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Positive The Tapering Supportive/Social Thread

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I feel depressed but in a different way. A more profound way. I slept for around 24 hours I recently woke up after the trip I took nearly 2 days ago. I still don't feel like myself, pretty spacey and lazy. I am beginning to be able to do stuff again. I had to lay in bed for a couple days I was sleeping most of the time. That drug helped bring out the very real sadness within. I don't know if that is good or bad. I feel like I have more empathy in general, but that I lost a part of myself. I have been damaged in some way. It was so extreme of a high that I have completely forgot about opiate recovery for now. Those are not on my mind. This is more serous. Thanks for caring, by the way. I think it messed my body up more than I'll ever know.

It could also be therapeutic considering how I feel emotionally what concerns me is getting my body healthy again. Generally speaking it's way better than usual, I don't know if I can call it a crash. More like a really emotional awakening of sorts that is hard to experience. I'm really shook up from it.

On second thought it's really not that bad, at least not yet. I feel no difference other than how the emotional experience changed me. I'm giving my body a few days to relax and not really do anything. Mentally, I feel great. I think it is because I have been good to myself lately and during the roll I made sure to drink water and ate a few apples and I didn't redose except a couple times. I'm good but is that stuff ever hard on the body at high doses like that. Good thing I've been getting fit lately and taking good care of myself it was a lot of stress on my body. I'm recovering fine, I slept for like 24 hours lol then started rehydrating and eating healthy. Just made maple crepes for breakfast they were yummy. I got out to the park to smoke a bowl, but I found an old bag of harvest weed so I get to smoke my preferred outdoor girl scout cookie and a massive bowl at that!

I'm taking 5-htp it for sure helps. I still feel the empathy from that experience. It has the potential to change me if I go with it. I seem to be nicer to everyone even though I am going through this physical crash. I'd be repulsed at the thought of taking it again this year, but it was unbelievable. The euphoria was extreme to say the least at the peak. Should be good especially since I know I wouldn't do it again for a long time.
 
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Well, I do care about you. I hope you are alright. I don't have any experience with that type of drug. Despite what it may look like to my very religious family, I really don't have any experience with drugs except for the prescribed pain medication and other prescribed medications that the doctors tried me on to get my chronic pain under management and smoking some weed now and then.

Most of what you are saying does not sound good except for the part about having more empathy and treating others better now.
Maybe this can be a useful experience for you if channeled in the right direction. I hope you do that. I hope you do reflect on the emotional part that was good, the newfound empathy for others. Also, your recovery.

If you are able to deal with your chronic pain without other drugs then that is by far the best way to go. Being on these pain pills is no way to live unless there is no other way to live. Please be good to yourself. Your body and mind are in a very fragile state of recovery right now and you just don't need to be putting any additional stress on yourself in that way. You may end up harming yourself permanently. Please be careful. I don't want to see that happen. You have come so far.

Get back to focusing on the positive. Go to the mall and chat up girls and do other things that I know you enjoy.

I wish the best for you. Always. I feel a bit responsible because of my recent hard times. I am really down myself have been hurting so badly. I am sorry if that effected you.
 
Newton?s third law of physics- every action has an equal and opposite reaction.
With every high is going to come with some kind if really trashy low. But some of these drugs just aren?t fair. It sucks ehen you get high or drunk for one night and you then feel like garbage for days. Doesn?t seem equal to me.....
 
I use it once a year so it's not as big a deal as I made it out to be. Definitely not using it again anytime soon. I feel back to normal, taking it easy after that though.

I normally have bad crashes but I've been taking good care of myself before during and after, so long as it isn't used again I'll be fine. It's nothing bad, might take a few days but I generally feel normal. Spaced out a little.

I'm working on smoking less weed now for several reasons. Since, I smoke way too much and don't need to. Taking Mdma was neutral in the end but I could psych myself out thinking about problems it might cause when I am a very occasional user and I feel fine after a couple of days. The only way it would mess with me is if I psyched myself out about using it once.

