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MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 5)

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Thanks Cotcha as always very informative. I know it's early. Even during the ssri WD I didn't see any improvement until about 7 months.

I'm not exactly sure why now the morale fell. It may be a culmination of a few things happening. So far I've been in waiting mode, hiding from the world so to speak and now the walls are caving in. This is an inhumane way of being. I am/was an engineering student and was supposed to start a new job this summer. People have been calling and texting but I don't know what to say so I haven't said anything. When one spends weeks on end in this altered messed up trippy state it's hard to imagine one day being a part of the world again.

I do believe you're right about the cranial nerves being involved somehow. I did have zaps and they were exactly like that, when I moved my eyes. The eyes have calmed down a little bit from the beginning. I might very cautiously consider other medications at a later time, perhaps lamotrigine. SSRIs though, it sometimes scares me how people on this forum take them lightly. Like fnono who was worried about his coffee intake but seemed completely not worried about the drug. I've hesitated to mention this but there are people on the ssri wd forum(s) who are just as severely sick as the ltc sufferers. At first I was wondering if the same vulnerability might've been at play but it doesn't seem to be the case seeing that many here can use those drugs safely.

Earlier I wrote that alparazolam ("xanax") seemed to bring me at least close to normality. I haven't taken one now in over a month, and I'm starting to wonder if I was bs'ing myself. I might try to see how much it can help, and did it really make this eye thing go away as well. On the other hand I want to let the brain do it's thing. Benzodiazepines are another class of drugs I would definitely not feel comfortable taking regularly. Besides I'm already so fatigued always that they would be unlikely to make me any more functional. I'm not sure but I feel that adding more chemicals might prevent the brain from balancing itself and after that ssri fiasco my belief in psychiatry is not very strong. I simply don't think we are quite there yet with the science of it all.
 
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Ive been looking at some blood tests and noticed I have high Eosinophils. No doctor pointed it out but its been pretty consistently high (not like way high, but stil out of range high slightly) for a while in this LTC.

I read that supposedly high eos can be due to high glutamate levels?

Hence GABA drugs like benzos help?
 
Whats the reference range for eosinophils for someone your age/gender and what is the actual level?

I think eosinophils are supposed to do with allergies/asthma (and you had some dermatitis type stuff right?) but I know that those cells can produce interleukins and other inflammatory molecules that can affect brain function, which is relieved with corticosteroids (cortisone)

Just some fun trivia, the case of tryptophan supplement contamination that happened decades ago resulted in that eosinophila-myalgia syndrome, which I assume had something to do with excess eosinophils
 
Yea it may not be the only thing but still something to get checked for. In the sense that the threshold of problems could be diffetent for everybody: 1 pill to chronic multi drug abuse etc etc.

Anywayd the eosinophils was like 0.0-0.4 x10^3/mL normal and I was 0.5
 
Im discontinuig the lamictal i decided. Its not helping and is making things worse on the mood end making me feel apathetic. Testosterone it is I guess and maybe low dose naltrexone next.

I may revisit lamictal later while on hormone therapy if I react better at that point and dont feel apathetic on it.
 
socrilus said:
Im discontinuig the lamictal i decided. Its not helping and is making things worse on the mood end making me feel apathetic. Testosterone it is I guess and maybe low dose naltrexone next.

I may revisit lamictal later while on hormone therapy if I react better at that point and dont feel apathetic on it.
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You just started it bro, many people report needing at least 6 months to see improvement. Apathetic isn't a huge deal for the potential upside I would say.
 
ADubbs said:
You just started it bro, many people report needing at least 6 months to see improvement. Apathetic isn't a huge deal for the potential upside I would say.
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Apathetic is sort of a big deal only because the symptom im trying to treat is low motivation :p which is a sort of apathy already. So having that more isn't exactlt helpful. I'm not trying to treat VS type stuff necessarily. That is not as bothersome as low motivation. Its the least bothersome symptom.

It *did* help the anxiety component though. Just the apathy feels weird.

Hence maybe if I get on steroids (Testosterone increases dopamine) maybe Lamictal won't cause as much apathy
 
I mean, I don't know if there is a great pharmacological treatment for low motivation unless that's a symptom inside of a larger condition that is treatable
 
Low motivation=symptom of depression I guess.

This isn't the kind of low motivation like I don't want to do anything. It is more like I want to do stuff but my low mood holds me back. That is depression induced low motivation. And if I do it anyways it doesnt always bring up my mood. I shouldnt have to force myself every single time.
 
Half an year later after 0.6 binge...

No more DP/DR, short-memory much better if not almost back to normal, concentration somewhere the same. However I feel like my general intelligence is lower than before, I'm not as sharp as before, hard to express myself, my vocabulary is poor, recalling words, etc.

At this point I'm not sure if my recovery turned into self-obsession giving my false symptoms or maybe self-aware which was not existing before... However it feels very real to me that I'm not using my brain capacity at the same level. Any thoughts?
 
So after a bunch of blood testing I have concluded this LTC for me is NOT in my head.

