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Positive The Tapering Supportive/Social Thread

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SweetLeaf7- I'm lucky to be in a big city. There are pain mgmt Dr's and pharmacies on every corner. Too much for the DEA to regulate well I guess. Also, I can get a complete MRI here for $250 (cash$$). A fresh scan every 6 months and my Dr can justify writing my prescriptions no problem.

I'm about 36 hours off the lope. No wd's at all. I am back to about 60 mg/day oxy though. Not what I wanted, but it's way better than my 120 mg before. The lope was a great catalyst to get my oxy use down and I really didn't have to suffer like I have in the past.
I have ordered 2,000 mg loperamide online. The next move by the DEA will be to regulate lope in the same way they did Sudafed a few years ago. I want to have it available for future withdrawals and I can get it cheap right now($10 for a bottle of 200 pills!). Im gonna hide it in the freezer to save my ass next time.
 
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SweetLeaf7- In re-reading your post it stuck out to me that you said the mental aspect is hardest. For me, pain relief is greatest when I take my pills on an empty stomach, then eat a solid meal 30 minutes later, then sit in my easy chair and relax. So every meal makes me want more oxy. Just thinking about my pills so often throughout the day is maddening. The physical wd's suck for sure, but the nagging thoughts of my pills all day is enough to drive me insane, and that's probably the most difficult part of tapering.
For that reason alone I actually think cold turkey is easier for me. Two weeks and it's over. I just can't right now because of work.
If I can't get off the pills by tapering before my next surgery, I will be ct'ing it in January so the pills can work after surgery in February.
 
Thank you Unregi. I appreciate the compliment. Everyone here helps me a lot and I am very grateful to have somewhere to talk about these things with others who have experience. I am very sorry to hear about your cousin. Pain and suffering can become so overwhelming. I experienced that myself and I almost died too. We must not judge others. We do not know what someone is suffering until we have walked in their shoes. I just don't like the word addict at all. I hope you and your family are able to heal. I know your cousin is in a much better place. We do not really die. Take comfort.

Squeaky, good to hear you are not feeling any withdrawal symptoms. They are minor and barely noticeable for me when I have used the loperamide for a few days. Good job for getting the oxy down to 60 mg!
 
90 for me also. Don't feel bad. I had to get some sleep!

I don't know what I am going to do about this hernia. It hurts so bad. I looked into surgery but the surgical mesh they use has been recalled and is causing people worse problems. I think it might just blow out again also because of all the pressure inside.

Ahhhhhhhhh! This is a hard thing to "manage ".
 
Squeaky, do you think it would work to change to another opiate/opioid after your surgery?
That may be effective without having to taper or cold turkey your oxy.
I have heard other pain patients talk about rotating from Oxy to MS Contin or Dilaudid. Etc.
The pain relief might be much better with something your body is not accustomed to for awhile.

Just a thought.
 
IV Dilaudid is what I was given in the hospital after surgery and it worked like magic. No pain and not high. But they gave me Dilaudid pills after going home and it did nothing.
MS Contin is just timed release morphine. IV morphine was given to me in the hospital and it had zero effect. It seems I am immune to it?.
I know it sounds crazy, but I think I felt better on loperamide and oxy than I feel right now on oxy alone. Maybe next week I'll try the combo again and see if it works. Who knows, maybe 40 mg lope with 30 mg oxy per day would work better than 90 mg oxy.

I'm scared to tell my dr to change anything. I know from experience that they will continue a current prescription easily, but upping my dose or re-starting on a high dose of anything is almost impossible. I quit cold turkey 2 years ago to find out if I had OIH and made the mistake of telling my Dr. After a month passed with no opiates, she refused to put me back on oxy. It took 6 months and another back surgery to get me to a comfortable level of oxy. Too many similar stories on BL like that.
Thanks for the suggestion though :)
 
Hi Painful One! Thank you for the warm welcome and support. You know what suffering from chronic pain is like and are truly empathetic to others. Since my PM doc was shut down by DEA, the patients cannot get medical records. And the few PM docs left in the area will not take his patients as they don't want to be associated with his name or they won't prescribe opiates without medical records. I have my pharmacy records, but I am tired of being cut off without notice (one time was too many times - twice has freaked me out). That's good to know about sativa. I have been using indica, but it is too heavy during the workday. Medical marijuana is legal in my state, but they are still getting dispensaries operational. Until then I can only get what's available off the street.
- SweetLeaf7
 
Hi Squeaky, Thank you for your support. I would not be tapering if I had that kind of access to PM docs either. Opiates are the only medication that has worked to control my pain and keep me a productive member of society. But I can't deny, I love the high too. Yes, the mental part of tapering or CT'ing is the mind F that goes along with it. The clock watching, the obsessing, etc. I didn't know about waiting 30 min after eating, but I do take my pills on an empty stomach and eat some high fat food, like Taco Bell, and it almost gives me the nods. I have come to rely on how the pills make me feel invincible and I don't know how I will get through not having anything so I may have to go on Lyrica. I know you get withdrawals from that too, but I don't think there is a huge risk of me getting cut off of those as the govt is focusing on opiates. I wish you the best of luck with your upcoming surgery and will be following your journey.
- SweetLeaf7
 