And yep I can be more emotional for a bit after rolling, smoking weed brings the feeling back a little because it's always subtly there. I see why it is being studied for ptsd therapy. I feel more relaxed than before, like I have surrendered to all the issues. Not in a bad way, just acceptance. That drug isn't to be taken lightly and it's been studied and used for a long time to treat ptsd. I don't like to use drugs I don't need to anymore much these days. The important thing is that I know I could have it around me and not use it for the remainder of the year.
painful one,

May the wind always be at your back and the sun upon your face
and may the wings of destiny carry you aloft to dance with the stars

I did M for no particular reason, it is always like that these days. I'll be 6 weeks without opiates soon. That is pretty good I haven't made it past about that long without using.
 
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Squeaky said:
Newton?s third law of physics- every action has an equal and opposite reaction.
With every high is going to come with some kind if really trashy low. But some of these drugs just aren?t fair. It sucks ehen you get high or drunk for one night and you then feel like garbage for days. Doesn?t seem equal to me.....
Click to expand...

Totally agree!
Good point Squeaky!
Definitely not an equal and opposite reaction for these types of actions!
Boo Newton!
 
"May the wind always be at your back and the sun upon your face
and may the wings of destiny carry you aloft to dance with the stars"

Love this! Thanks Shroomy! Good to hear that I was not the cause of this little adventure you had. :)
(Is this poem from the book : Eragon"?)

I broke it off with my boyfriend today. He is so not understanding of my chronic pain and has been so mean to me about it lately.
Kicking me when I am down and throwing things in my face all the time. Sucks! I did enjoy him for awhile. Kinda sad, kinda relieved.

Back to loneliness I go. :(
 
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Shroomy, I read the best book recently. I know you liked Harry Potter too, so I know you would like this one!
It was Really, really good!

The Last Days of Magic
By: Mark Tompkins
 
I added that one to my book list; I like magic. I have 5 or so long and arduous reads to get through first, cause me and my brother like to trade and discuss those same books. I am still reading Infinite Jest, it is over 1000 pages might take a while. It's really good though as well. And yeah, I have a Hogwarts toque that I got when I got into mixing vials of essential oil blends.

I think it is an old Celtic saying or part of one. I do not say it very often to friends although it is one of my favourite quotes. I learned it from the movie Blow when George Jung is with his dad they cheers to it.

Guess I chose the right day? Sorry to hear that, I know you were excited about that relationship before. It is not like you are abusing opiates or anything like that and probably why you seemed stressed lately. Chronic pain can interfere with so many things. Welcome to lonely, it can get rather sad around here. Better to break it off sooner than later that is for sure. If you are anything like me there will be some sadness.
 
Sry to hear PO. Hopefully this is the start of a beautiful new time in your life. Often these breaks can be very useful for focusing on self and growing. I wish you the best going forward. It's unfortunate that some ppl can't get over their own misbeliefs. I'm sorry that you had to go through any sort of emotional turmoil from this person. Best wishes

That book sounds interesting. I am a v big fan of the Harry Potter series.

Hey shroomy, hope you're doing well. I tried infinite jest once in jail. It was a bit tough to follow, I have many friends that have started and never finished. Maybe one who has actually finished it.

Let me know if you do!
 
Hope you are feeling okay today.

I am all out of sorts. Might not post for a while you said you were concerned before so thought I would mention it I'm in a bad place even for me. Want to keep my eyelids shut today and not think.
 
^^^^ feeling the same as you are.
Really down. Really hurting.

Hope we get feeling better soon. Sleep if you can. I'm going to try since I have been up most the night.
 
Let us know how you're doing if you'd like. And I wish you well.

I am a little less down. I was out of weed and at that point it's like... wtf am I doing with my life. I am a hysteric without pot, so I picked a half ounce today and now I am in a happier space. I never really run out cause I always save a solid rip before I meet my guy. I'm lifted now, I smoked too much in fact I won't be able to do anything other than go for a walk for a few hours... which is great, it's mid-day and the sun is out so I can catch some rare sunshine up in this. I think it will be a great walk. I am at 6 weeks this Monday and my legs are still shaking. Still, that is something to celebrate I think. I used to use opiates. I hope not to use them again.

