Positive The Tapering Supportive/Social Thread

[Painful One]

Thinkin bout past will cut deeper than already did, at least keep those thoughts somehow safe and healthy but already doesn't matter you would say, I would say you re-evaluate and then see that it does matter too. You went to a doctor? And if so how about a operation or something? ( If it's the case). Try and live your life at full while you still can, a disease doesn't stand in your way, take care [FONT="][/FONT][/COLOR][COLOR=#000000][FONT="] [/FONT]

Thank you!

I will do the best I can.
I am doing the best I can.
Not sure of the diagnosis yet.

Im trying to keep a positive attitude and enjoy life as much as is possible with lots of limitations.

 

[Painful One]

Thanks PainfulOne. Refill today. Gonna make some changes.

I'm so glad to hear it is refill day for you! Yay!

You can do this! You will feel a lot better real soon!

 

[Squeaky]

Got my stuff. Life is back to normal.
Every pill I take I will remind myself of what it was like to run out.

PainfulOne- you mentioned plugging.... How did you do it? Whole pills(or pieces of pills) or did you dissolve them in water and use a syringe? Im gonna try it this weekend I think.

 

[Squeaky]

I posted this in the Loperamide thread, but it applies here too I think:

I read some lady posting her experiences with using lope for opiate withdrawl. Ended in the ER. She said nobody should EVER use it. By her own admission she had been taking more and more until she was taking 144 pills every morning.
My experience tells me this: Loperamide works great for opiate withdrawl IF it is done with the goal of tapering down until finished with opiates. You lived with a boost inside of every oxy you took for a long time. Now you must live with a slap in the face for every pill you cut from your day. This lady was trying to keep feeling great on Loperamide in the same way she felt on oxy. It is stories from dumbasses like her that are getting lope pulled from the shelves and ruining life for millions of people who use it smartly for everything from Crohns Disease to heroin withdrawl.
I can tell anybody reading this that it absolutely works. 2-3 days to transition from your DOC to lope. Cut about 10 percent per week. Dose 2-3 times daily. Deal with the wds because you have no choice, and you get to keep your life.

I was at the prarmacy today and I saw exactly what Heather1991 said. The large packages of Loperamide are gone. All because a couple dozen people have died in the last decade????. WTF????
10 times that number have died from Tylenol. 30 times that number die from Elephants!!!! Wheres the war on OTC Tylenol? Why arent we building electric fences to protect from the scurge of Elephant stampedes?

The people running our government agencies are idiots and they spend billions of dollars to fight a war that doesnt exist. I cannot begin to describe how tense I was before my Dr appt today. Worrying that he might cut me off. There is something so wrong with everything here.

 

[ShroomySatori]

I have a problem with loneliness more than drugs. I no longer have a social life. Out of touch with family, no coworkers, a couple friends who either disappeared or moved far away or both. It is Friday night and most people my age would be doing something fun. I haven't been on a date or even hung out with some friends since last winter in 2017. I can't think of a single time I did anything with anyone over the summer so how can I say I have any true friends. Other than the few who are on like other continents and stuff.

It's always been this way and always will be. They don't like me. Nothing ever works out. I don't like the idea of this being my social life, when I should be out doing something fun but I'm depressed so I popped those 3 xanax bars. I feel numb as fuck now, I'm not angry anymore. At least the shit I picked up is strong if 3 bars can hit me hard and last it seems like the usual time, longer than etizolam for sure. Should lower my next dose though I'm fucking wasted but I needed to get high. Was gonna get some coke or whatever, heroin, both. It's hard to give a fuck about my life.

 

[uncle_jocko]

Hey Painful - just wanted to check in and say hello. Hoping you are doing well, my friend. Thanks again, for always being positive - even when you're hurting.

