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Positive The Tapering Supportive/Social Thread

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P0kemama said:
Shroomy,
I read one of your posts about Before Sunrise... I had never seen that movie, so rented it yesterday and it was very good... of course, now I have to get the sequel as well, and see what happens.
Click to expand...

It's so good. I have Before Sunset ready to go.

I'm dangerously low on benzos. It's not good I've been in withdrawal for a couple days no eat or sleep. Did a bump of coke earlier today that is worth taking note of as it stimulated me nicely. Fuck it's just horrible being low on benzos I'm nervous. Had a great day chillin and smoking bong with a group of friends I didn't no in the forest, was wicked. Almost missed my shift haha well I didn't sleep last night I'm pretty stupid today. I seriously need some fucking xanax.
 
Off of one of my meds feels pretty fing awesome. I did it right and tapered slow, so I have no wds from Ativan now three days off it. Im sure this is how you feel about opiates Shroomi. Today I feel like I can beat these pills and quit oxy too.
 
Nervous wreck really low on benzos. Did some coke, actually a lot and for 12 hours but woke up without a hangover. Considering how high I was, I'd normally feel like shit. Maybe it is the physical fitness level and having a natural pain relieving system. Guess it means I'll have a morning line I'm going to finish this off with friends today so I won't do it all... that shouldn't be a challenge haha. Then it is back to reality at least some of the time. When I was supposed to be at work I was having conversations with coked out people smokin weed in the woods. It wasn't that. In benzo wd it is very hard to take responsibilities seriously because I was on a xanax hunt but I showed up late and it was chill. I think anyway, I am more interested in my career.

Just woke up having a panic attack. : ( can I at least have breakfast like I'm really active and not eating anything and staying up all night while not laying down. I was lucky to get a xanax bar to crash for 2 hours or so last night well this morning and there is still a lot of coke left. If I did all of that I would feel really shitty so I will share with some friends. It's nice just not my thing I need some fucking xanax asap. It's getting irritating I've been in benzo wd for days now
 
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Squeaky, congrats man. Yeah, you feel accomplished and liberated especially if you start taking care of the medical issue. And you need opiates more than benzos (I sense) - for myself it is the opposite. I can't do much about my anxiety in terms of healthcare right now but I'm trying to take care of myself.
I've been panicking so much I wonder if my tolerance will just drop. This is getting ridiculous, being low on benzos is honestly an emergency. I am so ready to get my anxiety meds and just move forward in life. I have stuff to do! It has been nice hanging out with friends in the forest in the summertime smoking weed and hash and well doing lines one day but yeah. Time to get my life in order it feels like I'm playing the waiting game you know? I fucking hate that feeling, waiting for an oxy script or something.
 
Squeaky

Great job dropping the benzo.
I think you're on the right track in tapering oxy next (*use lowest amount possible of lyrica n lope during the taper) so once oxy is off the table (*I would fully expect this to take weeks-- months ), then you can reduce lope to the recommended use and see where you're at on lyrica

Lyrica as you know is gonna work in the body much like a cross between a benzo n an opiate. Try hard not TO let doses get crazy here due to seizure risk.

I am VERY familiar with opiate induced hyperalgesia. It takes sooooooo long to stop and for me my legs felt it most , although my original medical condition which got me hooked on opiates was a female illness called endometriosis.
Just stay hyper aware of all these things and EVER mindful of the Reasons you wanna get away from this crap once n for all.

P.S. 77 pages or so?? I think you talk JUST the right amount. ; )
 
ShroomySatori were you able to get the benzo's you need? I sure hope so my friend. I have been worried about you and willing someone to find you some. For sure don't go back to any opiates. I know you won't. You have come so far. My comment on methadone or suboxone being helpful for some people was meant for Billy123 not you. You have got this thing almost completely kicked after 5 months. You can handle it from here. You are only going to feel better and better each day. I'm sure there may be some bad days here and there but you got this on the opiates! Really proud of you. Call your doctor if you have to!

Super proud of you also Squeaky! Nice job on liberating yourself from the benzo's. I think you got this bro! I am very interested to see how the chronic pain (back injury) is without the opiates. That will give me an idea of how it might be for me.

