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TDS The TDS grief/bereavement thread

Herbavore,
You dont know me but ive followed your posts both as a lurker and now a member. I have to say that even though your posts may not have been directed at me personally, i love your outlook on life and always feel better after reading. Youre such a strong woman and always have great advice for everyone! I cant imagine losing a child, but you have and continue to deal with the unfortunate hand that was dealt beautifully. Sorry if this is weird, i just wanted to tell you that youre an inspiration to me, and im sure others on this board too. Above all,you are real and you tell it like it is. Thank you.

Back on thread topic, my father has been dead six months since this past monday. Its stoll kinda surreal, i miss him so much. My daughter still looks for him and shes only two it breaks my heart. And my mum has moved away so im kinda on my own here. I have my husband but hes locked up. Life sucks sometimes. I do have my daughter though, shes a big part of why im able to keep it together.
 
Thanks for your generous compliments. <3

This is early days for you with the loss of your father. It's hard to grieve when you are caring for a toddler, especially if you have no one to help out and give you some time to yourself. I'm glad that your daughter brightens your days, though. I think the years before they start school are magical. Those few years go by in the blink of an eye--or so it seems to me now.;)
 
herbavore said:
^Yes, that was Michael. He was an amazing photographer, a great cook and a nature lover and animal lover. He was so proud of his recovery and how he saw his life opening up for him because of it. He had gone on a trip to Machu Picchu and that started a yearning for more travel. I seriously thought we might meet up in Bolivia when I was first planning my trip. He was the kind of guy that got just as excited over seeing a new bird or wildflower than a sports game. And, yeah, I often wonder where the hat has traveled at this point. I doubt anyone that found it realized it was made from alpaca wool in honor of his great escape to Peru. I like to think of it going to some second hand store and being passed on to some person completely unaware of all the magic I knitted into every stitch! I hope they feel hopeful every time they wear it.
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^=D<3

I really think that, although things are just things, that they do carry on that history; of meaning something, to someone. Which is probably(part of the reason) why hoarders can't let go of items, they see so much value in them. Despite that problem, there must be something very special about people who have that awareness at the core of their being. Small children are like that too. Animism with knowledge is a very beautiful thing imo. :)

Anyway, I digress, it's good to know a bit of what Michael was. Tbh I loved him just because of his pictures, it was such a pleasure to scroll through the picture thread - they were so beautiful, they really displayed a lot about who he was and how much he adored nature.<3

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NotaCaterpillar: So sorry you are missing your Dad and lonleyness just brings up all other losses, to the fore. Glad your daughter is keeping you warm at this time, kids are precious. <3
 
I hope everyone is hangin in there, life is a struggle sometimes but its not what life throws at you that counts, cuz life definitely has more than its share of curveballs but how u react to it that makes us who we are. Much love to everyone!

And herbavore, yes i cant believe how fast shes growing up, almost too fast. Its exhausting but i wouldn't change it for anything.

Asclepius, thanks for the kind words. I hope youre doin okay.
 
I want to post this in honor of my friend who has grown up with the grips of alcoholism strangling her family her entire life. It isnt fair she has to worry when her 10 year old sister is texting her pleading to come home because she smells alcohol in their parents room and her dad is stumbling around making banging noises. She has taken care of her family her entire life and never was a kid. By 5 she was taking care of her mother because her dad was in jail and her mom was suicidal. Many near death experiences in the hospital. Its torn her family apart. This is the grief I share for this friend, in a world where not many will ever care.
 
^That's rough for your friend badfish I totally sympathize with her and I worry about her sister too. Is there a way that her dad can seek help or I am not sure if her mom is an alcoholic too but can they both seek help for the sake of the kids?
 
NotaCaterpillar said:
I hope everyone is hangin in there, life is a struggle sometimes but its not what life throws at you that counts, cuz life definitely has more than its share of curveballs but how u react to it that makes us who we are. Much love to everyone!

And herbavore, yes i cant believe how fast shes growing up, almost too fast. Its exhausting but i wouldn't change it for anything.

Asclepius, thanks for the kind words. I hope youre doin okay.
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More than welcome NaC :|<3 I am doing good enough, thanks lovely. I'm thinking the same about you? <3
 
God, I miss my grandma so much.

I'm graduating soon this year and there's nothing more that I want than for her to be there.
 
^I can imagine that this occasion brings up a stronger wave of missing her. I know you miss her on a daily basis, but knowing how special it would be to have her share such a big celebration in your life is a reminder of how big the loss really is. I've said it elsewhere but Congratulations, addy. I'm proud of you! (Surrogate grandma?;))
 
Hey everyone. This is actually my first post in TDS. I would just like to start by saying my heart goes out to all of you aching inside right now. This is a very difficult thread to read not because of length but because of seeing so many other people's stories of grief. It's always good to know you are not alone because IME it can feel like you are.

My reason for posting here is because on saturday Feb. 1 my great grandmother of 92 passed away. She lived a long and healthy life. She lived in her own house by herself until she was 90 when one day she suffered a stroke and had it not been for my father showing up to visit, she would not have made it.

She made a small recovery but lost alot of speech and communication skills. She had dementia. She stayed fairly healthy the next couple years.

Fast forward to a couple weeks ago. My great-grandmother was being cared for in-home by her daughter, my paternal grtandmother. It is flu-season here and she caught the flu. She developed pneumonia and went to the hospital last week. It was very unexpected. I got a text from my grandmother on friday saying my great grandmother was fighting for her life.

I wake up saturday morning to my phone going off and its my grandmother saying that they are going to take my great grandmother off life-support and that I needed to get to the hospital right away. When i got to the ICU she had already passed...

