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MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 5)

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harpork said:
Hey everyone, I know I shouldn't be reporting in so early and such.
Has anyone been able to juggle university and an LTC, I know what steps I need to take with my health to make a recovery.
I understand there's a lot of stress with university but I fear that the stress of dropping out will kill me.
Happy New Year everyone, if anyone has been in my situation could we talk/send me a pm.
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Well I did and I ended up going to a great grad school too.

My LTC was mostly mild though there was anxiety and low mood and occasional bouts of insomnia.

Sadly the way I managed it was taking Klonopin 2x a week but even that resulted in dependence. However, it completely got rid of ALL the LTC symptoms for the day. Could maybe try that if you are rrs

If you do not have anhedonia or blank mind as part of the LTC, then id say school is definitely possible. It seems like you dont though.


Some other fixes I found toward the end of the LTC are BPC-157 and LDN. Hormone replacement therapy was also useful.
 
Socrilus how did you know you're LTC was over? I'm starting to feel somewhat normal but I think its going to be hard for me to tell when its completely over.

As far as anhedonia, I'm not sure if I had it. Is that like not being able to enjoy anything at all? because I feel like there were some things (playing basketball/sex) I didn't enjoy as a much as I used to, but I did still enjoy some things (going out with friends) .
 
Well anhedonia is getting less pleasure from activities than you used to. The sex thing could be sexual anhedonia which can be caused by low T and or other hormonal issues.

In general I had low motivation for schoolwork but that is NOT anhedonia. Anhedonia is literally being numb to pleasure.

And trust me I just knew the day it was over lol. I was 80-90% for some time and then suddenly I rubbed Testosterone cream on my scrotum (im on TRT injections and pregnenolone too) and then boom the LTC just ended like 2 hours later. And then it sort of just stuck. That day the DHT boost from the Testosterone cream to the scrotum itself felt like my MDMA experience.

Additionally I had a complication where the Kpin I was using before HRT I had to get off of it to truly recover from the LTC so i went through benzo wd. At the end of the benzo wd it was like 2 more weeks until LTC resolution like I mentioned.

I must admit I still get low moods from time to time but they arent that bad and resolve fast. But its normal to have low moods here and there. Nobody is 100% every single day. I realized that I became kind of hyperaware of my moods.

Again in summary it was TRT+Pregnenolone+BPC-157+ a bunch of usual supplements/adaptogens that put and end to the LTC.

Even if my Testosterone was not that low before TRT, I used it as an ANTIDEPRESSANT.

It can take a while to dial in a hormonal protocol. The stress of the LTC impacted my gut function hence I truly had to do BPC-157 to recover.

I also sort of stopped caring about normality at the 90% mark or so. I was like well I can do everything I used to, have my personality, etc so it doesnt really matter.

I was hyper-emotional during the LTC, so no anhedonia or numbing.
 
socrilus said:
I also sort of stopped caring about normality at the 90% mark or so. I was like well I can do everything I used to, have my personality, etc so it doesnt really matter.
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I'm at this stage, my personality is back, and I got all As at the university I go to so I guess that really is all that matters. Although what does bother me is it feels like there is just an empty space inside of my head lol. I have no idea what that is or how I fix that. I'm sure time will heal me but it just bothers me. any suggestions?
 
db1995 said:
I'm at this stage, my personality is back, and I got all As at the university I go to so I guess that really is all that matters. Although what does bother me is it feels like there is just an empty space inside of my head lol. I have no idea what that is or how I fix that. I'm sure time will heal me but it just bothers me. any suggestions?
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No idea what this is either. Blank mind? But usually blank mind wouldn't have personality and would have anhedonia too....

Is it like a physical hollow feeling?

Also Happy New Year everyone!
 
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socrilus said:
Is it like a physical hollow feeling?
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Yes this, but I don't feel it all the time. Like when people say "molly puts holes in your brain" I think feeling like this is what they meant. Looking back I think I did have anhedonia/emotional numbness for some time. I felt like I couldn't emotionally connect with friends and family.