I am so tired of worrying over running out of opiates. Thank God we found the Loperamide Squeaky. Makes things a lot better when you don't have to live in terror of getting deathly sick. Makes things at least bearable and not bad at all with the lope. I still don't like to use very much of it but in a pinch or for tapering down it is awesome! No more living in fear!! I don't want that for any of us anymore!
 
Shroomy- just a thought- have you ever tried Ambian? It works similar to a benzo for me, just calms me down and will allow me to sleep if I lay down and try or I can stay awake on it also. I don't have any kind of withdrawal from those if I run out early. I may feel a little nauseated and dizzy for a day but nothing I have really even noticed. I was thinking with your high benzo problem that you could get some of those from your doctor for sleep along with the Valium she gives you, would allow you to have enough of what you need for the month without having to go buying stuff off the street.

The Ambian really gives me just a nice relaxed feeling, totally helps with anxiety! It calms that fast heartbeat thing you get with bad anxiety right down for me. Makes me feel chill. Maybe you should think on that. I have heard of people having really weird reactions to Ambian so read up on it and be educated about it. For me, it works really great for anxiety, heart beating, freaking feeling- takes it away and leaves me no more drowsy than a benzo.
 
Hey I have been in benzo withdrawal for a long while now. I lost all connects and I'm fucked. Friends are trying to help until I get my script but please whatever you believe or don't believe in say a prayer for my life if you read this. I've lost a lot of weight and this has completely ruined my week. I'm suffering unbearably I will never give up but please send me well wishes because if I don't get any soon I'm probably going to die and that is not an exaggeration. I'm really nervous and I haven't slept in days and I also went on a coke binge which is miserable enough but I was up all night in withdrawal anyway so now I am crashing off the coke in benzo wd with hardly anything to hold me over this has been the worst week of my life and it's not even Wednesday. I haven't been able to keep track of time very well. I am completely serious that I might die and this was a huge wakeup call, my tolerance is not down one bit but if I am suffering this much it has to. I am extreely nervous everyone on my shift tonight gave me a lot of space. I could hardly show up but I stayed and yeah I don't know. Was crashing from a binge and in benzo withdrawal it really wasn't fun but I still kept my high spirits up. I just do not want to die and if I survive more things are going to change. It's hell, fucking hell and I have the fucking money for them every connect is just randomly gone. It is fucked. Every connect just gone. I am praying for my life I will try and check in but I am very sick.
 
You will make it Shroomi. Drug dealers are flaky because they use what they sell. Sometime in the next few hours one of them will wake up from partying all night and want to make some money off you and call you back. You would be in more trouble if you had no money.
I believe I can speak for the hundreds of people who read this thread every day... we are all praying for you.
 
Hi everyone. Just to let you know I started my methadone script today. I'm on 40ml at the moment but I'm not feeling 100%. I'm going to ask for them to increase it tomorrow. It's my first day not using.
 
Great job Billy. Im really happy to hear you are doing ok. Hopefully they get your dose straightened out very soon. Even though 40 isnt enough, it must feel better than cold turkey!!

This should be a lesson to anybody who is in this position and feeling hopeless. Billy did it. He has a long road to recovery but he asked for help and he is getting help. His children will still have their father. His mother wont have to bury her son. You are awesome Billy!!
 
I don't think I commented here recently but have kept up reading.

Congrats TO Billy on getting help
Asking for help is a huge early step and you show you love others more than yourself when you step up that way. One prayer answered.

Now prayers going up for sweet shroomy
You know how much you mean to so many of us across these boards and situated all over the world. We have rooted you on thru the extreme ups n downs you've been thru and we love you VERY much.

I wonder how every benzo connect dried up all at once or whether it's a variety of circumstances. You said to us "whatever you believe please pray" (*of course I am doing so. ) but my challenge to you is to Whatever you believe , Consider this may be a sign: perhaps the start of a letting benzodiazepines Out of your life, New challenge.

Sounds dangerous to go CT off such things n esp high dose long term use. But it sounds like you're gettin a little help here n there from buddies-- this may be good or bad to have a spotty irregular supply going into your system
More than likely they are a variety of brands n doses too. That could all wreak more havok than ya hope for but I still gotta believe its safer than total CT benzo withdrawal which you know can truly and very literally be deadly.

