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Positive The Tapering Supportive/Social Thread

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Yep... still trying to get clean. I just found out though- I will be having another back surgery. After the first if next year most likely. They're going to take out the screws that I already have from the back side, break apart and realign the bones, and put in all new screws and hardware from the front side. Now I have to get off the pills so that I can get hooked on them after the next surgery. Then I can try to get off them again.
I didn't think this could get worse. But I was wrong.
 
^^^^ oh squeaky
I'm so sorry. Yeah the pills ain't gonna work if ya dont get away from opiates now.
That sounds horrific (my mom had a back surgery that never helped at all ). I can't imagine so much body-work. I'll be praying for strength, peace, no drama, and quick recovery. Damn.
Happy fuggin holidays huh
 
Squeaky said:
Yep... still trying to get clean. I just found out though- I will be having another back surgery. After the first if next year most likely. They're going to take out the screws that I already have from the back side, break apart and realign the bones, and put in all new screws and hardware from the front side. Now I have to get off the pills so that I can get hooked on them after the next surgery. Then I can try to get off them again.
I didn't think this could get worse. But I was wrong.
Click to expand...

Oh Squeaky! That just made my heart drop. How horrible. I understand your sarcastic dark humor now. (Last post to me)
I am so sorry. We are here for you. Can't you just go down a little in dosage and then up it higher after the next surgery?
My medication is still working for pain. Oh, that is just too much torture to put you through. No.

This chronic back pain is so unspeakably horrific.

I have been considering having my back re broke also.

There has got to be a more humane way than rip you off opiates only to put you on them again. AHHH,
Sending you soft hugs and a smile.
 
Shroomy,
I want to come work at your wonderful apothecary essential oils, old fashioned Harry Potter type shop with you!
That has always been what I wanted to do also. I could have one in my location. But how does one get started with nothing?
I wonder if one could get a business loan for something like that. I once presented a business plan to a bank and got a business loan.
Serious. I think you could do it!

Good ideas and thoughts for your future with tons of creativity going, NICE!
Something you love doing is not a job. :)
 
Painful one, I require your assistance. I have been at the local essential aroma shop for hours and hours lately, bringing my journal, my encyclopedia of oils, and studying them and buying several of them so that I now have a rather large collection.

Anyways, I got talking with probably the most attractive chick there who I thought had no interest in me but she does. She is as tall as me so... I thought she was taller and didn't want to approach her haha but I am in fact about an inch taller.

Anyways, I asked her to try my antidepressant combo from last night of roman chamomile and bergamot (both contain beta-pinene, natural antidepressant) and she commented a bunch of super chill and intriguing notes to me about it. She was definitely loving it - so anyways, she was telling me she loves to use black pepper oil for it's anxiolytic action. I went out and bought her the last one in the store I could find and had to reserve it tonight. Her test for me, is to find out a way for it to not smell horrible for her diffuser. It is extremely sharp smelling and is even burning my skin as I didn't dilute it.

My question is... say you were cooking with way too much black pepper, what could you use to balance it out? It just has to be not sharp and harsh, and smell nice but have a base of black pepper oil. Particularly calming things would be good. I feel like I am trying to make a love potion here to win her heart LOL, please help me out if you can! I want to bring it by tomorrow if she's in... otherwise any other day this week cause I'm crazy about that store. I have tons of essential oils so if you know any of the common ones I probably have them around. This is tough... like how the hell do you balance out black pepper concentrate? It's bad enough when you grind it up, the scent is insane. A drop has my skin on fire, I see what she means. This is going to take me all night seriously but it has to be just right. I could end up making friends with her, exchanging contact info, possibly striking up a romance or even just she might be good at art (I can't draw for shit, and I need someone to make me cool business cards to hand out)... or I might just end up helping her out for nothing in return and that would be really cool too, maybe get some good feedback so that I can improve on it.

One gets started with nothing by doing stuff like this. I met two other ladies at the mall in another shop - one wants something for migraines (and will print me banners, posters, and business cards in return), the other for something balanced that is relaxing but not overly sedating, with a subtle sweet aroma that isn't too floral and offered me $10 and to chill after her shift at the shop to try it out. I want the very tall vixen though. I can tell she likes me... I just gotta get the intoxicating aroma just right for her...

