• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | Eligiu | deficiT | paranoid android

Positive The Tapering Supportive/Social Thread

Status
Not open for further replies.
Yeah man but it hasn't really been a week clean since I relapsed consecutive times and it wears me out. I have been in situations where I was laughing in withdrawal after dabbing wax and in hysterics too.

I was crying all day, explosive and felt like such shit physically, braindead, muscle aches, so dehydrated. Some of the worst RLS I ever had. I refuse to sit around though if I'm feeling this bad, I'll do something to feel better. Today, it was intensive yoga and a little shopping. I didn't sleep yesterday and I'm trying to stay awake to get more weed.

So I forced myself to get to hot yoga. It was amazing, it had a lot to do with the joint. I have real nice indica right now. Well, I didn't smoke weed until 420 shortly before yoga, and I had taken another 50mg loperamide on top of the 25mg from the morning like an hour or two before. However, it's really just getting out that helps. I was completely fucked in yoga like it was probably noticeable before the class started. I killed the class though, I am seriously going to start doing this daily. Work my way up to it... hot yoga is phenomenal. I was really into it before I hurt my back. My spine will definitely be recovering from that tomorrow especially cause it was a night after no sleep but I'm going back tomorrow as well for a more chill meditation type thing.

It helps me cut back on the weed being a skinrat stoner and all. Since, doing yoga at night or just after 420 on some days is very relaxing and chill. I was really into yoga before I hurt my back so it's nice to be getting back into it. My chronic pain will very likely benefit from this, once I get used to it. I'll move up from twice a week to three times this week and see how it goes, I can't rush the adjustment today was fucking insane! I never sweat anywhere remotely near that much and the class was fairly advanced it was excellent.

I am a man of excess : ) I had 75mg lope today. I just bought another 40mg and was going to try a Squeaky dose doesn't he take like 150mg with percs? Percs are weak as fuck and full of apap sounds like a good idea really.

I just had the idea of a line of pure oxycodone pop into my mind and I am definitely having cravings. I have been having cravings for heroin. I don't want to feel this way ever again though. I am finally beginning to get my brain back. My body is going to be lagging a little behind. I need to start gaining a little weight by eating a reasonable amount of food and stop being so sick I can't even eat, over and over until I really start to lose my fitness. That is not a problem for me though. That class was so chill today, it was quite intensive and I really didn't want to go. It's all about forcing myself to do these things because that is the fastest way to get back into a reasonable daily routine after quitting. I can't be waking up and lazing around all day waiting to feel better. Sure... I'll feel physically more comfortable and not be doing anything.

It's like I go through heroin withdrawal and recover last summer but I'm still relapsing on oxy's every month and that's enough to ruin my life even if it's a week of use (usually 2 or 3 days and everything is gone for the month) and I have only really ever fully recovered once. It was wonderful, and last autumn / early December. Since then there have been 3 relapses - one a day, then one for a couple weeks which really got me, it was hell. Then one an unspecified amount of time as I was nodding off so much I don't remember anything for a couple of days. Slouched over in my seat with my head dangling in the air for 8 hours I heard.

I can't wait to get physically well again because I am definitely on the right track now, having been able to get through hot yoga while cutting way back on benzos and weed while quitting opiates. That took a lot, I really didn't want to miss another one today.

It feels like a pretty standard day 5 for me today. The first day when there is at least some sort of improvement. Yesterday I was busy and all, but today I was more present and also active and pushing through a hangover too. I think if I started doing hot yoga daily and really took it seriously my health problems would improve a lot.

The loperamide definitely has an effect. So I'm reading about it and yeah like Squeaky says it doesn't kick in fully right away, takes 16 - 24 hours it says. Seems like there is a debate about high doses and I will likely take the 40mg I have split between tomorrow morning and afternoon. My symptoms have been ferocious though I can't ever go through this again it's exhausting and beyond miserable.
 