When i was growing up I was never very close to her because she lived about an hour north of us. We would visit every couple of months. When she had her stroke a couple years ago and she moved in with my grandmother, I would go and stay with my great grandma while my grandparents were at work. So we got to become closer these last couple years even though she developed dementia and I couldn't hold a conversation with her. I am thankful for those memories now and that i was able to spend time with her before her passing.

I have only dealt with grief once before and that was difficult as well. That other time was when i was 16 i was in a youth in-patient drug treatment facility and I received a letter from a family member saying that my great Aunt had passed away. She had been sick for a long time from alcoholism. They discovered she had kidney cancer. They removed one kidney and she made a short recovery only to become sick again. They performed a second surgery and this time she did not make a recovery. She had to be removed from life support and succumbed to the disease. The pain and guilt i felt was unreal. I couldn't leave and go be with my family to grieve. i was in a treatment center and for that i beat myself up. I would think "if i hadnt fucked up i could've been there for her in the end or at least say goodbye to her". That was such a difficult time in my life. I had to grieve while living with complete strangers from other regions of Oregon and try to finish up my 90 days in treatment.

Thank you TDS for letting me get this out. I just needed to get some stuff off my chest. I have a 3 year old daughter and need to be the best father i can be for her and its so difficult during such a difficult yet natural part of life. Thanks BL for your shoulder to cry on :\
 
Aw docta, I'm sorry to hear that. It's hard losing a family member, no matter how close to them you actually were. It's a shame that you didn't get a chance to say goodbye in person, have you visited her grave to make peace? It's more helpful than you might think.
 
No I havent been able to visit my great Aunt's gravesite yet. She was cremated but she still has a headstone where all of our other family is buried. Unfortunately my family is originally from the Standing Rock indian reservation of South Dakota, and I reside in Oregon. I have not been able to visit SD and see her headstone. Just recently though my oldest brother got to visit it and sent me a picture of him next to her memorial site. It is something i plan on doing.

As for my great-grandmother who passed last weekend, I was able to say goodbye to her and say a prayer for her and kiss her goodbye. She wants to be cremated and I'm going to ask for a small vial of her ashes. If they decide to place a headstone for her next to her late husband and other relatives then i will definitely go visit it. Thanks for your time Its nice to know someone will take the time and just listen. Its comforting.
 
I read your post and thought to myself, "what lucky elders" to have such a loving and involved grandchild. I have said it before in this thread but it bears repeating: the relationship between grandparents and grandchildren is very special. I am old enough to be a grandmother now and I still wish that I had gained more of my own grandmother's wisdom before she passed from this life--she had so much practical knowledge! Sometimes I have very powerful dreams of her and I hope that your great grandmother comes to you in that way soon.
 
I miss my granma :(. I am so excited to see her next month! Our birthdays are in March and I would usually celebrate it with her besides celebrating with my friends and family. She is one of the few women I look up to, after my grandfather passed away from heart attack many years ago at the age of 40, she became the bread winner of the family (nine kids) and worked so hard to take care of my mom and her siblings. My grandma is now 86 celebrating her 87th bday next month with me! :)
 
Herbavore that really means alot to me. I hope so too. I feel the same way. I really wish I had been able to hear more stories and wisdom from her.

Maya-That is wonderful! She sounds like an awesome person and a hard worker. My great grandmother who passed away was like that and she also had a superb work ethic. She always had to be doing something productive. At 80 years old she was healthy as a horse and lived alone. Her yard never had a single weed in it and always was kept in pristine condition.
 
thadocta13 said:
Herbavore that really means alot to me. I hope so too. I feel the same way. I really wish I had been able to hear more stories and wisdom from her.

Maya-That is wonderful! She sounds like an awesome person and a hard worker. My great grandmother who passed away was like that and she also had a superb work ethic. She always had to be doing something productive. At 80 years old she was healthy as a horse and lived alone. Her yard never had a single weed in it and always was kept in pristine condition.
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She absolutely is, and I think I got this huge appetite of mine for food from her =D. She always eats sweet desserts after meals and loves ice cream! My mom tells me that when she was a bit younger she will finish a gallon of ice cream =D
 
That's awesome. :)

My great grandfather died before I was born and I heard stories that he had a special butterknife and after every meal he would use the butterknife to scrape the plate clean and eat every last bit. Not sure if it was for the love of food or the sake of not being wasteful. Lol.
 
thadocta, I forgot to mention that my great-grandmother was from (and is buried) in South Dakota as well (Springfield). She lived 2 days past her 100th birthday.

When I turned 60 last month I was in South America and I skyped my mom (84, still working and my hero :)) and said, "this is surreal, being 60" and she replied "No, what is surreal is your kid turning 60". She had me in her early twenties but I had my kids in my mid/late thirties. I would have to live to be 104 to see my surviving son turn 60. So that's my new goal! I told him if I get to be too much of a pain in the ass from dementia or simply repeating the same story 300 times a week that he is allowed to speed up my departure for whatever comes next by over-feeding me pie--every flavor, round the clock. What a way to go!;)
 
I don't think i have met any of my grandpapas. My granpa (mom's side) has a whip with him that is always on his side whenever they are going to have dinner. He doesn't like it when there's wasted food on the plate so he will smack you if he sees that you didn't finish your meal. Tough upbringing but my mom grew up disciplined.
 
There's at least 5 people I wish were still alive today with all my heart. And my heart is not getting what it wants here.

<3

I am going to use this sadness to make the best of every day I have left. I would want the same for all of them if they were here today.
 
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