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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | Eligiu | deficiT | paranoid android

Vent/Rant Thread vs I'll tell you how I really feel (Triggering Content)

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Oh my that's terrible, the only thing I can think of is either psychologically she has a problem or shes just immature trying to get too much attention. How long have you been living there? Is there a chance she can seek help or maybe you can move somewhere else?
 
Get out of that place kace. Or buy a fridge and put it in your room with a padlock on it. Also ear muffs for said screams.
 
Captain.Heroin said:
THIS POST IS TRIGGERING so please only read if it won't hurt your chances at sobriety - otherwise I would feel bad - focus on yourself.

NSFW:

I had a horrible dream about suboxone - I was so close to doing it in my dream and I can't even fathom it wasn't real - it felt so real. It was a lucid dream that lasted a long time.

Then there was a button and VOOMP I woke up. I never got to use in the dream.

All I want to do is scream and hurt myself. I think it is the alpha adrenergic receptors that fuck me up with this fight of flight shit.

As tired as my body and mind are, I won't go back to sleep.

I wasn't getting using dreams that fucked with me like this for 50 whole days wtf

Can anyone connect with this, how do you deal?

I seriously dont want to wake up with the "using" mind.

This makes me want to get on meds for PTSD.

All I want is to forget that fucking dream so I had to get it off my shoulders. I am now listening to music and watching TV shows.

One step at a time I guess. Will just have to let it not effect me.
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When I have using dreams, I do what you did - I share about it with people. Sharing seems to take the power out of it, and helps calm me down quite a bit. I know what you mean with how real it felt, and how fucked up that can make you feel. You're doing the right thing, sharing about it. My first intense using dream was about 2 months into recovery for me too. After that it's been sporadic, usually separated by months - couple times I had 3 in one week. Seems to be random, though I haven't had one in a while.
Lately it's dreams almost every night about something else I lost(not drugs), for the last few weeks actually, almost every night. I wasn't telling anyone and it was driving me crazy - though last week i did start talking about it, and it helped tremendously. I was at the point where I didn't want to sleep anymore because waking up from the dreams was so shitty - but now that I've talked about it and gotten more perspective I'm a little closer to just accepting it, and it hasn't been every single night anymore for the last 5-6 days. Anyway, just talk to people about it, thats really the only thing I know to suggest.
 
Okay, I thought for a bit that I had made some progress with understanding women, but nope. Girl A was somewhere I was yesterday, but we just missed each other. So I texted her and made fun of her for ignoring me. I then invited her out to breakfast today, and she said that she would do it, conditioned on her kids having school. They did have school. She never showed up, though. I wasn't going to call or text to ask where she was, because that would look desperate. But I waited, and it was frustrating.

Then Girl B swaps numbers with me today. She seems eager to talk. Tonight she says that we cannot talk because she has a boyfriend and he wouldn't like it. THEN WHY DID YOU GIVE ME YOUR NUMBER? I mean, don't give a guy your number unless you are single, your boyfriend would be okay with it, or you're prepared to cheat. I don't have time for this type of bullshit. I am not getting any younger.

I have two tickets for a really classy event in town in three weeks. This stems from Girl C, who had previously agreed to go with me and then cancelled, leaving me with an extra ticket. I want a date to the event and it's just frustrating and painful to the self-esteem to not be able to line one up.
 
Aw that sucks redleader. Maybe just invite a friend to the event sometimes its fun that way.

I have had guys ditch me too and I was so upset like one of them didn't bother messaging me until after the time we were supposed to meet up and the other one said he made plans but said yes to me and cancelled too ugh! But oh well that's how it is sometimes.
 
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Haha, I'm in a new city doing the clean thing...I don't really know anyone here other than co-workers. Don't so much have friends here as I have daily people who are in my life through work, gym, commute, etc. I'll probably sell the tickets, it just sucks because I do want to go to the event and see it as much as I would like to go on a date.
 
Do you have a co-worker you can take to the event?

That's annoying that Girl C dropped out. Women can be flippant (and so can men), it just sucks that you've had a run of them lately
 
I was trying to sleep but couldn't. I didn't know how to express my thoughts/feelings in a coherent manner, so I started randomly writing and this is what came out:

"Intrepid thoughts of random origin, no translation, no meaning, no reason.
Just repetitive nonsensical bullshit that makes you want to pull the trigger
and paint the wall with your already decaying brain matter.

But think about the poor asshole who would have to clean it up.

Instead perhaps a cocktail of intravenous pseudo-suicide to temporarily
euthanize the firing squad of random broken electrical signals in your thick skull.

But think about your pride, and ego - back to day one?
May as well just paint the fucking wall at that point.

No choice but to try and solve the insolvable,
decipher the indecipherable, translate the untranslatable.
Better call a wind talker before your dilapidated mind goes up like Hiroshima.

Too late. It was inevitable anyway. You've past the event horizon
and the last traces of tangible thought are lost to speghettification.