Hello everyone,
I started my taper on 11/8/17 at 90 morphine milligram equivalents (MMEs)/day and am now down to 37.5 MMEs/day (3.75 mg methadone = 15 MMEs & 15 mg oxy = 22.5 MMEs). I also had my pharmacist review my taper plan and she said it would work. I may start my own thread under TDS as I don't plan on getting "sober" but rather am trying to use medical marijuana for chronic pain instead of opiates. The physical withdrawals so far have been tolerable, but the psychological aspect is the worst! As far as the physical withdrawal goes, I have been fatigued, mild insomnia (can't sleep more than 5-6 hrs/night), chills, mild abdominal cramping and more frequent bathroom trips (no diarrhea), and mild muscle aches and bone pain. My chronic pain seems more controlled on less opiates now so I believe in that opiate induced hyperalgesia. Keeping busy and mindfulness has been a huge help! I have also been experimenting with different types of medical marijuana, such as edibles and butter, vaping oils and shatter, as well as smoking heavy indica bud.
- SweetLeaf7
 
Painful One, In reading more about your story, my heart goes out to you. I understand how chronic pain is very hard to manage. When I was seeing PM doc, I had to quit smoking marijuana every other month so I didn't have a dirty urine. The months I couldn't smoke, it was hard to sleep and pain was worse. I have not tried CBD oils yet but heard they can help with pain - but they may test urine for that too. Sending you positive healing vibes.
- SweetLeaf7
 
Hi Squeaky, I agree - you certainly don't want to raise red flags - I would be nervous about asking nowadays. My former PM doc would rotate my MS Contin & Methadone. That's why I speak in terms of MMEs, lol. The Methadone is 4 times stronger according to him. I have heard others say anywhere from 3 to 5 times stronger than oral morphine. It has such a long half life that it helps prevent withdrawal, but I know withdrawals from Methadone can been worse too. The surgeon gave me Methadone after my last surgery since I was a PM patient and they knew I needed something strong for a couple days. I never knew I could still get prescriptions from surgeon if I was a PM patient so I had suffered needlessly in the past (multiple surgeries), managing on what was normally prescribed to me through PM doc. When I told PM doc, he said all I needed to do was let him know so they could write refill after I was done with surgeon's prescription so I didn't get extra pills.
- SweetLeaf7
 
That's good to know SweetLeaf7. I was worried about telling my PM Doc about my upcoming surgery for fear he would cut me off in advance in order to make the pills work after surgery. I guess I'll be honest next visit.
 
Hi Everyone,

Thanks for the support Sweetleaf7. My heart goes out to you also. I appreciate the healing vibes! <3
Good thinking on having your pharmacist review your taper plan (since you have been left without a doctor).
I am very interested to see how this works out for you.

Yes, I agree guys about being very nervous to ask for any kind of a change in medication.
I think your doctor will work with you Squeaky. That is good information to know about the surgeon writing you a prescription while under his care and then returning to normal pain management after surgery. Yes indeed my friend, be honest with him. They have medications to keep you comfortable through this. You just need to let each Doctor know what your medications are.
 
Struggling like crazy here guys. I keep waking up in the night in horrific pain and sweats. It is hard to tell what is from what in my body. More pain? Withdrawals? I don't know. It snowed here last night and the change in weather always hurts me so bad. It might be from that. I'm so tired of sleeping for a few hours here and there and being up most the night. The barometric pressure is something that spikes my pain level to 10. I have not even been able to eat much.

My life has completely changed after one car accident. Got hit from behind on the freeway and everything has become so hard and different. Sorry guys, I need to vent a bit.

I am considering trying to mix the lope and the morphine. I sure cannot taper right now. I'm going to be short anyway on morphine but the lope takes a few to kick in so I think it may be best to just do the best I can until I am really low on morphine and then switch over to the lope and morphine mix until refill day.
 
Xorkoth said:
Just be aware that loperamide causes progressive heart damage at high doses. Not sure if 60mg is enough but it certainly might be. There are cases even here on Bluelight of people dying or almost dying. But using it to help sometimes or even to get through a cold-turkey, using it for short durations and then stopping, seems to be fine. I used it to cold turkey a few times and it didn't make it 99% better but it was about 75% better, really. I could sleep, the emotional stuff was blunted a lot, and I felt pretty alright. A week of that or whatever the withdrawal duration is, and you can stop and you're clear. But loperamide can produce its own withdrawals and they last a long time and apparently are pretty bad.
Click to expand...

I'm used 200mg doses over 10 times, not sure if I have heartdamage now, but life will tell.
 
Hi Everyone!

Hope you are all doing well today.

I seem to be stabilizing now and am feeling better. Thanks Neo for the reminder on the lope.
I took 40 mg lope with 30 mg MS Contin and am feeling alright. I can get by this way until refill day.

