Permanent damage or all in my head?

[swedger77]

From hanging out here for quite a while the actual cause of a drug triggered anxiety episode can often varie quite a bit. This may be mamouth doses of MDMA, coctails of RCs and MDMA or related drugs, mixtures of alcohol etc etc.

The point is you seem to have triggered some kind of anxious episode. Unfortunately this manifests itself into this awful cycle of negative thoughts that seem to spiral further and further out of control to the point of symptoms such as panic attacks, DP/DR, paranoia, insomnia to name a few.

A classic symptom is trawling the internet for some kind of solution / self diagnostic what damage have I done? why do I feel so strange? is this permanent? has anyone else had this? etc etc.

The reality of the story is all the symptoms are anxiety fueled.

Ever been in a car accident? If you have you may recall slow motion, distorted voices, blurred vision, hallucinations, balance disorientation, extreme panic etc. The point here is there were no drugs involved but once the brain gets into one of these extreme states all hell can break lose.

A drug induced anxiety in many ways is similiar you have triggered your brain into a total sense of panic and the symptoms you feel are a result of this. NOT! drug damage, OD damage, drug coctail damage etc.

Recovery is a guarantee. The time it will take is uncertain.

BOOM .....its taken a while but Im now in full agreement with Mr Futura!

100% agree with what he is saying here

 

[angeleyes]

afterlifestyle, fuck you man!!

Haha I will actually cop that Macenroe.

Can I ask what made you dig up this thread though? What questions were unanswered?

 

[Macenroe]

Hi bluelighters. I need help. I had a stupid binge 9 weeks ago with speed and now I am experiencing a long term comedown. My symptoms are:

constant anxiety, derealization, difficulty to concentrate, brain fog, etc... The funny thing is that every day at night time, around 7pm, I feel like my old self again but when I wake up, I feel this anxiety comes back with and the derealization sits in.

I am having hope to recover one day because every night I almost feel good again.

When i am surrounded with friends at night time I almost feel good but every morning I wake up to this hell again.

Does anybody relates to those cycles, feeling slow and spaced out in the morning but feeling ok at the evening?

If I can feel good at night that means I am not brain damaged right?

If any of you guys felt the same, how long it took you to recover?

It´s having those cycles a good sign of recovery?

Thank you!

 

[jethro1000]

Hi bluelighters. I need help. I had a stupid binge 9 weeks ago with speed and now I am experiencing a long term comedown. My symptoms are:

constant anxiety, derealization, difficulty to concentrate, brain fog, etc... The funny thing is that every day at night time, around 7pm, I feel like my old self again but when I wake up, I feel this anxiety comes back with and the derealization sits in.

I am having hope to recover one day because every night I almost feel good again.

When i am surrounded with friends at night time I almost feel good but every morning I wake up to this hell again.

Does anybody relates to those cycles, feeling slow and spaced out in the morning but feeling ok at the evening?

If I can feel good at night that means I am not brain damaged right?

If any of you guys felt the same, how long it took you to recover?

It´s having those cycles a good sign of recovery?

Thank you!

Hello i too felt the same. The anxious feeling was severe in the morning. But as time passes i already have good mornings. Im not 100% ok thoug its near end of my month 3 now. I still feel anxious at times but i notice that when im busy i dont even notice it. Or if feel the symptoms i didnt care at all. I think the key to overcoming this is keeping your self busy. I had a vacation for 3 weeks 3 days ago. And i notice that my anxiety cameback when i cameback home and do nothing. But i read so many post of recovery that ensures that recovery is super possible. U just have to help yourself heal. First thing is convincing yourself that you are not damage or going crazy. The anxiety is from the thinking that you will never be normal again. But u have to realized that u are already your old self. I will take a break from bl and i hope to post a recovery story after 6 months. U have to try hard to believe that you will heal.
Heres a link for some recovery stories. http://m.ehealthforum.com/health/drug-induced-anxiety-t164671.html whats your skype?
I was diagnosed with agoraphobia and panic disorder after that 3 day binge. But look i already can go out as much as i want to.

 

[Macenroe]

hi Jethro! Did you also felt the derealization? Like being spaced out, in a daze, in a dream, like irreality?

 

[jethro1000]

hi Jethro! Did you also felt the derealization? Like being spaced out, in a daze, in a dream, like irreality?

Yes i also felt that and it is much severe whenever i am scaring myself with reading horror stories here on bl. It was the whole day of feeling spaced out etc. But the most traumatic instance was the racing thoughts i feel like i was loosing my mind. It was like living hell on earth.
Look all of this symptoms are anxiety related.
Ther are millions of people that have anxiety and none of them gone crazy.
I strongly believe that this will pass as i often feel normal again especially when i keep myself busy or doing things i enjoy.
All of your symptom i felt that. There wer times that i dont even want to wake up in the morning. Or atleast leave the house.
Went to different psychiatrist, neurologist but all they do is prescribe me ssri and antidepressant and just scared me. Didnt go that route.

There are many who had recover . Dawglaw, cope, futura and people from other sites.

 

[Jiraiya]

Hey guys! Can totally relate to what you are saying Jethro1000, I read too many scare stories and put myself into a setback. I have stopped doing this now and have moved on to a better place. If you suffer from anxiety disorder KEEP AWAY FROM BLUELIGHT, it will only feed your demons. Any sort of idea about brain damage are most likely your anxious vivid imagination at work. Instead, look up constructive information on how to tackle your anxiety and recover from it. Learn to live with it until it disappears. Learn to accept and not worry about it. Break the cycle! I recommend Dr Claire Weekes books 100%, and Paul Davids blog/website. Which i'll mention below.