Last edited:
you make me wanna look into yoga. i'd like more flexibility in my injured knee, regular weight training already helps.

laying in certain positions definitely helped with the intense stomach cramps. i definitely had discomfort from the high dose of lope i was briefly on (which was still way less than yours) i know you are big on nutrition, do what you can to minimize that.
 
Shroomi. The only way Loping is going to help without damaging your heart is if you start a ledger with every opiate you take and note how you feel . Taking 150 mg Loperamide with a few percs is probably a bad idea. I had got down to where I was short on pills so I had to live on 30 mg oxy per day for a week(down from 120 then 90 mg/day). The trick for me I think was 20 mg lope with 15 mg oxy and 500 mg apap x 6/day on day 1, then cutting down by day 3 or 4 to about 30 mg lope with 7.5 mg oxy and 500 mg apap x 3/day. THEN cutting down my lope immediately every day by 2 mg per serving. So by day 7 I was on about 60 mg total of Loperamide per day. ( then I got my prescription and I woukd quit the lope all together).
It is only a way to minimize withdrawls. And by all accounts it is more dangerous than heroin. I was SO worried that I might take enough to get high and I didn?t want that memory or I might become a lope addict.
Officially, Loperamide slows digestion. So yes you can eat food and not poop much. Your intestines extract more from your food since it is in there longer. You will be constipated, but if you stop using after a week like I did, the stuff starts flowing again. It?s no worse than oxy. I did have some cramping, but it was way better than oxy wd?s!!!!
Be careful with Loperamide. If you?re like me then there?s about 1000 Loperamide pills in the house and it?s so tempting to be lazy and just take a handful if them when you feel the need to stop your wd?s. I am counting every single pill I take. Take too much, get hooked, now there?s ANOTHER pill to get off from. Just don?t do it.
Also, just buy them at WalMart ir Amazon. 400x2mg for under $20.
 
Satori; becareful with that lope , from what I have read its very bad on your heart . If you need to take it , do it when you are just chilling at home not when doing hot yoga!!! Hot yoga really gets your heart going , you could pass out from the heat and the lope use.
 
Joe yoga is amazing in that it relaxes you yet gives energy as well. Its cliche saying but its great for your mind and body . There are tons of videos on YouTube to help you get started !
 
Squeaky, yeah man I just plan on using lope one more time today and then I would buy chron over it since I won't be so sick and I don't like being constipated like I'm on heroin when I'm not. I got it at walmart, yeah. So, I am taking my final 40mg today as... holy, this daily yoga is going to get my toned as hell fast and super flexible. I already am I need to bulk up a bit though. It strengthens connective tissue as well it's just so damn good for you.

It's exciting as since I used to being a gym rat, I'm not sure if I just know what to do now or what but I can gain strength very fast. My body just goes to work haha. If I do this for the next month then I should be feeling amazing. It's the only way I can think of to actually get my shit together fast and have a healthy body.

I'm going to put on some tunes and inhale some pure rose oil... one of my favourite worldly delights.

Joe, I cannot recommend yoga more highly. I was just out for a nice walk in the cold weather and smoked my first joint in 16 hours... longest I've gone without weed in sooo long haha.

If you want to talk about yoga there are several types, like hatha and yin, and normally I was never really into yoga in the heat but now I totally am. I am going to start going to classes daily; I'm trying to build structure in my life so I can like, be on time for stuff.

Yin is great for the mind. You hold asanas for 5 minutes or other long periods of time and it is for connection tissue and meditation. Idea is to keep the muscles relaxed, it's not really an exercise thing it's really detoxifying though. Hatha yoga... one thing I noticed is that the pain of pushing myself in yoga was absolutely nothing to me. I remember those intense classes used to have me complaining and stuff as they do really push your body.

It's so damn good for the spine too if you can handle it with the disability. Luckily, I am able to still do it but I had to take like, 7 years off and yin is one of my best coping things. I am happy to be exercising again the yoga is so ridiculous and I sweat so much like it is amazing for withdrawal. And the flexibility part is great too, it's definitely healthier for me to be flexible.