Ya find you can't manage , pls see the hospital and tell all (*regarding benzodiazepines wd ). That's where you would likely get the most help for such a problem
They don't necessarily need to know details of anything that does not pertain to benzo wd rn

Stay safe and good luck.
Don't go silent. Check.in even if all you can type is "still here still bad".
You will get thru this kiddo.
 
I think it was meant to occur. I had tons of cash money it was payday. Severe benzo withdrawal was revealed to me. There were several times when I had them lined up and then just bails. I was meant to experience this, it revealed to me that this is not comparable but just as edgy and hardcore drug use as a severe heroin habit.

I almost got into a lot of trouble finding xanax. I could sense I was gonna get ripped the fuck off and possibly a 2 on 1 fight so I scrammed. I was having a panic attack and could barely speak, before even going. Then my new friend called and was like yo did you try n link with him cause don't. He's like did you give him any money? I was like HELL NO you think I'm stupid or something bro? Fuckin hustler. So we are seshing tonight I have stoner friends now! 3 really chill ones, way lower prices on weed than dispensary stuff should save me money too

Then my doctor pulled through with some Val : )

I should be good now and this definitely lowered my tolerance a bit it has been a fucking nightmare. The dose drops were easily over 50% it's fucking dangerous. Everyone at my shift last night well I told them right away. It was a fight to drive there, and they were so kind to me. They were like just do whatever you want essentially but I worked hard.

When I was in withdrawal I did about a half gram of coke. Didn't seem to cause any problems apart from dehydration, I couldn't sleep anyway but yeah, watching out for that even though it's not really my thing right now it could become it.

Financially I'm in a much better situation and I called my boss first thing this morning and explained the situation. She was really nice and I essentially have a stress leave for the rest of the week. Not everyone will understand, but only she needs to.

I'll read the messages later I haven't had a solid meal in a couple days other than oats. Have a mountain of pasta to eat and then my last key bump, then a bong sesh with a new friend.

I'm focussing 100% on getting healthy again that set me back a couple weeks, I'm scared to step on the scale I look so thin. Everyone but the hustlers were nice to me, I'm really really lucky. Val will keep me from having a seizure, even if I'm still withdrawing. And that is my biggest fear I wouldn't want to die that way.

This made me realize that I am not suicidal in the slightest. I wish to live, but with a better quality of life. I will never stop fighting this shit. Now that I am used to severe benzo wd, those interdose withdrawals will be laughable. This didn't feel anywhere near as bad as heroin withdrawal to me, it's the risk of running out completely and it was a very close call. Bless my doctors heart because I did sort of have to spin my words to get the early release. I prayed to my guardian angel statue and then the idea popped into my mind.

I'm good for now!

And yes squeaky 2 habits is far easier to manage than 3. If I was still using opiates I'd definitely have run out of benzos entirely at some point and that has never happened yet because I know it would destroy my whole entire life.

Thanks for checking in I didn't read the messages honestly just letting people know I am still alive and I was not fucking around. Well I have a pasta to eat, a bong sesh to drive to and a key bump to hit cause yeah in benzo wd's actually the coke helped me through the sleepless nights. Weird like that I thought it would be the opposite but coke has almost a medicinal effect on me. I can't focus for shit.

I took 60mg Val right away just to get the shit in my system. Anyways, I'll check in later this has taken A LOT out of me I am so worn out... I wasn't even smoking weed so it was that cold turkey which is SHIT enough, then one coke crash that was harsh so dehydrated, and benzo wd I've been a fucking mess I seriously thought I was going to die from running dry. I had a single dose of etizolam left when I woke up today and I was too sick to even think or rush or do anything but lay in bed and wait. I'm really really really lucky : )
 
I am reading about some positive changes going on here and it is so inspiring to me.
Billy: Congrats on taking care of yourself and getting what you need! i have added you to my list of those I send love and light to on a regular basis.

Squeaky; Kudos on continuing to be benzo free... you are slowly releasing yourself from the prison of needing to take drugs... we can do it, but it is on our own time, at our own pace. Yea! for you.

Shroomi: Ahhh.. to read of you working and then wanting to live,... brought me to tears. You have changed on a deeply spiritual level and I find you so inspiring.