Another thing I want to mention is I occasionally have nightmares and lucid dreams where its hard for me to wake up from.
 
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db1995 said:
Yes this, but I don't feel it all the time. Like when people say "molly puts holes in your brain" I think feeling like this is what they meant. Looking back I think I did have anhedonia/emotional numbness for some time. I felt like I couldn't emotionally connect with friends and family.

Another thing I want to mention is I occasionally have nightmares and lucid dreams where its hard for me to wake up from.
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Sleep paralysis, lucid dreams etc I definitely had.

I think I got lucky in that I didn't have anhedonia for the majority of my LTC. Maybe only in the very beginning.
 
Hey I had an ok day yesterday first time in a while. However, today everything came crashing back. I could really use a good recovery story to give me hope.
 
shouldvestayedhome said:
Hey I had an ok day yesterday first time in a while. However, today everything came crashing back. I could really use a good recovery story to give me hope.
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I'm not sure how much you did, but I am almost recovered after a 3 day binge which included alcohol and cocaine. It's been about 7 months for me now.


QUESTION FOR EVERYONE ELSE

What is usually combined with mdma in pressed pills?

On Pill Report, the ex I did was .5 grams gross weight, but only a net weight of .240mg mdma. I took 3.5 of these pills within 3 days.

I feel like whatever was mixed with it contributed to my LTC, along with the month long alcohol binge following the rolls.
 
db1995 said:
I'm not sure how much you did, but I am almost recovered after a 3 day binge which included alcohol and cocaine. It's been about 7 months for me now.


QUESTION FOR EVERYONE ELSE

What is usually combined with mdma in pressed pills?

On Pill Report, the ex I did was .5 grams gross weight, but only a net weight of .240mg mdma. I took 3.5 of these pills within 3 days.

I feel like whatever was mixed with it contributed to my LTC, along with the month long alcohol binge following the rolls.
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There’s always a filler to make it a pill, could be magnesium, lactose, cellulose. Also a pill can contain cafeïne or an RC. Some people, very rare, get an alergic reaction like swollen lip due to one of those substances. Other people on bluelight can tell you more about it.
 
@db1994 I took 400mg(ish) in a 2 day binge. I had some recovery since then but I am still battling depression, anxiety and some other symptoms. I think that I may have a anti depressant resistance depression. I just tired of complaining about this and I am trying to move on.
 
shouldvestayedhome said:
@db1994 I took 400mg(ish) in a 2 day binge. I had some recovery since then but I am still battling depression, anxiety and some other symptoms. I think that I may have a anti depressant resistance depression. I just tired of complaining about this and I am trying to move on.
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Do you exercise, meditate, or take supplements? I've been doing all of those. If I haven't been exercising I can only imagine how far back in recovery I would be. I highly suggest doing lots of cardio, to me it seems to be the only thing helping my recovery.

I'm dealing with the same issues as you, mostly just depression now. Although I did have just about every LTC symptom there is.

Keep in mind that I did way more than you, about 1000mg in 3 days, and its almost over for me.

Everyones recovery is different but you and I will both recover, though it is very frustrating at times.

It's hard but we both need to try our best to just live life and move on. Worry or dwelling on our mistake does nothing to help us.

Cheers man one day we will look back on this major life lesson.
 
Hi everyone 1 year update,

I may not post a lot but I have been monitoring this thread for about a year and have been going through this with you all for exactly a year now, I still can’t believe I am saying that. For those who haven't seen my old posts New years 2016 going into 2017 I took around 300mg all at the same time of pure tested mdma or mda (test kit came up purple and could not differentiate between the two). I did this while very very intoxicated and continued being very intoxicated for the next 2 days of the festival. My friends took more of this than me but did not do the outrageous dose all at the same time, they are fine. Looking back at 2016 I definitely used mdma too much, estimating about 8 - 10 times with only a 3 week gap before the incident. My symptoms were extreme anxiety, dp/dr, and obsessive thoughts. I do not wish to write up my entire symptom list but you can see my 6 month update here:

https://www.reddit.com/r/Drugs/comments/6si2ql/mdma_long_term_comedown_need_help_and_advice/