Dopejay - Thinking of you ... I understand what you mean about the "old friend". My "old pal" is the opiates ... the wonderful, fuzzy blanket of warmth I feel from Oxycodone. I wish I could snap my fingers and take that booze away from you ... but I just want to extend my heart. I understand. One thing: You just picked up, so "putting down" is going to be WAY easier now than it will be months from now. Perhaps something to consider?

Squeaky - You're good people ... hoping you are well.

Shroomy - Thank you for testing me. Seriously. I often get frustrated reading your posts ... and in a sense, that is good for me. Your words trigger me - which means, I need to look at WHY they do.

A student came to me after a lecture the other day to have a chat about her grade. As she was leaning over my podium, she accidentally spilled my coffee all over my laptop. YEARS of short stories, articles, poems, lesson plans, etc. instantly dissolved into cyber space ... all was lost. Needless to say, it was a VERY expensive cup of coffee. Since I wasn't using a laptop issued by the university (I'm a creature of habit - I use my personal laptop), it won't be covered by the institution. I', now posting to you from my new computer. And, as you can imagine, the stress of having to purchase the new computer, coupled with the loss of my stepfather, gave me a "pass" to fall off my taper. So, I went off track for a few evenings, relishing in the warm blanket provided by a few pills with a drink. Anyway, I just wanted to check in.

 

[ShroomySatori]

Oh sorry jocko I haven't read your story yet, I should. Just been lazy and depressed, haven't really wanted to post. Couldn't take the benzo withdrawals anymore and they were only getting started. So I bought a bottle of xanax and a quarter of sativa with and 8th of kush and got wasted because I have been crying so much this summer and especially lately that well I mean hot women have complimented me that I have nice skin. Like I have heard that more than once, it is true I guess I look healthy but I noticed stress marks, some cuts, both my cheeks and at the third eye are dried out, my lips are chapped probably for hitting the bong constantly. Dry skin on the corners of my nose, I just haven't been taking good care of myself. I eat once a day, I don't have the appetite otherwise.

I'm really hoping this transition from etizolam to alprazolam will help me out. They are very different drugs. I strongly prefer alprazolam but I have to watch out because for some reason it is the only benzo actually capable of knocking me out. Like I took 3 xanax bars earlier and passed out ridiculously around 6pm. Woke up it was almost midnight and no withdrawals yet just felt like shit.Took 2 and a half bars this time, guess my tolerance is getting lower cause I normally wouldn't feel that but I'm numb.

I don't know what you mean though jocko dude yeah sorry I'll have to read your posts if it's about triggering well, I'm not exactly happy. I'm miserable all the time and the drugs I am hooked on are not the ones I want to be doing. I think the two I want to be doing go without saying and it sucks that I can't experience that anymore without calling it a relapse and completely fucking up my life and well it has already been ruined at this point. I am truly a broken man. I don't even know why the fuck I wait around because cutting my wrists some more. I know I'm dead meat walking anyway and nothing is enjoyable to me anymore. So what do I do pick up a smack habit again? It's just a miserable way to live, I'd rather die. Prescription opioids were the same for me there wasn't one I wouldn't abuse. They were just not as satisfying as the devil and didin't work anywhere near as well for pain relief. If you need fast acting pain relief well it's very good, I wish I had been prescribed more before oxycodone. A little bit of that stuff would have been enough but half of a percocet got me high at first. That's ridiculous. Half a pill of their lowest dose med was getting me not nodding or anything but very, very lifted. I doubt I'd feel that amount now even nearly a year later. Even if I write about the drugs it's not like I enjoy doing them it's just I have to because I'm otherwise downright suicidal and it's scary. Even running low on chron I will start cutting my wrists. So yeah dude the drugs clearly have not been worth it for me. I ruined my life I am 30 and feel more like 80.

 

[Painful One]

Got my stuff. Life is back to normal.
Every pill I take I will remind myself of what it was like to run out.

PainfulOne- you mentioned plugging.... How did you do it? Whole pills(or pieces of pills) or did you dissolve them in water and use a syringe? Im gonna try it this weekend I think.

