I feel like I´m alone in this path, but I guess that's how the process of what they call 'seeking' is. Total Aloneness.
I have opened several topics in several forums in the past about a certain 'state of consciousness' that has been seen in my experience... people have commented and agreed with it but It seems to me too obvious that they do not actually understand what I am talking about.
There is a certain experience I had about 1 year and a half ago, just when I was coming down on Lsd. You now the moment when you are not anymore tripping or really high, but just like a 'micro dose' state. At this moment I decided to do a guided meditation on Youtube.
What happened there, during certain seconds, is an absolute dissolution of individuality that it can not be described. No psychedelic peak or drug effect has come close to what I experienced there.
From that moment I know what is worth aspiring in life, for me, until that level of dissolution is not established in my current experience, the job is not done.
This a level of samadhi where sense of body completely disappears and 'merges' in a complete and ecstatic-Blissful way to the objects, sounds, and phenomena around it. I would not call this even an 'experience' because there is not a Self or an Object at all, just Pure Dissolution, pure Infinity, pure Absolute Ecstatic Nothing Blissful Eternal Not Moving Oneness.
Once you touch this, even if is for some seconds, seeking can not stop. It won't stop. Who You Are is something that Will not Settle for any limit, any boundary, any bondage. Who you are will always seek and pursue total Ilimitation, total Boundlessness.
Non-dual reality is powerful because it is the truth of existence and consciousness. The problem with
seeking it attempting to do so is dualistic. It starts to look like something to obtain, or a status to achieve, when in reality the non-dual state is already here,
now. There is no going from
here to
there because there isn't actually anywhere to go. This realization is about a shift of perspective, one which LSD temporarily granted you, but now must be reverse engineered, so to speak.
There are different systems that can show you what to do. If you don't know which system to choose, my advice would be to explore them individually. The most important advice I can give is to choose leaders/mentors/guides who know what they're talking about and have dedicated their lives to it. No dabblers, and no intellectuals who are armchair seekers. You want people who have some degree of realization.
The thing is... the ultimate end of any system, is that the system becomes irrelevant. They are all meant to be jumping off points. Yoga, tantra, vedanta, these are some options. Yes, drugs are too. The problem is that drugs are experiential and the truth does not really reside in the world of experiences. You just end up attributing what is real to an experience that you end up chasing over and over, instead of recognizing the essential thing
within the experience that is actually omnipresent in every second of what you call your life.
The best way I can describe the fundamental problem is... you are consciousness that identifies with a mind-body. The mind-body has an ego, beliefs, thoughts about things, and it is in the realm of temporal experiences. The mind-body, from birth, grows to believe that it is the source of consciousness, which prevents it from realizing that it is
consciousness which illuminates
it. It's kind of like if you put a hand puppet on and started interacting with the world through the hand-puppet. The puppet would develop its own personality, its own mind-body framework, its own self-narratives, all while maybe only briefly catching glimpses here and there about how it is really the consciousness of the hand driving it -- like maybe one day when it's on LSD, it sees that, lol. The hand is pure consciousness, it has no thoughts, feelings, or body. It is always there, permanently, even if the puppet gets put away in a box or thrown away or whatever... consciousness is still there.
The non-dual state is that consciousness. The dual state is the mind-body (puppet) that the consciousness "lights up." They are one in of the same. It's not like mind-body = bad and consciousness = good. Because the mind-body originates from consciousness, it also contains a path that can be tracked back to Satchitananda (existence-consciousness-bliss), the pure consciousness I'm talking about. It's like if you shined a light through a prism and it created a rainbow on the wall. Each of the colours in the rainbow can be tracked back to the source light. You can't exactly that say that red isn't real or blue isn't real, because they are both emanations of the source light; but you also couldn't say that blue or red contain all the information of the source light either, because they are components, and yet the components are also true. Similarly, nobody would say that a wave is the ocean, but the ocean is required for the wave to emerge and dissolve, and therefore the wave contains some truth that tracks back to the ocean. Likewise, while the mind-body can be tracked back to source consciousness, it cannot be said that the mind-body itself is fully capable of understanding reality. The mind can never fully get it, nor can the body; which is why practices like yoga, tantra and vendata can only bring you to a certain point, and then the core realization is non-dual. This is also why we are all one God with the
appearance of infinite forms. We are a limitless diffraction of one source, and each form has within it the information to track back to non-dual consciousness. It's how we can be the one and the many, all at once. However, you can't dwell in the mind-body for the answer, anymore than you can dwell in the colour blue, or dwell in the wave of water, or in LSD, no matter how convincing they are!
LSD is good at quieting the mind-body drama (like the ego and personality) so that pure existence-consciousness-bliss can be unclouded. This isn't a temporal state like a thought or a feeling, it is actually the bedrock of what each of us actually
is, and it is always occurring, permanently, regardless of the temporal, experiential states of the mind-body. So you see, it's not actually about seeking, it's about unobscuring what
is. However, maybe you need to do the seeking thing... you'll seek and seek until maybe you eventually realize that seeking was never necessary. That's a very well-worn path. The fact that you seek means that the truth is already near. Otherwise, how would you be able to recognize it on your quest? If that recognition is possible, it means you already have it, and should be able to access it at any time. Assume this is true, and go from there.
