masterSHREDDER
Ex-Bluelighter
- Joined
- May 26, 2010
- Messages
- 56
dark wisdom
Imagine getting stuck in a thought loop that is filled with fear. You may always be happy to let the mushroom "poison" you, but try to picture a scenario where you try in vain to fight the effects of the mushrooms. The visuals are unbelievable. Your entire world is unrecognizable, it's difficult to do something as simple as sit on the side of your bed because one second the bed is on the floor and the next it is too far above your head for you to climb up to it. You can only see yourself in a negative manner. Everything that you have ever been embarrassed about, everything you have ever feared being is what defines you.
In this state, time ceases to exist. There is no concept of things like "before" or "after". You are totally unaware that anything exists outside of yourself and your experience. The trip doesn't have a beginning or an end, at least not while it's going. Being able to grasp the idea that you are on a drug, and will eventually comes down is impossible.
And then there is the fear... Irrational, unexplainable fear. The source of the fear doesn't matter. There may not even be a source, but the intensity of it is unlike anything else.
During the experience, it is impossible to communicate. Words cease to have meaning. Trying to understand things like time, reality, people and even who you are is almost impossible. For what seems to be an eternity, you are absolutely alone with the darkest thoughts in your head.
Everything bad you have ever thought about yourself comes back, and comes back with force.
It's very difficult to describe the experience of a bad mushroom trip, but it is one of the most frightening experiences I have ever had. I wouldn't wish it upon anyone, but at the same time, it was an incredible learning experience. The mushrooms forced me to confront issues I had been repressing for a long time, and in that moment of difficulty I discovered things about myself that have now helped me change into a better person.
Going forward from this experience, I can definitely say that I am now mentally stronger and much more aware of and in control of my thoughts and emotions. I became more attuned to how my mind works. Like any difficult experience, you come out of it as a stronger and wiser person.
Okay here is one that I had.
I was having a fun time and I just kept getting higher and higher, and it felt far to toxic. I kept asking myself "did I take too much?" and it was really starting to scare me. I start talking to a friend asking him for advice and he said "Relax, this is what we always do"........ this is when I got a BAD feeling that overwhelmed me like a vehicle spinning out of control. The way he phrased it made us sound like we had drug problems again.
I started to think all kinds of negative thoughts like I should break up with my girlfriend I don't deserve her, that I had let down my mom because I didn't go straight to college after high school, that I should have never left the military, that my life was over, and that I was a big fuck up that will never mount to anything but drugs.
Then I started pacing around in circles telling my friends to fuck off because they wouldn't understand, I actually felt a bit suicidal at that point. For some reason the mushrooms convinced me that everyone I know would be better off without me. Eventually I told my friends to lock me in a room and not let me near any dangerous / sharp objects till I calmed down, this kind of scared them because this is not normal for me.
I eventually talked myself out of the bad trip because the positives outweighed the negatives and because they were leaving to set off some fire-works in the pit and I didn't want to be in a dark house all alone on 7 grams of shrooms.
Hope this doesn't happen to you, happy tripping
I was having a fun time and I just kept getting higher and higher, and it felt far to toxic. I kept asking myself "did I take too much?" and it was really starting to scare me. I start talking to a friend asking him for advice and he said "Relax, this is what we always do"........ this is when I got a BAD feeling that overwhelmed me like a vehicle spinning out of control. The way he phrased it made us sound like we had drug problems again.
this is the truth. on a bad trip, your life flashed before your eyes. every good moment, every bad moment. every time you hurt someone close to you. every bad choice, every wrong turn, every decision that made YOU who YOU are now. you wish you could take it back and be a better person but you know it is too late and you are being judged by the only impartial God in the universe-- your own conscience. You get to see everything that makes you completely unworthy of life, yet at the end of it all you are still alive and you thank the almighty stars for giving you the ability to feel such powerful emotions of fear and love.
bad trips are amazing in their ability to change your life, but they require weeks or months of reintegration.
I once forgot I took mushrooms. I knew I had done -something- involving a mushrooms, WHATEVER A MUSHROOMS WAS, and I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. It was a very high dose, and I was utterly disconnected from reality. I held a lighter in my hand, turning it over and over trying to figure out what it was. Nothing made sense, and I forgot I was on a drug (I forgot what drugs were) and so decided to walk home, alone at 1am.
It's terrifying to walk home while the universe moves in concentric circles, little loops of time that make no sense.