Im glad you got your medication Squeaky. Don't worry about getting "cut off". Neither one of us is going to get cut off. We have injuries to our back. You just had a major surgery not too long ago. Don't live in fear of that. We need the pain medication we are prescribed and shame on them for making us feel so insecure about it!

I am re- thinking my "plugging" idea. It works but it doesn't last very long and I keep waking up in the night in withdrawal.
I need my sleep. I'm going to back that back down slowly to taking them orally again- for the most part.
I'm going to keep the plugging method available for when I am short on medication or am having pain flare ups.

I'm not sure it would do much for you with oxy's. The MS Contin has much higher bioavailability done that way. Something from like 40% orally to 95% plugged. You could give it a try though. I'm still going to use part of my daily dosage that way because it gets the medication right to my lower back and leg pain.

I just crush up half of a pill in a piece of paper and then pour the powder in an empty prescription bottle and add a little water and shake it up and let it sit overnight and then suck up the solution with a small oral syringe and then administer it rectally. Lol!
(I learned that on here- check out the "plugging" thread. There are some who talk about doing Oxy this way)

It might help since it makes the extended release medications instant release. Since you are cutting out the loperamide it may make your oxy stronger or give you better pain relief. It just doesn't last nearly as long. But it has given me a bit of a dosage increase which I desperately need. I'm just going to use some of my daily dosage that way so I have instant relief when needed and the long lasting - holding me through the night.

 

[Painful One]

Hey Painful - just wanted to check in and say hello. Hoping you are doing well, my friend. Thanks again, for always being positive - even when you're hurting.

Dopejay - Thinking of you ... I understand what you mean about the "old friend". My "old pal" is the opiates ... the wonderful, fuzzy blanket of warmth I feel from Oxycodone. I wish I could snap my fingers and take that booze away from you ... but I just want to extend my heart. I understand. One thing: You just picked up, so "putting down" is going to be WAY easier now than it will be months from now. Perhaps something to consider?

Squeaky - You're good people ... hoping you are well.

Shroomy - Thank you for testing me. Seriously. I often get frustrated reading your posts ... and in a sense, that is good for me. Your words trigger me - which means, I need to look at WHY they do.

A student came to me after a lecture the other day to have a chat about her grade. As she was leaning over my podium, she accidentally spilled my coffee all over my laptop. YEARS of short stories, articles, poems, lesson plans, etc. instantly dissolved into cyber space ... all was lost. Needless to say, it was a VERY expensive cup of coffee. Since I wasn't using a laptop issued by the university (I'm a creature of habit - I use my personal laptop), it won't be covered by the institution. I', now posting to you from my new computer. And, as you can imagine, the stress of having to purchase the new computer, coupled with the loss of my stepfather, gave me a "pass" to fall off my taper. So, I went off track for a few evenings, relishing in the warm blanket provided by a few pills with a drink. Anyway, I just wanted to check in.

Hi Uncle Jocko! Thank you my friend! I appreciate that. Sorry for freaking on here sometimes. The winter makes movement so much harder for me and I get scared every year that I am going to go paralyzed like my dad did. I lost my dad a few years ago. I know you are going through a lot with the loss of your dad. I'm so sorry you are going through that.
Just remember it is just a temporary situation. We will be together again!

Sorry to hear about your computer also. Ugh! That is so frustrating! I hope it didn't burn you on top of loosing your computer.
I lost my entire musical inventory one year on my computer and it was devastating to me!
I built it again but put it all on CD this time! I need my music!!

DopeJay- I agree with Uncle Jocko my brother. I would really like to see you off the alcohol. Sending you lots of love and support!

Squeaky- you are good people!
Uncle Jocko really hit it out of the ballpark with his post above!

ShroomySatori- keep on trying to find a balance my friend. Your life is not ruined! You can start fresh. Fight for the life you want!

Love you guys!

