Daryldixon_2015
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Oct 12, 2015
- Messages
- 7
This is gonna be a long one! ;-; im not a drinker. I've been drunk a total of two times in my life, & I have no desire to drink again. I just usually do not have the urge to drink alcohol. On the two occasions that I did drink, it was b/c I had decided that YOLO & I NEVER do anything "wild". on the second occasion I was at a trusted friend's house & felt completely safe & comfortable with everyone. We were having a bonfire. Well, I commence getting hammered. Everything is hazy. I decide to go inside & sit on the couch, & just chill by myself. A guy I somewhat know, but not really, (he's a friend of my friends) comes & sits down by me. We talk for a while (or not a while... I don't remember I was extremely drunk at this point) & as I go to the back room to go to sleep, he follows me. All night he had asked me to "cuddle". I would giggle & say no, I have a man. Normally I would never consent to a male even so much as sleeping in the same bed with me, except my boyfriend of one year whom I care for very much. He's perfect, everything I've ever wanted. Well, the guy gets in bed with me & I vaguely remember saying over and over AND OVER that I didn't want to DO ANYTHING WITH HIM, and that I have a boyfriend.
Next thing I know he is in the bed kissing on me. I once again tell him no and he says "it's just a kiss". Well I'm thinking who does this guy think he is?! I said no. Several times. Suddenly I remember just laying on my back with him on top of me. He strips me of my clothes, and I remember not being able to move my body at all. I was limp as he pulled off my clothes. Over & over I muttered "no, no, this is wrong"; "I don't want to"; "I have a boyfriend". He still has the audacity to say to me: "Can I f*** you? Yes or no, I need an answer. Yes or no." After I've protested against what he was doing multiple times. Also, he kept asking me if I was on birth control. I am in fact on the pill. I should've lied & said no, I wasn't on the pill, but when I'm drunk I can't lie, I just can't. So like a true drunken idiot I say "I'm on the pill, why?" The next thing I remember is him (aggressively) inside of me just going at it. I still cannot move. I'm still slurring "I have a boyfriend" over & over. It's still a blur but after he's done he lays beside me & I just remember crying, extremely bad, and going on & on about everything I was upset about at that particular moment. (Drunk people do that apparently) and he plays the superhero thing & holds me. Which repulsed me. But I couldn't move.
The next thing I remember is waking up in the morning, throwing up a lottttttt, with my lady bits being really sore, and my friends repeadily telling me "this kind of stuff just happens, it's no big deal. Your boyfriend doesn't have to know." ..... I do not feel okay with what happened at all. I feel like a slut & I feel violated. As I said this was only the second time I've ever drank, the first time I ever got THAT drunk. I do however take 100% responsibility for choosing to get THAT drunk. That is my fault. I'm confused as to how I should feel about this, & what I should do. Though my "friends" said not to I strongly feel that I should tell my boyfriend eventually. I tell him everything. But I question telling him b/c he is very protective (not possessive) and I feel that he might try to a) hurt someone or b) (worst case scenario) get mad at me, call me a cheater, and leave me. I don't know what to do at this point. I don't want to lose my boyfriend but not telling him is killing me. Also I'm questioning whether or not me feeling guilty & completely worthless is justified. Ideas?
Next thing I know he is in the bed kissing on me. I once again tell him no and he says "it's just a kiss". Well I'm thinking who does this guy think he is?! I said no. Several times. Suddenly I remember just laying on my back with him on top of me. He strips me of my clothes, and I remember not being able to move my body at all. I was limp as he pulled off my clothes. Over & over I muttered "no, no, this is wrong"; "I don't want to"; "I have a boyfriend". He still has the audacity to say to me: "Can I f*** you? Yes or no, I need an answer. Yes or no." After I've protested against what he was doing multiple times. Also, he kept asking me if I was on birth control. I am in fact on the pill. I should've lied & said no, I wasn't on the pill, but when I'm drunk I can't lie, I just can't. So like a true drunken idiot I say "I'm on the pill, why?" The next thing I remember is him (aggressively) inside of me just going at it. I still cannot move. I'm still slurring "I have a boyfriend" over & over. It's still a blur but after he's done he lays beside me & I just remember crying, extremely bad, and going on & on about everything I was upset about at that particular moment. (Drunk people do that apparently) and he plays the superhero thing & holds me. Which repulsed me. But I couldn't move.
The next thing I remember is waking up in the morning, throwing up a lottttttt, with my lady bits being really sore, and my friends repeadily telling me "this kind of stuff just happens, it's no big deal. Your boyfriend doesn't have to know." ..... I do not feel okay with what happened at all. I feel like a slut & I feel violated. As I said this was only the second time I've ever drank, the first time I ever got THAT drunk. I do however take 100% responsibility for choosing to get THAT drunk. That is my fault. I'm confused as to how I should feel about this, & what I should do. Though my "friends" said not to I strongly feel that I should tell my boyfriend eventually. I tell him everything. But I question telling him b/c he is very protective (not possessive) and I feel that he might try to a) hurt someone or b) (worst case scenario) get mad at me, call me a cheater, and leave me. I don't know what to do at this point. I don't want to lose my boyfriend but not telling him is killing me. Also I'm questioning whether or not me feeling guilty & completely worthless is justified. Ideas?
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