Positive The Tapering Supportive/Social Thread

[dopiejay]

Dopeijay. I love alcohol too, just like an old friend who always made me laugh until the wee hours of the morning. I miss drinking like you cant imagine(maybe YOU can imagine....)

Baclofen cured me a few years ago. To the point that every 6 months or so I go get drunk, then spend a week hungover and I forget real quick what made me drink all those years. Daily baclofen use took away the happy positive feelings I had while drinking until alcohol lost its appeal and one day I realized I had not drank in a month and I had no desire to drink.
If you are to the point of understanding that booze is bad for you, check it out. Its sobriety the cheating way, but fuck it if it works it works right?

I could give it a try as long as it's not an anti depressant. I'm bipolar type 2 and anti depressants can turn me into a raving, delusional lunatic very fast. That being said whiskey can do the same thing to me. At least I'm not on cocaine anymore. that long, filthy habit ruined my mind worse than anything else.

They've cut my Valium almost completely off and I'm so anxious and high strung lately I NEED to kill my senses. The Oxys kept getting more and more expensive so I had to stop, but then booze came back along, weasling its stupid fucking self back into my mind, and I remembered how great of a pain reliever it is!

I'm gonna drown in a fucking bottle just like my grandfather at this rate. Worse thing is my doctors are NOT open to suggestions AT ALL. They don't ask what you want for yourself, they tell you. And there's no telling them otherwise, so fuck them, I haven't gone back in months.



Also, painful one, have you ever heard of lupus? I'm no expert in it but a cousin of mine had it years ago and that's what it does. It attacks your organs and nervous system AFAIK. And ime doctors aren't the geniuses they make out to be. My cousin, she used to have pretty much all the symptoms as you, and I guess it is pretty much the same as an atrophy syndrome. It's worth checking into.

I haven't been on here in a while because I've been super depressed and withdrawn and angry. I can't even get outta bed anymore, my classmates who barely even know me even ask why I look so angry all the time. It's THE WORLD! THATS why I'm so damn angry all the time!

Love you guys tho.

 

[dopiejay]

Squeaky,

You sound really good, I like your plan to try to remind yourself how shitty it feels to have run out of your pills, try to keep that thought in your head, it's no fun to run out early and wait for the next fill.

Made me sad to hear that you were frightened before your dr's appt, I too worry every time I go see my dr if this will be the day he cuts me off. Not nice to live in fear, on top of being in chronic pain. The war on chronic pain patients right now is scary.

Hang in there, you're the best squeaky.

UJ,

You too sound good, I'm really proud of you, you're doing such a great job holding things together on top of keeping up with your lesson plans.

Just want you to know I'm always here for you my friend.

Shroomy,

Glad to hear your chronic pain isn't bad right now, you have a lot on your plate so I am thankful that isn't taking an extra toll on you right now.

Hang in there, I'm here for you.

DJ,

How are you doing lately? You are such a positive guy with so much going for you so I hope you're doing well.

Here if you need me.

Painful One,

Hello my dear friend,

How are you doing lately? Just had to come on here and see what you're up to. You are such a sweetheart so I hope you're not in too much pain.


To all of you,

Here for all of you.
Let me know if you ever need anything.

I love all of you and I'm here for you all, and if anyone would like to pm me, feel free.

Hugs,
your friend,
Ash.

Hey EPL1, read my above comment. I'm extremely depressed and angry at the world lately. Suicidal thoughts. Chronic pain and anxiety running amok and pickling my brain in whiskey. It's bipolar 2, it'll pass, god knows when but it will.

Edit: sorry for not being on here much lately guys. Ive began isolating myself and I've been spending too much time in my own head, and if u guys are wondering, it's not a nice place in there! Right now it's a war zone again

 

[Shady's Fox]

I'm extremely depressed and angry at the world lately. Suicidal thoughts. Chronic pain and anxiety running amok and pickling my brain in whiskey. It's bipolar 2, it'll pass, god knows when but it will.