 

[Squeaky]

Thanks guys

 

[Painful One]

Thanks guys

You're welcome.

Some important information for you. Things I learned.

1- The Loperamide cancels out any of the MS Contin for me. I have to use one or the other.
Trying to use some Lope on top of the MS Contin cancelled out my morphine! That pissed me off.
I would highly recommend that you just use your Oxy and if needs be at the end of the "month" you can switch over to the Loperamide for a day or two. Just take way less lope. You don't need that much. I have read about heroin addicts coming off I.V with 9 mg loperamide. It lasts for two to three days too. No redoes needed.

2- I am with you on the fact that loperamide needs to be available. It is a valuable medication. Just make sure to use it wisely.
It has a bad withdrawal of its own. It should be available for people though. Many people need it for IBS and other diseases and conditions. The law makers need to stop hurting everyone more. The main issue is compassion for reducing suffering above all else.

3- The plugging R.O.A works good. It makes it stronger. It will help. Give it a try. I use a little more than 2 ml water though.
It is better to have it more watery than waxy on the medication I use.

4- it does up your tolerance so be careful. Only do a small amount this way. Like a third of your daily dose.

5- don't even try it if you are constipated. It is a waste of drugs. Lol!

6- this is the closest thing to an I/M injection so use alcohol and clean stuff.

7- try to stick to your prescription. The lope withdrawal was not that bad. It had a kind of acid trip quality too it that I just enjoyed.
Make the best of it. Some of it was fun actually. Enjoy! Getting off the lope is important because of the risk of heart problems.
We cannot have that happening to either one of us or anyone else.

 

[ShroomySatori]

It is pretty annoying that there is very little help for high dose benzo addicts. Maybe I could find a rehab that does valium tapers that are in the hundreds of milligrams. Maybe there would be some cute girls there and it's not like I do anything anyway. I'll be a junkie for life though. I still crave the H, even more lately. It's way too good a feeling not to do again and I think I had like flu-type symptoms after taking a few grams of codeine over a couple weeks though.
Wish I could care. I don't have one friend, I don't do anything anymore at the prime age of my life. I can't find work cause I'm just a dumbass I guess. And I was discriminated against so many times because of the back pain it's like they tried to weed me out and now I don't have any faith in myself that I can be at a workplace for 8 to 10 hours. That is extremely hard with this pain and I'd have money so I'd just do opiates that's obvious. Otherwise, I wouldn't be able to work.
Had a cool conversation with the elderly guy in line after yoga, he was very nice and talked military stuff to me. I wouldn't qualify cause of the back pain, I don't think, and the addictions or medications or illnesses or whatever. It was something I always wanted to do though my dad thinks it is best for me but my back pain rules it out entirely. I wish I ould be with comrades going on a mission to kill bad people like I'm sure I'd make real friends, girls would probably like me, and I'd probably be whippin grenades and stuff lol. I was considering it but not anymore anyways this random elderly man wished me good luck when I was leaving. It was so cool I just told him a little of my story cause he noticed this ring I wear that is a tech thing. Also I was on a lot of xanax so I was capable of conversing with someone. And we talked about the music in this vegan place I hit up every sunday after 4 hours of yoga cause otherwise I wouldn't make it to the car that 's so exhausting. And there is a very cute girl who works there actually I know a couple of them there lol. It's funny shit but I'm just a dumbass with that. There were a few cute girls at yoga as well. I'm looking for a job not that or should be at least but it would be nice to have friends since I have so much free time.
Just want to relapse tbh at least I felt right some of the time. It's never going to go away.

