Should I tell my boyfriend that another man took advantage of me while I was drunk?

[pokepoke420]

^This dude sounds like an idiot. Go crawl back in the hole you came from. If you were so confident in what you said you wouldn't be back peddling writing paragraphs to cover your tracks. Listen, we are human beings, and human beings have boundaries and limits. No means no, you sick fuck. You are the type of male that makes women so uncomfortable by being pushy. Want to know how I get with women? By being kind, polite, and chivalrous. Go take an ethics class or something, but you might be too lost to be saved.

Secondly, to the woman who wrote this. I am so sorry. I dated a woman for 8 years who was raped in her life twice. Once when she was a child by a neighbor, and once when she was 16 in your exact situation. The years of trauma that followed her truly changed how I viewed things. Not saying I was pushy like that before, but the empathy that grew from that had me trying to make a difference in this world for women. Take it one day at a time, and I hope your boyfriend is understanding not getting upset by saying things out of anger such as "you put yourself in that situation." Honestly, in my opinion, I would talk to someone first asking how you can sit down and talk with him about it so you know the right words to say. Thank you for sharing your story, please stay strong, and know not everyone is like that.

 

[CfZrx]

Anybody? Am I a misogynist if i claim to hate womens perfume, without saying I hate mens cologne? L33t, You must get laid all the time with game like that Keep your pimp hand calloused!

 

[l33t]

Cover what tracks ? I told you my opinion, how I base it and why I think the way I do. Logically, I can't be sure but instinctively I am 100% sure. In case I am wrong, I feel sorry but I can't help but express my opinion. Being kind and polite when it comes to the everyday relationship is mandatory but for me all the sexual acts are very primal and that includes chasing/hitting a girl and having sex with her. All the girls I have been with me they agree with this and most if not all my exes still call me and hang out. Most of the girls also like my bit aggressive approach. It's really easy to see if a girl really means no literally and when a girl says no and in fact means "more of that,please!". If I would ask a girl can I kiss you or cuddle you and she would giggle and say no like OP did I would maybe take it as a more sign. If she would looked me directly into the eyes with a pause and said : Please no. I dont feel doing this with you or something similar I would get totally embarassed turn red and walk away and almost ask sorry if I offended her in anyway or put her in a situation where she felt uncomfortable. I would only do that as game just as slapping in bed. No doesnt mean no. Look at all the animals saying no to ALL their partners, then surrender. You are calling all animals sick fucks ?! You think your primal insticts are much different ?! Being able to be kind and polite to your girl in your everyday relationship is fine mandatory and cool, but try to hit a girl and have sex with a girl politely and kindly and I really wish you all the good luck in the world. All the girls I have been with LOVED me being a bit persistent when hitting them and all of them are into hair pulling slapping etc and many girls have told me that they like a kind person but more for a dad and they are not as sexually aroused with that person, if they are not a bit controlling and they are just kind. Many girls say the aggressive approach is the best way to prepare for the best sex and kind approach to make best family.

CfZrx : Just the way I like it!

 

[Mysterie]

Anybody? Am I a misogynist if i claim to hate womens perfume, without saying I hate mens cologne? L33t, You must get laid all the time with game like that Keep your pimp hand calloused!

misogyny has nothing to do with you're like or dislike of women's perfume.

 

[Joey24x18]

My ex was in a situation like this before we got together. We separated on good terms. I still love her. And if I ever run into the piece of shit that raped her y'all are gonna see me on the news.

OP I'm sorry about what you went through. Props to you though for going to the police. I know a lot of girls who didn't. Even if they don't arrest him now, he'll have a case on him for the future. Guys like that don't just do fucked up shit like that once.

 

[socko]

It was rape. What leet says he does makes him a serial rapist. If somebody did that to my gf, i would give them justice. By killing them.

 

[-=SS=-]

Why if a girl tells you she has a boyfriend you leave her alone ? Do you automatically assume that she is monogamous ?!?

Yes, because I'm not 15 like you evidently are, I'm not as desperate as you are for some action, and the real world doesn't work like school. Sort your head out or inevitably someone else in the real world is going to do that for you.

 

[pofacedhoe]

OP this sounds like rape.

its up to you what you do from there. your friend seems to think it was consenting

maybe this guy is presenting a different picture

 

[socko]

If you really do what you brag about doing, that makes you a serial rapist. The police might not catch you bc you can always lie and say she said yes. Do it to the wrong girl and her bf, brother, father will catch you instead and you will wish it had only been the police.