So how the fuck do I balance out black pepper with other essential oils? If you help me with and I get laid out of this then you got a job at my future shop LOL.

I have two jobs now that I love doing, and don't even feel like work. They are just keeping me busy... I have really bad friends, they treat me like shit and I will do anything for them. My friend completely freaked out at me because I left his place smelling like lemongrass the other day, or as he put it, catpiss. I woke up to an essay of text messages from him insulting me in every possible way he could think of because of a fucking smell of lemongrass when he asked me to bring some oils over. Yeah... I have really bad friends.... they treat me like shit and I will do anything for them. For instance, my friend was crashing from a 3 day coke and Mdma binge and got cheated again over his girlfriend with one of his "friends" yet again - I warned him about this, that it would happen again but he could not let go of her. He was in tears.

I spent an entire day nursing him back to health with everything imaginable I could think of, and he told me to fuck off yesterday when I reminded him he owed me $20. He also told me to fuck off this morning when my other friend sent me that message of atrocity... the most miserable insults and a horrific emotional outburst from someone who is just a chill stoner I hang out with. It was unbelievable and I used a combo of geranium and grapefruit oils, with some dark chocolate and a pu'erh tea to cheer me up.

Please help me make new friends. Particularly highly attractive lady friends. I am so sick of hanging out with friends who I would do anything for and not only getting nothing in return (not that I expect anything) but being treated like shit. My friends all seem to be fucking miserable except for a couple and I need to meet new people in order to stay positive because I can't be detoxing and dealing with other people's bullshit. It is a pleasure for me to help out this beautiful lady regardless, though. I see what she means the smell is so damn sharp.

Anyone else like if you cooked with wayyyyyy too much black pepper how would you balance it out? Sage? Rosemary? Fuckin bergamot? Frankincense like fuck I'm completely lost here. I'm gonna have to get experimenting. I really want to do this for her, just cause I know how bad anxiety is having it myself... and yeah... can't say she isn't really really hot...
 
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Alright I'm going a little crazy here. This lady is really very attractive, you see. I just went through all my essential oils and anything the slightest bit floral or sharp had to go. I am going with earthy subtle ones to balance out the insanity of the black pepper. I'm left with clary sage, roman chamomile, sandalwood, and lavender.

Just gotta read my reference book to make sure those are anxiolytic ones too. They definitely pair well, but I might have to rule a couple out.
 
Thanks for the positive vibes everyone. I guess I have become a little dark in the last couple of years. Chronic pain and oxy withdrawal did it to me. I have very little patience for hopocracy and I have become a bit aggressive about it now.
The first surgeon told me that the screws were so strong that if I was in a car accident, it would be the only part of my body I couldn't break. The physical therapist who came to my home told me that it was so delicate that I wasn't allowed even to tie my shoes. The new surgeon says it's all f'ed up and has to be completely broken apart and redone. AND if I'm not careful I might lose my job while on disability for the next surgery ( job of 25+ years) My head is spinning trying to figure out how to proceed.
Yep.... just bitter now....bitter and angry
Thanks for listening. I needed to vent.
 
To be unemployed, without insurance, and dependent on painkillers would SUUUUUUCK! Oxy costs more than gold on the street here. And half the pills for sale are fake. 10 pills just cost me a piece of my soul and they were duds. Turned out to be a blessing in disguise though. I marked them and broke them into 1/2's and 1/4's . Then I replaced a regular pill with 1/2 good and 1/2 bad. When the bad ones were gone my tolerance was down about 40%.
Right now I'm down to 60 mg/day (from 120-150mg/day) oxy. I dropped that amount in about 8 days. I'm feeling pretty crappy, mostly just exhausted between doses. And my pain is back with a vengeance. I have to get to 45 mg/day in the next 48 hours or I will run out of pills before my next script. Same story every month. You'd think I would learn.
And for the cherry on top........ (drum roll please )....... My in-laws are staying at my house right now. For the whole week. I think tomorrow I'll announce that I think I have the flu. Maybe spend the next 4 days in bed.
 