I am about halfway over that Md roll. It was insanity but I'm starting to feel like myself again. A walk in the sun will help. I haven't really exercised since I used it, have had to take a break from yoga and stuff. Really wore me out for a while.
 
6 weeks off opiates!! That is most certainly something to celebrate!!! Well done Shroomy!
You are tough! You made it through something extremely tough! I am super proud of you.
I hope you continue to improve and your chronic pain is able to be managed through other means.
You certainly are giving it your best shot!

It makes me happy to hear you are out walking and enjoying some sunshine and some weed too!
That is much better than hearing you had been slumped over, half unconscious in a chair for days, weeks.
I'm just really happy for you and I think your life will continue to improve. I know it will! :)

I'm doing alright. My brother and his wife came over to visit and it gave me a boost. I am very close with my older brother, we also exchange books and stuff like you do with your brother. He is so funny. He always makes me laugh and puts a smile on my face. That helps. He is a great brother.

I am still having a lot of sciatic nerve/back/leg pain due to the storms coming through here still. It is not as bad as it was though, at least right now.

I have not been able to deal with the boyfriend break up thing yet. Too much for me right now and he is trying to beg for forgiveness.
I just can't deal with it while I am having such a bad pain flare up. I'm okay though. Thanks for the concern guys.
 
Think I will look back at this as a rough phase of my life. I still don't feel right. It has been horrible this time.

Yeah, I got a half ounce and already smoked an eighth or so. It is herb to my liking. I am marginally more happy with weed but these days I definitely do not want to abruptly run dry.

That's good we have siblings that we get along with so well. Sounds like too much.
 
PainfulOne- I like to think of my time as if it were dollars. If I wouldn?t give someone my money, then I shouldn?t be giving them my time. If they?re determined to take my money, then that?s stealing/theft. My time should be no different, and I should feel no differently about someone who would try to steal my time.
Don?t let him steal from you. Your time is very valuable.
 
I'm really low on benzos. The xanax jacked up my tolerance, blowing through the little bit of valium and etiz I have left. Getting more xanax hopefully ASAP.

I feel like I'm addicted to the hustle as well as the drugs. If I don't get more of that shit within a couple of days I will go into seizures.

It's makin me edge as fuck. Got the nicest chron but those are a different thing.
 
I've been away a few days. As we had the "celebration of life" for Gramma P ....

Gee Painful One
I was not suggesting that opiates or other meds are NEVER warranted. Certainly they are in some cases n i pray they stay available to ppl hurting at such a level. I meant to say , Those of us who CAN manage pain without the meds, are better off without them.

To clarify a few points:
I judge no one.
I am well aware of severe chronic pain conditions. (No I cannot drive as I am 70% blind ) and after losing a Parent to suicide (hers was related directly with being burdened beyond her strength by both physical n emotional pain ) I take both subjects of Pain and Suicide VERY SERIOUSLY.

I DO believe in medications : some are life savers ; I only suggest that those who truly Can survive and have a productive life without addictive meds, and those who Want off the meds, can n should live without them.
 
I have been in benzo withdrawal since Sunday or Monday. I haven't had a seizure yet. I should be finally getting a supply today. Hasn't been fun.
 
Glad to see you Runningfox. I am sorry. Truly. I have not been myself lately. My pain level has been so high that I have been freaking out. Please accept my apology. I get so much shit from my family for needing pain medication. It's like they think I will magically be "back to normal" if I was to not need 75 mg MS Contin a day. They don't get it about chronic pain and no one does except those who suffer with it. Pain has almost killed me the last 8 days. Just pain alone.
I feel very ashamed for acting that way to you and it really wasn't personal toward you. Just too much pain.

Shroomy- I am really worried about you. Get those benzo's today brother. Keep walking and shaking your body to loosen it up.
It kept me from having a seizure when I had benzo withdrawal. I am praying for you. Please let us know you are okay when you can.
<3
 
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