 

[ShroomySatori]

I can think of so many things to do with my time, and I end up never really following through with much at all. I obviously should be going to yoga daily. It benefits my chronic pain immensely, and since I started only going once a week the pain has come back severely. It has lead to heroin cravings which I haven't had yet and the problem is that now I am having cravings for other aspects of heroin than physical pain relief. I could really, really use some of that shit right now for example, it would help me so much get a job and change my present trap of a situation. The compromise would be signing up for life. I'm not going through this again it's a waste of time, I mean it has been good to see what I'm like off heroin but I'm just not that functional of a person. My back pain completely fucks me over and my anxiety is a million times worse and I get into serious depressive states. I was back to 3 times a week but then had some issues for a while and couldn't go, but I'm going to go tomorrow night and the following night both are very chill and relaxing and excellent for my ruined-spine / nervous system health.

Like it's weird the back pain and stress seem to have triggered cravings. I suppose this means they never really go away. I haven't had a reason to have cravings yet, because I thought I would be getting better by now. I'm probably worse off than before, I take 10 bars a day that is a huge improvement from before though, I used to take that amount all at a time and not feel it much. It's still life destroying. It's just these fucking heroin cravings if I went back to it with such a fucked up benzo habit and not having a clue what my tolerance was and scaling out these little lines that weigh like 25mg but used to get me high as fuck. Just end up dead like that.

What pisses me off about how I am dying young, is that I put so much effort into my life until I had my injury. Looking back it is crazy. And I never really reaped the benefits, it was only a year into my first career job that I hurt my back and had to stop working completely. Because, every time they found out I had chronic pain I'd be fired without cause because that is legal and they don't want to be liable. So now why would I not end my life today if I can never, ever see myself functioning in the workplace... unless... unless... remember that time Shroomy when you were unemployed, and did some heroin? You got a phone call from a resume you handed in 6 months ago that day, and after the binge was over you had a career job going. Of course it didn't liast with prohibition there always comes a time that you run out and are sick and can't make it to work, but heroin is such a powerful drug that it can change my life in a week like that. It is the closest thing to liquid luck potion from Harry Potter I can think of I forget what they call it in the book.

I'm using the cravings to distract myself from how shitty my life is. I seem burnt out completely, actually, I feel like I'm retired but too old to work and broke and unable to afford meds I need. Like 80, when I'm at the prime of my life. It's only going to get worse I need to put a stop to myself before I put myself through any more suffering. Everyone in my life who has ever known me will learn something different from my demise. Tonight, I have the xanax and the chronic though. It's not bad, I just know I'm going to die sometime in the near future. Otherwise my day was great, I passed out after yoga took too much xanax but to be fair I wasn't as anxious around the couple of girls I briefly ran into and I saw the cute girl the only I really really actually like and it was just for a moment but it made my day because she didn't spook me and I will dwell on these things and hate myself for it but today was like a magnetism I sort of felt her draw towards me maybe not in space and time but it was a nice feeling and it has to do with mirror neurons or some shit as well. Because I can tell we are both feeling the same thing and I only saw her for like 5 seconds, but it was enough. It was just important to me because I switched shifts and hadn't seen her in a long while and she is someone I can think of who I'd actually want to invest the time dating. I just mean in the future if I don't end up dead this year. I would want her if I ever did anything with my life so yeah I mean at least xanax is a similar but less harsh addiction compared to etizolam for me. I really should be on it but I don't like the sedation, it's not that I take too much I just get too sedated. Then there is coffee, a few shots of espresso. Love xanax though like I mean as an anxiety med. I don't understand the recreational thing. It makes no sense to me whatsoever like shoot up heroin if you want to get high and I don' mean to say triggering things it's just the truth - benzos don't get you high, if you are not high strung with anxiety people usually hate them - and something I believe is known as Radical Acceptance. It's a way of looking at the drug you fiend and excepting that you are a fiend so you don't fiend it. The other of my friends who disappeared and these are close close friends like WTF where are they it has been ALL year. Like fuck. Fuck something's wrong very wrong with them if they are even alive.

 

[uncle_jocko]

I deleted the question regarding the difference between oxy and heroin yesterday - this is not the forum for it. My apologies.