Edit: sorry for not being on here much lately guys. Ive began isolating myself and I've been spending too much time in my own head, and if u guys are wondering, it's not a nice place in there! Right now it's a war zone again

Isn't a bad thing at all. Solitude leads to knowing yourself better, if you spend it try to make something creative out of it. Being angry at the world for your mistakes isn't nothing new or wrong, most people in their lately path to themselves tend to do this, if you are angry at the world at least be right in your sayings. See this is the thing you have a fight and that war it's with yourself, most of people that say this has translated it wrong, it's true that life mostly surround around your daily activities/hobbies but the war with your character/personality it's the reflexion key here, if you want to get out of it listen to me, no one is different but everyone try to be different, it's okay to be yourself. Having a spirit animal will help you a bit

 

[EPL1]

Hi DJ,

Oh man can I ever relate to the unrelenting chronic pain, it plagues me as well. I try to handle it the best I can, but mostly I think I am just surviving, you know what I mean?

Are you on or have you ever been on pain management DJ? I assume your pm right now is the whiskey? I just read your post above. I hope this all passes quickly for you. The struggle with Dr's right now is real, there is a war on chronic pain patients and it's very scary for us.

I am no stranger to hard times, so if you would ever like to pm me, please feel free to do so. You have a friend in me. I sincerely hope this message finds you as well as you can be under the circumstances.

I always love reading your messages to others, you have a great, fun attitude and you're so kind, and you seem like such an awesome person!!!

Please try to be kind and patient with yourself, you have a lot going for you, and know there are others out here that really care about you and understand.

Here for you anytime dj,
much love and support to you,
your friend,
Ashley.

Hey EPL1, read my above comment. I'm extremely depressed and angry at the world lately. Suicidal thoughts. Chronic pain and anxiety running amok and pickling my brain in whiskey. It's bipolar 2, it'll pass, god knows when but it will.

Edit: sorry for not being on here much lately guys. Ive began isolating myself and I've been spending too much time in my own head, and if u guys are wondering, it's not a nice place in there! Right now it's a war zone again

 

[ShroomySatori]

Been taking a lot of alprazolam a little more than I need to get by. It's good though to be having good xanax for a change as my other anxiety med doesn't really work long term. Been on benzos forever and totally fried myself there's not really any fast way of coming off them at this point, it would take years. Just try and take a quarter off each bar sometimes.

Quickly growing fond of the xanax, I always do. The anxiety relief is just so good but I think I need a coffee or might have smoked too much purple kush. I am all about the kush these days won't smoke anything but good kush.

Copped the xan and the herb, can't complain but am I am, am I ever depressed. Euphoric and happy from the kush a little but there's not really any escaping it and I don't feel xanax it calms my body down from completely freaking out so that I feel normal, mildly sedated and less anxious. Why and when did anxiety become such a problem anyway? I don't understand my past. Everything fell apart and it's like looking at a different person. I can't believe I used to be that guy. Thinking of the days when I had it all.

 

[dopiejay]

Isn't a bad thing at all. Solitude leads to knowing yourself better, if you spend it try to make something creative out of it. Being angry at the world for your mistakes isn't nothing new or wrong, most people in their lately path to themselves tend to do this, if you are angry at the world at least be right in your sayings. See this is the thing you have a fight and that war it's with yourself, most of people that say this has translated it wrong, it's true that life mostly surround around your daily activities/hobbies but the war with your character/personality it's the reflexion key here, if you want to get out of it listen to me, no one is different but everyone try to be different, it's okay to be yourself. Having a spirit animal will help you a bit

Thanks for all the advice. I already know a lot of these things because this is by no means my first rodeo with depression/anxiety. I'll give what you've said a try, although when you're stuck inside your own head it's hard to give ANYTHING a try. Thanks a lot for the tips though you guys are the best.

 

[dopiejay]

Hi DJ,

Oh man can I ever relate to the unrelenting chronic pain, it plagues me as well. I try to handle it the best I can, but mostly I think I am just surviving, you know what I mean?

Are you on or have you ever been on pain management DJ? I assume your pm right now is the whiskey? I just read your post above. I hope this all passes quickly for you. The struggle with Dr's right now is real, there is a war on chronic pain patients and it's very scary for us.