I don't really get it a few years ago I never would have been able to do this class. Honest I bet if I stayed off opiates for good, did yoga classes daily, ate healthy, strengthened the hell out of my core. I bet I wouldn't even have back pain anymore. And yeah stoner dude the yoga will make you toned too. I'm going to start going to the core type classes they have as core strength would probably help too. I bet if I were to do some stuff like that, then I'd even be back on my snowboard next winter. Which is an insane thought to me doesn't even seem really but if anything whatsoever can actually help my back it is yoga for sure. It's important to be very careful with the twists and stretching and I am.

I'm depressed as fuck. I'm hitting up another class tonight that is more meditation focussed and definitely more what I need today as my muscles are all recovering. It's great to do yoga too now that I am a skinrat as opposed to weighing 40 or so more pounds than I do now.

Man I really think that yoga, along with extensive walking (this is so damn good for my back too... I get out for walks like 3 hours each day); that these things can heal me of chronic physical pain. Along with some other things. I sort of just tell myself I don't actually have back pain even though my spine is burning at this one specific facet joint that I injured nearly a decade ago. I think a lot of it is all in my head, if my back hurts so bad then I'm not really able to dwell on my death and lonely crying if my back hurts so bad I can't even walk. I'm not convinced why I still have chronic pain almost a decade later. I don't think there is anything wrong with my back so much anymore. I think there is something wrong with my head.

Yoga is the chillest exercise too many by far. It's so damn chill, I smoke out on the way to yoga every single class. It is almost like it is intended for doing stoned in my mind. I like to microdose psychs before classes too sometimes, haha. The teachers are pretty chill there too and good looking, a good studio should be almost like a retreat. One of my favourite ones is like some oriental looking cabin in the woods that's outside the city but the classes are not as intensive there and I need to be sweating out whatever is messing up my body on a daily basis.

So far, I don't have any pain from yesterday too. And like... I hadn't slept the night before, and that class was crazy. One of my favourite ones I have been to. It is also a spiritual practice problem with me was I couldn't choose between whatever way I was exercising and I was weight training and also doing yoga which was probably a really bad idea. The skateboarding probably fucked my body up most of all, after the depression.


Yeah tho when I was doing heroin in the springtime and early summer last year, before it became hell on earth as I ran myself broke but didn't want to quit yet, I weighed over 200 pounds. Some of that is probs due to the constipation but, I was doing three hours of yoga a day out in the sunshine while railing heroin and I couldn't feel a damn thing. Can't wait to be in excellent fitness again.

Yoga on heroin was amazing. Couldn't feel my body... when I had that 60mgIR hit of oxy that nearly killed me, many hours into it I found myself opening my eyes thinking I was laying in bed, and I was doing a downward dog for who knows how long. These nods are bad, it's when you get caught and people start to notice. And I guess when you are a lot more likely to die but that isn't much of a concern anymore for me. I had a plan to kill myself.

Got some phantom OG to smoke at 420 holy fuck is it already past noon? I gotta... do nothing, just make sure I'm hydrated and well nourished and stoned for yoga and showered.
 
Last edited:
i'm feeling good energy while reading about the benefits of yoga. i can dig it as something to keep the days structured too. looking into some vids rn, larimar.

hope you can get back on your snowboard, shroomy. i used to skate, those days are behind me LOL good times tho. i'm just happy i can lift weights and do cardio... but yoga is something i feel would be a dope addition to my fitness/health routine.
 
Yeah man while getting clean, structure is so damn important. If you force yourself to do it in acute withdrawal, by the time you hit those later stages when people relapse you'll already be well on your way. This is what I'm hoping for... That is what they do in rehab I think... keep patients busy with activities. Then, everything starts to fall into place as if I've been living a life with structure (for example, I know that I am going to a power yoga class tomorrow early afternoon, and then an intensive flow on Tuesday followed by a consecutive yin class. The one tonight was so chill, if someone was looking to exercise they would be so impatient. It was all like 10 minute holds, twists and focussing on the breath and the teacher was super mellow. So that is one structure in place. Another, should be a consistent diet when I'm able to get to that. Then I can start gaining muscle mass.

