• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | Eligiu | deficiT | paranoid android

The Suicide Support Thread

Status
Not open for further replies.
herbavore said:
I just PMed you. have to go to work right now but will be home in a few hours. Hang in there. I don't think you have destroyed anything.
Click to expand...

I have been unable to reply to your PM with the internet on my phone. Thank you so much for caring and responding. I will get back to you as soon as I can. You have always been here for me and I deeply appreciate that.

Allein, thank you as well. We are here to help each other and I appreciate that you reached out to my post.

My drinking has left me unable to get out of bed. But I have come to regard alcohol as medicine. Two shots of vodka makes just moving more possible and less painful.

I am tired of being this way. But I feel sure that I will end up dying this way, by my own hand or not.
 
Last edited:
Really pathetic and depressed at how my life is going.
I've really overdone it this week too.

im almost at rock bottom, no skills no talent no drive. Nothing.
i see people moving forward, buying their own cars, going uni and going out, living their lives.

im not really suicidal but at this point id rather take a flight to the middle of nowhere, then go into hiding and eventually die.
Let others feel the pain I do everyday as they look for me, because I cant find myself either.
 
i'm sick of having to lie in bed all day i'm getting hella depressed
 
Really struggling.. I wish I could just sleep.

I'm becoming more certain that I cannot solve this problem, but I just need some help/reprieve
I really do not care about existence at this point. I've still got some letting go to do, and obligations to see to, but I really don't want to see 2015.
Fuck, I don't even want to see out the rest of this week.
 
my spine in my lower back is disintegrating so any pressure on it is agonizing
 
i thought i had my depression under control but this kind of pain sets me all the way back to suicidal
 
I'm just going to post here, because I'm really not feelin' well, and it feels better to say something than to dwell on thoughts...after another useless appointment that's getting me nowhere. I just wanna go back to work, sitting here is so depressing and just enabling me to do bad things to myself...

Was having some really bad ideas not long ago I had to refrain from acting on... haven't felt this way in a realllly long time.

Just seems like nothing is going to go uphill, might as well give up.... every time i try to fix the situation it backfires. So I dunno where to go, just came home and logged on to hopefully talk to somebody or at least say something. I can't talk to any of my family members without them worrying non-stop about me, and that just makes it worse...

I know the idea is to keep moving forward, but it seems that my tires are stuck in the mud and the only out is to just open the door and ditch the car altogether.... then maybe set it on fire so no one else attempts to drive it....
 
When everything looks bleak it can seem like the only way to stop the sameness. Sometimes, teasing the individual strands apart is the only way to break the spell of the perception that it is all too overwhelming. What is the worst of it? The trap of addiction you are struggling with? Feelings of self-doubt, unworthiness? You can talk to me anytime if you would like. I'm many, many years farther along in this journey but I remember very well feeling like you are now. If you were my daughter or sister I would be worried too. Fortunately you and I have a degree of separation that they cannot be expected to have (nor would you want them to really.) I think wanting to die is wanting to live differently. Maybe we could just explore that.
 
Papaverium said:
I'm just going to post here, because I'm really not feelin' well, and it feels better to say something than to dwell on thoughts...after another useless appointment that's getting me nowhere. I just wanna go back to work, sitting here is so depressing and just enabling me to do bad things to myself...

Was having some really bad ideas not long ago I had to refrain from acting on... haven't felt this way in a realllly long time.

Just seems like nothing is going to go uphill, might as well give up.... every time i try to fix the situation it backfires. So I dunno where to go, just came home and logged on to hopefully talk to somebody or at least say something. I can't talk to any of my family members without them worrying non-stop about me, and that just makes it worse...

I know the idea is to keep moving forward, but it seems that my tires are stuck in the mud and the only out is to just open the door and ditch the car altogether.... then maybe set it on fire so no one else attempts to drive it....
Click to expand...

I hear you're frustrated from not working. I am sorry to hear about your predicament.

I also feel the same way about myself to a degree. I don't have any practical advice, other than to have faith in yourself and to know that you can make it through this.
 
Captain.Heroin said:
I hear you're frustrated from not working. I am sorry to hear about your predicament.

I also feel the same way about myself to a degree. I don't have any practical advice, other than to have faith in yourself and to know that you can make it through this.
Click to expand...

