Sorry I haven't been on here for a while to follow up.
Thanks to everyone for all the positive comments.
I am very happy to hear this story is helping some people see the light at the end of the tunnel because trust me if you are experiencing anything like what I went through then it is literally like living in a Horror Movie.
As you can see what I went through in terms of "going south" is pretty up there but things in the end do come right. At the time I couldn't see it but just fortunately those belts gave way under my weight and I never died but it was F***ING close. Thank god for people who sell and manufacture cheap crap LOL.
Right now I am loving my life and all the flow of energy and joy is pretty much come back.
For those who have asked me how I am in more detail heres the run down:
Studio Project really kicked into gear BIG TIME. Started a new business on ebay and I have made enough money to invest another £1500 in the studio so upgrades have included complete acoustic treatment on walls, roof and back wall, new cream leather chairs x2, Waldorf Micro Q Synth, Yamaha PLG-150AN (Yamaha AN1X Synth on soundcard for the Yamaha SW1000XG), Creamware Pulsar II Soundcard in Main PC (the best soundcard I have ever owned period), MOTU 828 MKII soundcard for MAC, Novation Supernova Synth, New Active Powered Sub, Alesis M1 Powered Monitors, Terratec 512i running Frequency Monster 802, AArdvark Aardsync Master Word Clock, Motu 2408 Mk III with RME Hammerfall 9652 ADAT Card, x2 8 Channel AES/EBU I/O cards for Yamaha 03D Desks. All thanks to ebay I could have never got all this lot new for my listed budget otherwise.
I have a few more minor upgrades to complete but the studio now is something I am SO SO proud of and looking forward to releasing some more tracks soon. The amount of equipment I have here now is second to none and I have no excuses to not produce some kick ass material.
Socially I am still a little shyer than my old self but this is building slowly.
I have got my car back on the road now and am happily driving around each day and certainly have enough confidence to speak with people and can cope with general day to day interactions. I still struggle a bit with hostility at the moment but I am sure this will come right over time.
Fitness wise I am doing about 1.5 hours in the gym per day minimum so my fitness now is better than ever.
Suppliment wise I am still taking Omega 3, Vit C, D, E and occasionally 5HTP. I have noticed if I take all the supps at night it seems to improve my sleep. why I have no idea it doesnt seem to make sense but seems to be that way.
Negatives:
Memory still very sketchey. I am having to carry a notepad with me always without this I forget a lot of stuff. I dont know if this will ever come back 100% I am sure it will get better but how better I am unsure. I can live with it. I can think of many people with much worse things than me they have to live with. I value what I have now a LOT more.
Sleep. Still not 100% I sleep about 7 hours now but its still not what I would describe as quality deep sleep. I suspect i still have some underlying anxiety but I suspect this will fade over time. Again I can live with it. If I never sleep right again I can cope with it. Important thing is I am happy.
Holiday coming soon next few days
I have now been officially signed out of the Mental Health System so thats a great thing for me. Each day I am alive is a joy.
I made a lot of friends whilst I was on Bluelight who spent a lot of time reassuring me and certainly offered advice and support at vital times. I learnt a MASSIVE amount about drugs during my time here. When I am out with friends now everyone always homes in on what I have to say re any drugs. It was literally like being online everyday for about 2 years discussing drugs day in day out so i definitely picked up a mountain of knowledge.
So finally I want to say this to all my friends on here you know who you are.. If you are ever visiting UK or come from UK and are passing by where I live feel free to PM me and meet up. I really mean this. You are welcome to come to my studio and write a track with me, come out for a beer or what ever you want. I wont be totally geography specific due to the nature of this forum but I live in Gloucestershire in UK. In terms of US equiviliant this is kind of like a mini state. I am about 2 hours west of Heathrow Airport London airport code LHR. If you ever need a place to stay for a few nights, need picking up from the airport or what ever I can do I am here for you. If you are in UK I am about 2 hours from London, 40 minutes from Bristol, 1 hour from Gloucester, 1 hour from Birmingham, 1 hour from Cheltenham, 1 hour from Swindon, 2 hours from wales pretty much central UK. I would love to meet one of my BL friends for real I am alive and well again now so all good
Thats the update for now. I have had a few people text me for my skype id in need of serious help. I am here for you, have been where you are and have a fair bit of knowledge I can share. Please PM me if you want to talk on skype.
Take care Bluelighters!! A whole load of love... Futura2012..