Hi guys ?
I just want to add my taper schedule and story here, in order to force me to continue the process.

Ive been a functioning IV blk tar H addict for 5-6 years now I’m 24. I have good grades in school and I work pay bills but I need to be the full potential version of myself.

I have a little paper where I’m writing down what I took and when so I can follow and not forget what I took, as that usually occurs when I attempt my tapers.

I’m on day 5 going on 6 (night time 9 pm)
I managed to go from using everyday .5-.8 to approximately .2 or I can do .1 and take like 100 mgs of morphine ER or 60-75 mgs oxy.

I managed to cut everything in half for about 5 Days and I feel a difference for sure.
I really hope this is actual progress, the hardest part is completely jumping off.
I managed to procure about 500 mgs oxy on the streets and it took a few months, during my semester of studying/working, I would buy morphine and oxy little by little I have about 500 mgs of each and I’m wondering how to do this and whennto stop shooting up completely.
I have subuxone but I hate it and I always fear that it won’t give me the relief I’m seeking during withdrawals, and then get stuck with the receptors being blocked and my oxy being no use.

Anyways I’ll stay here and continue posting.
I’ve tried this detox/taper 3 times in the last year and a half and all it’s done is added a benzo addiction (which I’ll have to deal with later) and waste of money like crazy.

Anyways it’s time to take a cocktail of gabapentin, tizanidine, klonopin, Valium, wax/pot, seroquil, and a baby .05 shot to help me sleep through the leg aches.
 
Squeaky,
I hate when family is around and you have to keep up a happy face during withdrawals...
I feel like over the years we learn to deal with it, which is sad really.

I hope I can get down to just 60 mgs oxy a day...

Look at it this way, at least you don’t have it as bad as I do (although I have literally almost everything except clonodine to detox) but with in laws, fuck, that’s no fun. Keep us posted, do you have weed you can smoke ?

I’ve smoked weed every day for like 10 years now 5-10 times a day so it does nothing to me. During withdrawals, ESPECIALLY during the acute phase (first 3 days) when I smoke and come down, it makes the withdrawals worse.
Weed really helps once you hit day 4-5, it literally makes the chills go away you feel energy dopamine flowing enough to feel semi normal . Anyways I’m done ranting, I get sensitive during withdrawals and bluelight is the only place I have to let out the truth about my life. Bluelight knows the 100% true me. It helps a lot thanks for the thread
 
Hope you are doing okay Squeaky. Yeah man... things can always get worse. I remember when I was in my earlier 20's, I was thinking that my life could never get worse than it already was. I wasn't hooked on benzos and heroin yet, all I did was smoke pot back then and get wasted. I was still miserable, but I didn't really know the meaning of the word SUFFER back then, or better yet, TORTURE.

Hope you can get through this man. You have my blessings man... just try and keep your dose as low as you can I guess? Does't seem like you are in a position to quit.

Painful one check out the formula I came up for this chick. I am just going to try inhaling it this morning as I finally slept last night for at least 6 hours or so. Every night it has been around 2. I never get insomnia the first week when I am kicking... I guess my body takes such a shit kicking that I end up passing out. I don't know. But two weeks later all of a sudden I can no longer sleep.

With the two jobs I have now (self employed potion making - my random startup - and working all night with the Chinese, I am beginning to fear for my sanity. Also, I am still using 2C-C daily and tripping out pretty hard. I feel great, but once my potion making business is set up and going strong I should probably stop that. For now, that chick needs an anxiolytic oil blend based on black pepper and I need to get to work this morning. Not doing this cause she is so hot... nah, not at all... just being nice:\
 
Thanks Shroomi. I know you feel my pain.