Anyways, check out this site, it explains derealization/depersonilization really well, and how to deal with it. www.anxietynomore.co.uk. A guy called Paul David who recovered from anxiety set it up, check out his blog too, it's a great read. There is a really good post he put up in not believing your own self destructive thoughts, it has really helped me. He also states he used alot of speed/MDMA in the past and believes that it contributed to his anxiety state, however he fully recovered. Basically if you choose to believe that you have 'permanent brain damage' then you think you will and as a result will feel worse. No one is permanently damaged, it's a load of nonsense. You have to seriously abuse this drug to cause any sort of permanent effect I believe. I've read a shit load of articles, seen doctors, psychiatrists/psychologists, I have friends who have studied this sort of shit at university and all of the above have confirmed it takes years of abuse for any sort of permanent damage to occur. Forget the scare stories, it will do you no good, and a vast majority of the time MDMA is being used as a scapegoat for anxiety. Sure it can throw someone into the anxiety state, as it temporarily fucks with your chemicals, but this balances out over time. Unfortunately the anxiety can still linger.

When I rolled two nights in a roll last year, I had a massive anxiety attack the second night, it was so brutal and I didn't sleep. I was messed up beyond belief all week with feelings of suicidal depression, but as soon as I got reassurance from the doctor a week later I was 100% fine. Anxiety can do some crazy things to you.

Also think of this. How many people in the world use MDMA? Probably millions. How much of this percentage of users end up on sites like BL and other various forums, fuck all really! My guess would be that a majority of people (if not all) end up on these forums suffer from anxiety disorders and are looking for some sort of reassurance (I am no exception), as futura2012 stated before, this itself is a symptom of anxiety. There are people who have never used MDMA who experience the exact same symptoms as people on this site do.

All of the above is just my opinion on the subject. I want to thank everyone who took the time to post here offering constructive feedback, alot of this really helped me out! Also wanna thank afterlyfestyle for helping me out with the PM's. I'm not recovered (anxiety wise, not that brain damage crap lol) but i'm enjoying life to a certain extent. And i'm confident I will recover!

 

[Macenroe]

Jiraya, what were your initial symptoms? Just anxiety, that´s it? How long have you been suffering and how much have you recovered as a percentage? 80%?

 

[Jiraiya]

Well I was diagnosed with panic disorder at the start of the year, as I would have some really violent attacks. But I didn't find it too much of an issue to be honest. About 5 days after I went to that party, which was four months ago, my symptoms that flared up were.

- Suicidal depression
- Body fuzz (felt like my nerves were constantly trembling in fear)
- Inward thinking
- Hand sweats
- Unreality
- Depersonalization
- All emotions grossly exaggerated

This was at it's worst for the first month. I feel like this was something that was building up over time though, i'm ALOT better than what I was. If I was gonna put a figure on it maybe like 65%? I really don't know cos every day is different. When i'm out partying i'm 100% for sure. Some days I feel 80%, some days I feel 50%. The thing is I can still feel happiness, I can still laugh, I can still go out and enjoy myself. I have anxiety, that's my issue, not brain damage. It's the same with you. Also with the whole morning night thing, anxiety produces cortisol. Your cortisol levels are highest in the mornings, and lower at night time. Furthermore anxiety also depletes serotonin. This will rebalance itself as the anxiety subsides.

 

[pmz]

BOOM .....its taken a while but Im now in full agreement with Mr Futura!

100% agree with what he is saying here

I'm still in completed disagreement with this. Take the past few days for example. Zero anxiety. I've been working and doing one hell of a job. Being social with not a distracting thought during conversations. Am able to totally focus on tasks.

Yet I still wake up every day with dp and blunted emotions. I'm not even depressed during the day. I've been too busy. Yet still its still the same with zero anxiety. I think its just coincidental that when people recover anxiety lifts and people make that connection that its anxiety.

 

[Macenroe]

Jiraya, are you able to go out in the morning and enjoy? Do you still feel disassociated , inreality, depersonalization or not anymore?

Are you still able to work or study in the mornings? How do you feel in the mornings compared to the evenings?

I feel very spaced out and disconnected in the mornings.

 

[Jiraiya]

Hmmm, well it's not really a consistent pattern, everyday is different for me. For example, yesterday I woke up feeling really lethargic, probably cos I cooked a huge midnight feast and well i'm a smoker so I always feel like shit in the mornings haha. And then the rest of the day was sweet.

I very rarely experience unreality any more. Although I got 3 hours sleep last night and did quite a lot of drinking, so it did flare up again this morning, along with heaps of scary thoughts echoing in my head and images. I actually thought I was losing it! Very very spaced out too. It's all anxiety and it's a common symptom for sufferers to have. Even before my usage I would get this symptom now and again! I do get depersonilaztion but it's not 24/7. I don't know if I get it the same as everyone else here does, it's more like i'm constantly checking in with myself, and like i'm constantly on guard.

I was working for 3 months after this all started, I recently moved back to New Zealand from Melbourne, so i'm not currently working but I am looking!

And I prefer night time alot more than the morning for sure! Everything feels way more leveled, although i've never been a morning person anyways.

 

[Blackbart1974]

What is ED?

 

[Thanos90]

I think endocrinologist doctor