I am no stranger to hard times, so if you would ever like to pm me, please feel free to do so. You have a friend in me. I sincerely hope this message finds you as well as you can be under the circumstances.

I always love reading your messages to others, you have a great, fun attitude and you're so kind, and you seem like such an awesome person!!!

Please try to be kind and patient with yourself, you have a lot going for you, and know there are others out here that really care about you and understand.

Here for you anytime dj,
much love and support to you,
your friend,
Ashley.

I love reading your messages as well. Honestly the worst pain is not the physical pain. The worst pain is in my messed up head. That's what the whiskey helps with.

I've never been on pain management because my doctors refuse to treat my pain. They've wrote me off as a junkie so I've written them off as quacks. Most I got was a couple codeine scripts to shut me up. Oxy is my medicine for physical pain, it's the best. Makes me feel like shit though so I only Take it reluctantly as needed/as I can afford it.

Thank you for the little pick me up as well. Seems you always know what to say. Even when I'm not nice to myself you guys on here are.

And yes, I know what you mean by just surviving, with all the shit I've got going on it feels like I'm not even managing to do that successfully most days. Love u ash, ur the best.

Your pal, DJ

 

[EPL1]

Love you back DJ,

And thank you for the kind words, they are most appreciated. You have a friend in me, I will always be here for you.

Very sad that the dr's have labelled you and done that to you, I find that reprehensible.

Hang tough my buddy, and try to be kind and patient with yourself. I know it's easier said than done.
Feel free to pm me anytime.

Your friend,
Ash.

I love reading your messages as well. Honestly the worst pain is not the physical pain. The worst pain is in my messed up head. That's what the whiskey helps with.

I've never been on pain management because my doctors refuse to treat my pain. They've wrote me off as a junkie so I've written them off as quacks. Most I got was a couple codeine scripts to shut me up. Oxy is my medicine for physical pain, it's the best. Makes me feel like shit though so I only Take it reluctantly as needed/as I can afford it.

Thank you for the little pick me up as well. Seems you always know what to say. Even when I'm not nice to myself you guys on here are.

And yes, I know what you mean by just surviving, with all the shit I've got going on it feels like I'm not even managing to do that successfully most days. Love u ash, ur the best.

Your pal, DJ

 

[dopiejay]

Been taking a lot of alprazolam a little more than I need to get by. It's good though to be having good xanax for a change as my other anxiety med doesn't really work long term. Been on benzos forever and totally fried myself there's not really any fast way of coming off them at this point, it would take years. Just try and take a quarter off each bar sometimes.

Quickly growing fond of the xanax, I always do. The anxiety relief is just so good but I think I need a coffee or might have smoked too much purple kush. I am all about the kush these days won't smoke anything but good kush.

Copped the xan and the herb, can't complain but am I am, am I ever depressed. Euphoric and happy from the kush a little but there's not really any escaping it and I don't feel xanax it calms my body down from completely freaking out so that I feel normal, mildly sedated and less anxious. Why and when did anxiety become such a problem anyway? I don't understand my past. Everything fell apart and it's like looking at a different person. I can't believe I used to be that guy. Thinking of the days when I had it all.

I get u about the purple kush. Ur s man after my own heart lmao. Have you ever had a drinking or stimulant problem? My crippling anxiety came from heavy cocaine use (2 grams to an 8ball every two or 3 days) accompanied by whiskey.

However I'm too anxious to smoke weed anymore. All I smoke nowadays is rorhman red supers (cigarettes) like they're bout to go outta style. Ime anxiety never really goes away, u just gotta learn to live with it.

 

[ShroomySatori]

I love pk so much. Man, I just love that purple kush to me there is no other. Me and my dealer, sorry if this offends anyone but yeah we were joking about indica and sativa today copping xans and kush and how we both think sativa is for pussies lol. We both smoke nothin but heavy kush. I smoke that shit all day every day it's a little insane it's hard to go longer than a morning without it.

I think my crippling anxiety came from a lot of things. I abused Mdma a lot. I never really did coke back then it's always been a here or there thing but in recent years I tend to go on the odd one or two week binge a couple times a year. My crippling anxiety has a lot of sources but many are unknown.