Gorillaboy21- thank you for the kind words
My advice to you(and to anyone in your position) pick one opiate and make it your goal to use ONLY that one. Pick the one you have the most access to for whatever reason- cash, prescription, dealer lives in your dorm, etc. Work at cutting out all other opiates. There's a lot of cross tolerances between opiates, and we all do whatever's necessary in times of crisis, but if you're serious about quitting..... It's easier when you know exactly which drug is making you feel shitty today.
Then get down to only one other sleep/wd aid.
I made the mistake of keeping a prescription for Lyrica going, even though I wasn't using it. Then I took it for a few days while I was cutting back on oxy , just to help me sleep. Next thing I knew I was taking 300mg Lyrica/day on top of 150 mg oxy. I did the same exact thing with Lorazepam and now I'm stuck with a benzo habit too. Both to avoid insomnia. My current goal is to cut down on oxy but stay stable enough next week to maybe get off Lyrica.
 
Hi Everyone,

Happy Thanksgiving. I hope everyone has what they need today. Remember, if your family sucks and are a bunch of uptight, religious, nitpicking, hypocrites (like mine) that you are loved. They may not appreciate us but I do!

Shroomy- you have made me laugh and smile so much with your charming presence at the mall making potions for the ladies.
I'm sure they will appreciate your finer qualities very much. You are right my friend, who needs a bank loan! Lol!
My first thoughts on trying to make the black pepper smell better when diffused was peppermint oil. I found this little recipe for you-

For a muscle rub- combine 5 drops Peppermint, 3 drops Clove, 5 drops Wintergreen and 3 drops Black Pepper essential oils. Top with FCO.
To summon inner strength, diffuse; 2 drops Basil, 2 drops Bergamot, 1 drop Cinnamon, 1 drop Lemon and 1 drop Black Pepper.
Blend into coconut oil or basic salve recipe to warm and promote circulation.

Thoughtfulness is what counts with ladies.

I have been loving the Myrh essential oil. It helps me when I am in opiate withdrawal.
Apparently it has some type of opiate qualities to it. Just breathing the scent of it calms that horrible torture feeling down.
I can't wait to try the Frankincense. I mean really, gifts from Kings!

Meditation has really helped me too. So much that I can't even express. I just started doing this automatically after I was injured and trying to figure out how to cope. I didn't even know what I was doing had a name but I guess it is referred to as "transcendental meditation".

Blessings.
 
I am now at 3 weeks as of a couple hours ago. Seems like it has been a lot longer than that, since so much has changed... I really can't wait to make it to a month. That will be crazy.

Thanks for all the advice... it's 2:30am and I'm waiting up to start work. I'll write down your recipes in my journal later on... trying not to crash and fall asleep. I believe some 2c-d is in order... working my way up the alphabet lol.
 
Proud of you Shroomy! Three weeks! Congratulations!!

This is a huge accomplishment, as we all know. You should be proud. It is great to see how your self esteem is developing again.
Noticing when others are not treating you well and not accepting that as alright is huge I think. When other people don't treat you right and you have done nothing to offend then you just turn around and walk away and shake the dust from your shoes. Seek those whom are kind and are supportive of you. You have managed to find a great friend out on your nature walk adventures and some nice ladies at the essential oils shop (forget the miserable lady that did not treat you well yesterday).

Keep concentrating and focus on the good. I hope you are able to get a regular sleep cycle established soon.

Yay! We managed to make it through the holiday!
 
Thanks for the continued support. Today has been really nice, you know how I have that ridiculous job that can't even really be called a job almost, but somehow I get paid and can't really explain what I do as it is just that trippy and psychedelic? Well, essentially it is teaching but in a video game but like, that is only the beginning of the chaos.

So we use an app to communicate with the Chinese and people around the world in this position, and I was connected through my boss and the manager here with a couple ladies who have the same ridiculous job and, well, we started joking around pretty much in hysterics after chatting with our boss and the manager in a group chat... now I have made friends with them both separately after we agreed to all meet up sometime (the three of us). So... I am meeting up with two really attractive looking and sounding women for dinner at (well... I still have to confirm this with one of them) the spot I went to recently from my younger bros birthday, which is a super cool chill stone building just outside of town that is a lovely little pub / restaurant with amazing drinks and food.