 

[Xorkoth]

I'm feeling a little more stable on phenibut every other day now. For the past couple of weeks I was really having intense mood swings and jitters/anxiety on the day off, but I refused to start taking it every day as it will be much easier to drop down and get off of every other day. Still wishing I hadn't sought out GHB, I haven't felt so off balance/addicted to something in a long time. It's gonna take time to recover but it did force me to get a handle on the fact that I was using too many GABAergic drugs. This winter will probably suck but eventually I'll be back to normal... live and learn. And then sometimes, forget, and re-learn...

 

[Painful One]

I'm feeling a little more stable on phenibut every other day now. For the past couple of weeks I was really having intense mood swings and jitters/anxiety on the day off, but I refused to start taking it every day as it will be much easier to drop down and get off of every other day. Still wishing I hadn't sought out GHB, I haven't felt so off balance/addicted to something in a long time. It's gonna take time to recover but it did force me to get a handle on the fact that I was using too many GABAergic drugs. This winter will probably suck but eventually I'll be back to normal... live and learn. And then sometimes, forget, and re-learn...

Good to hear you are starting to feel a little more stable. Good job for not taking it everyday.

You have been through some stress this year. Try to find some outlets or something less harmful to help you cope.

That sucks you are going through that. I'm sorry that you are.
I hope you get healed up quickly.

I was feeling that way today too on the "live and learn and sometimes forget and re-learn!"

 

[Xorkoth]

I've got some outlets, I just have a hard time maintaining control over addictive drugs. Which is why my goal is to not use them. I never have problems with marijuana or psychedelics so I'd like to stick with those in the future.

 

[EPL1]

That's good shadow, it sounds like a good plan.

You sound really good in general, just try to be kind and patient with yourself, easier said than done, I know. ; )

Best of luck to you,
your friend,
Ash.

I've got some outlets, I just have a hard time maintaining control over addictive drugs. Which is why my goal is to not use them. I never have problems with marijuana or psychedelics so I'd like to stick with those in the future.

 

[ShroomySatori]

Severely depressed, have been since late spring. Hard to believe the year flew by like that. It was the quickest year of my life I feel like I'm stuck in the same swamp as last November. Well, I was definitely happier then. I was working and had a date and not using. Hadn't realized that post acute withdrawals exist yet which is really a term in my opinion to coming to terms with hating yourself so that you can move on at least for me that is how I view it. That is why it's so unpredictable some don't get them others do for life. I can't get over them so they are here to stay. I've heard from long term junkies heavy into the stuff that I'd better get used to it after hearing of my habit. And it's true, I know that. I will never feel normal again for as long as I live unless I "give in" and do a line of smack.

 

[EPL1]

Squeaky,

You sound really good, I like your plan to try to remind yourself how shitty it feels to have run out of your pills, try to keep that thought in your head, it's no fun to run out early and wait for the next fill.

Made me sad to hear that you were frightened before your dr's appt, I too worry every time I go see my dr if this will be the day he cuts me off. Not nice to live in fear, on top of being in chronic pain. The war on chronic pain patients right now is scary.

Hang in there, you're the best squeaky.

UJ,

You too sound good, I'm really proud of you, you're doing such a great job holding things together on top of keeping up with your lesson plans.

Just want you to know I'm always here for you my friend.

Shroomy,

Glad to hear your chronic pain isn't bad right now, you have a lot on your plate so I am thankful that isn't taking an extra toll on you right now.

Hang in there, I'm here for you.

DJ,

How are you doing lately? You are such a positive guy with so much going for you so I hope you're doing well.

Here if you need me.

Painful One,

Hello my dear friend,

How are you doing lately? Just had to come on here and see what you're up to. You are such a sweetheart so I hope you're not in too much pain.


To all of you,

Here for all of you.
Let me know if you ever need anything.

I love all of you and I'm here for you all, and if anyone would like to pm me, feel free.

Hugs,
your friend,
Ash.