Forget brain damage or MRIs.

The issue may very well be inflammation combined with neuroendocrine issues and different LTCers will be impacted in different ways.

But my doc ran some testing and found out I have very high markers of inflammation in my blood as well as low testosterone and messed up HPA axis. It could be that the MDMA was such a potent stressor that it wreaked havoc in the body, while not being any kind of organic "damage" since these things are ultimately reversible imbalances.

But just fyi theres more than just brain chemistry or hormonal issues going on in the LTC. The immune system is probably a major factor and is just as important as the brain stuff.

Now---the issue is despite havint these inflammatory markers its not clear what that really does in terms of treatment.

But this shit is NOT "all in ones head".

Also--I dont have full blown HPPD and just vs/tinnitus but there is somebody with full blown HPPD on reddit who found out they had antibodies to acetylcholine nicotnic receptors or something.

Also these inflammation blood tests are not the standard run of the mill blood tests. They are blood tests deemed in the "research phase" except for the hormone tests.
 
^ I'm thinking about getting some tests done too, I'm curious though why do you think these endocrine results rule out brain damage?
 
Hey guys wanted to asked a quick question for anyone who has had after effects from MDMA. Did anyone have sensitivity after to things like sugar or anything like that? Seem to find myself getting more brain zaps even when I try eatin anything with sugar like a nutty bar which is weird never had that issue before. Not sure if my immune system is crap right now because of it or my anxiety it majorly up, but since taking Prozac it's helped a lot of others symptoms fade away. Just notice I get dizzy when I drink anything with sugar or eat anything with sugar, not to mention feel panic attacks in heat now compared to it never bothering? Any information helps, thanks.
 
DankasaurusTx said:
Hey guys wanted to asked a quick question for anyone who has had after effects from MDMA. Did anyone have sensitivity after to things like sugar or anything like that? Seem to find myself getting more brain zaps even when I try eatin anything with sugar like a nutty bar which is weird never had that issue before. Not sure if my immune system is crap right now because of it or my anxiety it majorly up, but since taking Prozac it's helped a lot of others symptoms fade away. Just notice I get dizzy when I drink anything with sugar or eat anything with sugar, not to mention feel panic attacks in heat now compared to it never bothering? Any information helps, thanks.
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More so earlier on, sugar could fuck me up more than anything. It would put me into a catatonic state for a few hours until my glucose levels dropped. The most prominent symptoms being paralyzing indigestion & stomach cramps and an a change in the base state of consciousness. Oh and you mention panic attacks in heat well another symptom in this occasional reaction to sugar was a total loss of thermostatic control...I would feel warm on the inside but cold on the out. All together this amounts to a few hours of absolute agony. And it's one of those things that I could just tell it has to do with MDMA use. I'm not diabetic as far as I know as it only occurs occasionally. Could also be triggered by weed somehow.
 
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Yeah i get headaches if i eat sugar. Never had them before my LTC. I also get dizzy and my vision gets worse. So i just stopped sugar and processed foods.
 
Thanks guys. Was very weird to me to notice these things like I thought well maybe I could enjoy one since things seemed a bit normal, but I've noticed sugar or caffeine makes it worse and triggers my anxiety which was never as bad until after I came of MDMA. My immune system is literally weak and can't do or eat what I could before. Certain foods make me burp and such so decided as hard as it is it's best if I cut it all out as I would read that was what needed to be done. Basically I would read anything that would stimulate me would cause it. But man that heat literally gets to me bad now compared to never really noticing it before, I catch myself dizzy and disoriented sometimes but could be it triggering my anxiety as well.
 
rrandy said:
^ I'm thinking about getting some tests done too, I'm curious though why do you think these endocrine results rule out brain damage?
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It really depends on how you define "damage".

An imbalance in the brain/endocrine system/immune system is different from damage. They are all connected.

Its semantics tbh. I guess it is "damage" but not "irreversible damage".

Docs often consider damage to be "organic" of nature like showing up on standard MRIs

However, lets say we do an fMRI before LTC and after LTC that may well show changes but may not be considered "damage". Note the "f" in fMRI. fMRIs dont really have clinical use though.

It depends on how you define the term.
 
DankasaurusTx said:
Thanks guys. Was very weird to me to notice these things like I thought well maybe I could enjoy one since things seemed a bit normal, but I've noticed sugar or caffeine makes it worse and triggers my anxiety which was never as bad until after I came of MDMA. My immune system is literally weak and can't do or eat what I could before. Certain foods make me burp and such so decided as hard as it is it's best if I cut it all out as I would read that was what needed to be done. Basically I would read anything that would stimulate me would cause it. But man that heat literally gets to me bad now compared to never really noticing it before, I catch myself dizzy and disoriented sometimes but could be it triggering my anxiety as well.
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I would try to get yourself a blood glucose monitor, I've seen some of them for 20-30 bucks at the pharmacy stores so if they're that cheap where you are it could be worth it to take some blood sugar measurements during these episode things and see whats going on with your blood glucose
 
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