I have blocked my drug addicted or emotionally unstable friends for the time being. I can't handle their bullshit anymore, I mean they are amazing people but I only have so much energy to give... especially being so sensitive, when they have outbursts at me over nothing it can ruin hours of my day. I might hit them up in a few weeks... I seem to be attracting a lot more positivity into my life. Each of these ladies seem like really chill and supportive people who could actually be healthy for me to hang out with and not completely drain my energy trying to support them. We've been in hysterics about our work and chatting about essential oils and stuff so it's a good sign that people like this are interested in getting to know me and hanging out together... it will definitely be really fun! And no fucking drugs for once... except I'll probably be on 2c-c or 2c-d as well as stoned haha.

That reminds me, I need to write down your info on essential oils in my journal before I forget. I really seem to be attracting a lot of positivity into my life... I woke up this morning after sleeping 2 hours though (worked until 7am and this was still the morning) - to people urging me to work 2 hours for technical support. I'm not complaining as I am getting paid for it, but I had about 10 minutes to jump out of bed, brush my teeth, get dressed, grab something to eat... I am helping a lot of people though, have post-acute withdrawal insomnia anyway, and my feedback regarding minor complaints / issues to the manager and boss got the two of these fellow colleagues involved too, and we were in compete agreement and realized we should probably just hang out sometime. Then I started getting to know them personally through voice chat and we have photo albums and stuff in this app... it has really been quite a nice day for me.

I need to surround myself with positive people like this. I can't be working so hard and then burning myself out being around drug abusing friends... I mean it's not even that - they don't use opiates (yet), but it's just the sheer magnitude of their emotional problems which are essentially the fruit of their drug abuse and/or mental illness and it's all denial... and since they have taken it out on me over practically nothing, I am simply done for the time being as much as I like these guys; and I know they like me too, I can see it is the result of their stress when they have outbursts at me. I need to take care of myself though first and foremost, especially when I'm getting clean.

I am not in your country (luckily... lol) so there was no holiday this weekend for me. I had pretty awesome sex dreams last night two of them... woah, I just realized how odd that is! Really strange... and I also unfortunately had a dream where a friend of mine (who isn't a bad influence) was outside at night holding up a phone with lines of coke on it and offered me one and I took it (in my dream). It was like catching him in the act... I had REALLY strange dreams last night, I wish I could have written more in my journal and remembered more but I immediately had to begin work when I woke up.
 
Shroomi- congrats on three weeks. That's a huge milestone.
Stay away from your old drug-using friends. You just said that they push your buttons. THATS BECAUSE THEY ARE DRUG ADDICTS.
You're already making new friends. Im sure your old buddies are awesome people, and it truly is a shame that you may need to turn your back on them. But sometimes the difference between staying clean and falling off the wagon is just one moment of weakness combined with opportunity. Remember how you tried to tell the pharmacist to stop filling your prescription? This is exactly the same thing. You can't go back to your old friends that are still living that lifestyle if you want to stay clean. Eventually you will be having a moment of weakness and one of your old buddies will just happen to have some coke or some H and you'll do it just because you want life to stop hurting for only a minute. Then it will be two weeks later - you'll be right back where you were addicted, withdrawing, broke and suicidal.
You seem to be able to make new friends easily. I am jealous because it is not so easy for me. Take that skill and start a new life, surrounded with new people. Block all if your old friends who use drugs. Stop going to the places you enjoyed getting high. Change everything until anything that even reminds you of using drugs has been completely eliminated from your life.
You are at a very delicate stage of recovery right now. Your body still remembers how it felt to get high. It hasn't quite healed from the damage the drugs do to the brain. And your tolerance would be way down from what it was. So 'just a little' would sound like a great idea if someone had it right in front of you. Stay away. Stay far far away. Stay away forever and never look back.
You are an inspiration to me today.
 