Yeah, I guess it's not just about work, just a whole bunch of things that build up to the point of exploding on one particular subject, we all know how it is.... I guess I just had to say something cause I had no one else to talk to and needed a release..... a healthy one.
Thanks for understanding :)

herbavore said:
When everything looks bleak it can seem like the only way to stop the sameness. Sometimes, teasing the individual strands apart is the only way to break the spell of the perception that it is all too overwhelming. What is the worst of it? The trap of addiction you are struggling with? Feelings of self-doubt, unworthiness? You can talk to me anytime if you would like. I'm many, many years farther along in this journey but I remember very well feeling like you are now. If you were my daughter or sister I would be worried too. Fortunately you and I have a degree of separation that they cannot be expected to have (nor would you want them to really.) I think wanting to die is wanting to live differently. Maybe we could just explore that.
Click to expand...

and I thought about what you had said, herbavore, about wanting to die really being a longing for a different life.. It's so true. The worst of it?? I'm not sure, it's hard to point out there are a lot of things... I'd rather PM you.. when I'm ready to i guess :/

thanks for the support you guys... Since it's been getting harder to talk to people in person this forum helps a lot.. typing is my comfort zone lol, but I guess if one wants to get anywhere in life, they must leave their comfort zone..... maybe that's the hardest part....
 
i always like to think of all the ppl in the hole in jails who r going crazy and cant even kill themselves if they wanted to.. i was there not long ago with a broken face looking at a assualt in the 2nd and possibly getting 3 more yrs to my possible 10 yrs ( out on 100grand bail) things cud always be worse even those going thru opiate withdrawal right now i always like to remember when withdrawing that tht next high will come soon enough just hope it doesn't involve getting some more crazy charges to get lol
 
jbundlez said:
things cud always be worse even those going thru opiate withdrawal right now i always like to remember when withdrawing that tht next high will come soon enough
Click to expand...

Well when one thinks of it that way, things will never get better....

Using more is just the seemingly easier, and temporary way out of (or more like avoiding) the problem.... if ya wanna really feel better you gotta stop altogether :)
 
Papaverium said:
Well when one thinks of it that way, things will never get better....

Using more is just the seemingly easier, and temporary way out of (or more like avoiding) the problem.... if ya wanna really feel better you gotta stop altogether :)
Click to expand...

ya u definitely right ill admit when im wrong...but in the sense of being in the state of mind of withdrawl getting high is definitely something i like to look forward to at least looking at short term that is
 
herbavore said:
When everything looks bleak it can seem like the only way to stop the sameness. Sometimes, teasing the individual strands apart is the only way to break the spell of the perception that it is all too overwhelming. What is the worst of it? The trap of addiction you are struggling with? Feelings of self-doubt, unworthiness? You can talk to me anytime if you would like. I'm many, many years farther along in this journey but I remember very well feeling like you are now. If you were my daughter or sister I would be worried too. Fortunately you and I have a degree of separation that they cannot be expected to have (nor would you want them to really.) I think wanting to die is wanting to live differently. Maybe we could just explore that.
Click to expand...

I think this isjust beautiful , thank you for being able to put this into words
 
Last edited:
I'm really struggling. I need help that doesn't exist.

In an act of "letting go" I have deleted my tumblr. It was my main source of entertainment/distraction and pseudo-interaction.
Nothing has really changed, but it feels like I'm in the midst of a bad break up.
I don't know if it's healthier to distract myself from my distance or actively engage it, as neither of them have any correlation with building relationships.

I was constantly fooling myself; pretending i'm not this alone, living because things could get better..
As bad as I feel, this seems like the way I should feel.
For so long I've blamed myself over my life, so long that I can't tell which is the bigger contributor anymore.

It's just too much.
Each time I feel like I've passed my limit, I somehow manage to take more of this.
I shrink and my absence grows and I just can't do this.
I can.. but I don't want to.. I can't.

I've been seriously considering suicide for some time, but I'm getting worse and there's too much time.
I had planned to move out for a few months before I do it, so my mum could adjust to living alone before dealing with a death, but I don't have it in me.
I don't know what the protocol on young adults telling their single parents they're going to kill themselves is.. I guess there's no easing into it, just a sudden expression..
 
Hi Abject,

You sound very low and at times like this suicide can seem like a solution and it's one you are clearly giving some thought to.

You say you need help but one exists, I don't know where in the world you are but is there really no organisations to reach out to? It can be very hard to actively seek help and you may believe that no one could help you, but given the alternative you are considering anything is worth a try ?

I sense you have more strength than you might think to get through this, PM me or any of the mods here of you want to chat privately.

Best wishes <3
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top