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November Getting/Staying Clean/Sober Thread v. It's Fall! Again!

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Two years on the fourth. I'm just really struggling right now with my mental health. I barely sleep or eat and I'm on edge all the time, but I won't use.
 
GenericMind said:
I hear time and time again people say that they've tried x number of times in the past, failed, and they're not sure what's different this particular time but it does indeed feel different. Sometimes it takes several tries before sobriety "clicks." It's normal to start noticing cravings or anxiety once your head has had a few weeks to clear. Just be mindful about it and play the tape all the way through.
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I saw a speaker at an NA meeting a couple months ago who was picking up his 10-year chip. The gist of his share was: "I had to try and fail over and over for about 7 years before I got traction on quitting dope." He just kept stumbling, then picking himself up until he finally found sustained improvement. That was the path he had to take. That was really inspiring to me. It helped me realize that a big part of my recovery was going to rely on stubbornness and repetition. Simply showing up and not giving in to frustration seems like a big part of recovery, at least for me.


GenericMind said:
And shroomy is right a month isn't arbitrary. And it certainly isn't a small feat. To someone maybe only a few days clean who could be browsing this thread for encouragement, 30 days can seem like a lifetime away. Seeing someone who's doing it successfully can give them real hope.
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God, I HOPE this could be helpful to somebody. Early recovery is so miserable. But we can all do it.

Thanks again, everyone!
 
Captain.Heroin said:
I'm proud of you man. That's some will power and strength right there. :)
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Ditto!!!! Keep trying to take care of yourself MCB. We all have our battles.

I couldn't take the stress of dealing with my family Saturday night and end up going out on a rather impulsive adventure at 6am Sunday morning. Ended up pushing myself way to far, going on a crazy hike covering 6 miles and god knows how much elevation in about 3 hours. It was like the High Sierras all over again, just condensing a 60 mile hike over the course of a month down into a couple days. Not my finest moment, but hey it could have been so much worse. At least I didn't shoot dope 8) Baby steps. Baby steps.

Know we are all rooting for you. Know we are so incredible proud of the hard work you are doing. Things will get better with time, clearly the wise, intuitive part of yourself knows this to be true <3 <3 <3

We are always hear for you whenever you feel you need it. The SL community isn't going anywhere with you my friend!
 
tomorrow makes it 90 days sober for me!

i am currently working on the 4th step, have over 100 resentments, and now working on my fears.

today, i do have a conception of a higher power, took reading a few books, and lots of meditation.

it is possible!!
 
Nice! It is always nice to hear when people benefit from the twelve step culture.

What kind of meditation do you practice? Any particular schools, sanghas, mentors or teachers you enjoy? Have you been using the MBHR Resource thread in SL?

Obviously I'm just super curious and always keen on hearing from fellow practitioners :)
 
D's said:
tomorrow makes it 90 days sober for me!

i am currently working on the 4th step, have over 100 resentments, and now working on my fears.

today, i do have a conception of a higher power, took reading a few books, and lots of meditation.

it is possible!!
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That's so impressive. Amazing work, man. youre obviously working a strong program.
 
Exactly 8 months, or exactly 35 weeks or 246 days.
 
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Counting time sure seems stressful IMHO. I understand it is really helpful for a lot of folks, but how do you guys do it without feeling like you're setting yourself up for eventual failure? I guess it all depends on how you look at the whole concept of "failure," but still. . .

I mean, it sure is nice to reflect upon the fact that I haven't used dope in almost three years, but thinking about it in terms of months, days, weeks, minutes and seconds just stresses me the fuck out. We're all different, and that is what makes us beautiful, I just have a hard time understanding the other point of view sometimes.
 
toothpastedog said:
Counting time sure seems stressful IMHO. I understand it is really helpful for a lot of folks, but how do you guys do it without feeling like you're setting yourself up for eventual failure?
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By making sure failure is not an option. Rational Recovery, p. 30: "The presence of ambivalence or indecision fits our definition of addiction. AVRT [addictive voice retraining] ends that inner debate and allows you to resume your life as a normal person who simply never drinks or uses drugs."


toothpastedog said:
I mean, it sure is nice to reflect upon the fact that I haven't used dope in almost three years, but thinking about it in terms of months, days, weeks, minutes and seconds just stresses me the fuck out. We're all different, and that is what makes us beautiful, I just have a hard time understanding the other point of view sometimes.
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I don't count down to the day, but I do keep track of the general passing of time. Because I earned each one of those goddamn days and each and every one is a small milestone.
 
toothpastedog said:
Counting time sure seems stressful IMHO. I understand it is really helpful for a lot of folks, but how do you guys do it without feeling like you're setting yourself up for eventual failure? I guess it all depends on how you look at the whole concept of "failure," but still. . .

I mean, it sure is nice to reflect upon the fact that I haven't used dope in almost three years, but thinking about it in terms of months, days, weeks, minutes and seconds just stresses me the fuck out. We're all different, and that is what makes us beautiful, I just have a hard time understanding the other point of view sometimes.
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I think about this a lot. There's a lot of truth in what you're saying.

Personally, I find that accounting for time is helpful in early recovery; it gives me some signposts in otherwise foreign territory...i.e. It's one way to confirm that I'm making progress. But (again, speaking only for me), I hope that in time, I'll be able to focus less on the clock.
 
Counting the days helped me immensely in early recovery. If I could make it X days, I knew I could make it X+Y days.
 
Gotcha, that makes sense. Again, I can only speak for myself, but whenever I counted the days in early recovery I ended up relapsing. Was this because I counted days? Nope. Did it help me stay sober back then? Obviously no.
 
toothpastedog said:
Counting time sure seems stressful IMHO. I understand it is really helpful for a lot of folks, but how do you guys do it without feeling like you're setting yourself up for eventual failure? I guess it all depends on how you look at the whole concept of "failure," but still. . .

I mean, it sure is nice to reflect upon the fact that I haven't used dope in almost three years, but thinking about it in terms of months, days, weeks, minutes and seconds just stresses me the fuck out. We're all different, and that is what makes us beautiful, I just have a hard time understanding the other point of view sometimes.
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I feel the same way. My ultimate dream in recovery is too forget I ever had a problem with substances.
 
cj said:
I feel the same way. My ultimate dream in recovery is too forget I ever had a problem with substances.
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Wouldn't necessarily count on that, but you certainly can change your relationship to how you feel about substance use and the harms it has caused you. That is a totally achievable goal, once which, given time and effort, you will uncountable achieve.
 
Yesterday was tough. I can feel old cravings, thought patterns and fears coming back. It's still not terrible, and I find I can usually distract myself away from bad ideas. But it's definitely a change from the freakishly smooth ride I'd been having. Actually, part of me is a little glad this is happening--I knew it would happen and was dreading it.

I had a weird block of free time yesterday (which is not healthy for me right now) so I forced myself to go to a noon NA meeting. I guess it was therapeutic to just chill the fuck out with a cup of coffee and listen peoples' shares. Whatever works. At least I went to be last night without any regrets about the day.

Here's hoping for a good day today for all of us.
 
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