Yeah man, this is how my earlier relapse occurred beginning about 5 weeks ago. They are total cocaine addicts, and probably use a lot more blow that I know. Anyways, I ended up doing a couple lines, then going on a week long binge and barely sleeping while sniffing through a quarter ounce. I have a photo of myself crashing and I look like death. Then... of course I go out and get my oxy script because I can't handle the crash, and binge on 200 pills over a week... I have been clean since then. These friends were even asking me to grab them oxy's, although they have never used opioids or opiates before. I told them I didn't trust myself stepping foot in the pharmacy and I'd be risking my life via suicide for them to get a fucking hit. They know of my problem, but they are younger and naive... and just plain fucking stupid sometimes. They have so many personal problems they will come to me in tears venting about, without realizing that every one of them is perpetuated by hardcore parting and drug abuse.

Thanks for this dude it is confirming what I've already done. Every one of them has been blocked from contacting me. The real reason for this has nothing to do with coke or whatever, I am able to decline that shit. It has to do with how they take out their emotional problems on me sometimes, and that is the end of me trying to help really cool and interesting people to wake up. When they not only offer nothing in return ever, but begin to abuse me in return. And yeah man I've met a lot of new people, even if they are not friends I talk to people everywhere and yeah, have a handful of new friends who are not junkies or severely mentally ill monsters.

That last part I mostly agree with... the only thing is I know for a fact I would never be tempted by an opiate if I was around one. I have an oxy script around the corner and I haven't thought once about getting it. I am in an extremely delicate phase of recovery though, physically speaking. I get insomnia in the later stages of withdrawal, and I'm only sleeping around 3 hours for every 24. It is driving me crazy and aggravating my chronic pain extremely. The insomnia is what got me last year during my taper... I just wanted to fucking sleep. The thing about tolerance is related to how easily I could drop dead if I used smack again. I would do a 50mg line like I used to and want more, but before it kicked in 15 minutes later, it wold be too late. I'd be alone, and that much of the pure would overdose me for sure. My tolerance would make it so I could get very high off a 5mg percocet, but only for a day. Then, I'd either be dead, or have my old 400mg tolerance back and be suicidal from starting over at square 1 in wd's.

It is life or death for me at this point - a choice - if I use again, anything at all, I may as well put a loaded gun to my head and pull the trigger. It just got so horribly miserable and soul stealing, and my life has gotten so much better in so many ways, that it is very easy for me to ignore any sort of cravings for drugs. They show up in my dreams, that's about it. My pain is improving too because I am always so active, and I worked enough hours to make a few hundred dollars this past week. I was unable to work as a junkie, and I was also completely uninterested in making new friends or seeing old ones. I wanted to be alone with my dope until I died and I could sense I was on the verge of that. I remember that first week of wd's, feeling unbearably suicidal every moment.

The fuck was I thinking... good luck to you bro.
 
I know what you mean. Fear of my own suicide has lead to some decisive decisions in my life. Everyone has a 'rock bottom'. I guess for people like us it us the fear of giving up on life, permanently.
On a lighter note: I tried loperamide for opiate withdrawls. HOLY CRAP IT WORKS! I had tapered down to about 60mg/day oxy. Today I'm on 7.5 mg x 4 oxy with 20 mg x 3 or 4 loperamide and I feel great. That's 30 mg oxy and about 60 mg loperamide for today and my wd's are about 99% gone. I've tried a drop many times before just like this one without the lope and felt like I was dying. I'm not catching any kind of buzz, and I'm getting zero pain relief, but no wd's. And the lope is dirt cheap- over the counter from your local big box store or on Amazon for next to nothing. It seems for me a good substitute ratio is 2mg lope per 1mg oxy.
I have been reading that some dumbasses are using 400+ mg/day to get high. I'm going to start stocking up before the DEA makes it illegal.
 
Just be aware that loperamide causes progressive heart damage at high doses. Not sure if 60mg is enough but it certainly might be. There are cases even here on Bluelight of people dying or almost dying. But using it to help sometimes or even to get through a cold-turkey, using it for short durations and then stopping, seems to be fine. I used it to cold turkey a few times and it didn't make it 99% better but it was about 75% better, really. I could sleep, the emotional stuff was blunted a lot, and I felt pretty alright. A week of that or whatever the withdrawal duration is, and you can stop and you're clear. But loperamide can produce its own withdrawals and they last a long time and apparently are pretty bad.
 
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