You can dress your action with alcohol as much as you want but your behaviour is clearly showing that subconsiously you surrended to this man, whether you want to admit it , whether u had the best judgment or not. You can dress yourself as not a cheater and make it seem like alcohol made you do everything and you couldnt resist. But you being able to replyi "Yes I am on pills" rather than if you dont stand up and SAY FUCK OFF I WILL CALL THE POLICE. No matter how drunk you were, if you were able to say "yes I am on pills" you could as well say "fuck off im calling the police". For all I know I get extremely drunk and biologically I went very close BUT BUT BUT I've never done shit like that EVER.

I have hit many girls that had a boyfriend and when I was kissing them they were telling them NO I have a boyfriend but I will be a bit pushy about it, but not disrespect. You tell me to fuck off and I off. You tell me... oh I have a boyfriend.... THIS DOESNT MEAN to ME that you dont want to do something with me ! It means that now I am aware that you have a boyfriend but I still choose to hit you. BUT if you tell me to fuck off I will ! Most girls say no no I have a boyfriend at the beginning but if you hit her nicely and you respect her and you are better than her ex they will leave them for you.
The truth is you are cheater and not only you can't alcohol but you don't admit your subconsious actions by diverting them through alcohol.

Of course you should tell your boyfriend and be ready to get dumped. I hope he loves you and he is willing to fix your issues !

 

[Pretty_Diamonds]

You said no, this is rape.
SAYING NO= RAPE
Lying down submissively =/= consent
YES = consent.
OP said no; therefore did not consent.
End of story.

To OP: I'm so sorry that you went through this. It sounds horrible. I'm very happy and proud that you report this man to the cops. What happened to you was NOT ok and I hope the conversation with your bf went well.

 

[Daryldixon_2015]

Oh wow... The stupidity... Where is your mother?! Are you even old enough to have sex? Dear god. xD

Anyway. Yeah I told my boyfriend. All he's worried about is finding the guy & fucking him up. He'll calm down eventually but he's being very supportive. Thanks so much for all of the advice, honestly if I wouldn't have posted this question & gotten these answers from other people, I probably wouldn't have even told anyone about what happened to me.

You're all good souls!

 

[Daryldixon_2015]

Daryldixon_2015 : Thanks. I might be totally wrong and I am sorry if I show disrespect to you but I am being honest and cant help of thinking of you surrended to that man. I still believe that and I cant even believe that at this point you care if your boyfriend will call you a cheater. If I was in your situation that would be my last of my concern plus its irrational to feel that you cheated since you say you got raped ?!?! Why did it even crossed your mind that your bf will say that you cheated if you say you got raped?!? Doesnt make any sense to me to think like that unless you had SOME part in it. I can't believe that the whole thread is about if you should tell your boyfriend and not about you being used and getting help to recover from this ?! You dont seem hurt ? Plus the way you replied that I am totally right and unbelievable smart its the way girls reply when they are getting caught redhanded. Again I am sorry about this BUT I STICK with my opinion 100%. I am just a person that can cut through the BS easily... and my instict tells me I am right. Again if I am not I ask you sorry, but you know better than me. Also you shouldnt feel slut or cheater guilty and completely worthless IN ANYWAY UNLESS YOU HAD SOME PART in it? 4 words that describe more cheating than raping. you should be using words like hurt, anger and fear.

- Bro. It's called sarcasm. I don't in any way shape or form think that you're smart or right. However, I live in America & I believe that everyone has a right to have their own opinion. Even if it is an incredibly retarded one, like yours.

Listen here... You have no idea how I emotionally feel. You have no idea how fucking hurt I am. But this thread wasn't going to be about how I personally feel emotionally, this thread was me asking for advice on what step to take first. Whether it be taking legal action, telling my bf, etc. I simply wanted any kind of input b/c my "friends" at that time weren't listening to me.

Nah man. You have no idea how I feel. And you don't want to. As weak as you sound you probably couldn't even handle it.

 

[socko]

I suggest pressing charges. Make sure society knows what this guy is.

 

[Daryldixon_2015]

I suggest pressing charges. Make sure society knows what this guy is.

Yeah I filed a report at the hospital but I'm still iffy on pressing charges only b/c if I do this they all will be after me. And when I say "they" I mean all of his friends; they are a bunch of crazy rednecks and there are a lot of them & I'm pretty scared.

I know for a fact that they will all say that he didn't rape me & that I willingly had sex with him. I just have a feeling it is going to be bad.