And yes I did have a serious stimulant problem with the psychedelic stimulant 2c-c. I would call it serious in hindsight. I was using insane amounts of this stimulating psychedelic drug for 3 months straight, working nights hardly sleeping. I don't know if I have been the same since. I wanted to do coke at the time but couldn't afford it and had a lot of 2c-c around and it's such a functional psychedelic I was stimulated and euphoric, highly functional and out of my mind tripping for three months straight. It was amazing, one of the best times of my life. So that pretty much finished off my nose, if I ever relapsed I'd be getting deep into that stuff. I mean a real relapse, that was pretty much a joke.

Just seems like I want to hurt myself.

Yeah I take a lot of xanax bars a day so I'm not too anxious to blaze anymore. I could probably smoke pk anyway. What kinda cigarettes are those like. Yes it is true that it never goes away and I hoe that mien does not continue to worsen.

 

[dopiejay]

Love you back DJ,

And thank you for the kind words, they are most appreciated. You have a friend in me, I will always be here for you.

Very sad that the dr's have labelled you and done that to you, I find that reprehensible.

Hang tough my buddy, and try to be kind and patient with yourself. I know it's easier said than done.
Feel free to pm me anytime.

Your friend,
Ash.

I may have to take u up on that offer when I get a chance. Thanks a million ash. And yes the doctors here are clueless, they go by the United States opioid epidemic even though in my town there's never been an opioid problem.

 

[dopiejay]

I love pk so much. Man, I just love that purple kush to me there is no other. Me and my dealer, sorry if this offends anyone but yeah we were joking about indica and sativa today copping xans and kush and how we both think sativa is for pussies lol. We both smoke nothin but heavy kush. I smoke that shit all day every day it's a little insane it's hard to go longer than a morning without it.

I think my crippling anxiety came from a lot of things. I abused Mdma a lot. I never really did coke back then it's always been a here or there thing but in recent years I tend to go on the odd one or two week binge a couple times a year. My crippling anxiety has a lot of sources but many are unknown.

And yes I did have a serious stimulant problem with the psychedelic stimulant 2c-c. I would call it serious in hindsight. I was using insane amounts of this stimulating psychedelic drug for 3 months straight, working nights hardly sleeping. I don't know if I have been the same since. I wanted to do coke at the time but couldn't afford it and had a lot of 2c-c around and it's such a functional psychedelic I was stimulated and euphoric, highly functional and out of my mind tripping for three months straight. It was amazing, one of the best times of my life. So that pretty much finished off my nose, if I ever relapsed I'd be getting deep into that stuff. I mean a real relapse, that was pretty much a joke.

Just seems like I want to hurt myself.

Yeah I take a lot of xanax bars a day so I'm not too anxious to blaze anymore. I could probably smoke pk anyway. What kinda cigarettes are those like. Yes it is true that it never goes away and I hoe that mien does not continue to worsen.

Those cigarettes are long, cheap and fully flavoured lol. Your 2C-C experience sounds a lot like my cocaine experience, only stretch it out 3 more years. I like to blame stimulants but honestly I have no idea. If I relapsed on coke, it would most likely kill me in under a year no joke. I fully quit because I had a real bad bender last may, had it pretty much given up before hand. Went mental and scared the shit outta my gf and half the neighbourhood. Dropped it entirely after that and never looked back.

 

[ShroomySatori]

The dope would kill me swiftly as well if I started taking it. Sounds like you would do one bump and never stop if you tried it again the snow I mean. For myself it is always a long buildup of stress before trying it, and I will fuck with other opiates first. Maybe a percocet, or, more recently, some codeine extracts. Then before I know it I'm sniffing the stuff again but it has been almost a year now.

I still don't feel right, and I have no motivation. Compared to what I did in the past to get to where I am now (the good aspects) what I have to do now is straightforward. I refuse to do anything, like I hate the world so much I don't want to participate the way that things are, and the way the I am. Guess it's a confidence thing or like I don't really want to do anything at all. I'm just not interested in what the world has to offer other than getting high. The way I think these days is miserable and unhealthy whereas on good quality H, I treated myself well. Would never skip meals, stayed real active. I'm so addicted to it that nearly a year later I'm still constantly fatigued and feeling weak. If I railed that shit my mind would be on fire. Immediately start looking for work (just one of the things I would need to do) and get my shit together so I can keep doing it. I mean, it worked before, and I'm nothing without it. This life is presently not worth living.