I still deal with obsessive thoughts and dp/dr, though to a far far lesser extent. I have been functioning normally making friends, going out, and trying to live life with these only affecting minorly. Not sure if anyone else feels like this but time has sped up, skipped around for this year. I look back at my happy memories of this year and ask myself how can I be that happy if I am so convinced I am so sick? I think that most of my symptoms now are my OCD anxiety. I have dealt with health anxiety and semi OCD behaviours in the past. This is why I try to stay away from the forums as I feel it is my tick/reinforcement that something is wrong. The most I have been able to stay away is a month. Over the last year I have had ups and downs a plenty. I try to exercise and meditate but feel as though I have plateaued. The only bad thing I have done over the last year is drink nearly almost every weekend because I am in college and didn't want to stay in while all my friends are out as staying in made me more depressed and alone. I am not sure how negatively this affected me, but it probably has.

Moving forward this year I am going to see a psychologist soon and possibly start lexapro to help with the anxiety and obsessive thoughts, anyone tried lexapro or a similar ssri? Also get back to exercising and cut back on the drinking. If you have any questions I will be around for the next few days but after I am going to try to move on with my life. The comfort that coming to this forum outweighs the anxiety and reminder something went wrong. If I don’t make another post in the next year assume, like many others, that I am feeling better and life has moved on. This is by far the toughest year of my life, but we are all going to make it, good luck and good health.

Last but not least things do get better, soon this too shall pass.
 
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Scratcher said:
If anyone is suffering from head pressure. I found that a 100% organic diet has helped me. I'll eat 100% organic fruit and veg for two or three days then start eating normally again. The head pressure takes around four days to leave but then they slowly come back. But I get 2 weeks of relief ! So i repeat the process every two weeks... Might sound mental but it's the only way i've found that makes the head pressure go away for a bit.

My question is though... Why do they come back? I don't get it.
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i love you. could we please stay in contact via PM? ive got head pressure too and it seems to me that its quite a rare symptom among the more common ones like anxiety and so on. and yes i made the same experience that the right food helps me (instantly). but i make bad experiences with sugar (fruits are okay if i dont eat too much). im also wondering what the head pressure means. is it a tactile hallucination? my psychiatrist meant yes, but i believe its something micro-neurological that just cant be detected.
 
@db1995 how many days of cardio and for how long. Every since the drug use my motivation and my reward system hasn't been the same. I am just lazy when it comes to excersie. I know if I want to recover I have to put my part in.
 
shouldvestayedhome said:
@db1995 how many days of cardio and for how long. Every since the drug use my motivation and my reward system hasn't been the same. I am just lazy when it comes to excersie. I know if I want to recover I have to put my part in.
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To be honest, I work out as much as I can. I'd suggest ATLEAST 3 days a week.

30 minutes of cardio, the point is to get your heart rate up. You want your HR to be 60 or 70% of your max heart rate.

To calculate max HR use forume 208-.7 (age) then multiply that value by .6 to see what your HR should be.

The higher intensity your workout is the better you will feel immediately after wards, so really try to push yourself. After all you want to recover right? Use that as your motivation. You wont feel better overnight though its still a process.

Also, I saw a doc yesterday and he assured me that I have no brain damage. If I had brain damage I would have a hard time functioning (walking, or speaking). He did suggest fish oil and Vitamin E.
 
martomat said:
im also wondering what the head pressure means. is it a tactile hallucination? my psychiatrist meant yes, but i believe its something micro-neurological that just cant be detected.
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The issues with head pressure could be coming from the periphery rather than the brain, for example brain zaps are a known phenomenon of the cranial nerves all around the skull/neck. The occipifrontalis muscle could be a source of head pressure, as well as temporalis/chewing muscle on the side of the head.

Many of people's head symptoms resemble cranial nerve neuralgias such as occipital neuralgia - the occipital nerves are a set of nerves in the back of the head that are known to cause mostly issues in the front of the head/across the scalp.
 
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