversickanymore said:
I would not choose to look at this in this manor.. you have made great strides and this does not take away from all you have accomplished. recovery is a process and the only thing we need to do is learn from our slips. dust yourself off, learn the lesson it gives, and keep moving forward<3

One thing I would look at is how this all went down. It seems like a strong trigger for you is when you feel another person is treating you poorly. this seems to cause a very unpleasant emotions and mood for you. you then use this to justify your use. This is addict thinking as it does not make sense. Its could be looked at as I am so upset at what has happened that it justifies me using a substance that makes me miserable and ruins my life. I we take the time to think through any set of circumstances that we think initially justify us using we so often find that they dont make sense when we look at them further. Another big one for allot of people is using guilt over circumstances caused by drug abuse to justify more drug abuse. That one is like I am so ashamed and guilt stricken over the damage I have done hitting myself in the head with a hammer that I need to and am going to hit myself in the head with a hammer.

The part of the brain thats addicted and want use no matter what is powerful and very manipulative. It is in control of our emotions and moods.. it knows we dont think clearly and are weaker when we are upset. The whole purpose of emotions is to make us do what it wants. In learning techniques to calm down and rethink any thought process that ends in use is a good way to see through portions of its game. There is never a good reason or justification to use a substance that we are addicted to as they always suck and ruin us. So when ever the I need to use or the old fuck it im getting fucked up moment comes.. throw up a red flag and review the events and thought that lead up to that moment.. cause with addiction all wells lead to use, even if they make no sense, and when we reach that moment our addiction smiles and chuckles because we have once again gotten played. Its a weird concept to not be able to trust our own thoughts, but once we see this then it hard not to see it.. once you see a portion of the delusion of addiction it losses it power.

The lesson from this one could be that there may be a few areas you can explore. what can you do or change to limit the power other peoples actions have over you and your emotions and moods. what would be a healthy way for you handle this situation when you come across it again. ??

Your doing great Evel=D.. keep at it this shit is hard but you have come so far and are fighting hard to keep moving forward in this battle. :)
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I've read this properly. I did start to deal withe matter the right way then I felt the sustem let me down ( without saying anymore). The problem was I assumed that deep down everyone felt the same way n I felt ashamed. I couldn't even get off codeine, the weakest opiate going. People are getting off suboxone. I guess not use alcohol as a reward is the answer.

I bought the alcohol thinking I've nearly finish my assignment what harm would it do to celebrate with a few bottles of wine? - just once? Then just before 'the incident happened' so I drank the wine.

I acted immature n like a drama queen. It's something that upset me n I felt hurt because no one understood that it was a big deal to me. I have an issue with rejection n when I told I don't belong because im only addicted to a weak opiate I took that hard: that I was being rejected n I felt extremely humiliated.

I wish in a way I'd never told anyone I had a codeine addiction I should have said I was addicted to opiates. I can't see it happening again if I stick with TDS n EADD. I feel safe in those forums. I also want to be where I can help / support others n give back for all I've received. BL has helped me in a lot of ways. A few months ago I'd have handled the situation a lot differently so in some ways I'm pleased with myself
Eveyxxxx
 
Really thinking of throwing all my subs away n stopping all together. Maybe then people will stop laughing n treating me as a complete joke. I was manipulated by someone who had me think suboxone was good for codeine addiction. If i quit cold turkey will I redeem myself?
 
Eveleivibe said:
Really thinking of throwing all my subs away n stopping all together. Maybe then people will stop laughing n treating me as a complete joke. I was manipulated by someone who had me think suboxone was good for codeine addiction. If i quit cold turkey will I redeem myself?
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Don't let others influence you so much. If subs are helping you, then stay on the subs.
 
If someone here on Bluelight is making you feel this way, put them on ignore. Then you won't have the aggravation Evey. I think eventually, when you are ready to taper off suboxone it's a personal decision as to how long you stay on them.
 
fucking pissed off right now

seems like i really got 0 friends and im gonna be getting drunk and fucked up by myself all alone

fuck other people man everybody sucks, the solo life is the yolo life

lol
 
Eh plmar I'm sure that's not true. Why you think that eh? You have friends on BL if its any consolation.
 
BL is an awesome community and I love you all for sure but got nobody irl who seems to be on my wavelength.
I ask this dude i went to college with on FB if he wants to go out get messed up on the weekend and he goes offline lol.
if the person im talking about reads this fuck you ;)

fuck it ill do it myself its more fun anyway
 
plmar said:
BL is an awesome community and I love you all for sure but got nobody irl who seems to be on my wavelength.
I ask this dude i went to college with on FB if he wants to go out get messed up on the weekend and he goes offline lol.
if the person im talking about reads this fuck you ;)

fuck it ill do it myself its more fun anyway
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Awh... Maybe his net went down or something? I'm sure it's nothing personal. Sometimes if we expect the worst then the worst will happen :)
 
Hey Plmar I have one friend that does this to me all the time when we're instant messaging on facebook. I think we're having a conversation and he just drops off so I'm sort of used to it. It's still rude I think but don't take it personally. Some people have poor manners. :|
 
NSA has been helping me see things more clearly. I know this is the vent thread but as I've typed the situation here i thought it be best here but feel free to move it if it should be elsewhere.

I was silly to think of throwing my suboxone away. I was about to throw them But then I thought what the hell am I doing? I love suboxone n since being on 12 mg my life has improve but I let one person's words , on Friday evening, lead me back into depression n make me feel ashamed , weak n as a result I got drunk n put my private stuff here. I am going to work
Hard on me n never let a person's words have that much control over me again.
I 've got a lot to appreciate n be grateful for: a hell of a lot more than most. My daughter, studies, shelter, food, people on Bluelight who I care a lot about.

Thank you for all the support n for putting up with me. I've never felt judged on TDS only accepted - there 's such lovely, warm, caring, friendly people here. Please take care,
Evey xxxx
 
Awesome Evey!

I have had people say things to me in the past about being on subs that made me feel inferior or whatever for a minute, but I've gotten over it and basically I just don't tell anyone anymore unless I know them really well and know they won't judge.

I am healthy, I don't remotely feel like I am on drugs physically or mentally, my mind is clear, and I'm not still kicking (which i would be if i wasn't on subs - thats right, still kicking, 8 months later. If you haven't felt what I've felt for as long as i've felt it in the past trying it without sub, don't tell me I'm crazy. you don't know my body chem and i WOULD still be kicking - not "paws" , KICKING.)

so yeah, don't be ashamed of subs evey! Just keep getting your life together and do what you gotta do for yourself. :)
 
:! I'm pissed that our government has given one state exemption to worldwide Environmental Protection laws (which, by the way, they don't actually have the power to do) to allow the cull of an endangered species based on fatalities that happened 6 fucking years ago! :!
 
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