Methoxetamine addiction
I've developed a problem with methoxetamine.
I first started taking it a little over a year ago, I've always had a strong interest in tryptamine psychedelics, and I instantly fell in love with dissociatives when i discovered them. esspecially dissociatives in combination with tryptamines (DMT especially) DXM + DMT, ketamine + DMT, and of course mxe + DMT. Sadly since my problem with mxe has started, I no longer feel the urge to combine psychedelics with it, It has lost all its glory.
my use started with DXM, had a few bouts with ketamine and pcp, then discovered i could aquire methoxylated pcp analouges, and of course MXE) I undoubtable chose MXE due to availability/price. I wouldn't doubt I could develop this problem with the other dissociatives, if i had them in bulk like I do MXE.
initially I used them for 'entheogenic travelling' as I would with a relatively high dose of other psychedelics, But I quickly discovered how dissociatives differed from the traditional serotogenic psychedelics. You don't feel the fear from dissociatives. A trip to the m-hole and back is equally as fascinating as say a 10 strip of LSD or a DMT breakthrough... but much more easily recovered from..
I would order 1 or 2 grams of MXE, use started as insufflated, which with a little research quickly moved to rectal plugging, I used sublingual for low doses, but it wasn't practical since I almost exclusively used mxe high dose. I found it very difficult to regulate use, usually as 2-3 day binges, or week binges with 1 or 2 day breaks in between. This would continue until the mxe was used up.
One of the greatest things about mxe addiction, it is SO INCREDIBLY DIFFICULT, to resist dosing when you have a seemingly endless supply of mxe on you. And you deeply worry, how tough it might be once you run out, but when you do.. Its as simple as, "oh, no more mxe, thats too bad" and you truly forget all about it shortly.
Until of course, you order another bag.
My use became problematic when I acquired mxe in 10g quantities. And of course when I discovered the route of intramuscular injection.
My use escalated to once or twice weekly, my first IM experience , i discovered an M-hole like no other... and Ive only been able to revisit this realm when combining an IM shot while on a high dose of a psychedelic (Notably LSD)
Higher doses of mxe only lead to a black out.
When i last ran out, I was doing much better, life was going quite well, but unforuntely things starting going downhill fast. I ordered another 10g, and in the 2 weeks time I spent waiting for this mail, a few close relationships were shattered, a close friend of mine, who was very young, much too young, died of a suspected overdose, my girlfriend and I went our separate ways, and lately I simply feel alone in this world.
When the MXE arrived, I was telling myself I would use it right this time, Start with insufflated or sublingual, before moving up to rectal, and use IM only on rare occasions. keep the tolerance way down, get the most out of it.
Alas, I went straight to IM injection, and havent consumed MXE in any other ROA since. (besides trying it IV once.. (stupid idea)) and to make things worse, I stupidly went straight for high doses, MUCH MUCH frequently. causing black outs so to make it worse my tolerance sky rocketed and I didn't get to experience the hole I missed so much.
So now, Im using mxe nightly, by IM injection, my tolerance is once again high, to the point where mxe has lost its magic, and I can't experience that M-hole in its full glory, and I know the only way to bring it back is to STOP taking mxe, yet I can't help myself from taking it, which only leads to poor experiences or black outs.
Ive never had a problem with addiction like this, nothing has ever drawn me in like this, Ive even had periods of use with IV methamphetamine and dilaudid, doesn't even compare.
I cant bring myself to flush ~8g of MXE, so i plan to give it to a friend, in hopes of taking a few month break. Ive gotten my life back on track, finally going up hill again, no longer depressed. Perhaps if i can get a friend of mine to 'perscribe' me only a few hundred mg of my mxe a month, I could use it the way i'd like to use it.