And nice nice I like hearing about cigarettes. I don't understand them. I pretty much tried to get hooked on them and couldn't, made me feel sick. I am just not into stimulants perhaps except for coffee, espresso, tea, those ones. The one time I enjoyed tobacco was with rolling tobacco spinning up a ''joint' at sunrise with a couple friends. That was fun and I found that it didn't taste like it had been laced with poison.

 

[dopiejay]

The dope would kill me swiftly as well if I started taking it. Sounds like you would do one bump and never stop if you tried it again the snow I mean. For myself it is always a long buildup of stress before trying it, and I will fuck with other opiates first. Maybe a percocet, or, more recently, some codeine extracts. Then before I know it I'm sniffing the stuff again but it has been almost a year now.

I still don't feel right, and I have no motivation. Compared to what I did in the past to get to where I am now (the good aspects) what I have to do now is straightforward. I refuse to do anything, like I hate the world so much I don't want to participate the way that things are, and the way the I am. Guess it's a confidence thing or like I don't really want to do anything at all. I'm just not interested in what the world has to offer other than getting high. The way I think these days is miserable and unhealthy whereas on good quality H, I treated myself well. Would never skip meals, stayed real active. I'm so addicted to it that nearly a year later I'm still constantly fatigued and feeling weak. If I railed that shit my mind would be on fire. Immediately start looking for work (just one of the things I would need to do) and get my shit together so I can keep doing it. I mean, it worked before, and I'm nothing without it. This life is presently not worth living.

And nice nice I like hearing about cigarettes. I don't understand them. I pretty much tried to get hooked on them and couldn't, made me feel sick. I am just not into stimulants perhaps except for coffee, espresso, tea, those ones. The one time I enjoyed tobacco was with rolling tobacco spinning up a ''joint' at sunrise with a couple friends. That was fun and I found that it didn't taste like it had been laced with poison.

I'm the same way with opioids actually. Very high functioning but remember there's a damn good reason u quit. I would most definitely not stop myself if I got back into coke, for a couple days anyway til I ran out of money lol. I used to have a good job, way too much money and no responsibilities. Now I got no job, fuck all money and lots of responsibilities so a coke habit actually wouldn't last long enough to kill me rn. Drive me into a mental institute maybe. The last time I seen a counsellor (which I also gave up on, and while I was heavily addicted to several drugs) she wanted to send me to rehab. So no it's not even a possibility lol. I got no desire to touch the shit anyway.

The thing with me and coke was, for years, I was highly functional on it. But now I'm wrote off for 2 weeks after i do any of it. My nerves and brain are way too fried to be taking stimulants stronger than coffee right now. Downers, however, have become my new poison. I wanna be sedated!

 

[dopiejay]

And nice nice I like hearing about cigarettes. I don't understand them. I pretty much tried to get hooked on them and couldn't, made me feel sick. I am just not into stimulants perhaps except for coffee, espresso, tea, those ones. The one time I enjoyed tobacco was with rolling tobacco spinning up a ''joint' at sunrise with a couple friends. That was fun and I found that it didn't taste like it had been laced with poison.

Ol tobacco is a nasty nasty habit that I can't seem to kick. And it's not because tobacco is 'more addictive than cocaine and heroin' because that's just not true. It's because i fucking LOVE smoking. I prefer Cuban cigars to cigarettes honestly but they're extremely expensive, especially to get shipped here as you would have to buy at least a box and then pay shipping on it. And a cigar has to be from Cuba to be good imo. My personal favourite is h. Uppman no.2, and of course cohiba, and montecristo. *drool*.

Edit: rolling tobacco prob didn't taste like chemicals, because depending on the brand sometimes it doesn't have added preservatives. Canadian tobacco (I think ur in Canada) is 'cleaner' than American tobacco anyway.

