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TDS The TDS grief/bereavement thread

Today is fucking rough.

I guess I am experiencing a form of survivor's guilt or something and I need to get past this.
 
Eveleivibe said:
Have you seen a counsellor over this? grief counsellor?
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No

I keep it to myself

I don't like going to professionals just to talk. It doesn't really seem to help me.

That might seem really ridiculous considering I'm trying to go back to school to be a therapist, and I take helping others seriously, and I think talking about problems really helps.

There's nothing a professional could say that woulld help me feel any better because of what I have done, what I didn't do, and the nature of ethics and morals.

I could lie to myself and say "oh it's OK Cpt., anyone would have done the same thing, you're not a horrible person..." but that's just a lie and I know it.

I know guilt is a useless emotion and I know beating myself up WILL NOT HELP!!! But I'm not going to pretend like I'm a saint. Hold the S because I am an aint.
 
Captain.Heroin said:
No

I keep it to myself

I don't like going to professionals just to talk. It doesn't really seem to help me.

That might seem really ridiculous considering I'm trying to go back to school to be a therapist, and I take helping others seriously, and I think talking about problems really helps.

There's nothing a professional could say that woulld help me feel any better because of what I have done, what I didn't do, and the nature of ethics and morals.

I could lie to myself and say "oh it's OK Cpt., anyone would have done the same thing, you're not a horrible person..." but that's just a lie and I know it.

I know guilt is a useless emotion and I know beating myself up WILL NOT HELP!!! But I'm not going to pretend like I'm a saint. Hold the S because I am an aint.
Click to expand...

sorry only just seen this reply and I asked something similar in a PM please ignore that bit I said. Well that is ace that you are wanting to be a therapist and wanting to help others. You need to be prepared though, that training to be a therapist may bring out a lot of painful stuff for you. I've done counselling training and it's very intense. We did a bit on PTSD, cognitive behaviour therapy along with other stuff n in this country they ask you not to start training for a few years if you are grieving because to be a therapist/counselling you really have to deal with a lot of stuff. It's actually the reason I did not complete my placement and complete my diploma. I'm not trying to dampen your dreams I personally think it would be good for you but to be a therapist / counsellor you really have to deal with your stuff in order to "keep you and the client in a safe container" as they say.
Please take care ok?!
 
So yesterday it was seven weeks to the day since I lost my beautiful son. I thought I was doing ok but then the reality suddenly hit me like a ton of bricks.. I didn't just cry I howled like some kind of wild animal! I've never felt pain so intensely like that before. I'm so desperately sad, life has no joy any more..I know I need to be strong but it's so hard!
 
happydaysover said:
So yesterday it was seven weeks to the day since I lost my beautiful son. I thought I was doing ok but then the reality suddenly hit me like a ton of bricks.. I didn't just cry I howled like some kind of wild animal! I've never felt pain so intensely like that before. I'm so desperately sad, life has no joy any more..I know I need to be strong but it's so hard!
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I am so terribly sorry. There are no words i can say. It is good that you cried. You needed to get that out.
I'm so terribly sorry for your loss
((((Happydaysover)))) xxxx
 
Eveleivibe said:
I am so terribly sorry. There are no words i can say. It is good that you cried. You needed to get that out.
I'm so terribly sorry for your loss
((((Happydaysover)))) xxxx
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Thank you. I'm told it get easier in time and that you learn to live with the pain. At the moment that's difficult to imagine. I miss him so much.. My hearts breaking.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
happydaysover said:
So yesterday it was seven weeks to the day since I lost my beautiful son. I thought I was doing ok but then the reality suddenly hit me like a ton of bricks.. I didn't just cry I howled like some kind of wild animal! I've never felt pain so intensely like that before. I'm so desperately sad, life has no joy any more..I know I need to be strong but it's so hard!
Click to expand...

That actually made me tear up. I am so sorry, I just can't even imagine. Letting the pain out is definitely a good thing..don't hold that pain in or it will eat you alive.
My heart truly aches for you.
 
I want to scream through the air
It's not fair
It's not fair
This void in my heart like a chasm
It creeps in the night
So much pain
No more light
It's not fair
It's not fair
It's not fair
Will I ever recover?
Feel more joy to discover?
It's not fair
It's not fair
It's not fair
I want to punch in despair
Hold him close
Smell his hair
It's not fair
It's not fair
It's not fair
My heart wants him here
Needs him back needs him near
It's not fair
It's not fair
It's not fair
 
^I know that feeling well. Sometimes I will still have that deep despair of the "unfairness" hit me like a bullet. I see my son's old friends growing up, making better decisions, moving on in their lives. I am happy for them but there is a deep sadness in it for me. Fortunately his friends are very good people and they get this.