Not that pressing charges is out of the question; cause I'm still considering it. I'm just doing a lot of thinking right now.

 

[socko]

Filing the police report was good bc it should come up whenever anyone does a background check on him. It sounds like a mess with his friends, but dônt rule it out bc of that.

 

[l33t]

Well even if my opinion is retarded and wrong, I am happy that you still think it's an opinion. I still believe that you have part in it. But since you really deny this, I will still give you my advice. Don't worry in Europe it's the same. Around my parts, we support free ideas exchange before 500BC.

People that do shit like that should never get away, never ever. When I was 17, some people would talk shit about me and my friend snitched someone that stole our friends stuff, so we had like the gang hit us with shit. We both knew that these people were classmates and that we had to see them everyday for the rest of the school year. This didnt stop us from pressing charges AND beating them one by one. We made sure these people would never do this shit to anyone else. Not only these idiots never touched us again but they really stopped bullying in general. It doesn't matter if you win or not, you should give a signal out there that this shit will not be tolerated anytime anywhere, bar none, no matter if I had to get beaten again. Never surrender and always fight for your rights and freedom, even if that means dying for these rights/ideas/arete. Cause if you were doing something so as not to get caught or beaten then you were never really truely free, in the first place.

 

[nekointheclouds]

First, I can see how your bf will be grossed out putting his dick where anothers was recently, so thats too bad, cuz you have to tell him I think. Now Neko, since you mentioned misogyny, I wonder if you think I am a misogynist for posting on FB that I can't stand womens perfume? A buddy of mine said I am a misogynist for saying this.

No your dislike for womans perfume is not misogynistic, its just saying you dont like that chemically smell which I totally understand. I actually very rarly wear perfume myself because i do not lik the chemically smell, but I do spritz on a bit of love spell body spray which is much weaker than a perfume and even that I do not use much of.

However the statement you made before your question was pretty misogynistic. This girl is talking about how she was raped and all you can think about is how her bf(or you) would feel about some other dudes dick being forced in her. Never mind the fact that it was against her will, regardless of if she was drunk she said no many times. I truly hope if your girlfriend is ever raped you will think about how fucking aweful she must feel and violated instead of just thinking of your own dick.

 

[CfZrx]

misogyny has nothing to do with you're like or dislike of women's perfume.

Exactly! This lady who called me out has been ranting and raving about white people and men to a point of mania. SO I didnt bother to confront her, dont feed the troll or whatever...

 

[CfZrx]

No your dislike for womans perfume is not misogynistic, its just saying you dont like that chemically smell which I totally understand. I actually very rarly wear perfume myself because i do not lik the chemically smell, but I do spritz on a bit of love spell body spray which is much weaker than a perfume and even that I do not use much of.

However the statement you made before your question was pretty misogynistic. This girl is talking about how she was raped and all you can think about is how her bf (or you) would feel about some other dudes dick being forced in her. Never mind the fact that it was against her will, regardless of if she was drunk she said no many times. I truly hope if your girlfriend is ever raped you will think about how fucking aweful she must feel and violated instead of just thinking of your own dick.

Yeah I felt bad about saying that. DarylDixon I'm sorry, I was rude. Wish I would have edited! Too bad that happened. I hope you realize that alcohol is not your friend. Throw benzos in there too. I too always have bad shit happen when I drink. It makes us so weak against mean fuckers.

 

[Erikmen]

The fuck is this bullshit. If they told you they have a partner then you leave them alone.. give them some respect, and have some self-respect to not be a desperate man who can't keep his dick in his pants. When you end up on the receiving end of a cheating partner you might understand.

Your attempt to justify your actions using half-baked psychology is laughable. You would probably have much in common with the offender in the OP's story.. no doubt he too would try and spin this around to make the OP seem like the guilty party. Someone under the influence is not in their rational state of mind, especially when they're inexperienced with a substance.

Go tell your mother what you just wrote here, see if she doesn't slap you hard and disown you.

^^ Indeed! Strong words but it is all the right ones.

No matter how drunk she was, she said 'no' many times and only an idiot or rapist would continue after so many repulsive negatives.

Sometimes we are in fear and we don't know how or what to say. We try to say what makes sense to ourselves. Regardless, it was obvious that she did not want this intercourse.

What part of that was misunderstood, I wonder. Was that bc she said she's on pills? Oh Come on!!
This is very wrong, it's criminal.

And if OP has a problem in distinguishing whether this was wrong, I believe something might be wrong with his ways to understand acceptance.