 

[EPL1]

Feel free to DJ,

No need to thank me, we all have our struggles, whether it's chronic pain, like me and a lot of us on here, addiction, etc etc etc. And no one's struggles are more important than anothers. Way too much judgement in this world and not enough kindness.

I get you about the scared clueless doctors. Sad. Hopefully it turns around sooner than later.

Much love and support dj, hope you're having a good day.

Here for you always,
your friend,
Ash.

I may have to take u up on that offer when I get a chance. Thanks a million ash. And yes the doctors here are clueless, they go by the United States opioid epidemic even though in my town there's never been an opioid problem.

 

[dopiejay]

Feel free to DJ,

No need to thank me, we all have our struggles, whether it's chronic pain, like me and a lot of us on here, addiction, etc etc etc. And no one's struggles are more important than anothers. Way too much judgement in this world and not enough kindness.

I get you about the scared clueless doctors. Sad. Hopefully it turns around sooner than later.

Much love and support dj, hope you're having a good day.

Here for you always,
your friend,
Ash.

Sadly, was another day lying around in bed, doing nothing, being hungover. Classes were cancelled due to weather, and I hate that passionately because I'd rather be in class working on my trade than stuck in my own head.

Now i get to sit home bored af and think all day. Just ordered a half ounce of 'Alaskan thunderfuck' and a couple bags of edibles because why not give this weed thing a try again. If I don't smoke it Someone will.

How's ms. Ashley today anyhow?

 

[EPL1]

I think your day sounds nice. You will be back to school soon enough.

What trade are you in DJ? Pm me if it's too personal


I hope you enjoy your day at home dj. You sound like you're doing really well in all aspects, and you have so much going for you, so I hope you're proud of yourself.

Much love to you,
your friend,
here for you anytime,
Ash.

Sadly, was another day lying around in bed, doing nothing, being hungover. Classes were cancelled due to weather, and I hate that passionately because I'd rather be in class working on my trade than stuck in my own head.

Now i get to sit home bored af and think all day. Just ordered a half ounce of 'Alaskan thunderfuck' and a couple bags of edibles because why not give this weed thing a try again. If I don't smoke it Someone will.

How's ms. Ashley today anyhow?

 

[EPL1]

I wanted to say hello to, Squeaky, Shroomy, Painful One, DJ, UncleJ, Shadowmeister, Shady and everyone else on this thread.

I hope you all have a wonderful day. Here for you always guys. Hang in there.

Much love to you all,
your friend,
Ash.

 

[ShroomySatori]

Thank you.

This is one of the days when I am not feeling down. I am unproductive and it's going to catch up with me like always but for today it is okay. I am baked on purple kush, one of my favourite strains and a real nice grow of it and I have a decent amount so I'm going to be stoned for a while. I cleaned my bong so it looks brand new and the kush combined with the crisp cold outdoor air is real nice.Been smoking a lot, due for another rip in fact. It's been like 20 minutes. I have been sleeping and waking up and sleeping again for a long while, I'm not sure how long. To the point of confusion. Swear it must be 18 hours but nobody noticed I was asleep for that long or anything I'm isolated. Was popping a lot of xans, on time at least but doses higher than I need not to have a panic attack.

But it's still early in the afternoon and I just had my first two cups of coffee I've had in a few days. I find it to be a pleasant euphoric stimulant and it goes well w with kush, the flavours pair too like hash and coffee too.I'd prefer espresso but I still have a good dark roast I'd prefer blonde over dark too. Since, I still find myself completely demotivated. What I need to do to move forward in life really isn't that hard compared to like the intense school and stuff from before Just have some stuff to work through I guess but I could do that while working I don't have the initiative I used to I don't feel like myself anymore. This isn't me, I'm not a jerk like this either to people ever. I don't understand. The stress has been building up over so many years it's like a couple of friends have noticed and showed that they care or see what is going on sort of like catching a glimpse but it's like why does anyone suddenly care when I've been doing this every day for 6 years now. Since my first xanax I quit binge drinking and alcohol in general completely but I have never gone a day without a benzo since I started using them. It's insane but really my tolerance could be worse. I think the etizolam was making it seem a lot worse than it is. I still have a very high tolerance though I wish there was a way to reset it somehow.