Darkness. Welcome to the void."

I really don't know where this came from... I just put pen to paper and scribbled this out without even really thinking about it. Strange. Hopefully now I can sleep?
 
RedLeader said:
Okay, I thought for a bit that I had made some progress with understanding women, but nope. Girl A was somewhere I was yesterday, but we just missed each other. So I texted her and made fun of her for ignoring me. I then invited her out to breakfast today, and she said that she would do it, conditioned on her kids having school. They did have school. She never showed up, though. I wasn't going to call or text to ask where she was, because that would look desperate. But I waited, and it was frustrating.

Then Girl B swaps numbers with me today. She seems eager to talk. Tonight she says that we cannot talk because she has a boyfriend and he wouldn't like it. THEN WHY DID YOU GIVE ME YOUR NUMBER? I mean, don't give a guy your number unless you are single, your boyfriend would be okay with it, or you're prepared to cheat. I don't have time for this type of bullshit. I am not getting any younger.

I have two tickets for a really classy event in town in three weeks. This stems from Girl C, who had previously agreed to go with me and then cancelled, leaving me with an extra ticket. I want a date to the event and it's just frustrating and painful to the self-esteem to not be able to line one up.
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Shit that sucks, at least you got the balls to call them and talk to them etc, I went to a rock-gig-type-thing with a girl but never followed through with it. 8(
You should add a vomit face thing like :V for vomit lol
 
caseface99 said:
I was trying to sleep but couldn't. I didn't know how to express my thoughts/feelings in a coherent manner, so I started randomly writing and this is what came out:

"Intrepid thoughts of random origin, no translation, no meaning, no reason.
Just repetitive nonsensical bullshit that makes you want to pull the trigger
and paint the wall with your already decaying brain matter.

But think about the poor asshole who would have to clean it up.

Instead perhaps a cocktail of intravenous pseudo-suicide to temporarily
euthanize the firing squad of random broken electrical signals in your thick skull.

But think about your pride, and ego - back to day one?
May as well just paint the fucking wall at that point.

No choice but to try and solve the insolvable,
decipher the indecipherable, translate the untranslatable.
Better call a wind talker before your dilapidated mind goes up like Hiroshima.

Too late. It was inevitable anyway. You've past the event horizon
and the last traces of tangible thought are lost to speghettification.

Darkness. Welcome to the void."

I really don't know where this came from... I just put pen to paper and scribbled this out without even really thinking about it. Strange. Hopefully now I can sleep?
Click to expand...

Wow Case that's really good, you can probably keep a journal of your writings sort of like Diary. I used to do it before but nowadays I find listening to music and watching movies and late night chats make my eyes tired and put me to sleep =D
 
Maya said:
Wow Case that's really good, you can probably keep a journal of your writings sort of like Diary. I used to do it before but nowadays I find listening to music and watching movies and late night chats make my eyes tired and put me to sleep =D
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Thanks Maya! I don't usually share my writing with anyone. For some reason i got an urge to post that right after i finished it though. I do like getting feedback sometimes, never happens in "words" on bluelight though, not enough traffic. I think I'm going to get a journal specifically for random poems and such like this, rather than having them scattered around and losing all of them. I think it would be really interesting to start keeping them in one place and then go back and read them a year later.
 
caseface99 said:
Thanks Maya! I don't usually share my writing with anyone. For some reason i got an urge to post that right after i finished it though. I do like getting feedback sometimes, never happens in "words" on bluelight though, not enough traffic. I think I'm going to get a journal specifically for random poems and such like this, rather than having them scattered around and losing all of them. I think it would be really interesting to start keeping them in one place and then go back and read them a year later.
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Good idea.
And if writing helps you, that's ace. Writing can help relieve mood xxxx
 
I think my girl is having an affair, i don't know what to do... maybe i'm just paranoid
 
we broke up for a month and she was with another man (even though she said she still loved me) he's a work collegue, and she's distant, i've been with her for a year, and something's wrong....

and they all went out (her and her collegues for dinner) and she was weird on the phone
 
FUCK WINTER ALREADY.. im sick of snowblowing, driving in shit whether on shit roads.. wet dog feet, cold as car getting into, widy, Im all set.. breing on spring..
 
neversickanymore said:
FUCK WINTER ALREADY.. im sick of snowblowing, driving in shit whether on shit roads.. wet dog feet, cold as car getting into, widy, Im all set.. breing on spring..
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NSA I think it's going to snow here in Vancity next week and I am so not looking forward to it :!

phatass said:
we broke up for a month and she was with another man (even though she said she still loved me) he's a work collegue, and she's distant, i've been with her for a year, and something's wrong....

and they all went out (her and her collegues for dinner) and she was weird on the phone
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So you guys are still together? If you feel that she is being distant, I think that you should speak to her about it and be honest about how you feel that something has changed, if you keep it in you and not say anything for a long time then you will always be paranoid (if nothing is happening) and it will give you additional stress.
 
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