been on bupe forever and a day. started way back in 10/11 after a OD which my parents were involved in and rushed me to the hospital that night. I say involved because if I were to be in my own apartment that night I would have just nodded off and woke up the next morning; I was already awake by the we got to the ER and on my own feel, so it was an OD which I already awoke from. anyway, the Dr. heard me yell to my mom that, "Ma, sometimes you make me wish I was dead." and as many of us may know, whatever a Dr. hears, he must take that was THE TRUTH, so they assume I am suicidal. that ends up putting me in a mental ward for 5 days over at MGH Boston - one of the biggest/best hospitals in THE WORLD! seriously, as I am sure you know.
I was so anxious at first, they put me in a padded room for about 2 hours after going through ER and whatnot, and before getting a bed in the psych ward, they gave me 2MG Xanax somehow, which actually calmed me down but I was surprised they would give me Xanny considering I am coming off a heroin OD. but I took it, it relaxed me, and they let my mother in the room to chill w/ me till I was called to the ward. after about 2 hours I got to check-in the psycy ward, around midnight, and many were sleeping and I was rooming w/ this older Chinese dude who didnt speak much English and didnt walk to well.
the next morning I met w/ the Dr. and he brought up Suboxone; yes, I heard of it at this point but never tried but I never wanted to stop shooting dope but already starting to feel a bit "sick", Suboxone seemed like the right thing to do, so I said "GIMME, GIMME, GIMME". they started me off w/ 24MG's and I felt great that day; fucking great I tell yah! first time not shooting dope in my arm in god knows how long; probably a year or so. following day, same thing, felt great, spoke to everyone in the psych ward, was psychotic myself is what a nurse told me, even said I might belong more than most (she was kinda joking/kinda serious, ha). finally day 5 hit and it was time for release; my parents came by late, we spoke to all Dr's/nurses, and we decided I would be let go in the AM and would need to enter the Suboxone clinic at MGH, which was a tight ass clinic at first which were meeting 3x's a week, nightly NA meetings, piss tests, etc. they also dropped my MG's to 16MG rather than 24MG's, which didnt make much of a difference aside from mentally at first but I was fine within a week.
within 6 months, staying SOBER, I was down to 4MG before making a slip, leaving the program, back to the needle, and back to destroying my life. I just wasnt ready to stop but I had a fun time in that 6 months of TRYING to stay sober and learning the program, about Suboxone, being in a Psych Ward and meeting wackos (2 people I met after I left even, lol). but again, it was me who wasnt ready.
few years passed and same thing, this time private Suboxone Dr. and I did it just to TRY and get sober, but wasnt ready. started off at 16MG and dropped to about 8MG before failing my MONTHLY PISS TESTS - I couldnt stop using 3 days in order to pass a test, so I gave up and just went back to dope, full time, etc. ended up w/ a DUI during this time - alcohol, somehow, because one night I wanted to TRY and stay away from dope but drank to much and almost killed myself and others.
2 years go by again, ANOTHER DUI - same situation - lost license for 2 years. so within those 2 years I stayed home everyday, all day, and I just had the dope man come to my house and I shot all day, everyday, like it was my job, which I did work, everyday 8-5 but I was whacked the fuck out and would nod out at my desk but my boss knew and let it all go knowing I was struggling w/ life.
w/ 2 DUI's you have to do a 2 week IN-HOUSE program - I tried the first time, and tried to go in and just detox - it didnt work. so I passed and tried again 3 months later after hooking up w/ a new Suboxone Dr. and he sent me to this program on 16MG bupe and 100MG seroquel for sleep. I came out sober, 2 weeks sober, and felt great again. day one out, I shop half G - woke up 12hrs later. well, I woke up, I still had half G, so I shot again, and woke up 8 hours later. after those 8 hours, something happened where I decided to stop using a bit and almost went 6 month w/o touching. finally, I stopped. I lowered my dosage for many reasons, one being I felt it was helping me more functionally, and also was making my dick work, making me think of things other than drugs, and I was actually happy. I wasnt a robot just on a drug and doing its thing all day everyday. I felt like a person again. I dropped to 4MG and have been there since. there are days where I get by w/ 2MG's and it works - do I slip? here and there, but I am a new person based on what I once was/used to be, thanks to Suboxone/bupe.
I didnt mention in this story that at one point I did methadone for 6 months but I shot dope everyday over those 6 months; so cant say much. I just felt the methadone was a hold me over drug till I got the dope when I got home.
but it may have taken 6 years w/ the bupe but it finally broke through for me; I finally found my time, my dose, my life, my everything that is working currently. of course, its not just the bupe and I changed many other things, even got my license/car back, which is a huge+, but Suboxone/bupe has helped me tremendously compared to other drugs that stop those from using dope; it just helped my life in general; esp. at a lower dose. I am sometimes at my Suboxone "piss test" and ill ask people what their dose is and they will say 16MG; I will be talking to someone who shot a half G dope a day and they are on a dose that high; its just NOT RIGHT but they dont understand it quite yet and ill explain I used to shoot 3G's a day and only at 4MG but they think otherwise; the bigger the better, which I feel is NOT TRUE w/ Suboxone; once you become adjusted to your lower dosage you feel more "human" lets say. I smile, I feel better about life, work, play, EVERYTHING! have I slipped? YES! but I dont let it get to me. I continue to do what I do and do it right but I am honest w/ myself; I stay sober, I stay away from the past, I stay away from most things that "FUCKED ME" in the past.
you gotta find your dosage and be ready; its so much better than methadone based on my experience/life. it took time and adjusting but I brought other "friends" to it since finding it and they got sober on their first try based on advice given and trying not to over do it for long; like staying on 16-24MG's for years and years.
I was reading trough all bupe threads and decided to tell my bupe story/dope story and it finally came CLOSE TO A DAMN END! I've slipped, as I said, but compared to how I was once living I am a God damn Priest nowadays, lol. things have change, only for the better, and I am happy as fuck about it. to go out, not worry about ONE THING AND ONLY ONE THING, to have money, friends, girls, etc. thank God dope is in the past; thank fucking God and I pray it continues to stay away from me because, as mentioned, I have had that slip where its there, right infront, and I dont let it go. but I regret it the minute its gone, or in my hands.
so all, realize IT CAN BE DONE, regardless of how big of a "JUNKIE" you are. also realize, just cuz you slip, it does not mean you want to go back, or its time to go back. it was just a mistake, that WILL/MAY HAPPEN, but can be let go quickly and back to "normal" in less than a day. with not a worry in the world as long as you keep that head straight and narrow.
bupe helped me in 1000000's of ways and I am thankful.
do I plan to get off? sure, at one point, but right now between 2-4MG's/day is low enough where I am not worried but realize one day I WILL NEED TO TRY AND LOSE IT but things have changed for the better right now and I feel its better to continue down this road w/o making any changes as of yet; afterall, I had my slip or two, so I dont want to get too cocky about "sobriety".