So, I am really going intense with yoga you might say. I think it is the first thing I should do. Cleanse and detox the hell out of my body... those hot yoga classes are insane sometimes. I've noticed more men go now too these days and that is cool.

I think I smoked 4 joints today... not too bad for a fiend. My next joint with be a nice spliff after lunch and before a (presumably pretty hardcore) yoga class. I truly believe I can heal myself if I'm careful not to push myself in postures (this is one of many ways in which yoga helps teach patience) and if I go, literally, daily then I really am hoping to get back on my snowboard in a year. I'm signed up for like the next 6 weeks or so, pretty psyched. It's a chill vibe in there too, lovely place.
 
Shroomy
I don't understand what's made you cut way back on weed use but its a Good change I'm certain. Brain cells do die never to be reborn with chronic use of pot.

I hope you dont relapse again. I just knew you had this last time n i had a baaaaaaad feeling you were comatose or even dead.
I'm an honest person so I will just be honest. If you had died I would have been hurt , saddened but most of all Angry: you know you're headed that way if you don't knock off the "relapses " come on now a relapse is an unplanned accidental use : yours are right on schedule. Yep I'm angry. Why? Because I care about you VERY much and at This point, I know I know addictions suck --- at this point I think you need a real rehab.

Reading about your monthly relapses (wrong word choice ). . . Your monthly planned binges in which it seems from here you're just Toying with the idea of overdosing so large ya knock your ass off the planet for Good. .....

Well I get really angry.
Because you get well. You feel ok good fine even happy (by your own admission ) then that Date on the calendar rolls round n you are now using up your whole script in 2-3 days . Oh God you're lucky youre not my son.

I'm gonna be honest one more little bit (everyone is welcome to scold me for being harsh or judgmental that's fine; believe me I can take the "criticism").....
I don't believe you will Live thru the next one. I truly don't.
Slow suicides are the saddest of all.
 
Shroomi, go buy a bunch of Lope. I?m not sure where you are but I?m in the USA. The government is for sure going to restrict Loperamide in the next year. If that crap worked for you I recommend you go get A LOT. Right now it?s dirt cheap and you may need it for the next tune (I keep saying there won?t be a next time for me but my intelligence says not to be so stupid. So I have stored about 5 grams)
Also you?re on a shitty roller coaster of high and low. It seems you feel pretty awesome on weed, yoga, work, and discovering life. Have you ever considered telling your family the truth about your drug use? I heard a radio show host say once that when he REALLY decided to get sober he told his wife all of his little secrets on how he would sneak a drink and where he hid his booze. Is there anyone in your life who could stand in your way of another relapse?
 
Yeah when I decided to really get sober I told everyone... I mean some of my friends already knew but I told my parents and my siblings and the friends that didn't know. It helped to keep me accountable. I actually found that once it was in the open, I felt lighter and it was easier to quit.
 
Hi guys,

How is everyone doing? I have been doing well. I'm back on schedule of my prescribed dosage and am not even one pill off this month, so far. Making a plan and having my mom give my medication to me is working great and I even had her lock them up and not have them in this house for me to find during a bad day. About this time is when I would really start stressing because I would be way too short on pills and thinking OMG how am I going to make it? The loperamide is toxic stuff and is really only an option for a few (2 or 3) days once in a great while. I had some pretty heavy duty withdrawal from the lope after using it for 8 days. I felt like it was killing my liver too. Be aware the lope causes an intense withdrawal and I even had my 75 mg of morphine on top of the lope withdrawal. Can you imagine how bad it would be with nothing?

I have to say that Runningfox is right Shroomy. I knew this "relapse" was coming too and I was worried sick about you. I would be very, very sad if you had not made it through this last overdose! I wouldn't be mad, just very sad and I would forever be thinking that I could have/ should have done more. We don't want to loose you Shroomysatori!