My heart goes with you.<3
 
Thank you Herby and mine to you too. Our sons were almost exactly the same age. So young... So much we will never know of who they may have become. They are free but we are left to wonder.
 
i'm missing my grandmother so much today. today marks 5 years since she passed and since my world has been flipped upside down.
 
aq. said:
i'm missing my grandmother so much today. today marks 5 years since she passed and since my world has been flipped upside down.
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"Hugs ac" so very sorry...
I bet she's looking down on you n wishing you to be happy though honey.

Evey
 
aq. said:
I just wish I could talk to her. Take her advice.. :(
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Awh... I know how you feel. I miss my Nain Peggy from time to time.
I bet she wouldn't want to see you upset but living your life? Do you still remember what advice she used to give?
Reason I'm asking is that, that's a way you still have her with you - in your heart forever.

I believe that a part of our parted loved ones are always with us, although not in the physical tense.
And they left something special with us for being in their lives, in our lives.

For instance, I remember my Nain's wisdom, how she was housebound and appreciated the slightest thing - like when I'd go up the road to the shop for her, or for visiting her... She' said once "Thank you, Evey, for all those years!" I said what do you mean? She said "all the years you visited me." She would give me advice, tell me little stories and stories of world war II when they'd go into the airing shelters when the bombs came off, how she gave birth during the WAR while her husband was on nights working in the coal mines.

So they're with you in your memories. I know it's not the same as them being here now and I'm so very sorry that she's not here when you need her. Is there not a special place you and her would go - that you could visit, something like that?

Hugs,
Evey

*Nain, pronounced NINE - welsh for grandmother/ nan/ gran etc.
 
aq. said:
i'm missing my grandmother so much today. today marks 5 years since she passed and since my world has been flipped upside down.
Click to expand...

You know I empathise with this, I cry for Eva more often than almost anything else, I wish she could be here and we could have had more time to talk, she had so much love and accepted and understodd me more than anyone.. But she was ready to move on to whatever is next, I believe we all go back to the oneness that we never really left, she is everywhere and a part of everything<3
Captain.Heroin said:
No

I keep it to myself

I don't like going to professionals just to talk. It doesn't really seem to help me.

That might seem really ridiculous considering I'm trying to go back to school to be a therapist, and I take helping others seriously, and I think talking about problems really helps.

There's nothing a professional could say that woulld help me feel any better because of what I have done, what I didn't do, and the nature of ethics and morals.

I could lie to myself and say "oh it's OK Cpt., anyone would have done the same thing, you're not a horrible person..." but that's just a lie and I know it.

I know guilt is a useless emotion and I know beating myself up WILL NOT HELP!!! But I'm not going to pretend like I'm a saint. Hold the S because I am an aint.
Click to expand...

I think I know some of what you mean but a recent chnace encounter with a truly good being helped a lot. He was a counsellor but the session was unplanned and not structured, we talked about my spritural beliefs and my fears and failings, it helped set me on a new path. Keep talking to people Captain, they will learn from you and you from them. Ive had a couple of negative sessions with a new counsellor recently, I gave her another shot but she was into guilt and misinformed oanic abiut things she clearly had no clue about.....didnt even know what Xanax was and thought meth would likely kill me despite me having used amphet for 20 years, I dont see her anymore !.....a 2 line PM from Herb is not to be belittled, such succinct insight<3
 
!.....a 2 line PM from Herb is not to be belittled, such succinct insight

Herb????

Evey
 
Eveleivibe said:
!.....a 2 line PM from Herb is not to be belittled, such succinct insight

Herb????

Evey
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herbavore !! theer have been a few times over the last few years when a few words from her made all the difference, non judgemental empathy canlt be taught IMO. She was a big reason I wanted to mod here, I dont always get it right but maybe once in a while I help someone
 
^aw, just saw this Allein. Any wisdom I might have has been wrung out of slogging through the mud of my own blunders and mistakes and fuck ups for 60 years. I always liked Michael Franti's song, Stay Human. You help people here every day simply by staying human, being honest about what that means and thinking more about giving than receiving. I'm honored to work with you.<3
 
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