I have had some health concerns of my own... I am facing surgery in the next month, unless I chicken out. I will need to use opiates after surgery, as it will be painful. Depending on how things go, if may well just be a one-off, or, it could lead to a more chronic need for the meds. I cannot go through the hell of months of tapering again, and the agony of the withdrawal, which in retrospect, was made worse by my anxiety and worries. I am so glad this thread is here so that I can go back and read about my own suffering and failed attempts at tapering if I get any ideas regarding the after surgery meds.
 
I have been thinking about that too Poke. What happens if I need another surgery? What if next time the pills dont work because I used them so long this time? What if the next doctor refuses to write me a prescription for something that works because my tolerance is still way high?
I would be totally screwed.
Then, what about going through withdrawals again.....?? That would be really hard.
 
seeing lots of posts about benzo tapering. been addicted to valium for near 3 years and CANNOT get below 10-20mg a day. the main reason being i have chronic anxiety (hence the diazepam) and being lower than 10-20mg a day makes me a paranoid mess. I mostly get paranoid about the danger of seizures and after having a panic attack about it I end up dosing. is the threat of seizures on such low dosages really that bad or am I just over thinking? probably the latter. plus I also read benzos have been known to cause brain damage over time.
 
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Praying for you ShroomySatori! I BELIEVE!
Hang in there!

Praying for all of us!

Love you guys!
 
Pokemama! Hey how did you find post-acute withdrawals. I am finding them to be pretty rough.

Dopiejay yeah they can fuck with your memory after a while. Not all the side effects show up right away. I was up to 30mg xanax a day so I kind of deserved this, considering I lived. It also sounds like you have anxiety still, but it is manageable. Benzo scripts are legit as fuck if you are a panic freak literally nothing else can stop me feeling like I'm having a heart attack while sober. Not even opiates will work for that.

The brain damage occurs more strongly if you taper fast rather than slow. That's a low dose of val and I myself am a panic freak so I never intend on getting off them. I wouldn't be able to do anything but panic, and I am on such heavy doses now getting them down to medicinal like your val would be a huge accomplishment. I would personally hold there unless you're getting side effects, and of course if you are scripted.

Man, worst thing I've seen lately is how into a minority of teenagers are with the xanax bars. It is horrible, I guess they use them to party. I use them as I am a panic freak, I see no recreational value unless it is etizolam which is just plain euphoric. Fuck that shit though.

Painful One always a pleasure. I am doing well! I am crashing after a 3 day coke stint though but I managed to get really good xanax just before I started to crash and an eighth of blondie hash. I've been waking up feeling fine and doing key bumps all day but I don't have any more. I am really not concerned about that, it helped get me through that withdrawal that I didn't want to drop so fast the dose drops were awful. I'd go with like 10% with benzos not over 50 it was fucking crazy.

I was so damn scared there omg how irresponsible can I get? I was seriously on death's door. This week has been hell so far but also a challenge and I made it through. I made new friends even, and a few hundred dollars but now I am not working. I talked to my manager about it and I'm getting like a week off because of the anxiety and stress. These next few days will be focussed on putting some meat on my bones and hot yoga.

Someone or something or some spirit is definitely watching over me. It doesn't even make sense how I got quality xanax and valium on the same day, and 3 grams of hash, and random money coming in so I actually have enough to keep my platinum blondie going. Doing pretty damn well I'd say. I took one xanax earlier and I'm still anxious but there is no way in hell I'm abusing them like before. Not after this week. I'll deal with more and more anxiety whenever I can and get used to it because it never goes away.

I am about to finish cleaning my bong, and smoking some dank hash. Omg that was scary I really am not suicidal. I knew I was sort of bullshitting myself I always had hope. Just not with girls but whatever I have drugs and a roof over my head, food in the fridge and the ability to digest it again.

I am delighted that I didn't die. The whole time I thought I was going to have a seizure out of nowhere too. I hear of this happening all the time... people in benzo wd seizing but without any warning signs. Doesn't exactly help the anxiety.

Damn I feel great and I really needed a week off work. The stress has been building up and I freaked when I couldn't get any benzos. Fuck. Like I just wasted 3 days of my life suffering but I can't say it was a waste. Something good will come of that and I am more aware of my body now.
 
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