How is it going cjo? Things should be getting better for you. Shroomy was right on about you being able to get rid of the mental battle right now if you wanted to. That is true. Easier said than done but still possible. Force your mind to serve you! Something that works for me to overcome that is to physically imagine myself grabbing hold of those unwanted thoughts and throwing them out of my mind.

Sweetleaf7, Squeaky, my thoughts and prayers are with you. Hope all is well.

Everyone seems to be doing pretty good. We are making progress guys! Keep up the good work!
Lots of love to you all <3
 
That is alright Cjo, don't apologize.
We tell it like it is here.
I hope you feel better soon.

If you need to take this slower there is no shame in that.
Supporting you no matter what.

Quality of life is important too. Just do the best you can.
I think you have just about got this!
 
Hey so my withdrawal is about 90% over physically speaking. So I'm pretty much clear for now. The PM clinic called and I simply can't call them back and it's like 5 hours of driving every few months to get refills for 5 minutes so fuck that shit that's not health care! Plus I simply refuse to take percocet anymore because of the liver-toxin that it contains. Also the best outcome came about in which I simply can't get oxycodone from the medical system anymore because I refuse to see that doctor as I feel like I could assault his fucking face. My GP also prescribed me the benzo I take when I told her that I am no longer treating my back pain with opiates. She also referred me to MMJ but I need to follow up with them. I refuse to take the tamper proof oxy's either, because they don't work. I randomly feel them 5 hours later and get totally wrecked because by then I've taken like 150mg thinking they are shit. Heroin is honestly safer than any of that stuff for me, in my opinion. Both times I very clearly nearly died were immediately after picking up the hard drugs from the pharmacy. Pretty messed up how I trust a solid H connect more than any doctor who would prescribe me pain meds.

So if I ever relapsed again which I do not intend to as this last week nearly killed me in more than one way. But it would be heroin for sure, not that it really matters, it's just I know I can function on heroin really well so long as I have it, but I've never really been able to function on pills once I got a tolerance. I also know I can function on weed and etiz though and I don't plan on quitting those anytime soon. There is no point thinking about opiates though, it's just going to keep the attachment going and that shit is behind me. I feel great again and I know it's over. Going to the two yoga classes back-to-back tonight won't be a problem. Grabbing some more pot today, smoked a half ounce this week but whatever I guess. It's expensive though.

I went to yoga twice yesterday, and the first class was ridiculous. Got a lot of help from the teacher they are nice there. Today, my core is so damn sore, my thighs are burning (the good kind of workout burn, not the opiate burning alive)... and from my forearms to my shoulders are exhausted as well. I am going to continue going twice daily, I passed out without even remembering last night and I wasn't even stoned. Snuck in a little smoke this morning and now I am having a hardy breakfast.

I have eschewed my interest in that other girl she's not chill enough for me. I shouldn't feel like someone is driving me crazy in certain ways. She doesn't communicate well enough to me which I don't really get as she has excellent communication skills. She can bite it. The girl who works at yoga is younger like probs early 20's, she looks like Taissa Farmiga the actress. Won't mention her again so as not to jinx anything but damn... now this girl I think I can work with... lol... as in getting dates and stuff just seems chill, not complicated and really healthy, she radiates beauty and stuff but yeah I'm not gonna let her get in my head too much. She is just kinda like a surprise cute one I stumbled into.
 
Last edited:
For a last week I have been tapering from 80mg oxycodone a day at a detox facility and this has been the first day without oxycodone. Everything has gone smoothly and no WD symptoms except for high blood pressure at saturday.
 
Feeling good mentally? Congrats!

I'm back to my normal self now : ) it's weird like that. One day I just wake up with the addiction in remission. From here, it will be a matter of getting my energy and motivation back through hot yoga and healthy eating, good sleep, bong (they took my bong, but I got a new one... I get more stoned off 50mg of herb in a bong than a half gram joint so... I love my new bong. Love it. It was like a random reward today, for not being sick anymore, and then at the bong shop I made friends with a chill older guy and we were discussing spirituality and psychedelics and conspiracies and how everyone's a fuckin hustler these days and it was was... hehehehe. We are gonna meet up for coffee I think and just talk about random intellectual shit like that and probs smoke bong. I'ma be driving around with my bong now LOL. Like wtf is wrong with my head I seriously have some holes in it though. It's like, finally aged insanity though... not necessarily unpalatable.