I hope to do better next month. My goal is to get back to my prescribed dosage and not have any days short and then I will decide from there if and when I can taper a bit more. I think I put myself into withdrawal from taking small bites out of each pill.
Going back and looking what I wrote on here is helpful in trying to figure out what is going on in my body.

I had an entire bottle of immediate release 30 mg morphine that the pharmacy made a mistake on giving me and I had to go get the correct medicine from my doctor a few years ago and my sister took it upon herself to turn my medication over to the people collecting old medications for safety reasons! I could really use that right now!
 
Ps: I thought my doctor had upped my dose but I read the number on the prescription wrong.
I should have known there is no way he would just up my dose without telling me.
I have been going through physical therapy though and it hurts! I thought he might have a bit of mercy on me.
Glad he pushes and challenges me though. He is a good doctor. I lucked out there.
 
Hope you guys are well, I am doing great. I am fucking still trying so hard to get a 2nd date with this lovely lady... been driving me completely crazy aha. ahaha. ahahaha. She is too darn cute and silly, you see.

Anyways, I had a run-in with oxy's. My friend got hit by a car, was saying he couldn't get any painkillers scripted so I was going to give him my last oxy script. lol... yeah right. I took 60mg IR and not knowing my tolerance I was a fucking trainwreck. I am actually lucky to be alive, in fact. I was so completely fucked up, that I had my eyes closed most of the time literally nodding off on every nook and cranny of my basement. Seriously, I have never experienced the "ultimate nod" before like that, ever. I had my eyes closed, thought I was laying in bed, and then I'd open my eyes and be doing a downward down on my yoga mat and be like WTF how did I even get here?

The high lasted 12 hours from IR oxy, and then I flushed the remaining 96 down the toilet. As I was already sick after a single day, but not bad. Anyways, def no regrets I'm just glad I didn't overdose! If you ever quit, please be weary of this phenomenon. You will want to use the same amount you are used to for pain or whatev. Well, this amount near KILLED ME. I have NEVER been that fucking trainwrecked in my life. I have actually never had a nod like that in my life, as I was using opiates not for that purpose. However, after experiencing it just once that way, I feel that every time I use opiates ever again (I DO NOT intend to, lesson learned) I would be chasing that nod and always fuck it up somehow. There are so many silly little factors that go into that perfect high it's just not worth it at all and I'd probably end up dead.

I am really proud that I flushed the rest of them because it had an insane street value and with my tolerance would have kept me high and pain free for a really long time. I knew that once was too much. I napped from 2 to 10pm, woke up to a million messages and phone calls to my cell and home from my buddy who was in the car crash asking if I was okay. He heard I was sleeping from roomie... but in the back of his mind he's like, did he really flush them or just say that? Is he really just asleep right now all day like that? You can never trust a junkie but one thing I do know - a junkie would NEVER be able to flush pills like that after having the best opioid high of his life.

I'm just posting in psychedelic discussion now because I can't really have my mind on these drugs. I have this fox in mind omg she is so beautiful and yeah... I never get crazy like this but she's special : ) and super tricky fox, she is. I don't know WTF is going on anymore lol all I know is she likes me for me.

Okay okay this is crazy but JUST RIGHT NOW I GOT THE DATE. Alright I could not be happier! Time to celebrate with a few joints!!! The second date was tough because we both know that if we do this, we are going to fall head over heels in love with each other. She is fucking gorgeous, what she sees in me is that I just don't give a fuck. I yell at our boss and stuff while she is all diplomatic... I scare them into pretty much giving me free work hours where I do fuck all but talk to a colleague about horoscopes and chinese astrology and stuff. Yes!!! This was driving me crazy for weeks! I worked SO hard to get this and the idea I have is super chill!

So btw after the best nod of my life, I didn't give a fuck. wasn't like ohhh noooo I relapsed. I'm so stoned all the time and trippin out and fucking. obsessed. with this beautiful little blonde creature who is just sooo sooo soooooo sexy and soooo funny everything she does makes me laugh internally but like nobody even notices how silly she is but me. It's too funny we are happy when we chill out! Our first date was supposed to be like 2 hours and turned into 15. It was ridiculous I can't even begin to describe the adventure she took me on. So... I am taking her on my own adventure this time I am SO happy about this!!! I am falling in love, you see : ) like actually - for the first time ever. I thought I was before, but nothing like this. She has been driving me CRAZY.

So yeah I had the craziest nod of my life, then didn't give a fuck! Just flushed the rest of my oxy down the drain without a second thought I mean I am honestly lucky I didn't drop dead. The nod was SO hardcore it's like what you see junkies like after they take a massive shot and are totally out of it, slouched over and stuff just in total bliss. It was like that. Never experienced anything like that as I always kept my doses to constant pain relief and like for energy / anti-depressant effects. Never gave a fuck about the nod. I'm glad I didn't, because if I chased that high, I would not live very long even knowing what I know now let alone when I was a noob...
 
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