Well, I am super stoned cause I haven't got a bong in a few days, and I got fucking chron right now. I'm really happy with my new bong, I made them switch out the downstem for one with more bubbly diffusion.

So, I am so very stoned. I'm going to yoga again tonight even though my back hurts. It's just the withdrawal my back didn't bother me like a month clean. I realized I am well over a week clean as well. I got my half gram of etiz today too! It's just bee like, a great day. talking to my little bro now too about books we're reading and today is the first day I have regained the ability to read my book he got me.

I am feeling great! I am not hung up on any girls at all either at the moment which is nice. There is that one cute chick who I can only say that about and how she looks like Taissa Farmiga so I can practice saying that actress name lol before I talk to her again but that is it as I get all anxious and psych myself out if I think about those matters outside of the present moment.

I am high as a kite... oh right... I had a couple bumps of 2c-d earlier too. Wow. It's like today was just meant to be awesome for me and I will mention one thing. I could easily have gone to my doctors appointment tomorrow and got percs and the shitty oxycontins tomorrow but I cancelled the appointment. So, I don't have a script anymore and my doctor would be like wtf if he hadn't heard from me in a while. That means, I can't just go around the corner and get oxy's for pennies if I randomly have a craving. It would be a much more involved, expensive, and annoying process that would give me a moment to think.

Because I can't go through what I just went to ever again. Seriously... the torture I've experienced over the past year of my life in particular is going to take a lot of work to recover from. Damage was done. A lot.
 
Satori glad you had a great day ! Keep the positive mind attitude up, yoga is amazing and has saved me many times as well, and its easy to find cool like minded people in those classes . That was good you canceled your app. for the pills that cuts out the temptation. Stick with the weed and you will be good. My husband loves bongs as well, I dont enjoy weed but he loves the fast high from a good bong !
*Mr Root; glad you are feeling good . Can I ask is a medically done detox exspensive? So do they just kinda put you in a coma to go thru withdrawals, then You wake up physically cured ?
* Keep up the good work both of you .
* Im gonna have to wait till I get a long weekend off to cold turkey , Im down to about 20mg oxy a day so I know it won?t be too bad but I can?t go to work if I can?t sleep.
 
I love the smoke bong. I got a new bong today, and I have been getting really baked all day. I am going to another yoga class tonight they are chill. I am sore today. I was able to focus enough to read before I fell asleep for a nap. Woke up confused, not much time to get ready now. My appetite is back, everything is normal. Got some restless legs I just noticed but that symptom never bothered me much. Happy my etizolam supply is reaonsable I had around 10 valium and clonazepam left each and that more than anything was stressing me out. Can't be quitting that this year. Why not go down to 10 or 15 in the meantime then.
 
ShroomySatori said:
I love the smoke bong. I got a new bong today, and I have been getting really baked all day. I am going to another yoga class tonight they are chill. I am sore today. I was able to focus enough to read before I fell asleep for a nap. Woke up confused, not much time to get ready now. My appetite is back, everything is normal. Got some restless legs I just noticed but that symptom never bothered me much. Happy my etizolam supply is reaonsable I had around 10 valium and clonazepam left each and that more than anything was stressing me out. Can't be quitting that this year. Why not go down to 10 or 15 in the meantime then.
Click to expand...


Hey Shroomy
I'm glad you're feeling better .
I saw somewhere in your posts-- the Oct script is all out now? No refills left n no plan to trek back to that doctor to get a new script for more? If I understand that correctly then that's Great!! Get that monthly temptation out of your way ; I been really worried one of these relapses on the monthly script was gonna Take You Away from us. You're young smart talented sweet and a hundred other good things. I don't EVER wanna see your name going down in the Shrine!!!!

You haven't mentioned work lately--- you still have your job ?
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top